A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a long and complex story of infidelity and revenge sex. So here's the short version. My friend had been cheating on his wife unknown to me. I've know them both since childhood. I kept our friendship at a respectful distance because I could not stand how badly he abused her verbally, mentally and the physical violence had been going on before they even married, it's not my cup of tea. So my buddy decides to move out to live with his girlfriend. His wife shows up at my house, she's want's revenge sex with me. I told her I couldn't do that with her, but she is persistent. I told her I would love to but we need to let this cool off, I told her I wasn't into doing that for revenge. I told I would if your marriage is in fact over, that your wanting me and your not using me for the idea revenge would do anything to him, it's more likely to come back biting us in the ass. I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't attracted to her, I am. In my own selfishness, I hope their marriage is over. I would think it is when one leaves the home and lives with a lover. Over the years I've been close with her, she's set me up on dates with her friends but never anything sexual between us until now. I don't have a life time of relationship experience or had many girlfriends. I don't know if I handled this properly or what she really wants. I have a feelings for her, but am I about to be used? I don't know how she could do that to me after all she's done for me.
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infidelity, liar, revenge, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2013): Don't do it, and don't get involved with her romantically in any way until she is divorced and the dust has settled. Not only will you be revenge sex, but you will also be the rebound guy.
A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 I think you handled this yet you didnt say no you said not yet which is great because her actions over the next few months will prove to you if she is serious about wanting to be involved with younor if she is just infact using you !!
Be carful in this situation if herself and her partner /ex have a long history of abuse in there marraige its not all going to end just because he shacked up with sombody else ! If there is physical mental and emoitional abuse going on he is obviously very controlling and is not going to let go of this woman so easily .. Even if he had moved out he will still see this woman as his territory ?!
Take your time in persuing this because i can guarentee you there is a lot of drama to follow !
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 November 2013):
 If you care about your friend, you won't agree to revenge sex, or you'll blow up the friendship when they try to make things happen, and it comes out on the marriage counselor's couch that she slept with you.
Seriously -- there are many women out there. This is way too close to home, it's almost incestuous!
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (25 November 2013):
 And I just wanted to add that this woman was apparently OK with being treated like shit by her husband because you've written that he used to verbally, mentally and physically abuse her even before they got married. She got into the marriage knowing perfectly well what her husband was like. You don't have to feel sorry for her OP, it was her choice. And remember OP, the day her husband shows up and asks her to take him back, she WILL. You will be tossed to one side and they will happily resume their dysfunctional relationship.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (25 November 2013):
Stay out of the mess...just say no. Wait till you meet someone single whom you can start a normal, healthy relationship with, don't ever get into something this complicated.
If its revenge sex, she'll obviously want to tell her husband all about it. She doesn't want YOU, she wants HIM back. Is that what you want? To be used for sex?
If you do end up with her, then (a) you know the flimsy ground the relationship started on, that you were used for revenge sex and then because the "revenge" ploy didn't work, she stayed on with you.
(b) can you be ABSOLUTELY sure about the fact that you wont be facing retroactive jealously? This woman has been intimate with your friend and you know about it all. Can you deal with it?
and (c) one fine day the ex-husband decides he's made a mistake and he wants her back, who do you think she'll choose?
Do you really want to be in the middle of all this mess? its SO not worth it!!
Save yourself for someone really special who will be worth it and not a desperate woman who's out to seek revenge sex. Clearly she's not in her senses because she thinks that "revenge sex" can bring her husband back and/or she can make him feel the same way he's made her feel. The wise thing for her to do is, seek a lawyer, get a divorce, throw him out of her life, take her time off and heal and then step back into the dating pool again when the time is right. Not just show up at a mutual friend's door and demand sex! Come on, these people are clearly out of their minds, don't tell me you are too!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 November 2013):
 Yikes! Sounds like a huge mess of drama to me.
Honestly, I would tell her no.. Actually HECK NO! I get it that you fancy her and all, but this is not a roll in the hay without any strings, THIS is a "Let's created as much drama and chaos as we can"- kind of fuck. NOT worth it.
I agree that she is SURE to tell him about it and then what? You have to deal with that and the fact that you let someone use you like a darn human dildo? Or did you actually think she CARES about you? Because, if she did... She wouldn't want to use you like this.
YOU have feeling for her, so I would suggest you back off.. WAY off. If you want to have any kind of shot at dating her WAIT til she is divorced and OVER her ex. Because if you jump this thing thinking it will lead to a long and loving relationship you are WAY off base.
Use a little common sense?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (25 November 2013):
Well if it's revenge sex, she's definitely going to want to tell her husband about it. That's something you don't want to be in the middle of!
Even if something more blossomed out of this "revenge sex" she'll probably end up using you as a rebound. She's just in a very vulnerable and emotional state--she's not thinking clearly. She's angry and hurt.
If I were you, I'd definitely wait until it's all cooled down. That way she can hopefully get her head on straight and hopefully, she'll realize that she was trying to use you in an act of selfishness since she was hurt and just emotionally screwed up at the time.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (25 November 2013):
You are going to be used.....I hate to say this but why are you his friend? If he is abusing any female in any form and you don't agree why would you hang with this guy? No voice suggest you are ok this his behaviour.
Be her friend. You sound like a guy who has class. Don't lose it.
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