A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:So Aunts, I have a question. I have been hearing this statement a lot in the past few years. "You don't want to date her; she's damaged," or "Because of all his experiences, he's unfortunately damaged."What does it mean to be "damaged"? And, if someone is damaged, does it mean that they are unable to be "fixed"?Thanks for your insights!
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2011):
 My bf often tells me he's "broken" and he is...
he never learned how to be an adult. He had a horrid childhood that has left him impulsive and angry and unable to connect emotionally without fear.
Damaged folks may or may not be worth the effort. depends on the damage and the extent you care for them and how hard you are willing to work to cope with their "brokenness"
all of us are damaged in one way or another.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2011): It can mean they are hard work...and if your not up to the emotional work ....don't go there. spunky monkey
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 May 2011):
 "Damaged" means they have suffered some trauma in the past, or just have such a messed up personality, that they are unable to form healthy relationships - or at least that forming such relationships is far more trouble than most people would put up with.
It's sad, but some folks get like that. It doesn't make them any less human, but it does mean that dating a damaged person means dating someone who is unable or unwilling to return the love and effort you invest in them. It means that, often, getting attached to them hurts far more than being alone. Some are good at faking healthiness in the beginning of a relationship, but only get really messed up after they start getting attached.
Some can be fixed, some can't - if we define "fixed" to mean "able to form and sustain healthy relationships, including feeling and expressing love fully." Those that can will require a lot of effort, with no guarantee of success. Many of them need and even deserve help - but helping them can hurt the person trying deeply, and oftentimes just isn't worth it to the person who tried. It's life, it sucks, and it'll continue as long as people make bad decisions.
...............................
A
female
reader, belize  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 Look we all humans! 'He who is without sin let him cause the first stone'. So what if the person is 'damaged', it means that they need more love and affection, because someone one has starve them of it. I you feel for someone and the feelings is return go ahead and see where the road takes you... Just take time to know her, and be yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): Damaged is like saying they have personal issues to deal with be it as a result from past relationships or just general life experiences.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): It means that someone has severe emotional or mental issues that make being in an intimate relationship with them difficult, painful and drama-filled. This could be due to mental illness, past trauma, unhappy childhood, anything really.To some degree, everyone has issues that can and do make being in an intimate relationship challenging at times, but there's no denying that some people have worse issues than others, or more severe issues, or a greater number of issues that makes them have difficulty being in healthy and happy intimate relationships.If someone is "damaged" does it mean they can't be fixed? It really depends on the individual. people who realize that they have serious issues and have the guts to admit it, confront it, and to seek treatment for it and stick with it, have a very good chance of being able to be "fixed" or at least improved and lead healthier and happier more normal lives. But people who refuse to even acknowledge that they are 'damaged' probably can't be fixed because they won't even admit that they have a problem. Such people often do get into intimate relationships anyway, and go on to cause a lot of suffering and harm to their partners and children in the process and thereby 'damage' others in turn which is very sad. different people have different criteria for when they judge others to be 'damaged.' Also when intimate relationships end, the pain and hurt of rejection or betrayal can really turn one's heart against one's former partner and see them in a negative light thus being convinced the other person is "damaged" when they really aren't.Also, in order to judge someone as being "damaged" presupposes that one knows what is considered 'normal' and that one has full knowledge of what is going on in other people's private lives...but not everyone wears their heart or problems on their sleeve. You never know the extent of hurt or pain and suffering that people are carrying around in secret, and putting on a happy facade so no one will know their pain because of the stigma of being called "damaged." so when someone has the guts to admit they have a problem and seek treatment they are labeled "damaged" even though they have the best chance of recovery, while those who continue to hide their pain and problems and as a result continue being messed up on the inside, are considered 'normal.'
...............................
A
female
reader, skoolof life +, writes (8 May 2011):
 It always makes me sad when I hear somebody described as damaged - like a reject - damaged goodsI think people who have been through a lot, either as a child or an adult are affected by their trauma but not damaged - with help, patience, understanding and love too they can be happy like everyone else - its all everyone needs really - someone who caresWomen described as 'damaged goods' are normally those who sleep around, who are easy meat - its a reputation killer when that gets around... I guess these women are looking for love the wrong way
...............................
A
female
reader, hope_i_could_help  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 I think, damaged means that a person is somewhat hurt from a previous relationship that he/she still cannot get over it. It can also mean that something bad happened to him/her that cause humiliation to her'him that he still can not get over it. If someone is damaged, of course it can be fixed. It just depends on the person itself if he/she wants to be helped or still want to be "damaged".
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (8 May 2011):
 If someone is 'damaged', people usually refer to them being a lot of work. For example, a lot of posts on here refer to prostitutes as being 'damaged', meaning, they might have a complete aversion to sex or a disliking to particular things or they might weep a lot because of what they've been put through, basically, a damaged person has a lot of problems that threaten to instantly jeopardize a relationship with them.
Look, purely in my opinion, no one is really damaged. Someone who labels someone else as 'damaged' may just be too unwilling to actually get to know that person or understand them. That's not always the case, it's just that from my experience, most people who are labeled as damaged, just need someone to actually listen and try to at least understand them, sometimes they are not as 'damaged' as others make them out to be.
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
