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... Send *ike I see it a private message | | | *ike I see it's profile:I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!
***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)
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I think it is wrong for a guy to ask for a woman's personal address after one date. I don't know how to handle it. Also he sent me the text at midnight and it woke me up.
Q. Having met a guy via a dating website a couple of months ago and exchanging personal emails (quite lengthy ones) we decided to meet up a few days ago. We live about 2 hours from each other so I was happy to meet half way. I'm really careful about ...
A. 5 June 2015: I'd be honest with him. Let him know you think the day went well and you'd like to see him again, but that you're not comfortable giving out an address that isn't JUST yours after only one date.
How he responds to this will actually be a terrific... (read in full...)
I'm bothered and bewildered by this guy!
Q. Hi Agony Aunts! Okay, so you've probably seen this question a billion times, but I can't help but seek advice anyway so...backstory! I met this guy on a dating site and after exchanging a few messages decided to meet up for a quick lunch, as my...
A. 5 June 2015: Maybe he's not feeling chemistry as strongly as you are, or maybe he's just shy?
Regardless, after two years of on and off dates I think it's time you sat down with him and had a conversation about what you both are looking for and how what you... (read in full...)
Should I stay or leave because of the behaviour of my fiancé?
Q. I've been with my fiancé for 4 years. He is hardworking, doesn't drink or smoke and has no interest in sports. He tells me he loves me every day. He is thoughtful in other ways too. What I can't get past is his staring at women every time we g...
A. 3 June 2015: Agreed with YouWish. Not only is his behavior incredibly disrespectful to you, he's well on his way to behavior that could land him on a sex offender registry - as well as cost him HIS job, if he does anything inappropriate in the workplace.
My ad... (read in full...)
Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare?
Q. Why do some people argue that violence against women in porn is rare? Especially when recent research has shown that almost 90% of porn shows violence against women . Is it ignorance, because it serves their agenda to not acknowldged it or because ...
A. 2 June 2015: Warning: my answer includes sexual content.
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The study you refer to cites "spanking" as the first (so, presumably most commonplace) form of violence observed, followed by "gagging" and "slapping."
This may be TMI for you, but I'm going t... (read in full...)
Are men turned off by bigger women?
Q. I've always been a bigger woman and I've always wondered if it was a turn off to men. I'm overweight, nothing too drastic. I have bigger hips and thighs than the average normal weight person. This is the result from years of eating prob...
A. 2 June 2015: Depends on the man. No joke, there are men out there for whom you wouldn't be big ENOUGH. There are some, yes, who would prefer you thinner. And meanwhile others see you walking down the street or into a store and wish like HECK they had a woman ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend barely keep in touch while he is out of town? is it suspicious? It's upsetting.
Q. My boyfriend is away for four days visiting his mother in California. We were together for the whole week before he left. We really bonded and had an amazing time together. Fast forward to the day after he gets to California. He emails to l...
A. 2 June 2015: Thanks for the update, OP.
The behavior you describe still isn't anything that you can point to for sure and say "this guy is cheating," but at the very least he does not value communication with you the way you value communication with him or h... (read in full...)
Can you think of examples where a woman initiated a relationship? I need some examples to demolish my long held view that this never happens.
Q. Because it seems, to me, that all boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are still initiated by the guy, where the man approaches the woman first, talks to her first and asked her out first, initiated everything or almost everything in the ...
A. 2 June 2015: I initiated the relationship with my current partner, and I don't think it's a coincidence that it's the best relationship I've ever been in.
This was my first time initiating, so my dating pool prior to him was necessarily limited to guys who... (read in full...)
How to help my fiancée who feels betrayed
Q. Dear aunts, I have a beautiful, witty and smart fiancée who has been at my side for five years. Unfortunately, since age 15, I have had an addiction to porn, especially certain fetishes. It has stopped giving me any pleasure or satisfaction but...
A. 2 June 2015: The fact that you have recognized your addiction and are actively working to get past it is a great step in the right direction. Remember that you are VERY lucky to have a second chance - many women might have found the dating sites a dealbreaker - ... (read in full...)
His friends are so miserable I'm wondering if the relationship can work
Q. OK this is going to be a long rant it seems. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, everything was OK until one night where his friends all turned on me. There was a beer festival in my local town to which him and his friends went...
A. 2 June 2015: They sound like petty, horrible people to be honest. It doesn't sound like you will be able to win them over (and nor are they worth the effort that would take.) Stop being "super nice" to them. Stop wasting any time on them at all. You can do so ... (read in full...)
Why are women turned off by inexperienced men?
Q. Why does inexperience turn women off ? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the vast majority of girls that are non-virgins and have had their share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, and sadly ...
A. 2 June 2015: I can type anything I want here, regardless of truth, and once I hit "Add Your Answer" it too is a quote on the internet... just saying :)
I don't think inexperience is a turn-off to most women, provided there's no major good REASON why a guy has ... (read in full...)
How can I reach out to my ex?
Q. I desperately want to reach out to my ex. We were dating for almost 2 years. But I cheated on when I went to college. I feel horrible and guilty about what I did. I hate myself for ruining our relationship. I miss him so much but I'm sure he hates ...
A. 2 June 2015: I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this.
The thing is that what you did likely hurt him as much or more than losing him has hurt you. I say this because you understand that the pain you are feeling is a consequence of your actions ... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend barely keep in touch while he is out of town? is it suspicious? It's upsetting.
Q. My boyfriend is away for four days visiting his mother in California. We were together for the whole week before he left. We really bonded and had an amazing time together. Fast forward to the day after he gets to California. He emails to l...
A. 31 May 2015: Are there other issues in the relationship?
Because this by itself doesn't necessarily suggest cheating, but you seem to have pretty strong suspicions about it. Intuition exists for a reason, and I'm wondering what else he has done (or not done... (read in full...)
My boyfriend had time to shoot some golf balls but no time to see me
Q. I am very upset at my boyfriend of 2 years. I am hoping you can tell me if you think I am justified or being unreasonable. He thinks I am being unreasonable. We see each other certain days every week due to different schedules. On one...
A. 27 May 2015: I absolutely do think you are overreacting to this one incident, but like several other posters have observed, there seem to be some much larger issues in the relationship you share with him. If I had to guess, you've been building up these feelings ... (read in full...)
Did I mess up asking for a second date?
Q. I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I ...
A. 26 May 2015: Yep... I think if she was interested, she'd have jumped at the opportunity for a second date as opposed to replying to every part of your message besides that one. You did nothing out of line and I think most women would genuinely appreciate that ... (read in full...)
I asked my crush if he had someone and he said no but his facebook shows otherwise. Do I let him know?
Q. I asked my crush months ago, did he have a gf, wife etc he said no, well I go on facebook and see a pic of him and his g/f (based off the comments, its his g/f)....dated 12/17/2014......now as of now, me and him are still talking and getting to know ...
A. 26 May 2015: Thanks for the follow-up.
If he IS now single, admitting that you're checking up on him may get you the answer you're looking for but cost you any potential for a relationship with him. It's going to give the impression that you'd potentia... (read in full...)
My husband is pressuring me for a threesome.
Q. Hi..We r married not very happily but married for 6yrs..I feel n it's true my husband was never true with me.no doubt he loves me n kids but he's very confused b character less person.since 5 yrs he's pressuring me for three some.every time he wants ...
A. 26 May 2015: The next time I hear of a threesome improving someone's marriage will be the first time. Even when both parties start out 100% OK with the idea, sooner or later someone ends up unhappy. And based on your post, I somehow doubt this will be a "one and ... (read in full...)
Should I be allowed a lock on my door?
Q. Hello, opinions on my situation please. I currently live with my step mum dad and little sister. My little sister is my half sister my step mum is her mum. Ive only lived with them for a few months. I used to live with my mum other sister, I was ve...
A. 26 May 2015: You're not wrong to WANT a lock - I would too if my things constantly came up missing, or had clearly been moved around - BUT it's their house and if they don't want you to have one, that is their decision.
I'm with CindyCares; it makes more sen... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 26 May 2015: OP, therein lies your problem. You are fixated on the possibility of a large penis in your wife's sexual past because you have it in your head that big dick = good sex. "Amazing out of this world sex," to be exact.
As multiple WOMEN on this sit... (read in full...)
Despite all these set backs, and my feeling that I just can't win: how do I recover from all this?
Q. This has been the most frustrating time of my life. To start the year off I decided I would get back with my ex girlfriend. Who had gotten married for money so this guy could get a green card. Yeah there was no money lol. But I had been in a rela...
A. 26 May 2015: I'm sorry to hear you have gone through all this, and especially sorry about the loss of your mother.
It sounds like a lot of the negative events in your life arose from your association with your ex-girlfriend. Cutting ties with her was and is t... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex's girlfriend that we made out and had oral sex?
Q. I was recently in my ex's hometown and we hung out even though he has a girlfriend. He called me as soon as I got to my hotel and we had drinks. Within two hours we were making out, and fooling around (oral sex, boob sucking, dirty talk) he wanted ...
A. 26 May 2015: If I were the girlfriend, I'd want to know. Yes, it's serious cheating, because he could contract (and pass her) an STD via oral sex. YOU may be clean, but maybe the next ex he calls up when she's in his hometown won't be... and maybe she won't say ... (read in full...)
Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not
Q. Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...
A. 26 May 2015: I've been sexually active for ten years, not twenty.
But even I don't remember the size of the penis I had sex with for the first time ever...
I don't remember the penis sizes of guys I spent years in relationships with...
The only penis ... (read in full...)
I asked my crush if he had someone and he said no but his facebook shows otherwise. Do I let him know?
Q. I asked my crush months ago, did he have a gf, wife etc he said no, well I go on facebook and see a pic of him and his g/f (based off the comments, its his g/f)....dated 12/17/2014......now as of now, me and him are still talking and getting to know ...
A. 26 May 2015: When exactly did you ask?
If he claimed he was single BEFORE December 17, it seems you've caught him in a lie.
If "months" is two or three months, you haven't found anything conclusive. He could easily have had a girlfriend in December and bro... (read in full...)
He seemed to treat our date as if I was on his payroll
Q. Hi everyone Please let me know if you think i am crazy but i went on a day out recently with the boss of a large firm. This guy has been flirting with me for ages and i agreed to go with him and his staff. I did seek assurance that i wouldnt be...
A. 26 May 2015: Dear OP:
Again, it's just a gut feeling on my part. But... he has your number, right? And you have his. So if he wondered where you were at the party, the most genuine and straightforward thing to do would be to call or text you himself. If he wa... (read in full...)
She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?
Q. I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...
A. 26 May 2015: Again, if these guys were selfish lovers and did not take the time to arouse her with foreplay - in cruder terms, to get her "wet" before attempting sex - ANY size penis would cause pain.
And no, you can't blame her for telling you she found se... (read in full...)
He seemed to treat our date as if I was on his payroll
Q. Hi everyone Please let me know if you think i am crazy but i went on a day out recently with the boss of a large firm. This guy has been flirting with me for ages and i agreed to go with him and his staff. I did seek assurance that i wouldnt be...
A. 24 May 2015: I agree with Honeypie... a guy who genuinely cares (and has no other motives) would care enough to contact you himself.
The fact that he put other people up to checking on you "anonymously" with numbers you wouldn't recognize is just plain we... (read in full...)
We've come to the understanding that whatever was our relationship when he got on the airplane! What do you think?
Q. My husband and I have been married about 2 years. On April 8th I took him to the airport because he had a friend buy him a ticket out and he told me he couldn't handle my crazy life. Since he left I have gotten an awesome job, and I am making the ...
A. 24 May 2015: From the sound of things you have this pretty well sorted out, actually. You are not wrong to hold out for changes in his behavior if you agree to take him back, and hanging on to the support system (work etc) that you've built in his absence is a ... (read in full...)
I need a list of tips for dealing with retroactive jealousy (RJ). What can you suggest?
Q. I've been suffering with RJ for almost 5 months. My partner and I are so close, so in sync that we do literally feel made for each other. Our pasts aren't nearly as extensive as most, and we're *almost* even. Still, being so close has given...
A. 23 May 2015: I struggled a lot with RJ when my current partner first told me he'd been married before. I have a healthy sexual past of my own, but I've never met someone and been so certain that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with them that I'd stand up ... (read in full...)
She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?
Q. I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...
A. 23 May 2015: To my previous post I'd like to add one thing.
WHATEVER the reason, your partner says sex with you is the best it has ever been for her.
There is no better compliment than that.
If you are more focused on having the biggest dick in a compet... (read in full...)
She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?
Q. I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...
A. 23 May 2015: Her story is completely true.
I've had eight partners in my lifetime - about a 50/50 mixture of casual/one- or two-night stands and committed relationships.
I saw ALL OF THEM in lighted rooms, some dozens and dozens if not hundreds of time... (read in full...)
If they arent legally his, should they be his heirs?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 years, living together for 7, with no plans for marriage. That part is fine with me actually. I have 2 sons who are currently 15 and 18, so BF has pretty much raised them and is their Father figure. ...
A. 23 May 2015: Unfortunately for your children, your boyfriend has the right to choose anyone he wishes as an heir and he is not alone in doing so. I've even heard of parents who worked hard for what they have, and want their children to do the same, leaving ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain this co-worker?
Q. My male co worker refuses my help with at work. I don't really ask him if he needs help but if I walk by him he will wait for about 5 or 10 minutes until someone else comes along. It's really simple things too, like can I help watch his class or ...
A. 22 May 2015: You sound like a kind person for wanting to help him, so kudos on that.
To answer your question, more information about your working relationship with this guy would be helpful - are you close in age? Do you get along? Do you have similar teaching... (read in full...)
Should I just go ahead and divorce? Is he likely to cheat again?
Q. We have been married for 13 years. Today my husband confesses he has cheated on my twice. He says whatever my verdict is, I am his only love and will always be. I am sure that this is the first time and I regret that we are apart now as I moved t...
A. 19 May 2015: Thank you for the follow-up.
Three things stand out to me about the additional information you've given.
1) You have a son together. This does not mean you HAVE to stay together and work on things - you have every right to be angry and hurt b... (read in full...)
Should I just go ahead and divorce? Is he likely to cheat again?
Q. We have been married for 13 years. Today my husband confesses he has cheated on my twice. He says whatever my verdict is, I am his only love and will always be. I am sure that this is the first time and I regret that we are apart now as I moved t...
A. 19 May 2015: I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this.
It sounds from your post like your husband cheated two times (with the same person?) and then confessed to you of his own accord, so that is the scenario on which I base this advice.
Your hu... (read in full...)
How can he say he likes me but he doesn't 'like' my photos on Facebook?
Q. Dear Cupids, I have a guy I like and I was just wondering if this is normal behavior... so there's this guy who i like and who likes me but we are friends. lately i have noticed that he likes all the photos belonging to the girls in his Fac...
A. 19 May 2015: It's a strange world we live in when hearing IN PERSON that someone likes something of yours is valued BELOW a click from that person on a website. Any chance he thought telling you directly might mean more to you than just clicking on a "Like" ... (read in full...)
I've seen him checking me out and get teased about it. Can you date your child's specialist?
Q. I have a special needs child, so I see a lot of specialists. Over the years I have learned a great deal about my daughters health. I have met a Dr that has caught my attention. My daughter has seen him for a couple years now. I don't date; men seem ...
A. 18 May 2015: Do you know for a fact that he's single?
You aren't his patient - your daughter is - but if you do ask him on a date, realize that whether he says yes OR no, the professional thing to do afterwards would be to find a new specialist to provide ... (read in full...)
Do these changes in my boyfriend's sexual behaviour suggest he's cheating?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together six yrs recently we dont have sex often and when we did he would cum very quickly we had sex for the first time in two wks and he lasted forever until i finally gave up is he cheating and having sex else where...
A. 18 May 2015: With the additional information you have given, his behavior does sound suspicious.
Before you accuse him of anything, though (as that will only make him defensive and more careful about hiding things if he has something to hide) I would talk to ... (read in full...)
Do these changes in my boyfriend's sexual behaviour suggest he's cheating?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together six yrs recently we dont have sex often and when we did he would cum very quickly we had sex for the first time in two wks and he lasted forever until i finally gave up is he cheating and having sex else where...
A. 17 May 2015: If you don't have sex often, he may have gotten used to masturbating, which would feel different than "real sex" and might make it harder for him to climax with you...
He might have masturbated RECENTLY and been in a refractory period, but not ... (read in full...)
Am I still protected from pregnancy?
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex yesterday it was the end of my period. And I'm on birth control and the condom broke and he pulled out a soon as he felt it break. Being the I was on my period I was on the sugar pill pat of my pack am I still protecte...
A. 17 May 2015: The insert that comes with your pills should specify how long you must take them regularly before they can protect you from pregnancy - usually something like two weeks.
So, if you have been taking birth control daily for longer than that time per... (read in full...)
I've recently become a bit jealous of my boyfriend's friend with other women
Q. Hello peops I'm not generally a jealous person, but for some reason for the past couple of months I've been getting a little jealous quite easily with my boyfriend. For example he's moving in next year with a mutual friend of ours and I sud...
A. 17 May 2015: I'll admit it strikes me as odd that the plans to move in with a girl next year are not plans to move in with the girl he's been dating for two years. Assuming of course that that is something you both want, and that it doesn't go against any ... (read in full...)
Should a guy pay on a date?
Q. I've been seeing this guy for awhile. We've 'hung out' lots of times, but since we hadn't admitted we liked each other during those hangouts, it was like a friend thing and I always paid for myself. Even when I borrowed a few dollars for bus money ...
A. 17 May 2015: If you don't know much about his financial situation, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt - provided, of course, that he's otherwise a good guy. Maybe money is tight for him and he can't afford to offer.
If you know he can afford it but just... (read in full...)
Why do I find it harder to trust my married BF even after 2 years together?
Q. I've been with a married man for 2 years. Been here before. I find that after this long, it is harder for me to TRUST him. Can anyone enlighten me as to WHY I am having a harder time after this long trusting him? I actually found that...
A. 17 May 2015: I truly believe that the reason he is still content in the relationship while you are increasingly less so is that from day one he did not NEED as much from the relationship as you did.
He is already married, so he already had someone in his life... (read in full...)
Why do I find it harder to trust my married BF even after 2 years together?
Q. I've been with a married man for 2 years. Been here before. I find that after this long, it is harder for me to TRUST him. Can anyone enlighten me as to WHY I am having a harder time after this long trusting him? I actually found that...
A. 16 May 2015: When you began the affair with him you were in the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. Everything was new and exciting and infatuating. You had rose-colored glasses on, so to speak. Don't feel alone in this, as women (and men) find themselves in ... (read in full...)
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