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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Tips for lasting longer
Q. Hey guys I have a bit of a sex problem arising. I'm not going to say I am the most gifted at it by any means so here's the problem. I'm dating this girl who has been with a few guys in the past and during sex not one of them has been able to las...
A. 14 April 2011: TranceDr has the right idea about not comapring yourself to past lovers. That way lies insecurity and unhappiness. But, the goal of lasting long for its own sake is a fine one, so here's some ideas.
Long term, your best bet is to train yourself... (read in full...)
Does she just come to see me because she is bored and lonely? Should I trust her again?
Q. i need some suggestions. i posted this question a couple of days ago but i didnt get any replies so i thought id give it another shot... this could be pretty long but ill try to keep it the shortest i can. my ex girl and i dated a couple of year...
A. 14 April 2011: Continuing to see her after the breakup was a mistake. It got your emotions in a tangle. No-contact is the best way to move on to a better girl.
Of course you enjoy talking to her - you dated for a while because you got along and liked each oth... (read in full...)
What can I take or do to reduce the size of my breasts?
Q. Hi cupid friend! I will really appreciate if you all can find the solution to my problem and it goes... There is this guy i love and he really love me too, but the problem is that he complain how big my breast is. Please help me, what should i take ...
A. 14 April 2011: While I don't agree with the method suggested, I second the female advisors' opinion below on respecting your own body. Changing your clothes or hairstyle for a man might be acceptable, but major physical changes should be entirely your own ... (read in full...)
Going to strip club with husband and friends made me sick to my stomach
Q. I am sick to my stomach my mind has been racing. My best friend and her husband like going to strip clubs. Well she has been asking me to go to the strip club and bring my husband. So I finally accepted and asked my husband if he would like to go. ...
A. 13 April 2011: "...what man would say no to that right."
Most men, after making that mistake once. I've made it myself - once. You say your husband is supportive - that means he has also figured out you didn't enjoy it, and wants to make you feel better. ... (read in full...)
Do guys respect virgins or non experienced girls?
Q. Is it true that guys actually respect girls who have never had sex or if they haven't done much with a guy? I don't want to sound rude, but i don't believe this. I hear guys talk and surely if some girls are rude about the girls who are virgins, ...
A. 13 April 2011: "I don't want to sound rude, but i don't believe this."
Men and women are very different, both in our hardwiring and in our experiences. One of the main reasons we get confused is that we project our own feelings onto the other person. Sexual e... (read in full...)
Do kids turn out good or bad based on genes?
Q. Do kids turn out good ,or bad ,based on their parents genes,or how they were raised? In my family , there is a strange situation, our kids got most things, what kids needs. Not perfect, but very stable, and loving environment. But the most hor...
A. 13 April 2011: It's both nature and nurture. I'd say in roughly equal amounts, though there is a tremendous amount of dispute among psychologists - not least because it's pretty scary to think that an accident of birth could have such an effect on who we are.
... (read in full...)
What guy wants a girl with no personality?
Q. i was in a long term relationship for 7 months until it got too much and we split, we split as i had enough of him making me do things like not letting me go out or sometimes even speak to boys, he also stopped me going out with my friends as much, ...
A. 13 April 2011: You have one, you're probably just having a hard time advertising it effectively. There is a fine three-way balance between showing your genuine self, personally working to constantly better yourself, and showing it in a way and at a rate that will ... (read in full...)
What do the men look for in a woman? Do they only want sex?
Q. Question for guys Its a pretty simple one but you see i am finding it hard to find a guy who wants me for me . Only want me for sex really im not nasty at all or ugly... Broad question for you all What do guys look for in a woman ?...
A. 13 April 2011: A better place to start would be to figure out what you have to offer beyond sex. I'm sure there's plenty, but if you're not advertising it, or if there are too many girls offering the same thing in your social circle, you may not be getting the ... (read in full...)
At what age is a woman no longer attractive?
Q. When does a woman lose her "hotness"? What age is considered no longer attractive? I would love to hear all opinions from women, men, all ages. Thanks!...
A. 13 April 2011: Depends on what the guy is looking for. Objectively speaking, women's fertility peaks around 27. Since "beauty" is mostly just a series of markers indicating good breeding material, the male mind is judged to calibrate hotness according to these ... (read in full...)
He says he got rid of his porn for me. Should I believe him?
Q. i have a question that is mostly for guys.. i want to start by saying that i am very aware that when a girl tells a guy she wants him to get rid of his porn, usually he just hides it.. but in my case, i never told him how i felt about it, the to...
A. 12 April 2011: Fair enough. If it's working for you, don't change a thing. Best of luck.... (read in full...)
Why is it that it's still a man's world, every porn mag is for men, every nude scene in a movie is of a woman? When are woman ever truly going to be treated as equals?
Q. I'm sick of the world that we live in, the expectations and pressures on women today, the young girls who suffer and have low self esteem due to the images we see everywhere, in films, magazines, billboards etc.. Why is it that it's still a mans ...
A. 12 April 2011: @ Nime, Mishmash, Gabrielle, YouWish, et al...
Apparently, a lot of women really "get it." Serious kudos for giving women agency, rather than treating them as passive recipients of society's will.
@ OP
Most of your questions have been admi... (read in full...)
Mother's rights to unborn baby in Massachusetts?
Q. im 16 and im 12 weeks pregnant. the father and i are no longer together. do i have to give the baby his last name? just because it is his baby doesnt mean hes goiing to be there and support it, id rather do it on my own. if he were to take me to ...
A. 12 April 2011: You aren't married and haven't taken is name, so the baby can have your name.
He will have zero advantage in court. Family courts, particularly in blue states like Massachusetts, are very anti-male. Custody is basically yours so long as your are... (read in full...)
He says he got rid of his porn for me. Should I believe him?
Q. i have a question that is mostly for guys.. i want to start by saying that i am very aware that when a girl tells a guy she wants him to get rid of his porn, usually he just hides it.. but in my case, i never told him how i felt about it, the to...
A. 12 April 2011: "ok, actually i dont get into the love novels. my fantasy is a guy who only has eyes for me. im sure alot of girls agree with me on this."
In your shoes, I'd hesitate to make this assertion. Any random guy with eyes only for you wouldn't do it, w... (read in full...)
Men versus Women
Q. Aunts and Uncles: Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of questions on this site generate divided and predictable responses depending on the gender of the poster…or the gender of the aunt/uncle answering. Yesterday I read a question posed by an upset boyf...
A. 12 April 2011: Don't worry about the responses, this thread's only been up a day or two. Give it some time. If it stays too quiet I'll say something really offensive to get the ball rolling.
Regarding the publicity of "attractive" victims, it's always the case... (read in full...)
One ourtcome of casual sex may be incest
Q. This is an interesting point I've been thinking about for a while and am curious to see what anyone else has to say. It seems like more and more it is becoming socially acceptable to have children outside of marriage, even to have multiple childre...
A. 11 April 2011: I think the bigger cause of accidental incest in the next decade or two will be the grown children of sperm donors, many of whom have (or had for a long time) the protection of legally-guaranteed anonymity.
Still not quite sure where I stand on... (read in full...)
Men versus Women
Q. Aunts and Uncles: Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of questions on this site generate divided and predictable responses depending on the gender of the poster…or the gender of the aunt/uncle answering. Yesterday I read a question posed by an upset boyf...
A. 11 April 2011: Hey, long and rambling is fun. Better to get the full set of ideas down all at once than to leave out something important. And thanks for the shout-out.
Regarding the effects of feminism on male role models, I think it's the largest influenc... (read in full...)
Men versus Women
Q. Aunts and Uncles: Lately, I’ve noticed a lot of questions on this site generate divided and predictable responses depending on the gender of the poster…or the gender of the aunt/uncle answering. Yesterday I read a question posed by an upset boyf...
A. 11 April 2011: Just a few comments.
"I have yet to see a post where a man complains a woman failed to be a “lady”."
Most of us haven't seen one in a long time, and wouldn't know one if we did. I don't think guys expect it anymore. Some of us want it, but ... (read in full...)
How can a boy like a girl and suddenly change their mind?
Q. how can a boy like a girl and suddenly cnage their mind for no reason?...
A. 11 April 2011: Minds can just change. It happens. Love is a bunch of funny chemicals in our brains that make us act like idiots. Infatuation is that, but more heavily front-loaded and with a harsh crash at the end. And at your age, infatuation is a lot more ... (read in full...)
Obsessed with beauty way too much...When will I be happy?
Q. I am a 19 year old girl and a girl who can never be happy. .. I was a girl who got bullied since I was K2.. all the way until I was 15 years old. I used to be a girl where no one will say hi to me because I look "anti-social".. I was tan,geeky an...
A. 11 April 2011: I'm going to address the specifics first, then the attitude.
"I heard from a girl that skipping ropes will help me to slim down and so I did 1000 every single day with 6 thick jackets and 3 long pants."
Skipping rope is a good workout, but all... (read in full...)
He wont give his opinion but then complains when I make decisions without him
Q. I don't understand this. I ask my boyfriend for his opinion on something and he acts neutral about it. Then when I make a choice and it was the "wrong" one, he then has an opinion and tells me then he is mad that I made the wrong choice. This has ...
A. 11 April 2011: It's passive-aggressive behavior. A lot of folks do it, though I don't know where it comes from, or why they do it. Confront it head-on. Tell him, next time this comes up, that you want to make him happy and work with him, and that you respect... (read in full...)
Tough love..tell me your thoughts
Q. I don't know if I'm looking for advice but maybe would just like to hear other peoples thoughts. I'm 26 years old and my girlfriend left me a week ago. Her and I had been dating for a year. We met through her father who I work with; he invited me ...
A. 11 April 2011: "I understand bad boy in highschool or college but what is one at 28?"
That desire never goes away, it just gets put on hold when practical reality gets in the way.
"Funny thing is he has a history of cheating, would that not be a turn off?" ... (read in full...)
Am I the only female out there who feels a million decades older than I actually am due to a partner's inattention?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now, and throughout that time I've always made an effort to keep myself looking good, groomed and special just for him. He's never been a style horse but he used to at least shave, put on a nice shi...
A. 11 April 2011: He may have a difficult time "shifting gears" when he gets home from work. That is, he spends the whole day thinking business, and then can't get into relaxtion mode back at home. I work the same way, and so did my dad; he dealt with it by taking ... (read in full...)
Am I sending the wrong message?
Q. I’m 33 years old woman and always dress up even on Sundays when I want to go out to have a cup of coffee, I m not originally from the USA. I see here women go out with pajama to be honest at the beginning I was amazed how they can go to university ...
A. 11 April 2011: Well, a lot of folks in this country are lazy, and that includes in taking care of their appearance. You stand out - and, since guys are very visual creatures, we'd tend to notice a nicely-dressed woman in the sea of sweatpants. So you're going to ... (read in full...)
He says he got rid of his porn for me. Should I believe him?
Q. i have a question that is mostly for guys.. i want to start by saying that i am very aware that when a girl tells a guy she wants him to get rid of his porn, usually he just hides it.. but in my case, i never told him how i felt about it, the to...
A. 8 April 2011: People still keep hardcopy porn?
Oh well, that aside, if he did it without prompting, he's probably telling the truth. Don't read too much into it, it's just a good thing.... (read in full...)
Men, do you like to kiss the vulva during foreplay?
Q. Are there any men here that like to kiss the vulva during foreplay? If yes, you get a lot of pleasure out of it? When you do, do you give short quick pecks, or longer ones?...
A. 6 April 2011: There's things I like better (boobies), but oral is enjoyable enough. I get a bigger kick from her reaction than from the actual act itself, so long or short kisses depend on her own preferences.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has broken my heart. I don't know how I am going to cope. Please help
Q. I just found out that my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me 3 days before we took a trip to Texas to meet my family. We get back and she continues to go out every night (shes 21 Im 30). She comes home 3 nights ago wasted and refused to tell me ...
A. 6 April 2011: If you have vacation days or sick days, use a couple to go out with any friends you can gather and commiserate. After that, though, the best thing you can do is focus on your work, on your own life and hobbies. Get your mind clear of her and drive ... (read in full...)
Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them?
Q. Do temptations make you a cheater even if you don't give into them? I am very in love with my girlfriend and we have been together since the beginning of 2010. A few months prior when we were "dating" I put myself in a very bad situation. We all ...
A. 6 April 2011: We're only human. Being tempted is normal. It's acceptable to act on a momentary impulse, so long as you catch yourself as soon as you get the time to think about it. You controlled your actions, rather than making excuses about your emotions or ... (read in full...)
Men what is the right number of times to call?
Q. Men how often would you like for a woman, or your partner, to call you in a day or a week where you would not get aggravated when you two don't live in the same house. Thanks...
A. 6 April 2011: Depends on the guy. Experiment. Call him often one week, just to talk; when you call and he seems to be out of things to say, take that number of times and subtract two. That's how often you can call just to talk.
Calling to set up a date doe... (read in full...)
I worry that one day he'll wake up and realize that it's her he wants.
Q. I'm in this 3 year relationship with this AMAZING guy. He and I have recently just came back from a 4 month trip in Europe. We have big plans for the future together. We are currently starting a business together, so life has been really stressful ...
A. 6 April 2011: If he's known her for 11 years without waking up and realizing he wants her, odds are pretty good it won't happen later. There's a chance, but I'd say it's really, really small.
Does he show more PDA in front of his other friends? If so, they... (read in full...)
Sexual encounter btw an 18 yr and 25 yr? legal yes but is it ok?
Q. Thoughts on a recent high school graduate having sex with a 25 yo? Or a college sophomore dating a 26 yo? I know its legal but is it appropriate?...
A. 6 April 2011: If it's the guy who is older, sounds fine to me. Relationships where the guy is a bit older are fine. My own dad is 7 years than my mom, so it's the same difference.
Generally, I don't see it working with an older woman/younger guy, but if the c... (read in full...)
Should I ask her out and if so how do I go about it?
Q. Hey guys, quite a problem in my eyes anyway. I am gunna ask out this girl on the last day of term. However I am scared about what friends are gunna say. I know if this was her asking about me feeling like this, then you guys would say leave him but ...
A. 6 April 2011: "I am gunna ask out this girl on the last day of term."
I know this seems like a good idea given that, if she says no, you won't have to deal with hearing about it - but that's exactly what it is, an easy way out of taking a risk. Every guy your... (read in full...)
Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get short, blunt answers...
Q. Whenever I ring or text my girlfriend these days, I just get blunt answers. Before the last few days I was getting really lovely texts and phonecalls from her, as if she was really eager to hear from me and was really chatty. But it doesn't feel lik...
A. 6 April 2011: "I even tried not calling her every day, to make us miss each other more, so we'd be happier to talk."
Would I be correct in guessing that, when you do talk or text, you freely express positive feelings for her? Send her long texts, or say nice... (read in full...)
He's asked me to send pictures of my breasts over the phone...If I do it, will he think I'm slutty?
Q. I am married and have been on and on involved with a married man/friend on and off. He is now asking me to text him pictures of my breasts with a bra on and without. I trust him completely, but not sure if I should send them or not. We have never ...
A. 6 April 2011: There's really no diplomatic way of saying this.
If you're married, and he's married, and you're still in a relationship with him, he already thinks you're a slut - no matter how much he says otherwise. Sending the picture will not change t... (read in full...)
Do I need to cut my hair to increase my luck meeting girls?
Q. Hi, I've been single for nearly a year now and I want to get out there again but I don't want anything too serious as I have a very bad track record of relationships, therefore I am severely put off for the time being. I have told my friend that...
A. 6 April 2011: I think you need to stop seeing long, messy hair as "who you are," or even part of it. It's just hair.
Think of it this way: if a girl loves your personality, knows you, understands you, and cares about you, but finds long hair (or short hair) un... (read in full...)
I'm taking to a divorce lawyer Thursday, but I really wish I could work things out with my wife
Q. so me and my wife are sperated, and have been for 2 weeks. i've already begun to evaluate our assets and im talking with a lawyer on thursday. my head is telling me this is the best thing for me, but my heart desperately wants her back. the reas...
A. 6 April 2011: I don't believe in marriage counseling. Going with intent to fix the problem can help, but most people go just so they can pretend they put in the effort.
You need to find your resolve, here, one way or the other, and immediately act aggressi... (read in full...)
Why would a guy not be hard or be able to be hard if he never came?
Q. me and my boyfriend where having sex this morning and while we where having sex I started to notices the feelings was going away then we thought maybe its the condom. so he took it off and cleaned up did not even try to continue he never came ...
A. 5 April 2011: There's a lot of stuff that has to happen internally for a penis to work. It's not a magic gauge of a man's emotions or thoughts. And when even one thing goes slightly wrong, even something as trivial as losing focus for a second and losing the ... (read in full...)
At my age are there any legal or moral grounds where your parents can forbid you to date?
Q. Are there any justifiable legal or moral grounds on which your parents can forbid you to date at the age of 19? I mean, if you still live with them but never bring your boyfriend home (so nothing happens under their roof) and you're sensible ...
A. 5 April 2011: No legal grounds. However, there are practical and possible moral grounds.
For instance, if your parents are paying for your housing, food, school, and so on, dating against their wishes can result in moral or practical dilemmas. If they are... (read in full...)
How do I ask, "Are we in a relationship?" without him feeling pressured.
Q. How do i ask him if we are in a relationship without him feeling i am pressuring him. I have been dating this guy for a month now and we get on really well. we text everyday but sometimes when he feels awkward he will ignore me for days. we met...
A. 5 April 2011: It's all in how you phrase it. You need to come up with a way that doesn't sound like a trap, while remaining honest.
For instance, "Are we in a relationship?" sounds like a trap. He will immediately suspect there is a "wrong" answer, and that... (read in full...)
Why don't men have as much of a say when it comes to their children?
Q. I have a question that has been bugging me for awhile. What do you think of the fact that men don't seem to have much of a say when it comes to their children (planned or otherwise)? I'll use an example to illustrate. It's what has gotten me th...
A. 29 March 2011: It doesn't just start there. Men have no say in whether or not they even get to be fathers. Men can either abstain or rely on condoms (a relatively ineffective form of birth control) or pulling out (a very ineffective form of birth control). ... (read in full...)
Do you fantasize about other girls or your girlfriend?
Q. This is a question for the males. For those of you with girlfriends/fiances/wives/partners etc do you always think of them when you think of sex and your fantasies? So when your maybe daydreaming or watever it is that gets you thinking, who a...
A. 25 March 2011: @ BettyBoup The key word in that phrase is "little." An overall insecure girlfriend is a pain - and that's before you consider the effect on her own happiness. Short version is that being a little insecure keeps a woman on her toes, givin... (read in full...)
Do you fantasize about other girls or your girlfriend?
Q. This is a question for the males. For those of you with girlfriends/fiances/wives/partners etc do you always think of them when you think of sex and your fantasies? So when your maybe daydreaming or watever it is that gets you thinking, who a...
A. 25 March 2011: I'll fantasize about whoever. Pretty girl who walks by on the street, ex-girlfriends, Scarlett Johansson, they're all fair game. I'm pretty confident most guys are the same way. That said, two caveats. First, these are just fantasies, and I... (read in full...)
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