Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2017): I also went through a similar experience for 1 year after marriage. Though he committed to change himself and I was 23 then I took divorce. I had decided to remain unmarried throughout life as i had loved him.
He did second marriage and has good family life with children. I was forced by my family to marry at the age of 41. My present husband also is a divorce. He is not so physical in bed. I regret having undergone divorce from my first marriage.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 September 2017):
 Sweetie just because you are married does not mean that he owns you and can do as he pleases. You need to learn to say no to him, if he forces you that is rape and you should report him to the police.
He should not hit you unless off course you want him to. You need to sit and talk with him, because if you let this abusive behavior carry on it will only get worse. Can you call on family to help?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): And youre ok with the bum smacking?
Does it not seem a bit wierd to you and grounds for a divorce.
As you say it you are living a life of assualt and rape daily.
This is neither christian nor marriage.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): You can't "fix" this.
You're being abused.
He hits you.
He sexually assaults you.
Get away from him.
Please go to: https://www.womensaid.org.uk
Talk to someone there asap.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 September 2017):
 I think you need to have a sit-down and talk with him. And if he can't respect YOU then maybe talking to your pastor/priest/vicar and get some counseling through the church.
What he is doing in NOT OK.
As far as working versus not working- how do you feel? Do you miss having a job? Miss making some extra money? Do you feel isolated and alone being the homemaker?
If you do again, that needs to be discussed.
The husband isn't the boss of the wife. It's not HIS word and you somehow is the servant or slave of his whims. If that was so women wouldn't marry ANY man.
The sooner you have a discussion about this and stand up for yourself the sooner it can be talked about and hopefully fixed.
His behavior is NOT right but only HE can change it. I think he knows it isn't right but because YOU haven't said ENOUGH, he keeps pushing. if you do nothing it will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): Tell him you want to peg him without lube first to show him how great rough anal feels.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have family but we moved 200 miles from them. We are both British. Christians. We got married last year and dated for about 8 months before then. He was always protective of me. Just before the wedding he asked me to take leave from work then begged me not to go back. So I stayed home so I could do what he wanted. He smacks my bum hard if I do something wrong or speak to him in a way he doesn't like.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (14 September 2017):
The word, NO anal sex comes to mind for me.
Sorry, being married doesn't mean he now owns you or can use your body as he sees fit.
I think you need to have a LONG chat about this. Being "quite" aggressive" about sex is NOT OK if you do not want the same. So yes, you DO need to talk about this with him and tell him NO if you don't want it.
If he can't accept that YOU are NOT his personal porn star then maybe this marriage is NOT going to work out.
The whole "Nothing I ever do is right or good enough for him anymore." Is his way of trying to assert control over you. And it can be the beginning of physically abusive behavior. The rough sex is just the start.
I REALLY think you need to talk to him, if that doesn't work then you need to consider walking away and ending this.
Can I ask what kind of cultural background he is from? Same as yourself? How long did you two date before marriage? Were there any signs of this before the wedding? At all? Or other red flags that you "overlooked"?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2017): Rough anal sex sounds more like rape to me so leave him!
You cant fix him but you can get yourself safe.
Leave him and see a divorce solicitor and tell her about his unreasonable demands.
This is going to be a lightning marriage.
Leave him because its your body and you dont want to be brutalised.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (14 September 2017):
 How awful for you. He seems to have decided he can do what he likes, now you are married. Only you can change things by telling him you don't want to do the things he wants you to do. Only you can tell him that you don't like the person he has become. However, you do need to keep yourself safe. Do you have close friends you could confide in?
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