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Questioning my sexuality ( female ) help!!!

Tagged as: Dating, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2016)
A female United States age 26-29, *elenabeauty writes:

So I've been questioning my sexuality for a while now .. I am a female and I am attracted to men I currently have a boyfriend now and But I have been becoming really good friends with this girl I work with at my job. We hanged out and to restaurants and went to movies etc. she recently texting Her , she was venting to me about her feelings and how she's sick of her boyfriend ignoring her and stuff and she randomlys say " I sometimes feel like going back to females" and this was the first time finding out she even goes that way and she told me about her 1st time with a female she was friends with and she even brings up me sayin " you would love it " just comments like that and ever since she has talked to me like that It turned me out and been wanting to hook up with her. helpppp!! Should I tell her I want to experiment with her , I dnt want to ruin our friendship but if she can come out to me that blunt I dnt see why can't i

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A female reader, LJCX United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2016):

LJCX agony auntWhat Honeypie said is a good point, imagine if a man was hitting on your boyfriend and he was trying to work out how to make it happen, you wouldn't feel all that great.

Let me know what you meant to begin with, did you mean that you are questioning your sexuality so much so that you want to break up with your boyfriend? Or were you planning to do it secretly?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntYou DEFINITELY need to dump the BF first. Unless you want to be a cheater of course.

But overall I think this has disaster written all over. YOU work with the girl. Let's say you dump your BF and experiment with this girl only to realize that well, you prefer men. SHE will be hurt and mad, you will have drama at work. Your now ex-bf don't want you back either because you dumped him for a roll in the hay with a girl.

Guess what? You are left holding the turd.

Being bisexual is totally fine. And that might be what you are. And what she is. BUT it doesn't mean you HAVE to have sexual experiences with EVERY male or female that offer you sex. ALL it means is that you CAN be attracted to either gender.

Let's say for a minute that this was about your BF, not you. That a male coworker of his is bisexual and hinting at sex with your BF... Would you think that was OK? While he is dating you? I bet not.

I will reiterate Auntie Cindy's advice:

"The time to experiment with your sexuality is when you are single."

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (8 March 2016):

I agree with CindyCares, experimenting with this girl means you're cheating on your boyfriend. If you want to do it, end things with him first.

As for your sexuality, to be quite honest I think everyone is at least a little bisexual, so the idea that the door might swing both ways isn't strange at all. Pursue it if you want, but again, not at the expense of your boyfriend. Be fair.

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A female reader, LJCX United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2016):

LJCX agony auntAnd yes as Cindy says you only do this when you are single. Not every man in the world has the fantasy of his girlfriend being with another woman, it would still be cheating.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (8 March 2016):

CindyCares agony auntAnd what about your boyfriend ?

Whether you cheat on him with a woman or with a man, it's always cheating. Does he deserve to be cheated on just because you want to indulge a curiosity ?...

The time to experiment with your sexuality is when you are single.

Yes, it sounds like this girl is sort of putting out feelers to see if you get any ideas, and in any case, as you said, if she is blunt you can be blunt too.

But if your curiosity and thirst for new experiences are so overwhelming- be honest and dispose of the boyfriend first.

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A female reader, LJCX United Kingdom +, writes (8 March 2016):

LJCX agony auntI know you say that you are becoming really good friends with her but can you see this friendship lasting a long time, that would be life long and you would stay in touch if you didn't work together.

Getting in to a sexual relationship with a friend is always going to carry a risk of ruining the friendship. No matter how hard you try not to let it ruin things it could happen. So you need to have a long hard think about how you would feel if you went ahead then things didn't work out well. There's also the issue that you have to work with her so what would happen if it didn't work out and you'd have to see her everyday.

She may be making you question your sexuality but perhaps you could try and find another woman instead of her to go on a date with and see how it makes you feel. Just because she's the one making you question things it doesn't mean she has to be the one you go through with it with. You have to ask yourself what you value more, your friendship or seeing how you feel about being with another woman.

Apparently women are a lot more fluid when it comes to sexuality, I know a lot more lesbian and bisexual women than gay or bisexual men. It's pretty normal for women to be curious about it. When I was your age I was really curious and I actually wish I had a woman as upfront as your friend, if she is commenting a lot about this and basically dropping hints then it's giving you the opportunity to more easily try this than going on a dating site or trying to find a date with somebody else.

The key to this is having a really good hard think about what you would feel like if it did ruin the friendship. Which appeals to you more? If you are worried about asking her then wait for the next time she brings it up and drops hints and ask her how you would go about it. That's kind of an open question, it isn't a direct proposition to her.

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