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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Justified in my divorce request?
Q. I have been with my husband for a little over 4 years, married almost 3 years now. When we are alone together, everything is great. We enjoy each other's company and can chat for hours. However, I know he fits only into one aspect of my life -- he ...
A. 12 March 2011: Your husband is right - this is a terrible, shallow reason to leave.
You have every right to expect him to change, of course, but you have to work with him and realize this is not something that everyone can just "leave unsaid." Talk with him... (read in full...)
Men: would you be turned on or freaked out or something else by this?
Q. Hello lovely men of DearCupid :D How are we today? So, picture this... You wake up in the morning with a hard on only to find your girlfriend/mrs was already 'attending' to it... Reaction please? Would you be turned on? Freaked out? ...
A. 12 March 2011: Hmm. I had interpeted this to mean I woke up to find her sexing me, not just playing around.
Yeah, if it's playing around, it's cool. I'd welcome that. It's the sexing in my sleep that would seriously bother me.
Just feel like pointing ou... (read in full...)
Question for Men ONLY!!!!
Q. Question for men only!!!! Did you go back to your girlfriend after pulling back from the relationship for a while?...
A. 12 March 2011: Hey, this is America. We have fines, citations, fees, penalties, charges, interest, six easy payments of nine-niety-five, and mandatory minimum sentences.... (read in full...)
Men: would you be turned on or freaked out or something else by this?
Q. Hello lovely men of DearCupid :D How are we today? So, picture this... You wake up in the morning with a hard on only to find your girlfriend/mrs was already 'attending' to it... Reaction please? Would you be turned on? Freaked out? ...
A. 11 March 2011: I'm not bad, thanks for asking.
Probably the same way she would feel if she woke up to find me "attending" to her.
Something along the lines of, "This b*tch is crazy, and I gotta leave."
If she woke me up for sex, sure, happily, but there... (read in full...)
He's not happy with me! What can I do?
Q. My boyfriend an I have been together for bout a year now we have a 6 month old daughter together as well, an I just started back too work about a month ago as a cna an he's a welder, we don't spend a lot of time together but when we do we tend too ...
A. 11 March 2011: Stop fighting. It's easier than you think. You need two people to fight. If he tries to start an argument, just shrug, answer calmly and reasonably that you don't want to fight, and ask if there's something you can do to help with what he's upset ... (read in full...)
Last week was fine, now they all treat me differently..
Q. I met a girl last week who i thought i liked, but i dont think she likes me and i dont think shes my type. Last week i was acting very confident and trying to make them laugh and all that but today many of the ppl I met last week seemed not ...
A. 11 March 2011: They may simply not care to meet new people right now. You were fun last week, and they enjoyed the fun, but that did not mean they were open to making new friends. It doesn't have anything to do with you.
Their comments and conversa... (read in full...)
How can I turn my guy friend into my boyfriend when for months I told him I didn't want a boyfriend?
Q. Hi, I have a question cause I can't find the answer on my own! I'm dating a guy for 4 months now. At the beginning I kept saying that I don't want a "boyfriend" so he doesn't act like it, he doesn't invite me to go out with him and his friends, and ...
A. 11 March 2011: Chigirl is spot on here. Guys are pretty straightforward, and as long as he doesn't think you've been out sleeping with a bunch of other dudes, he'll probably be willing to move forward after a little bit of thought.
Word of warning: when he ... (read in full...)
Are Asian women tighter?
Q. Do Asian Women have tighter Vagina's??? My friend said that asian women have tighter vaginas and are much better sexually for pleasure for men? is this true x...
A. 11 March 2011: I think it would be hard to find a guy who has been with a randomly sampled, statistically significant number of asians and other races in order to compare - particularly given that, if he *believed* they would be tighter, he would likely perceive ... (read in full...)
Why is he having a harder time with his second divorce?
Q. When is my boyfriend have a harder time with his second divorce. They have no kids togather she treated him like shit. His first divorce had two kids...
A. 11 March 2011: It's easy to write off a first divorce as just something that happened, and oculd happen to anyone - people are desperate to rationalize away that sort of thing.
A second divorce may well have shattered his belief in love, marriage, and family. ... (read in full...)
Question for Men ONLY!!!!
Q. Question for men only!!!! Did you go back to your girlfriend after pulling back from the relationship for a while?...
A. 10 March 2011: Once, and it was a mistake. I was twenty-two and stupid. Won't get into any other details on that story.
In general, though, I think a break is a sign that a relationship is basically doomed. I assume that any girl who suggests a break is going... (read in full...)
How do I impress his mother?
Q. I'm 18 , my boyfriend is 28 ..He tells his mom eveything , and we've had a few problems well we've been together 5 months he's been living w/ me for 3. Now we live together in Our apartment . His mom is very Business like . Im scared that iiL say ...
A. 10 March 2011: Lot of random capital letters there...
Anyway, businesslike people respect other businesslike people. And in business, you don't succeed by kissing butt, you succeed by being respectable and self-assured. Dress modestly (in particular, take out... (read in full...)
Did our two year relationship mean nothing to him?
Q. So me and my ex got back together and in November and split again in December when he decided to kiss my best friend when he was drunk and out with his friends. But a week later I ended up staying at his house as we were on a night out with mutual ...
A. 10 March 2011: I can't say whether the relationship meant anything to him, but that's not actually what's important here.
What's actually important is that you're broken up, and dwelling on the subject will only hurt you.
You're broken up. You need to stop... (read in full...)
My Clingy Ex Boyfriend Won't Move On! Please Help!!
Q. Okay so about 6 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. To be honest I should not have gone out with him in the first place, because I only really ever saw him as a good friend, but I was only 16, it was my first long term relationship ...
A. 10 March 2011: Make a clean break. Be firm. Stop trying to be as nice as you can - tell him the truth in the shortest possible sentence, wish him the best of luck, and say "Stop trying to contact me." Stop giving excuses - tell him you don't want to see him ... (read in full...)
Something is nagging me about my boyfriend's past. Should you be honest about your feelings or let the past go?
Q. I just have a short question. Something is nagging me about my boyfriend's past. I am aware that he cannot change it, and perhaps I am over-analyzing or exaggerating things. I am not sure if the answer from him would affect my feelings or not. ...
A. 10 March 2011: "...should a person share all of their feelings with their partner honestly, even if they sound a little... Neurotic or obsessive about something?"
Yes and no. Yes, in that if a person does not feel comfortable sharing their feelings with the... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to marry me because I never let him win??
Q. I'm in shock and lost for words right now. My boyfriend/fiance of about 6 years off and on finally told me last night that the reason he has been so hesitant on marrying me is because he has worked his whole life on his business, and if he ever got ...
A. 10 March 2011: I wrote my last post before your follow-up posted; in light of the new info, I'll add something here.
One of two things is going on. Either he doesn't want to marry at all, or he does but is conflicted about it.
I think the former is more l... (read in full...)
How to create an emotional bond with a man? (need advice from the guys, please)
Q. How does a woman create an emotional bond with a guy? For women, we'd want to be kind, thoughtful and generous. I hear that those things can be a turn off to a guy, so how are emotional bonds created?...
A. 10 March 2011: Depends on exactly what you're looking for. For a romantic bond, touch and sex are basically the best way - your bodies release all kinds of pair-bonding hormones during and after sex that you can't get any other way. If you're physically touching ... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to marry me because I never let him win??
Q. I'm in shock and lost for words right now. My boyfriend/fiance of about 6 years off and on finally told me last night that the reason he has been so hesitant on marrying me is because he has worked his whole life on his business, and if he ever got ...
A. 10 March 2011: Well, given that 50% of marriages end in divorce, 70% are filed by women, and women get the kids and the assets disturbingly often... can you blame him for his apprehension? It's an entirely reasonable way of thinking. No one hits harder than a ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my abusive wife or stay and suffer for our kids?
Q. My wife and I are from different religions. We have been married for 16 years and have three beautiful kids together aged 8,10 and 12. Initially things were great but the last eight years have been the most miserable of my life because she has been ...
A. 10 March 2011: Kids see this stuff happening, and it screws up their ability to understand and enjoy relationships throughout their lives. The harm done by one adult spouse abusing the other is nothing next to the harm done to kids who have to witness it.
For y... (read in full...)
I have a perfect relationship since a young age, but friends have said I'm missing out..
Q. Ok i am now 19 and have been going out with my boyfriend for four and a half years. He is the only guy i have seriously been with and well, the only guy ive been with (vice versa). I have a tight knit group of friends and we have all been hanging ...
A. 9 March 2011: Fantasizing and imagining life with another person occasionally is normal. It happens, we're only human.
However, you're not missing out by being in the dating scene. It mostly consists of getting your feelings hurt while trying to find exactly ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of 4 years told me he kissed a girl on New Years. Now she says she is pregnant and it was from that night! I need advice!
Q. Hi, I'm 18 years old and have been in a relationship for the past four years. Recently, my boyfriend told me that on New Year's night of this year he was really drunk and kissed another girl. I asked him if anything else happened and he said, "no ...
A. 9 March 2011: I think a drunken kiss is forgiveable, especially if he told you rather than just hoping you didn't find out about it. It's the kind of thing that can happen faster than thought - unlike, say, sex. But that's up to your own level of tolerance.
... (read in full...)
Should I disobey my parents and date this guy? Also, how do I handle comments from my friends about this guy? Please help!
Q. I really like this guy, but for starters, I am forbidden to date in high school and I have gotten so caught up in what everyone else has said or will say about us dating. I think this relationship could really go places, but I am concerned what ...
A. 9 March 2011: Your parents are watching out for your best interests. Considering how much effort they have put into raising you, feeding you, and putting a roof over your head - not to mention putting up with the antics that all children get into - you owe it to ... (read in full...)
When would you consider a girl "clingy"? And how often is "too often" to contact your boyfriend?
Q. In a relationship, when would you consider a girl "clingy"? And how often is "too often" to contact your boyfriend? I'm not looking for extreme examples, but how much space do guys usually need? I really don't want to be considered the clingy ...
A. 9 March 2011: It varies widely depending on the guy. Rule of thumb is that the more comfortable he is with physical contact (kissing, cuddling, sex), and the more naturally at ease he seems to be with it, the quicker he will call you clingy. Guys who have not ... (read in full...)
What are the rules of flirting?
Q. I am wondering about flirting. Is it a harmless activity that is just fun, or does it really play with peoples' emotion in a potentially harmful way? Of course, I think flirting is fine and even good if the flirter (the person who is flirting) has...
A. 1 March 2011: It has the potential to toy with emotions, true. The urge to mate is arguably our most powerful instinct, and flirting toys with it.
But I see it this way: if you can't handle having your emotions played with on the level of flirting, you have... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has feelings for 2 of my friends! We all work together,so it's awkward. What should I do?
Q. Ok so here it goes, my girlfriend and I have been dating for four years (I’m 21, she’s 20). The beginning was great, we loved each other and we were having fun and what not, this was until I found out she had feelings for two of my friends. So I ...
A. 1 March 2011: First off, you have the right to be mad. That's normal, natural, and sensible in this case. Unfortunately, displaying that anger is counterproductive. You have to harness it for your own ends (let the hate *flow* through you...).
Now, the most... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to embarass myself with guys.
Q. I just turned 17 and I am in college, so I am a lot younger than all of my friends, my youngest friend is over a year older than me. So all of my friends are a lot more experienced than me - with boyfriends/girlfriends and all. I've never even had a ...
A. 1 March 2011: Being good-looking isn't enough, you have to seem approachable. This is all about body language and demeanor. You have to appear friendly and engaging - a guy should look at you and think, "I bet she would not shoot me down instantly, and I bet ... (read in full...)
We don't have sex anymore.
Q. Me and my girlfriend don't have sex anymore and I don't know why I treat here great. She never has to buy things as I give her everything or do any house work and cook as I do it all i run her baths and give massages and take Her out for meals every ...
A. 1 March 2011: Because women don't have sex with you because you do thigns for them, they have sex with you because they are attracted to you.
What do you think creates attraction? Do you think she is sexually aroused by free meals? Random guy friends would bu... (read in full...)
I had sex with my mom's partner!!
Q. Hi, I did something really horrible and I don't know what to do. Basically I had sex with my mum partner and they been out with eachother for 8years. I'm only 18 myself and I don't know why it happend. I'm carrying so much guit with me all around ...
A. 28 February 2011: You can't avoid the consequences on this one, really. You've already hurt your mom, now the choice is between hurting your mom more - by letting her stay with this loser - or taking responsibility by owning up to it.
She deserves to know the trut... (read in full...)
Does stress affect morning erections? Or is he not that interested in me anymore?
Q. Hi, I'd love some advice, esp from male readers, about morning erections. Usually, when my bf of 6 months wakes up when I'm with him, he has an erection. But for the last 3 times we've woken up together, he's been soft, and we haven't had sex the ...
A. 28 February 2011: Morning wood has nothing whatsoever to do with the girl in bed. Stress can affect sexual desire, though, which would explain the kisses and slowed sex life; stress can also affect the circadian rythym and hormone cycles, which would affect morning ... (read in full...)
Will it seem needy and desperate if I text him first?
Q. Hi there, I met a guy on new years ago through mutual friends and we got on really well. I did not want to swap numbers with him at the time as he was still texting his ex then - turns out now that she was messing him about and he has now complete...
A. 28 February 2011: You are overthinking this. Relax, take a deep breath, and stop worrying.
It won't seem weird or desperate unless you're repeatedly texting him without getting a response. In fact, texting him out of the blue might actually make him like you more... (read in full...)
STDs' possible from oral sex?
Q. Can you get stds from giving and receiving oral if both of you have never had any kind of sex before? ...
A. 28 February 2011: If neither person has had any sex, either, you shouldn't have STD's. There's a chance one of you may have oral STD's from a non-sexual source, but it's pretty small.
Check to see the the guy hasn't had sex of any kind, either. Including oral.... (read in full...)
Is it risky to use coconut oil or butter for vaginal lubrication?
Q. Will using coconut oil or butter for vaginal lubrication be unhealthy or risky?...
A. 28 February 2011: I'm not a doctor, but that sounds like an excellent way to get a yeast infection to me. At your age, you shouldn't need lube, but if you do, just spend a few bucks on some KY.... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you date a woman/girl who wears an afro ( or a style similar to one?)
Q. This is a very short question aimed at men/boys, and I'm hoping for a straighforward answer: Would you date a woman/girl who wears an afro ( or a style similar to one?)...
A. 28 February 2011: If she had enough other good things going for her, sure, but I think afros are an unattractive/unfeminine style. So, it's not a dealbreaker, but it's a hindrance.
You may get some varied opinions on that one though - it's the nature of hairstyl... (read in full...)
What do married men think of women who are friends with his wife, but flirts with him?
Q. What does a married man really think of a woman that flirts with him? What does he think of her character as a person? Does he really think he can trust someone like that? Especially if he sees that she is friendly with his wife? ...
A. 28 February 2011: I'm not married, but any person who knowingly flirts with someone who is dating their friend has zero respect in my eyes.
This includes whether they are "just testing me," as one girl claimed after I shot her down (my girlfriend at the time tol... (read in full...)
Am I puritan for staying a virgin at 18?
Q. I am an 18 year old girl who is a virgin. All of my friends have had sexual relations prior to turning 18. They say I am a puritan and should be having sex at my age. I think I am right in that I want to wait until I am married. Am I wrong ?...
A. 27 February 2011: Your friends are morons. Besides which, a puritan would have been married and have two kids by 18.
Waiting until marriage means you're less likely to divorce and more likely to be satisfied with your sex life after the age of 25 (where, generall... (read in full...)
I am so beautiful. Are my friends all just jealous of me?
Q. I am so beautiful. I have a really nice body and i have double D's. Flirting comes naturally to me. I can honestly say that a lot of people like me and just want to be me. I'm really popular and i have a lot of experience. All my close friends are ...
A. 27 February 2011: OK, I'll take your assessment of your appearance at face value. So you're hot. Good for you, don't waste it.
Now, with that said, re-read these things you wrote, with my commentary:
"I can honestly say that a lot of people like me and just... (read in full...)
If I told girls I was a virgin would it help or hinder me with girls?
Q. Im 22 years old without a girlfriend atm and I'm wondering if girls would see me differently if I told them I was a virgin....
A. 27 February 2011: Just want to second Jmtmj's advice. Virginity will tend to make it tougher to get dates, butif you tell a girlfriend who already likes you a lot, I'd be willing to bet she'll like it.... (read in full...)
Husband is a good hard worker, but, he drinks a lot! What can I do?
Q. Hi I need some advice I been married for almost three years, we have 2 kids. My husband is a good hard working dad, but also drinks a lot I try to tell him not to drink so much but he always tells me I exaggerate. He never likes to talk about our ...
A. 27 February 2011: I don't really have enough info here to help. How much does he drink in an average night? Does he do anything when he's drunk? Are you concerned about his health or bheavior, or are you just upset that he isn't doing what you tell him to?... (read in full...)
I am a virgin, is moving in with my fiancé a good idea?
Q. Im a virgin moving in with my fiancée, is that a good idea? We have been been dating for 2 years, and have been engaged for 4 months. Our wedding is in a month. We have recently bought a house (it has three bedrooms). My fiancee wants us to move in ...
A. 27 February 2011: Well, there is some evidence that living together prior to marriage increases the chances of divorce - but then, the studies I've seen on it all assumed the couple were having sex, so I don't know if that applies to you. And being a virgin or ... (read in full...)
Male input please!
Q. Having read so many posts from blokes complaining about their girlfriends, wives etc never initiating sexual acts (be it oral, full intercourse or whatever) I realized I'm one of these women. I read one post that struck a chord - my boyfriend ini...
A. 27 February 2011: It's easier than you think. How to do it - start with any level of physical contact you like (whether that's holding his hand, shoving your tongue dfowwn his throat, or anywhere in between) and just escalate. Do something for a little while, then ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's beautiful ex girlfriend who happens to resemble Mila Kunis!
Q. I have been with this guy for a bit over six months. I never cared about his past at first. He told me he was with a girl for around five years and had a nasty break up. Lately I keep thinking about their relationship. I have never even seen her...
A. 25 February 2011: Nothing your boyfriend says will make you feel better about this. It wouldn't have mattered how quickly or slowly he answered your questions, either. This is *your* problem, and yours alone.
Would you be happier if she had turned out to be morbi... (read in full...)
Never been kissed: how do I learn what to do?
Q. Hello everyone! I am 17 years old and I recently just got into my first relationship. I have never been in a relationship before because I was always to focused on my GPA (it's a 4.0). Anyway this girl has some experience which kind of makes me ...
A. 24 February 2011: It's not stupid, everyone has been through that phase at some point. Do you think other people magically knew what to do their first time around?
It sounds like she's already pretty understanding, so just keep that in mind to take the pressure... (read in full...)
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