A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Agony Aunts!Okay, so you've probably seen this question a billion times, but I can't help but seek advice anyway so...backstory!I met this guy on a dating site and after exchanging a few messages decided to meet up for a quick lunch, as my uni building was right next door to his. The conversation was polite, which I put down to first-meeting nerves, and thereafter we were both busy enough that we could only keep in touch by texting. Eventually, though, the messages slowed to a trickle and just...stopped.Fast forward a few months, we reconnected and, keeping in mind that we were still at the budding friendship/'getting to know you' stage, I was quite happy to pick things up where we left off despite having had my ultra-conservative parents move in with me in the interim. He said that he understood my situation and we'd work around it, a major plus point in my book, and we made plans to get together asap.What would puzzle me, though, was the plethora of mixed signals I'd get when we did finally meet up again; he'd be careful not to invade my personal space bubble in public, but once inside the cinema (as we usually settled on catching a movie) he'd be more cuddly, wanting to hold hands and having me lean my head on his shoulder, then when the lights came on he's all friendly distance again. We'd text like a house on fire, but face-to-face we'd somehow wind up sticking to small talk. Even the first time he kissed me was in the dark, and then I'd feel the touch barrier go right back up again the moment we're back in public. I should note that was the one and only time we've kissed; we haven't done anything else since then besides get more and more creative about our fantasies :PThat brings me to the crux of the issue: I'm torn - I know it's not right for me to ask him to commit because I can't spend as much time with him as I'd like (thanks to aforementioned strict parents), and, following that thought, that labels really shouldn't matter. On the other hand, I can't quite get over feeling like I'm more invested in this quasi-relationship than he is, since he's never indicated either way how he feels beyond the physical attraction. I do know that he hasn't slept with anyone since he met me almost 2 years ago now, nor has he reciprocated anyone's attentions so...should I feel guilty that I'm holding him back in some way? Or is his non-commitment for the better and a sign I should end it? Or am I just over-thinking everything and should just wait and see?Sorry for the long ramble. I do hope someone can help me sort out just what it is I'm dealing with here...and thanks in advance!
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male
reader, kpak  +, writes (6 June 2015):
Why would you end it? Rather than ask us, ask him. If you want a relationship with him go for it. Your parents will understand. They are conservative, not Neanderthals. They know what it takes to start love, they went through it themselves.
If they dont approve then you have a choice. But talk to him first and find out what he wants for the two of you.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (5 June 2015):
 Wait...two years and you've only kissed ONCE? You have a text-based "relationship" and yet it seems like there's not much communication at all. Honestly, this doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Are you sure he even thinks this is a relationship?
Look the only thing to be done now is to sit him down and have the talk. The uncomfortable "where is this leading to" talk. I must say though, that never before has this seemed more essential than in your case!
Are you sure he's not asexual?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (5 June 2015):
 Maybe he's not feeling chemistry as strongly as you are, or maybe he's just shy?
Regardless, after two years of on and off dates I think it's time you sat down with him and had a conversation about what you both are looking for and how what you have currently fits (or doesn't fit) into that picture. If you let this limbo you're in persist, you may invest A LOT of time in him and yet end up with no relationship to show for it. Better to know once and for all whether he sees you as girlfriend material so you can decide accordingly.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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