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I need a plan to win her back

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 December 2017)
A male United States age 26-29, *ntihero writes:

i need help getting my ex back. we broke up december 2016.

here's the brief history:

we met 3 years ago. her and i started dating in october 2016. our relationship was absolutely wonderful! however, things started going downhill shortly after her birthday, which was in the first week of november. she quit talking to me, basically she ghosted me for all of november. at the end of november, she apologized for being so distant, she told me she got scared and she wanted to keep it casual. so we did. we started talking a little more. we even went on a little lunch date with her child. well, half way through december, she messaged me over facebook and told me that she didnt want to see me romantically anymore. she said she wasnt ready for the commitment, but she didnt give me any reasons why.

so i've been just been guessing a lot. one the most legitimate reasons i can think of is that while we were dating, i started the process of joining the military, active duty. and i was going to be gone for a long time. she wanted to stay in touch however, but we didnt talk again for 3 months, there was no contact whatsoever, i was in basic training. ever since we got back in touch in april, we've been chatting off and on and it's all been good convos. in june i went back home for leave and we even went out for lunch again with her child.

now im in north carolina and i have my career and im doing my thing, we still talk. i sent her a birthday gift to which she gave a pleasant response. and the gift was kinda my initial move to get her back over time. the gift was something sentimental from when we dated, and she liked it! so, i need a game plan, a long term strategy that will win her back. does anyone have solid advice?

View related questions: broke up, facebook, military, my ex

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

N91 agony auntYou need to let this go man, she doesn't want a relationship with you.

Things went downhill ONE MONTH into the relationship. I don't think there could be a worse sign that it's not going to work. She ghosted you for a month, told you she doesn't want a relationship and that she doesn't see you romantically anymore. What else can she do to say she's not interested?

It sounds like she was being polite regarding the gift, I don't think many people on earth would be a dick back to someone who bought them a birthday present.

You're wasting your time massively if you think there's a way back in here. If she wanted to be your girlfriend she wouldn't have broke up with you in the first place.

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A female reader, Beth1999 United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

Ps but not all guns blazing on how you feel, how you have described her that would probably have the opposite effect. Subtle but a clear indication you think more about her than just a friend. But please don't build your hopes up and if she isn't the one you can move on and meet the right one for you. Best of luck.

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A female reader, Beth1999 United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

So you was friends a long time, dated briefly and she told you she saw you as a friend. That could still stand because I'm afraid she can quite easily accept a gift off a friend and go out for lunch with you. If she was romantically inclined towards you surely the date would be without her child?

You're not going to want to hear this but don't build your hopes up.You could try asking her to meet you for a date with just you two and if she feels anything more than just friendship she would subtly let you know. You could also see how it goes and at some point if it feels right to tell her how you feel about her, because I'm sorry second guessing is keeping you in limbo.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom + , writes (6 December 2017):

Phil052 agony auntIt may be that she only sees you as a friend, so be aware that getting fully back together may not be what she wants. Take it slowly, get to know her and don't put any pressure on, would be my advice.

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