A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi ,I have been dating this guy for 4 wks seeing him 2-3 times a wk .. meals out , walks in park etc but I feel bored already because he has told me not to ask about the past and he never asks me anything so our conversation is pretty standard everyday , what you up to ,what's for tea etc if I ask him anything to do with the past he get very moody .. we both have children , I have a son and he has one of his daughters living with him which he has been open about , we don't flirt anymore or have daft convo it's just boring .. if I ask questions about the past he says I am sick and twisted for wanting to know about his life with his ex wife and kids ... not sure I want to carry this on .. but when we are together we are great .
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ex-wife, flirt, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Honestly if he is this hostile towards you already after four weeks then I would honestly just stop dating him. I can understand not wanting to talk about his past in regards to personal matters, but biting your head off for asking about places he has been to is over the top.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2018): That's usually a sign of guy who is becoming embittered and cynical due to a painful past. He's not sharing the past or any details about himself; because he sees no future for himself nor the two of you.
You can't trust or develop feelings for someone you don't know.
You're just there to keep him company. This is a preview of things to come.
Stamp him "REJECT" and toss him on the pile. Move on!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (7 February 2018):
 I think its rather telling that after only a month you are bored? It sure doesn't sound like this relationship has any hope of lasting long term! I have been with my husband for over 17 years (not all of those years married) but I have NEVER been bored with him or our conversations. NEVER. I still think he is a fascinating person and still get butterflies when he walks into the room. So um...I can't understand being bored in such a short time and wanting to stay with the man?
As for the past, some people will talk about theirs, some prefer not to. Certainly there are some things that should be made known, children, divorce ect but delving in too deep or too much can be worrisome and honestly even too invasive unless someone is lying or trying to hide things. Some things its just ok to leave in the past. We don't know how much you are asking or what you want to know tbh but just the fact that you are feeling bored would be enough to make me walk away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2018): I don't ever remember asking a gf about her ex's and don't ever remember a gf asking me about mt ex's. Even with my current wife we have never discussed ex's. Discussing such subjects can lead to jealosy and arguments and it is best to be avoided.It can be that his past with his ex wife is so unhappy he simply doesn't want to discuss it. TBH I think the crux of the matter is you are bored with him and I don't see much future in this relationship.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (7 February 2018):
Why are you still seeing this guy? Is your self esteem so low that you’re willing to put up with this for a few walks in the park? This guy has problems I don’t know what they are you don’t know what they are but they seem severe. If you stick around long enough perhaps he’ll open up about them.
But again why are you seeing a guy who you admit bores you and wants you to shut your mouth when you ask about his life. The good times cannot be that good.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 February 2018):
 Can you really see a future with a guy who is SO scared of talking of the past?
While personally, I don't want to hear details about exes and previous relationships, because why? I know they existed but details? no need.
If you can't talk about things you did in the past like holidays, travel, movies, musicals, theater, or whatever because you did those things with a previous partner it kind of limits conversations as you have discovered.
There is a BIG difference from someone who just don't WANT to talk about previous partners and someone who just thinks not talking about the past is the way forward.
Especially if he bites your head off when bringing up a subject from the past.
IT IS NOT hard to say: "Oh I have been to Corfu, it's gorgeous there, and the food was amazing" or a "Firenze has so much to offer in terms of art" Or whatever. Without even MENTIONING that he went there with the ex-wife. UNLESS of course YOU are digging for info on said ex-wife...
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (7 February 2018):
 Okay so why are you still dating?
How are you great together if conversation is boring? That doesn't make sense to me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2018): We have fun together as long as I keep my mouth shut about anything to do with our pasts but our pasts make us who we are .. I don't talk about it all the time but like when I asked about past holidays he bites my head off ..
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 February 2018):
I think if you are bored and "now allowed" to really get to know him (and yes, he can talk about other things than his ex-wife from the past) you should move on. It's only been 4 weeks.
As for you not being willing to respect his boundaries, well, that might be the things that will stop this relationship anyways. From his end.
To be honest? It seems rather refreshing that you have a guy who isn't trying to live in the past, who isn't constantly bringing up the ex and who is trying to get to know YOU NOT your PAST and past partners. However, if that also means you two are only having boring conversations I don't see this going anywhere.
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A
male
reader, Phil052 +, writes (7 February 2018):
 I'm confused, you say 'I feel bored already' and then you say 'when we are together we are great'. Is it boring or great? Or a bit of both?
He obviously feels he doesn't know you well enough to open up about his past, so let it go for a bit and just get to know him as a person.
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