A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am single and met a married man recently. We spent a lot of time together talking and the chemistry was intense. We both said some extremely suggestive things we probably shouldn't have. We both wanted to go home together but he couldn't do it as he didn't want to cheat on his wife.He said his marriage was good and he was happy. My question is could he really be happy with his wife and act that way with another woman? Say sexual things and tell her how much he wants her?I don't believe he could be.
View related questions:
married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): Without knowing him, or knowing anything about his life with his family it is impossible for us and for you to know whether he is happy or not. That is for him and his wife to worry about.You cannot start worrying about whether your future husband that you haven't met yet will start doing the same thing to you that this guy is doing to his wife. Innocent until proven guilty. Just be wise in your choice of partner and choose someone you know you can trust. You have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.However, as long as there are single women who are happy to flirt and almost go home with your future husband I suppose you can never be too confident about your marriage.So maybe single women should not keep talking to a married men if there are clear subtexts that they both want to sleep with each other.You have made it sound like his emotional unfaithfulness is completely on him. If everyone in this world thinks that way then maybe your future husband might also have a future co-worker who entertains him knowing that he has a family. So maybe yes, if everyone acts the way you do then you should be worried.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): I just want to say that I am not entertaining the idea an affair, I probably won't ever see him again.
I have been in long relationships before and I never looked at anyone else until the relationship had run it's course.
It is commendable that he did not go as far as sleeping with me but I think he might as well have, as far as his wife is concerned.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): I know where you're coming from. Kind of puts you off marriage, seeing married men behave in this way. Not all married men are like this. A lot of men are solid and faithful. Through getting to know someone slowly, you'll find out the character of a potential husband. Don't let this guy's behaviour put you off marriage, just keep your eyes (and gut) attuned to red flags when you meet someone new.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (10 November 2013):
Some married men do act that way. Doesn't mean they're unhappily married. He might just be bored or likes to know that someone could still possibly be interested in him.
But seriously, don't even entertain the idea. You will hate your life. Seriously. Don't do it. Even if you say you don't want a relationship with him NOW you might change your mind if he continues to flirt with you. As someone that's been there, just stay away. It's a waste of time and you'll feel like an asshole (unless you have no conscience).
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 November 2013):
 O.o didn't see your reply:
You stated:
I just want to know that this is not normal behaviour for a happily married man and it looks like most of you are saying it is standard behaviour as long as he goes home to his wife.
I don't think it's STANDARD at all. Not by a long shot, but I DO think that guys who do this, for THEM it IS standard behavior. Most of my male friends are married and I seriously doubt ANY of them would pull one of those when going out. I know my husband wouldn't either, neither would I.
However, if you look at the statistics, cheating is up by a landslide, it's become almost "fashionable" - It's kinda sad really. Because as much as "studies" tell us that it is not "normal" or "natural" for us to be monogamous & faithful, it's been part of society for eons. Same with cooking meat before eating it. That certainly isn't something that was "natural" either.
Most likely the dude was a sleaze. He just happened to be married.
Hence why many of us say, if a guy is married - walk away. They aren't worth the hassle.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 November 2013):
Also, I forgot to mention. He might have been claiming to be happily married and maybe he "think" he is, there is no way of knowing if this is typical for him.
Being married doesn't mean he has a great moral compass or is a great guy.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 November 2013):
 No doubt he is crossing the boundaries but yes, a man can be happy in a marriage and still fancy other women. It's just that he dares to show the truth about how men are. Don't hate men now because the world is very fair. A woman who has the perfect marriage can also think sexual things with other men. This is just how we are wired. We enjoy variety and freedom. Affairs start when you want to keep things secret, so if it ever happens that you are married and you like another guy the best way to stop the secret is to share it with your husband. Not to make him insecure but to show him that you are vulnerable and honest.
...............................
A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (10 November 2013):
 OP,
I'm not saying (and I don't think anybody is saying) that that's "normal behavior for a married happily man," I sure don't think it is.
Some men are just cads. Not all, but some. THey get off on the "thrill" of womanizing.
The fact that he chose to be with her and not with you speaks volumes...
He doesn't want to lose HER, so obviously he made his choice.
And, you need to accept that.
As I said, It's not up to you to speculate about his happiness.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2013): Sounds to me like you are just trying to soothe your conscience by saying "oh he must be unhappy." When you clearly know nothing about his home life, or his wife.
The fact that he chose not to sleep with you, and to go home to her shows that he places higher value on her than to hook up with you. He obviously doesn't want to lose her, and he loves her. So YES, he must be happy with her.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 November 2013):
No, I don't know what he was saying, you didn't include that in your submittal. So ALL I can do is go by what you DID submit.
Are they men out there who aren't 100% happy 100% of the time with their marriage? ABSOLUTELY (same for married ladies mind you). But the fact that he didn't go home with you, makes me think that he wasn't THINKING of his wife OR his MARRIAGE while flirting and coming on to you - BUT when push came to shove, he declined and didn't go home with you. Because WHATEVER he has at home is something he didn't want to jeopardize with a one-night-stand or affair.
At least he didn't fill you with BS about how he isn't getting laid at home or the wife is mean or the usual crap some married men sprouts when trying to get into a woman's panties.
And I agree, If my husband was out there flirting/coming on to women to a degree where they "almost" go home together - I wouldn't be happy either. Here is the thing though, his WIFE can't control how he acts or reacts - all she can control is how SHE acts/reacts to finding out.
I'm not saying you GOT hurt, but yea, if you DO take it all the way with a married man, chances are.. that he will go back to his wife after the sex.
So What I'm questioning is your set of values. Why even get into all this hot & heavy when you know he is married? It says a lot about you too, not just him.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (9 November 2013):
Cheating and flirting aren't necessarily related to happiness and love.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): I have no doubt he has a lovely wife, that's the problem.. why would he act that way with another woman when his wife is at home looking after his children?
I have been single for a while and I would like to think if I ever meet a man to marry that he will not run after other woman and tell them how much he wants them. I am not blameness I got caught up in the moment too but I did not instignate it and I am not married.
This is not about my attractiveness and I do not want a relationship with this man, I just want to know that this is not normal behaviour for a happily married man and it looks like most of you are saying it is standard behaviour as long as he goes home to his wife.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 November 2013):
 I doubt any of the aunts will be able to convince you that he may very well have a lovely wife and a good working marriage but what I want to know is why you would be wondering about the condition of his marriage. Do you plan to have a relationship with him?
...............................
A
female
reader, carolinthegarde +, writes (9 November 2013):
Don't do it ..... no matter how intense your feelings are do you really think he will leave his wife for you, have you thought of the implications of the damage you will cause..the hurt and pain for both of them?...I have had several women try to hit on my husband.. they got nowhere...because he loved me..men like to think they have still got it
..find yourself a single man don't destroy his marriage.....from a lady married 25 years and counting xxx good luck to your on finding an eligible Batchelor.??
...............................
A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (9 November 2013):
 yes he can be happy but you are his little bit of fire and excitement. He wants a home, a wife, a cleaner a social standing.. and then it gets a bit boring at home so he goes out for a bit of fun.
walk away. I see these guys all the time. True men, love and are monogamous. They dont play about.
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (9 November 2013):
 Amen to Honeypie.
Just because someone is married, doesn't mean that they're without basic senses and biological drives. He can still find other women attractive, and he can still want to have sex with other women - but, a married man has to know his bounds and go home to the woman he committed to.
There's also the ego-stroking that Honeypie mentioned - who doesn't want to feel desired and attractive to somebody else? No matter your situation, it's always flattering to know that you've still got it.
They can have a perfectly good, happy marriage and he can still haphazardly get caught up in a lusty moment with someone else. And evidently it is a good marriage since he stopped the moment with you and went home to his wife like a good guy.
I'm guessing that this is making you question yourself and your attractiveness - I mean, seducing a man away from his vows suggests that you are irresistible. But that's not the right way to stroke your own ego, and you know it. I'm sure you'll attract plenty of single men! Go flirt with them and see where it leads. Don't get yourself involved with a committed man - that's no good for anybody involved.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2013): It was more than an ego stroke.
You don't know what he was saying to me. I would not be happy if my man was talking this way to other women.
Why are implying that I got hurt and should stay away from married men? He approached me and did all the running. I am just looking for opinions because I think he was kidding himself.
I would like to hear from married men here, would you talk this way to women if you were happy?
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 November 2013):
Yes.
Just because a person is married doesn't mean they are now numb and blind to what else is out there.
It doesn't mean they can feel LUST towards someone else and NOT act on it.
It Doesn't mean that a married man (or woman) don't enjoy having their ego stroked and when push comes to shove they stop, because they DO know what they have at home.
Of course YOU don't believe it, because that means you are not "better" then the wife.
Maybe you should consider staying away from married men, as the only one who really gets hurt when stuff like this goes down.. is YOU.
...............................
A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (9 November 2013):
A married man is a married man, period. Whether he's happy or not is irrelevant, and if he really was miserable with her he would have left and divorced her.
If he told you his marriage is good, and he's happy then you have to respect that.
It's not up to you to speculate on his "happiness."
Men who are cheaters are just cheaters, and their contentment in their marriage is irrelevant. There are compulsive cheaters, opportunists, and womanizers who go home and play "happy husband" like noting's wrong.
And, mark my word if he would leave his wife for you...he'll cheat on you with the next girl.
...............................
|
