A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was recently in my ex's hometown and we hung out even though he has a girlfriend. He called me as soon as I got to my hotel and we had drinks. Within two hours we were making out, and fooling around (oral sex, boob sucking, dirty talk) he wanted to have sex but I told him no cause he has a girlfriend. He proceeded to call me most of the weekend to hang out but I had other plans. I feel really bad. Would you guys call this serious cheating? Should his girlfriend know this info? I'm glad I didn't let it get too far but we were very close.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2015): For what it's worth, my BF cheated on me with his ex and I found out 2 YEARS LATER.
Talk about a shitty feeling!
I hope he tells her himself so she can move on and find a better man!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2015): I think the majority here is right, what's the point of telling her, she will eventually find out on her own. There are several kind of cheaters. There are cheaters who cheated only that one time. There was booth, there was a girl totally drunk, and sex just hapened. The next morning he is terrified when he sees a girl in his bed, can't remember anything and learns from it. No more booth to the condition of sleeping with another woman who you don't even particarlu like. Then there is another kind who cheats without making any moves on his part, but if the timing is perfect and if a girl is very much willing he will use the chance, otherwise he is not particularly looking, he is just there for it to happen. One more tiype is a very active type who actively looking for affairs. These guys you can see often in bars looking for half drunk women around 2 am.,They will use every chance where ever they go: public transport, airports, grossery stores, streets to flirt and may be have their piece of you know what. If they can't find anyone for free, they will pay for it. I think nowdays they call them sex addicts. These guys are pron to STDs , kids out of wedlock, Broken hearts, and the rest that comes with it. Your guy seems like a type number 2. You at one point already did it. He has a little break from his girlfriend, you seemed to be willing at first, as you let it go as far as fooling around with oral sex, which is sex by the way, so why not. He may be wont even cheat anymore, or may be he will if he has a chance. But really it's not your place to tell his girfriend. If you want to do it for women's solidarity, then you shouldn't be doing oral and getting naked with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): I'm on the "yes, tell her" team. Affairs don't stay secret for too long and she will find out one way or another, sooner or later. Better sooner than later though coz imagine she doesn't know, loves him and say gets preggo by the guy. THEN she finds out.
Unlikely,but not impossible,right?
I have other "push buttons" for the "yes" vote. Push button 1) I'd like to KNOW if I were in her shoes 2)STDs
The others make a good point about her getting checked up, equally you should too!!!how do you KNOW for certain that you're the only one he fooled around with that week-end???let alone that week,month, year?
Also, please don't enable cheating in the future+ don't let let yourself get used by guys who are already taken.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (26 May 2015):
 You've done enough so leave it alone and don't have any more contact with this man.
A confession would not be for her benefit but yours. Getting it off your chest places all that negativity squarely on hers. You had the fun but she gets to carry the load. Not nice.
Whether or not the cheated on partner would want to know is really an individual choice and there are a number of factors. Honestly, I don't think she'd break up with him. They'd just fight and have even more trust issues. This isn't the first time he's gone behind her back and won't be the last. Maybe I'm just being cynical.
Move on already and stop trying to keep this guy in your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Oh you let it go far enough, have no dount about that.
Oral sex is serious cheating and .. IT IS SEX. Curious that you think otherwise, unless you guys are ex President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky !
Should you tell her ?... Uhm- WHY would you tell her ? Out of a sense of universal sisterhood ? Too bad that you feel sisterly now, after the deed , but you did not feel sisterly enough to stay away from what wasn't yours . Also, it's telling that it only happened once.... because you had other plans for the weekend ! ( your own words ) not because you were particularly wracked by guilt right after.
If you think that you'll tell her, she'll get mad and will dump him, and he'll be free to run back to your loving arms, there may be a big glitch in this plan :
suppose that he wants to STAY with her . That he is like several other guys - he wants his cake and eat it too; he wants HER as his main official love object - and he does not a bit of discrete occasional fun on the side :
Do you think he'd be grateful to you, for having lost him his significant other , and will reward you for messing up his life ?! Or,more probably, he'd think you are a meddlesome b...h which must be avoided like the plague ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (26 May 2015):
 You are GLAD you didn't let it go to far? Are you kidding? You KNEW he has a GF and you still engaged in sex. Yes, ORAL sex is STILL sex.
And why do you think you all of a sudden needs to tell his GF what you did with HER BF?
To me it seems like you had a ulterior motive fooling around with him and that is to break up his relationship. YOU must be so proud of yourself.
Yes, you can tell her. So SHE can get tested, ORAL sex can spread plenty of STD's/STI's.
And maybe next time, grow some morals and DO NOT met up with exes for boob sucking and oral when they HAVE a GF that ISN'T you.
Low class move, lady.
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A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (26 May 2015):
Why would you tell her? Just to stir things up?
If anyone should tell her - it's the boyfriend! But believe me - if he's cheating on her with you - he'll be cheating on her with other girls too - so I'm sure his girlfriend find out this soon enough for herself!
Affairs & secrets don't usually stay affairs & secrets for long...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Uhm, lady, that is sex. Sorry to inform you, but oral sex, boob sucking etc, that's all sex. What you refer to, I believe, is intercourse. You had sex, but not intercourse. And there's no such thing as serious cheating and non-serious cheating. Cheating is cheating, and yeah, he cheated, and yeah, you were part of it. It's not like you didn't know he had a girlfriend.
Should you tell her? No, wtf, why would you screw around with her boyfriend only to tell her? Either be a decent person and NOT fool around with other womens boyfriends, or restrain yourself from causing this poor woman more harm than you've already caused her.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (26 May 2015):
 If I were the girlfriend, I'd want to know. Yes, it's serious cheating, because he could contract (and pass her) an STD via oral sex. YOU may be clean, but maybe the next ex he calls up when she's in his hometown won't be... and maybe she won't say no to full sex, either.
I make the assumption that this guy has the potential to re-offend based off his apparent lack of remorse over the evening spent with you. You spent the next few days feeling bad, HE spent the next few days trying to arrange another meetup and finish what he started. You have a working conscience; he evidently does not.
What's problematic about YOU breaking the news to her is that she is not likely to believe you. You have dated him before, so she may assume you're trying to break them up so that you can get back together with him.
If you have any texts from him about the meetup you could show or send her those along with a brief summary of what happened. Then leave them both alone. Be aware that they may decide to stay together and work on the relationship, and if so, that is not your business. You'll have done all that you can do.
Good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (26 May 2015):
 Why the sudden moral compass? It sure didn't matter to you when you were fooling around with someone else's boyfriend, why are you so concerned about his cheating now?
You don't feel bad; if you did, you wouldn't even venture into the grey area of wanting to tell his GF anything. You just want her to know so that she kicks him out and he comes to you because as of now he has her while you are alone. His actions have given you a huge ego boost and now you want more. Even if you don't get that, you at least don't want them to be happy.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (26 May 2015):
 WHY would you want to tell his girlfriend what you and him did?
If you cared, you wouldn't have done whaf you did with him.
I would just leave it. Don't ever contact your ex again! Move on with your life. I'm sure there are other men who you can have oral or non-oral sex with.
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