A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have worked with this man for a year. We flirt all day everyday and for as long as I've known him iv been attracted to him, hes also attracted to me but hes married. On friday we had a work party and i stayed in his hotel room and we had sex. Ther was no awkwardness between us and it was very good. After we had finished i got very upset with what had happened and he told me not to do that to myself and began to tell me some things. He sed him and his wife of 2 years had separated this year for a while but decided to try and work things out, he said that his wife doesn't sleep with him very often and only does it to keep him happy, he also said a few weeks after they married she told him she cheated on him before they got married and he said if he knew he would never have married her but she was pregnant. I've beat myself up about it all weekend and when I went to work today we had to act normally as we don't want ppl finding out. I'm really confused as i dont want to carry on sleeping with him but my feelings after friday had been confirmed, before if just shrug if off as just flirting. I dont know what to do. He's said he wont ask me to do it again but if hes unhappy i think he will, even though he said he wont for his daughters sake. I dont give my feelings away too easy and have been single for 4 years, we get on very well and that night we spent together wasnt just sex and goodbye. He comforted me when i was upset and asked me to stay with him , he also told me very private things which i honestly dont believe are the cliché married man trying to justify what he did comments. We see eachother everyday so why would he tell me that if i was just sex to him?
View related questions:
flirt, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 Lucky you! You've gotten to hear/listen to all the lies that cheating husbands will offer when they find some girl, other than their wifey, who will put out for them.... and they need to justify to themselves what they've DONE... AND they need to pose a suitable story so that it can happen again and again....
I suggest that you reveal to him that your indiscretion was clearly a mistake... that you've figured that out... and it will NEVER happen again... until/unless he is actually a SINGLE (and "available") man....
Good luck...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Been in your situation, no matter what the truth is, it is irrelevant because he should not have crossed the line with you. You are the one that ends up feeling used and let down.Block all contacts and only deal with him at work on a professional basis. I promise you if you don't stop now, this affair will go on for years and you will destroy yourself emotionally and feel betrayed.STOP now - yes its difficult but its much worst after you have invested all the time and effort and have nothing left. Think about it when he is with his wife and kid on holidays and at home, you are all alone. No calls, no messages, just you feeling down and depressed. Then you see him, have sex , have a high. That is how this kind of affairs work, lots of lows and the odd high. NOT WORTH IT.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (19 November 2013):
What you need to understand is A LOT of people that have affairs see each other everyday. Why? Because the workplace is the #1 place for people to have affairs.
He may not be lying for HIS point-of-view, but there are two sides to every story. Has it every occurred to you that the reason why his wife might not sleep with him is because maybe he's a jackass? And so what if she cheated on him before they got married how ever many years ago? They weren't married and who knows what he did before he married her?
You seriously need to take a time out to snap back into reality. You are not thinking clearly at all. Or you can message me if you'd like...I get your situation.
...............................
A
male
reader, cupidhelppp +, writes (19 November 2013):
You are not doing anything but encouraging cheaters like him to break their families apart and it is just a matter of time until his wife finds out. My advice to you is to let him whatever the both of you did was a big mistake and for the sake of the job you two should stay away from getting personal and start acting professionally. This will also allow you to respect yourself so others can also respect you. There is a lot of other men who you can flirt with.
...............................
A
male
reader, cupidhelppp +, writes (19 November 2013):
You are not doing anything but encouraging cheaters like him to break their families apart and it is just a matter of time until his wife finds out. My advice to you is to let him whatever the both of you did was a big mistake and for the sake of the job you two should stay away from getting personal and start acting professionally. This will also allow you to respect yourself so others can also respect you. There is a lot of other men who you can flirt with.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (19 November 2013):
Well.....it happened. You can't change it. You need to learn from it and move on. This is a hard lesson to learn and one mistake is what it is. If you do it again it is not a mistake it is a bad decision. A very bad decision.
Do yourself a favour and STAY AWAY from him and create a distance. Do your job to the best of your ability. If you continue to do this it will create a work environment that you can't stand. It will cause you anxieties on so many levels.
Don't beat yourself up. Move forward and don't look back!
The best of luck to you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (19 November 2013):
 All that I can say is from what I read he is unhappily married. If he was happily married he wouldn't sleep with you. People do stay for the children I did but I still ended up leaving. I was sick to I past up a best choice for some trash and a user. I also want to kick my own butt for not leaving and being with who I really desired now they both hate me and Im alone. A lesson learn people have to leave on there own time even if you don't give them a ultimatum it's issues with church family children money children and God. I would really not play with fire here cause you could get burn. Also people cheat to have a need met emotional love making or to obtain a new mate and new marriage and relationship. I would be cautious about still being involved too with a co worker thats married is double trouble.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 November 2013):
 Still not sure what you are looking for here on DC. For people to say it's OK to have sex with him, because he TELLS you his marriage is crap? Because you were single for a long time?
Why do you think he FEEDS you all that negative info about his marriage and wife?
Have you thought about that?
Because he LUVS you? Trusts you?
NO, because it makes you drop your panties and think that you can DO SO much better then his wife for him. You can love him better. You can be better at sex. You can please him. Make him feel like he is your knight in shiny armor.. But you know what?, you got a turd in tinfoil.
What DO you want to happen? Why do you want *insert your answer here*? What can he give you, that a single fella can't?
I think you need to take some time and SERIOUSLY think what you are doing. Not just to this man's wife, but to yourself, your self-respect, your reputation (because trust me co-workers screwing around is hard to hide, people will find out and guess what? YOU will be made out to be the "insert a bad word for a female".
I will say this though, I don't think what YOU are doing is AS despicable as what HE is doing. If his marriage is so horrible, he can leave. He doesn't LOSE his child. He might not see her every day, but THAT would happen when (not if) he gets "caught" too. If his wife has any sense she will divorce him and take him for all he's got.
WANT more for yourself. What is so wrong with a man who ISN'T attached?
I guess in a few years when you met a really good guy and get married, what you are doing can happen to you. How do you think it would feel? Do you even care?
You need to think. Not just act.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 November 2013):
 What do you think telling him how you feel will do?
He used you for sex and the ego boost.. he lied to you. he's lying to his wife... he is not to be trusted. he's a liar and a cheater. you are an enabler.
Sadly for you if his wife finds out and files for divorce you could be named and dragged through an ugly court divorce... lovely for you.
you can say what you want and justify what you did in your brain but it will not change anything.
he's married
he lies
he cheats
YOU like him a lot... so what? what does your liking him change? NOTHING.
Telling him how you feel will take away ANY power you have here... you are already powerless enough... why make it worse.
Hold your head high and ignore this lying cheating person... do not feed his ego any more. do not debase yourself and allow yourself to be used and accept just crumbs from this married man....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2013): Get a new job.....run as far as you can. I know you have been single for four years and the attention must be nice, but come on you know better that is why you freaked. You say your not good at at showing your feelings, that is why you like this guy, he is familiar to you, you flirt with him every day, you see him every day its steady like school crushes. But he is married, happy or not dosent make a difference. Girl code if nothing else woman...you ever being cheated on. Even a four year dry spell dosent excuse that. If you are looking for people to make you feel better about it on this site,tell you is not wrong, you will find them. But those people are probably cheaters too. Its bad enough when someone on here calls you a homewrecker, but when their saying it straight to your face, whispering round the office thats not not going to be fun for you......good luck!!
...............................
A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (19 November 2013):
 You should tell him how you feel !! You can be professional in work but if it is something you feel the need to say then say it !! No need in
Holding it in !!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've read the answers so far and yes i know im in the wrong as much as him. I'm not making any excuses for him but you need to understand that we see eachother everyday, over time you get to know a person n i do believe hes not lying about the state of his marriage, but I'm not expecting him to leave. I'm just unsure of whether its worth telling him how i feel as we have to work together
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 November 2013):
Well, I'm sorry you put yourself in this position. It is not one to be admired.
I have to say though he pulled out ALL the "married me excuses" in the book. She doesn't like sex, he is only staying for the kid, the wife cheated on him, blah blah blah. I'[m sorry NONE of those excuses are making the cheating OK in any way shape or form. I know, I know NO ONE can seem to stay faithful in marriage these days, makes me wonder why people even BOTHER with marriage.
You are most likely NOT just sex. You are the EGO boost. The "feel good girl" because he doesn't WANT to put in "work" at home with the wife. With you all he has to do is tell you "intimate" detailed of his fucked up marriage, to make YOU feel better about doing what you are doing.
Even if he leaves his wife for you, how long til he gets bored with you? And he sleeps with a younger co-worker?
BUT of course, he won't right? Because what he feels for you is REALLY TRUE love and passion?
I'm sorry, I think YOU need to get yourself a MORAL COMPASS.
You have NO idea what the truth of his marriage is, JUST what he TELLS you, to make you feel less BAD for sleeping with him, but "good" enough to think he actually cares.
After you had sex you got upset? Really? It took fucking him to realize that it's not really the right thing to do?
Now you may think I'm harsh, but I have been on the other side - I have been cheated on by a guy (thankfully we weren't married, so I could walk away and leave him to be a lying bastard to someone else).
There is nothing you can say to yourself that justify YOUR or HIS actions.
I'm not going to sugar coat it. I feel sorry for you. Because YOU should have known better.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (18 November 2013):
Everyone always thinks that what the married guy tells them isn't "cliché." They always want to be different. Everyone always thinks their situation is different. It's not. Believe me. Been there, done that. If he's that unhappy, then he wouldn't be married to her anymore. He'll probably just keep saying he can't leave because of his daughter and blah, blah, blah.
You're gonna do what you're gonna do. But if I were you, I'd keep my distance. He most likely isn't going to leave his wife. Chalk it up to a mistake and something that shouldn't have happened and don't sleep with married men. It gets you nowhere and it's bad karma. Seriously.
If he wants you that bad, then he'll wait until he's actually divorced to pursue a relationship with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, shna +, writes (18 November 2013):
I dont think this man is looking for just sex from you but an emoitional relationship as well ! Ok so this man is married look these things happen people get married and after a few years the sparks fade but they refuse to seperate because of the children, even though living an unhappy marraige is probably more traumatising to the children ! What is your initial question ? Do you want to continue a relationship with this man? Or do you want to ensure the atmosphere in work will not become distasteful? Look getting involved in unhappy marriages is a complicated topic!! At the end of the day the man your getting involved with is the only source of information about how the marriage is behind closed doors, and at that do you 100% believe everything he tells you about the marraige.Another thing to realise is if you do decide to become involved in this ... He is never going to be fully yours !! You will always have to share him and you will always be the other woman ! You need to think about what you want and really talk things through before making any decisions
...............................
A
female
reader, KC12 +, writes (18 November 2013):
 These are the things married men like to tell naive young girls at work: ~We rarely sleep in the same bed. ~She cheated on me before...(always beware of the revenge cheater! They're just using you)~I only stayed with her because she's pregnant/for the kids.~Our love life at home is boring/no passion.These lines are red flags. If you buy any of this you are fooling yourself. They may also make promises they'll leave their wife for you. Don't buy it. I always say this, but it's true: You deserve someone who gives you 100%, not split 50/50 with someone else. And, even if he and his wife were having issues, that's just as bad. He used you to be his "pacifier" during a hard time with is wife, and the best thing you can do is stay away from him. Do not let him use you again. There are plenty of nice, young SINGLE men out there who will treat you better.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (18 November 2013):
This is the same thing many a "homewrecker" has asked before you. Who knows? But he's probably not going to choose you, so be prepared for reality.
...............................
|
