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This woman is getting close on the train!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Flirting<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2017) 10 Answers - (Newest, 21 October 2017)
A male Japan age 41-50, *ezekiah writes:

I catch the busy train to work in Tokyo everyday and there is this cute younger lady who gets on along the way. I am usually standing near the door anyway but somehow she seems to find her way in front of me so we are hugged and crushed together. We remain this way for around 30mins and I often feel her leg slipping in between mine and her fingers moving on my stomach. No eye contact, although I feel she may be watching in her peripheral vision and sneakily via the reflection.

Would a woman do this purposely? There are other places to stand - it seems very coincidental.

View related questions: crush

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (21 October 2017):

femmenoir agony auntI don't even know if i trust all you say, because from my perspective, as a woman, this all sounds very weird and bizarre.

You mentioned that she's a cute and younger lady, so it appears that you've taken notice of her physical appearance and had to make mention of that.

If you were single, no big deal, but you've disclosed that you're not single, so it makes me wonder, are you somewhat interested in this lady and do you, to some tiny degree, enjoy the fact that she's standing so close to you and rubbing up against you?

I know one thing, if a guy did this to me, regardless of how crammed it is, i'd be moving away, or quietly saying something to him.

Also, you mentioned that there are other places that she could stand, however, she seems to choose to stand right next to you.

Whichever way you look at it, it's odd, so give this young lady no attention whatsoever.

You don't exactly know what she's all about, nor who she really is and besides, you're already taken.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (20 October 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt I think you are reading too much into this.

If you are really squeezed so tight against each other, the young lady could simply be moving her hands or legs in the attempt to get some elbow room , and make herself more comfortable.

Also, since you often find yourself crushed against this lady, this means that she positions herself more or less always in the same spot- and you do too . Why is it strange for her always choosing the same spot, but not for you ? Same as you are usually standing near the door, probably she is usually trying to stay facing the doors, or as close to the exits as possible, etc. and your occupying the same area depends from that.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI am not sure why or how she manages to keep finding space to stand in front off you, it must take a lot off pushing and shoving to get her to do that. However it shouldn't matter, you are not single anyway so it doesn't matter why she does what she does. Also if it seems she is being inappropriate then say something.

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A male reader, hezekiah Japan +, writes (19 October 2017):

hezekiah is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the answers. I not single by the way. Most people probably don't realize how crowded the trains get here. Once you are crushed in, there is no moving positions.

One day it could be a moldy smelling middle aged Japanese office worker, and the next it could be some young cute girl pressed up against you for 30min. People accept this and there is now way of moving once you are wedged in. However I was just curious as to how this woman finds her way in front of me so she is locked here for the next 30min. She wasn't on the train today.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017):

I think you should be careful. You didn't mention if you are single. That could be the way she finds clients; if she's a sex-worker. It's a bit bold just to get someone's attention.

Being groped in public isn't very respectful or romantic. It is also a way to be baited into a very sticky situation; if she decides to scream-out that you're touching her inappropriately. Make sure your wallet is in a safe-place.

It's best you move away. Before she starts fondling you; say hello and introduce yourself. First-name only. Provided you're not a married-man. If you are, step-away!

It's not particularly the way I'd like to meet anybody. It's just a bit too creepy.

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A male reader, hezekiah Japan +, writes (19 October 2017):

hezekiah is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I think if I was back in my own country, the UK. Then I will probably have acknowledged or say something by now. But train in Japan are sooo quiet. Nobody talks, mobile phone use is forbidden (talking that is). I'd just feel like an outlaw trying to chat to a women on the train. It's just interest to hear other people opinions about this situation.

Trust me though, you are crushed in like sardines, there is no moving limbs or hands in the peak of it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 October 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIf you were the one with your hands all over a strange woman on the train people would call you a creep. And just because it's a woman, doesn't make it any less creepy.

I mean, would you think it was ever OK to grope someone on the train?

Maybe she is hoping for some kind of reaction from you. Can be that she plays a game of seeing just how FAR she can go without the man doing anything.

Honestly, I would be removing her hands, if I were you.

Unless you are enjoying this game of hers...

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (18 October 2017):

Sounds like she's groping you.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (18 October 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntIt does seem more than coincidence that she manages to find her way to standing next to you every time and the physical contact is definitely unusual. Why do you not speak to her? Something along the lines of a smile and "good morning" or "here we are again"? See if she responds. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom +, writes (18 October 2017):

Phil052 agony auntWell, it does seem that she is giving some quite obvious signals! It is probably time to talk to her! Good luck!

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