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Why is it the second you ignore a guy, he comes running?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 May 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 May 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *olaBolla writes:

First off, I apologize in advance to any decent guys out there; know that I'm not trying to stereotype you, I'm just really frustrated.

I have had this on again/off again thing with a guy for over a year now. He'll do the most amazing things sometimes, defending me even when he's up against a wall. He smacked his friend (in front of a group of his friends) for insulting me. He's the first to realize if I'm ever upset and will try to cheer me up.

AT THE SAME TIME, he can be disgustingly low. He prioritizes his status, and will throw anyone and everyone under the bus to preserve his reputation, regardless if he's ethically right or wrong. We got into a huge fight 6 months back about it-- I literally was physically shaking with rage for about an hour after.

The second I try to ignore him, he comes up and stands next to me without saying anything or lingers around wherever I hang out. He wants me to engage him without him putting ANY effort at all. If I ever try to approach him (which i have, after the fight), he clams up and won't say much (he's a really confident guy too).

Why is it the second I make up my mind to never speak to him again he comes around? Literally EVERY TIME. Anytime I WANT him to come and talk to me, he never does! He can fb/ instant message/ call other girls just fine!

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (17 May 2011):

Odds agony auntHere's why, in one line:

"Anytime I WANT him to come and talk to me, he never does!"

Because you keeping WANTING him to come and talk to you. His behavior is being rewarded by the fact that you keep coming back to him no matter how bad he is. When you're on, he gets what he wants; when you're off, he probably goes out and finds other girls.

He does it because it works. Because no matter how mad you get, or how much you fight, you go back to him.

The contrast between the "caring" behavior like slapping his friend for you and the uncaring behavior like treating other people (including you) like crap is like crack to a lot of girls. It's addictive. You know it's bad for you, but you keep going back to it.

Leave him, for good. Cut off all contact, delete his phone number, everything. Partly for yourself, and partly for all the decent guys out there who will see how effective his behavior is at getting girls and stop being decent guys anymore.

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A female reader, missdeeluv South Africa +, writes (17 May 2011):

Shame my darling its so obvious this boy is all about his rep! He only talks to you when it suits him hey! You don't need such negative energy in your life I'm sure there's plenty of good guyz who'll treat you the way you deserve!! Cut your losses

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (17 May 2011):

N91 agony auntI'm interested in a girl that knows how to make me chaser and there's no easier way to do that than by ignoring a makes me think I've done something wrong or there's a problem and it makes me want to get into contact with her more to see what's wrong.

We've had a few little arguments and stuff in the past and I'm the one that always wants to sort it out and she's happy enough to just say nevermind and leave it unresolved which drives me mental!

I've tried to ignore her to see if she speaks to me first maybe to see if she is interested back, possibly that is what he is doing? I mean why is it the guy that always has to make the first move? I don't want to look desperate by always being the one going to her, asking her to hang out and stuff.

Sounds like he is pretty nervous around you too which is another obvious sign to show that he likes you.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (17 May 2011):

angelDlite agony aunthe sounds like he cares more about himself than he does about you, he smacked his friend for insulting you coz to accept an insult about HIS girl would make him look rubbish, he wants to talk to you when HE wants, not when YOU want and he is happy to call and IM other girls but blanks you? he doesn't sound like boyfriend material and what's with all this arguing with you and other people? is he only happy when there's trouble or something?? is this why your relationship is an on/off one - coz of all the arguing?


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