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... Send *ike I see it a private message | | | *ike I see it's profile:I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!
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Why do I find it harder to trust my married BF even after 2 years together?
Q. I've been with a married man for 2 years. Been here before. I find that after this long, it is harder for me to TRUST him. Can anyone enlighten me as to WHY I am having a harder time after this long trusting him? I actually found that...
A. 17 May 2015: I truly believe that the reason he is still content in the relationship while you are increasingly less so is that from day one he did not NEED as much from the relationship as you did.
He is already married, so he already had someone in his life... (read in full...)
Why do I find it harder to trust my married BF even after 2 years together?
Q. I've been with a married man for 2 years. Been here before. I find that after this long, it is harder for me to TRUST him. Can anyone enlighten me as to WHY I am having a harder time after this long trusting him? I actually found that...
A. 16 May 2015: When you began the affair with him you were in the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship. Everything was new and exciting and infatuating. You had rose-colored glasses on, so to speak. Don't feel alone in this, as women (and men) find themselves in ... (read in full...)
Why did my boyfriend unfriend all these "friends" from Facebook for me?
Q. My boyfriend knows I have trust issues because of a past relationship where an ex cheated on me and broke my heart. So he went ahead an unfriended about half the people on his FB page to "make me happy". It started off with me questioning why ...
A. 15 May 2015: Assuming there are no past trust issues in your relationship with him, most likely he decided having strangers on his friends list wasn't worth the potential interrogation from you.
Unless of course he has a history of cheating on previous... (read in full...)
Why do some affairs last longer than others?
Q. Why do some extra marital affairs last for only a short time, for example, a couple of months or weeks or just a one night stand? As opposed to affairs which last for years and are still going strong? What is the difference? Just curious wh...
A. 9 May 2015: Some affair partners likely realize fairly quickly that they are in a dead-end relationship with someone who is already taken and can't actually give them ALL the benefits that typically go with a relationship or a marriage, only bits and pieces in ... (read in full...)
I'm broken, my husband is watching daddy-daughter porn
Q. Sorry if you get this twice I tried to do it secretly but closed out before I got the secret code. So I signed up to ask my question. My husband has battled porn all his life porn addiction isn't new to this family or the emotional effect it has ...
A. 9 May 2015: I'm very sorry to hear that you and your family are dealing with this.
Has your husband sought professional help? Because you are right to call his behavior a porn addiction. I think what you are seeing is an escalation of the TYPE of porn he ... (read in full...)
Is it alright for my boyfriend to be his single friend's wingman?
Q. My boyfriend went out with a male friend and two other girls tonight. I considered that a double date. He said it's not, he was just the 'wingman'. I don't know exactly what a 'wingman' is, so I searched Urban Dictionary. The definition it gi...
A. 9 May 2015: Unfortunately your follow-up only reiterates what's suggested in your original post - this guy isn't capable of respecting the relationship he is already in.
There is NO good reason for a partnered man to be soliciting phone numbers from random w... (read in full...)
Should I have to pay my ex gf any money back?
Q. My gf moved in with me 2 years ago. She didn't like the way my house was decorated and insisted I get it re-decorated. I own the house. I certainly couldn't afford the whole cost, and my gf earns pretty well. We agreed to split the cost, at £5000...
A. 9 May 2015: Your unwillingness to pay her back is totally understandable given that you had already decorated the place to YOUR taste and she demanded the updates.
5000 pounds is no trifling sum, so in your shoes I'd talk to an attorney and see if she has ... (read in full...)
Is it alright for my boyfriend to be his single friend's wingman?
Q. My boyfriend went out with a male friend and two other girls tonight. I considered that a double date. He said it's not, he was just the 'wingman'. I don't know exactly what a 'wingman' is, so I searched Urban Dictionary. The definition it gi...
A. 9 May 2015: Nope, I don't think you are overreacting. The behavior you describe isn't appropriate for someone in a committed relationship and being someone's "wingman" isn't a valid excuse.
If the friend needs a wingman so badly (whatever happened to meeti... (read in full...)
Why leave a good woman for someone who doesn't care for you??
Q. My ex bf of 3mths now has been texting me lately. we were together for a year. My girlfriend said that he's messing around with an old fling he had before him and I got together. She hits him...like, she's abusive and controlling And she put her ...
A. 7 May 2015: Put simply, he doesn't sound like someone who is ready for a committed relationship. He wants to be able to mess around with one girl while texting and flirting with others, just like he's doing now. This other girl may be a completely awful person ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied about hanging out with a group of female friends. Do I dump him or not?
Q. My boyfriend lied and told me he had to work all day and he ended up instead going to a beer festival thing with a group of female friends he has . Should I dump him for lying ? I don't understand why he didn't tell me or why I was not invited ? His ...
A. 7 May 2015: You can't reasonably expect to be part of every activity in which he ever participates, but you SHOULD reasonably expect that as his girlfriend you can ask about his plans for a given day without being deliberately lied to.
It sounds like he ... (read in full...)
I get separation anxiety. My Bf is about to be posted overseas. Should I wait for him or breakup now?
Q. I am a 36 year old woman and my boyfriend is 29. We have been dating for 1 year and we have agreed to register for marriage in August. I feel that I am the one who pushed for it and we agreed August for practical reasons as my sister who lives ab...
A. 5 May 2015: I'm sorry you're going through all this.
I know the advice I am about to give you doesn't fit your desired timeline, but with so many unresolved issues in your relationship, the LAST thing you should do is marry this man the instant you can pres... (read in full...)
I'm pissed that I told my BF I missed him in a text and he did not bother to reply back!I'm pissed that I told my BF I missed him in a text and he did not bother to reply back!
Q. Why does it bother me so much that I sent my boyfriend a text saying "Have a good night. Miss you." And nothing. No response. No "I miss you too." It was five hours ago. He was out with his family for dinner and texted me to touch base. I texted ...
A. 4 May 2015: The tone of your post sounds a lot like the repeat poster who is worried her married martial arts instructor boyfriend may find himself a second mistress.
IF that is you, he probably didn't text back because he was out with his wife and he didn'... (read in full...)
How do I tell him I'm going to be traveling with my best friend next year?
Q. I met a great guy a few weeks ago ,, treats me with respect , really cares about me ,, get on well Etc We was just going on dates, and we ended up kissing a few days ago at his house, and mine yesterday. The problem is IM GOING BACKPACKING at t...
A. 30 April 2015: Hard though this may sound to believe, I have been there, or close to it. Last spring/summer I quit my job and hiked 2,668 miles from Mexico to Canada - no joke. It was the best decision I have ever made, even though literally everyone I knew ... (read in full...)
I'd like to ask her out but I have misgivings of being thought of as a sleazeball!
Q. There's this girl in my honors seminar group at university that I have a sight crush on. While a part of me would like to ask her out so that I might be able to get to know her better, another part of me is reluctant to do so. I really don't want to ...
A. 28 April 2015: Unless I'm missing something and you're in a position of power in the class (assistant professor, TA etc.), it is perfectly acceptable to ask out a classmate. Respect her if she says no, obviously, but feel free to ask.
You'll only be thought ... (read in full...)
He hasn't kissed me in a year. But he finds time to watch porn. what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend hasn't kissed me romantically in years. We barely have sex, and it is boring, always the same position. He watches very x rated lesbian porn and knows it bothers me and he obviously doesn't care. He is obsessed with woman and is c...
A. 28 April 2015: You deserve so much better than that.
Leave your loser boyfriend to his porn ADDICTION (because that's what it is) and find a man who will treat you right.
Good luck and best wishes!... (read in full...)
How do I give him the green light?
Q. Hi lovely people! Please, before you think 'not another girl with an impossible crush on a gym instructor', he's 3 years older than I am, and not the 'typical flirty gym guy'. He doesn't flirt with anyone else. Not just from what I can see, but...
A. 27 April 2015: Maybe the terms of his employment do not allow him to date gym patrons?
Ask him out for coffee (or some other date) and see what he says.
Good luck and best wishes!... (read in full...)
I don't want this to happen in real life. But am I normal to have these secret fantasies about my wife?
Q. I have a wife and am happily married but during my own time I'm constantly fantasizing about her having sex with other men, particularly big black men. It turns me on thinking that she is enjoying/ pleased more especially as they have a bigger p...
A. 26 April 2015: What you describe is a fetish called "cuckolding" and as you have no doubt discovered, you are far from the only man to have this fetish. The videos you have found that suit your taste exist BECAUSE enough people are turned on by this scenario to ... (read in full...)
Was my friend right to assume that I wasn't invited to a mutual friend's party?
Q. Shouldn't my friend have invited me to a mutual friend's party? Our mutual friend and I had some misunderstandings about a party she was holding, she asked me and my boyfriend to come over to what I thought was a couples date, and my boyfriend was...
A. 26 April 2015: I think the whole situation sounds like a big misunderstanding.
If I had to guess, friend #2 assumed when talking to you BEFORE the party that you had also been invited, because you are friends with the host, and that you would attend if you want... (read in full...)
Should his voyeurism concern me? How can I believe that I am the woman for him when all his thousands of saved images of women all look nothing like me?
Q. i am currently engaged to my partner of just over 2years. I have since constantly found images he has taken of women in public, on screens or saved of women. Also the usual porn etc... On his phone, email, playstation, in our new home (dvd's, ...
A. 26 April 2015: If it were only a question of his porn stash being of women that didn't resemble you, I would say... not a big deal. Fantasy and reality are two very different things and people's tastes in porn often do not align perfectly (or in some cases at all) ... (read in full...)
I feel stuck. Is it reasonable that I feel so hurt at his lack of priority for me in his life?
Q. I have just ended a relationship with my boyfriend due to his lack of time for me. He says he will come over and talk but says he is busy and has a lot on with work. He is self employed but spends a lot of time procrastinating and chatting to custo...
A. 26 April 2015: If he's okay with dialing the relationship back to just friendship (as opposed to dialing his work responsibilities back a little to keep you in his life as a romantic partner, because he doesn't want to lose you) then you are right to feel that his ... (read in full...)
When I mentioned I'd had a bad day he changed the subject. Is this lack of empathy an indication that he doesn't care as much as I thought he did?
Q. i'm not sure if i am over reacting or this is the sign for me to say bye to this guy. Hes 28, i'm 25, both from same country and same religion. we met of a matrimonial website. Cutting it short, we've been speaking for a short period of t...
A. 26 April 2015: To end the relationship over just this one oversight on his part would be overreacting. He apologized, which is reasonable for a first-time mistake (a minor one in the great scheme of mistakes) and it is completely reasonable on his part to expect ... (read in full...)
It's been a week and I am just want to stop crying. What's my next move to get over this breakup and all the hurt?
Q. Hi, I have recently got out a 3+ year affair with a married man I work with. We met when we both started at this company. We were both new to this city and with his family still based in his hometown, started hanging out a lot. He was the init...
A. 26 April 2015: I'm sorry to hear that you are in such pain. You feel low because you have gone through a breakup. Circumstances aside, it is always painful to lose someone you once cared about, regardless of how they came to be in your life.
Take comfort ... (read in full...)
Is it too risky to spend time with this very sexually experienced guy considering that I want to remain celibate until I marry?
Q. Hi, About 3 months ago I met this guy and we started talking! he told me that when he was in high school and university so let's say a time frame from 18-24 he lived a pretty risqué lifestyle..and has been with a lot of women! he was in serious r...
A. 26 April 2015: Are there any other indicators (aside from his word) that he has given this lifestyle up?
What sort of love lives do his friends have? If he surrounds himself with player types it's unlikely that he himself is now committed to the sideline... (read in full...)
Would it be wrong make up an alternative story for officials about how we met? She is my fiancée and we met via webcam. She was a webcam model.
Q. I met a woman. She was a webcam model. We fell in love, got engaged, and now are planning weddings. She is from Russia, me USA. We applied for fiancé visa and have the interview next week in Moscow. They will also ask us how we met, but we ar...
A. 26 April 2015: Personally I would NOT recommend lying about this.
First off, I think you are making a bigger deal of how you met than it actually is. Internet use is quite widespread in modern society and many, MANY people take to the web to meet prospect... (read in full...)
What does a nurse feel when she sees a penis - how should boyfriend react
Q. My girlfriend is a nurse practioner student and I’m struggling to get used to a few things. When she exam on the teaching patient and told me about how she palpated the penis it was a bit awkward. Just recently, during her clinicals (sort of ...
A. 23 April 2015: I'm not a nurse or anywhere near one, but part of my job includes emergency medical assistance to people who may or may not be wearing all their clothes when they (have a heart attack, have a stroke, fall in the bathroom and need help getting up, ... (read in full...)
I want my mum to let my boyfriend come over, even though he owes her rent!
Q. I'm 21 years and I have been with my bf for 3 years now my boyfriend stayed at mine temporarily and during that time he got made redundant, he still owed her over 250 pound in rent so he had to pay it back, he got a new job in London but still had ...
A. 21 April 2015: I'm sorry to give you bad news, but this one falls squarely under "her house, her rules." Her obligation to house you stopped when you reached adulthood. In letting you live at home (an arrangement I assume saves you money, or you'd be living ... (read in full...)
Why has this girl I have suspicions about suddenly gone MIA from my BF's classes?
Q. Why has this girl suddenly disappeared from my BF's martial arts classes? I accused my BF of flinging with this girl. He denied it and still does. He is a martial arts instructor. We are both in his class. I told him I don't like her, have my eye...
A. 21 April 2015: Your follow-ups speak volumes. If something is so awry in your relationship that you have asked a neighbor of this other woman to watch her movements, it is time to get out and go looking for a partner you are actually able to trust.
Peopl... (read in full...)
Do married men who cheat usually have multiple mistresses or stay with just one?
Q. Do married men who cheat have more than one mistress or do they stick with one for a long time if she is willing to stay with him? Would it not be too complicated to have multiple women when he already has a wife AND a mistress? Just having a wi...
A. 20 April 2015: The problem with offering the reassurance sought by the OP is that the mistress - ANY mistress - is seeking "fidelity" (to the extent that she can get it from a man who has another woman in his life already) from someone who has already proven, by ... (read in full...)
Why has this girl I have suspicions about suddenly gone MIA from my BF's classes?
Q. Why has this girl suddenly disappeared from my BF's martial arts classes? I accused my BF of flinging with this girl. He denied it and still does. He is a martial arts instructor. We are both in his class. I told him I don't like her, have my eye...
A. 19 April 2015: If you two weren't friendly to one another in class there is no reason to expect that she'd reply to a text, especially as she isn't even seeing you via the class anymore. That in itself is not weird at all. She may have picked up on the fact that ... (read in full...)
Do married men who cheat usually have multiple mistresses or stay with just one?
Q. Do married men who cheat have more than one mistress or do they stick with one for a long time if she is willing to stay with him? Would it not be too complicated to have multiple women when he already has a wife AND a mistress? Just having a wi...
A. 19 April 2015: I would say it depends on the motives that drove him to cheat in the first place.
If he's cheating on his wife because he's bored with the marriage, what happens when he gets bored with the half-relationship he shares with the mistress? The prec... (read in full...)
Why is it so difficult to meet women on a dating site?
Q. My name is Ryan and I'm wondering why it's so difficult for me to meet a woman from a dating site. I know they are being very careful cause of not knowing me well enough still I don't understand why so many of them are like that Another question I ha...
A. 14 April 2015: Honeypie makes some really good points.
Make sure the site you are on matches your motives for seeking a woman/women. If you're looking for a relationship on a casual hookup site you may not find many takers. Conversely, if you are on a relation... (read in full...)
Things didn't work out while she had a boyfriend, but now that she's single I want to try again
Q. Hi, i've known this girl for about 6-7 weeks now, I met her through a mutual acquaintance at a bar as she liked my friend. Anyway, we got on really well and had things in common professionally and personally and didn't think much of it at the time ...
A. 12 April 2015: You say you have known this girl for 6-7 weeks... so not even two months.
In that time you have seen her cheat on her then-boyfriend twice (once with you, once with the guy she was kissing in front of you) and you've also heard rumors of even mor... (read in full...)
Family spat over land has led to a falling out! How do I help resolve this?
Q. Hi Agony people. One of my sister's is supposedly building a house. My Dad told her he'd giver her a site last year and showed her where to build a house and pointed to what part of a field she should build a house on. Anyways she applied for plan...
A. 11 April 2015: Your sister is being selfish and ungrateful and in all honesty I see why your father is offended by her behavior. She stood to get something valuable for free, and if the free parcel of land wasn't big enough for her liking, she was and still is ... (read in full...)
My partner had an affair. Should I share the details with other husband?
Q. My long term partner (Me: 29F and Him: 32M) had an affair with a recently married woman, lasting about a month that I am aware of. They were family friends, I bartended her brother's wedding, etc. She and I were "friends". Long story short: I had a ...
A. 25 March 2015: Sorry to hear you are dealing with all this!
To answer your question... well, you're more familiar with your ex's health history and sexual past/habits than anyone who answers this question can be. So if you think this woman's husband is now at r... (read in full...)
My wife's cushy life is over, but what about the child!
Q. I left home 4 months ago after finding out my wife was cheating with some unemployed junkie we hired to do yard work. I busted my butt making a living so she can stay home even thouhgh our daughter is in school now. Instead of sorry she tried to ...
A. 23 March 2015: I'm very sorry to hear that you are going through this. To the excellent advice that has already been given, I would add a few things to consider.
I'm not a lawyer, and I don't know whether you live in a "fault" or "no-fault" state as far as divor... (read in full...)
How do I ask my employer for fewer hours to work my other job? I am leaving this employer
Q. I'm a full time Nanny that works with a work from home mom. I work 9-5 Monday through Friday with no benefits (no vacation days or sick days and no contract). Since the job is going to be up in May, I went job hunting to make sure I'm not jobless in ...
A. 17 March 2015: Tisha gave you some very good advice.
Ask your employer for the recommendation now - you can simply tell her you expect finding a new job to take a little while given the current job market, and that you hope to have a new job lined up by the t... (read in full...)
Odd Description of Past Boyfriends
Q. My wife and I had been talking about our past including some of the boyfriends/girlfriends which we had sex with and we are cool about it i.e. no jealousy. In our discussion fell upon at least 3 of her boyfriends/flings cheating on her. Her reaction ...
A. 16 March 2015: I'd suspect that she doesn't like to admit to herself that she judged all three if these guys incorrectly and wasted months or years of her life with them only to be cheated on.
Heck, she probably doesn't enjoy admitting to you that she fell for... (read in full...)
I want a break now. Life was simpler five years ago before knowing him
Q. My bf isn't romantic, didn't expect anything for V-day so I was happy to just spend some time with him. Then, I find out he had plans for tonight. I wasn't included. I always work on Saturday nights, he never asked me to take the day off etc so I'm ...
A. 15 February 2015: There's a saying to the effect that the simplest explanation for something is usually correct, and I think this might be one of those times.
He expected you to be working, so he made plans to see his friends instead of sitting at home by himself ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: Nope! It's not like you guys are "waiting" for us, either, and all this practice sex that MEN get away with having before marriage has to take place with someone.
The LYING you are absolutely right to be mad about if you asked her directly... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend gets distracted when we are skyping!
Q. What do I do about my constantly distracted long distance boyfriend? I've mentioned to him before how I hate that often when we're Skyping or on the phone, he'll get distracted for significant amounts of time browsing the internet, chatting with ...
A. 14 February 2015: How far apart are the two of you? Do you see him more than a few times a year?
I ask because if ALL you have in the relationship is contact via phone and Skype and he still does not take your calls seriously or put in any effort of his own, YOU... (read in full...)
I told him I don't think he loves me anymore and he told me to stop complaining.
Q. I have been married for 11 years. Marriage is ok, has ups and downs. Every Valentines Day my husband will buy beautiful red roses tall stemmed with baby breath. They are always given in a loving way, usually with a hug and kiss. This year he gave...
A. 14 February 2015: I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling appreciated by your husband, especially this time of year.
I'm guessing that when the two of you first married you both thought the relationship was better than "ok" before you decided to make it permanen... (read in full...)
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