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... Send *ike I see it a private message | | | *ike I see it's profile:I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!
***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)
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I told him I don't think he loves me anymore and he told me to stop complaining.
Q. I have been married for 11 years. Marriage is ok, has ups and downs. Every Valentines Day my husband will buy beautiful red roses tall stemmed with baby breath. They are always given in a loving way, usually with a hug and kiss. This year he gave...
A. 14 February 2015: I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling appreciated by your husband, especially this time of year.
I'm guessing that when the two of you first married you both thought the relationship was better than "ok" before you decided to make it permanen... (read in full...)
Why are people so disapproving of age gap relationships?
Q. Never been in one myself but I can't understand why society is so disapproving of relationships with a big age gap. We can accept interracial couples, even same sex couples now, but not ones where a man and woman are two different ages?? There's n...
A. 11 February 2015: To answer your question as it relates to disapproval of LEGAL age-gap relationships, I think you must look at why relationships in general may fail in the first place.
Here are a couple of the big ones in no particular order:
Disagreements... (read in full...)
My fiance didn't introduce me to his work friends should I drop him?
Q. Hi there, I found this site on Google and I really wanted to get some opinions on what's going on in my life. I don't have many people to turn to at this point so I wanted to see if I'm alone here in my feelings. Let me give you some background ...
A. 4 February 2015: This post was heartbreaking to read because it says so much about how far we as humans still have to progress before equality is real for EVERYONE. I wish we lived in a world where he could have stood up and acknowledged you with the pride and love ... (read in full...)
First partners and oral sex?
Q. When you dated your first boyfriend, did you give him oral sex?...
A. 4 February 2015: Nope.
And even if everyone here had answered in the affirmative, that still wouldn't be grounds for pressuring someone (or allowing yourself to be pressured) into something they/you were uncomfortable doing.
Good luck and best wishes.... (read in full...)
If I'm going to be treated this way should I not be honest?
Q. Some weeks ago i found a wallet, there was no identification inside the wallet but there was £110. I handed the wallet in to my manager with the contents. Several weeks later my manager called me into his office and gave me the wallet saying it was ...
A. 2 February 2015: I agree with chigirl - you took the wallet to your supervisor and were completely honest about it. He held it for a certain amount of time and when no one claimed it in that time frame HE made the decision to give it back to you.
Whether he had i... (read in full...)
Affair, sex, drugs, lies ... I've got the lot!
Q. So I have been having an affair for the past 8 months ( yes I know I'm the biggest idiot / careless / reckless / selfish person Ass hole in the world) and yes I am asking for help from people who will judge me and make comment Althoe the ...
A. 2 February 2015: No judgments here. You're right, most people don't go around specifically looking for affairs or intending to break up families. You freely state your actions bother you, which means your conscience works. It also means the solution lies in changing ... (read in full...)
Blowjobs, snapchats, and exes! All are causing me to unhappy in our 6 month relationship!
Q. Girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months. When we first started dating she spilled her sexual past with me despite my reservations. Initially I hated hearing it because it was much more than my own but I grew to love her and respect her past. ...
A. 27 January 2015: From the sound of things your girlfriend has trouble knowing where and how to set boundaries in a relationship.
It's okay to have a past, and while she did your peace of mind no favors in relating hers, she probably meant it as a good faith ge... (read in full...)
I had considered asking if she would let me masturbate to her but I don't want to come across as a creep. Is there another alternative?
Q. Hi. I am stuck and am open to advice. My cousin and I have been close as "brother-sister" while growing up. She is a few years older then me but we are both in our twenties. I have always had a crush on her but when we were teenagers while ...
A. 27 January 2015: Agreed with Ciar - you have already put your cousin in a very awkward situation by confessing your feelings to her, and I guarantee you are coming across as creepy even if that's not your intent.
She is under no obligation to "compromise" with you... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to patiently wait out the engagement period and not rush marriage?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year now, and we are talking very seriously about marriage (AKA he has picked out a ring and I'm waiting patiently for the one year mark to come for a possible proposal). I am beginning my second ...
A. 20 January 2015: First off, congratulations on your upcoming engagement!
From the information you've shared about what point you're at in school I'm guessing both of you are still early twenties and that neither of you has your chosen career yet, since you're b... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is struggling with depression and it's putting a strain on our relationship!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. For about a week and a half my boyfriend has been experiencing depression. He's lost all motivation to do anything, has lost all interest in things that he was originally interested in and says he's just been ...
A. 20 January 2015: You are right - he does sound like a good candidate for professional help, because from the sound of things you and his roommate have both tried your best to support him without success.
Is this person a school roommate of his? If so, most (if... (read in full...)
My Cousin Has Fallen For A Former Player, But I'm Not Convinced He's Changed...
Q. My cousin is gay, and he happens to have fallen head over heels for a gay older guy (who's 29 and my cousin's 22). There is apparently mutual interest. The older guy is one of those people who is nice but very flirty. I've met him before and he ma...
A. 17 January 2015: It's clear you're a caring person and concerned about your cousin's best interests. He is very lucky to have someone like you looking out for him. But at the end of the day his love life is his own decision. I know this isn't what you want to hear, ... (read in full...)
I'm looking at buying my own home, but my boyfriend wont marry me unless I move in with him.
Q. Hi everyone. I'll make this quick. I've been with my boyfriend for several years now, and we don't live together. He's recently asked me to move in with him, as a bit of a first step towards settling down, but I'm currently in a position where I'm ...
A. 27 December 2014: I'll be the voice of dissent here and say this: unless he makes you a more significant commitment (i.e. engagement), he is, at the end of the day, ONLY your boyfriend. He could walk away from the relationship tomorrow, if he wanted. So could you.
... (read in full...)
I'm 21 And Like a 31-Year-Old Guy, But I'm Not Sure If I Should Tell Him...
Q. Recently met this guy who's 31. He's kind, single and I really fancy him. We get on well. However, I'm only 21, and though I'm a nice person I can't compete with a lot of the older women he knows (he's quite borderline flirty with everyone sometim...
A. 22 December 2014: In your shoes? I'd tell him. (Provided, of course, that he isn't your boss.)
Yes, you risk the friendship by doing so, but you also say you met this guy "recently," so take an honest look at how deep a friendship is actually there to ruin before w... (read in full...)
I can't shake the guilt that I kissed someone else
Q. Hi there. In July I met this girl and started seeing her for a month. At the start of September I asked her to be my girlfriend and through most of that month we had a pretty intense relationship. However, at the end of that month I went to ...
A. 22 December 2014: I think you're being way too hard on yourself at this point.
You made a mistake - a very small one, in the great scheme of cheating behaviors. The guilt you're feeling about it tells me (and should reassure you) that that isn't who you are.
... (read in full...)
Confused, but better than most!
Q. I have been married for 8 year and have known my wife for 10. I have a near photographic memory and remember many things that people tell me. 10 years ago I contracted an STD from my wife. She found out she had it from a medical checkup. No big ...
A. 24 November 2014: Tough love here. You are not "stupid" for feeling the way you do but you are also being vastly unfair to your partner. You knew she was not a virgin when you married, which was the only explanation "needed" for the STD. I'm sorry to be blunt, but ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work when it starts with sex on the first date?
Q. Does sex on first date ever lead to a relationship? I met "Al" two weeks ago and the connection was amazing. We didn't want the date to end so we hung out on his roof and then, his place. One thing led to another and we slept together. I have NEVER ...
A. 16 November 2014: I've had first-date sex twice in my life and both times did lead to multi-year relationships. Is this the norm? Most likely not. But I also think it makes a difference if the person is someone you know for at least a little while beforehand versus ... (read in full...)
My ex chose to become engaged 6 days after we broke up. Should I even listen to her explanation?
Q. My ex left me for another man who is fat, creepy old, and has a 19yr old daughter. The next day after breaking up, shes in a relationship. 6 days after, they are engaged. She is 23, he is 36. She Is a model and gorgeous, and he is disgusting. I su...
A. 27 October 2014: I'll answer your question with another - is there any possible explanation that would excuse the way she has treated you?
Nope. Do not give her the time of day. She may be using drugs again or she may not, but for her to be engaged in just six... (read in full...)
I was called names at an event and now my boyfriend hasn't contacted me
Q. I got involved with someone that i should have not and nothing ever happened between us and realised that i had made a error and never made contact with him again and have now met a nice guy that is my boyfriend, somebody that works for him told him ...
A. 25 October 2014: I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, and that this woman tried to shame you in a public setting.
But if I read your post correctly, it sounds like your boyfriend was actually trying to defend you from the cruel words of this other pe... (read in full...)
Why are these people standing in the way of what could be a new boyfriend?
Q. Dear cupid,I have been out of school for awhile finally started going back and we all are assign to life coaches and the rules are no dating among students and coaches I have a mad crush on this guy that is a life coach he is like the putty I would ...
A. 23 October 2014: If it's any consolation, the policy wasn't put there specifically to stand in "your" way. There are rules like this in place at many schools to ensure all students are treated fairly and equally. If this life coach starts focusing his attention on ... (read in full...)
Haven't dated for a while. How frank should I be about my expectations if I sleep with a guy?
Q. Been out of the dating game for a while. I'm going on a date next week and I'm attracted to the dude I don't want to jeopardize seeing each other a second time, but I may want to sleep with him. Seems dumb to me that people would drop others l...
A. 6 October 2014: I can't answer this from a man's perspective, but I will say that I've had first-date sex two times in my life and both times I ended up in multi-year exclusive relationships with the guy.
If either of them thought I was "easy" they never ga... (read in full...)
I snooped ... and I think he's cheated on me!
Q. I know what I did is bad, but I think what I found is worse... I snooped on my boyfriend's facebook account and found him talking to an ex flame which he told me they're just friends now... I would like a stranger's opinion on whether these...
A. 6 October 2014: I'm sorry that you are going through this, but the instincts that led you to check up on this guy were apparently dead on.
Nope, two people who are "just friends" do not say those things to each other.
So he lied to you when you initially as... (read in full...)
Why does he only interrupt me when I'm studying?
Q. I'm married 34 year old woman who recently started school. I am in my second term now and have an established schedule for study, family and spouse time. I love my husband dearly and openly he says he is happy that I am in school and how proud of ...
A. 2 October 2014: First off, congratulations on going back to school!
If I had to guess I'd say your husband has probably become accustomed to having your full attention and so the classes are taking him some getting used to. Subconsciously he may want to know whe... (read in full...)
Is my friend insinuating that her husband likes me?
Q. I posted a general question here before regarding a sticky situation which has now become even stickier. I need advice! I feel like my close friend is indirectly setting me up with her husband, or at the very least seems fine with him potentially ...
A. 1 October 2014: She may be, but that's by no means the only explanation.
Maybe she suspects him of an affair, and is trying to find out if the affair partner is you by "sounding like" she'd be fine with the idea if it was.
Maybe she really does wish she co... (read in full...)
When will sex start becoming fun and romantic and not sore and awkward? How many more times must I endure the pain until it 'fades away'?
Q. I've recently started having sex with my boyfriend. He's had countless of sexual experience while I've had none before him. I'm very open with him and we're both open to discussion and learning. The 'inexperienced' thing didn't bother him. So a...
A. 1 October 2014: Kissing before sex is a completely reasonable request on your part. I'd recommend suggesting it to him in a way that's flattering, not corrective - let him know how much you enjoy the feel of his lips on yours and how hot that is to you, and I'm ... (read in full...)
Is this rare that I love a set of feet? I'm fixated about my Aunt's feet.
Q. I love a set a feet. I have never heard of a person loving a set of feet. My question is I love my aunt's feet. Is this rare to love feet? Has anyone ever heard of a person really fixated on a particular part of the anatomy such as feet? What c...
A. 28 September 2014: Foot fetishes are pretty well documented, so that part isn't particularly rare or weird. There is nothing wrong with loving feet per se; however your fixation on your aunt's feet specifically is not healthy, given that she is a relative of yours.
... (read in full...)
I'm off to a good start in life but my mother will never value me
Q. Hi everyone, I came on here because I just wanted some advice. I am 22 years old, I also have an older sister who is 24 years old. Growing up I always knew my mum loved her more than me, growing up my mum use to pick on me, she use to poke fun at ...
A. 28 September 2014: You are not selfish, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud of yourself for having the courage and character to beat the odds and ignore the bad example your mother set you.
Your mother and sister are cruel to you because you make the... (read in full...)
Does my friend want to have sex with me?
Q. I have a woman friend I've only known for about a year. She's unhappily married I am in the process of divorce. We seem to hit it off and meet as part of a small group of friends. Another friend noticed how we seem to have some attraction for each ...
A. 28 September 2014: She didn't say it to you, so you're taking this other friend's word for it.
Frankly it seems like a very strange thing for that third-party friend to bring up, first with the friend you're crushing on and then later with you, as it is not her busi... (read in full...)
Am I going for the wrong men?
Q. Hi. I am 37, 2 kids, recently divorced, fairly attractive, some men say very hot. My problem is that men get attracted though the ones I like haven't stayed. One fell for me at an office meal and after he bedded me, realised I was more senior and ...
A. 28 September 2014: If you're after more than sex, then men who are upfront about wanting ONLY sex are the wrong men for you. In most cases you are not going to win this type of man over by sleeping with him, because once you do that he is effectively getting the only ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him about the condoms in his trash?
Q. I feel like a complete idiot for even asking this, but would you ask your boyfriend why he had a couple of used condoms in his rubbish bin when you have been away for a few days and you don't even use condoms?! I went away for a five day mini br...
A. 27 September 2014: I am very sorry to hear you are going through this.
I can't think of a good alternate explanation for why your boyfriend would have multiple used condoms. Assuming he has his own place (no roommates who could be responsible) I would definite... (read in full...)
I lied with a fake ID and fake photo. Now he knows the truth he's blocked me. What can I do?
Q. I love a guy bt I sent him fake photos and used to speak to him using a fake id. we are in a long distance relationshp for 6 months. He is the son of my friend and her neighbour.. He knows my sister because my sister lives same place as my friend...
A. 27 September 2014: I am sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Concerning your options, there's good news and bad news.
The bad news is that you lied to him and so he is completely within his rights to cut contact with you over the resulting lack of trust. L... (read in full...)
Recently saw my Mum, when she was younger, in a commercial film, where she was topless. It has grossed me out. How do I get over this?
Q. I'm grossed out after knowing my Mum did a cameo topless scene in a film? Recently, I saw my Mum topless in an old movie. It was a cameo appearance but it shocked the hell out of me and disgusted me. I don't know how to deal to with it. ...
A. 27 September 2014: We live in a strange culture, where televised violence and gore of all kinds are routinely acceptable but the very breasts that nurse children are cause for censorship and alarm!
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing distress over thi... (read in full...)
My cheating married lover has grown cold
Q. I got involved with a married man and quickly felt like we had incredibly chemistry. He kept telling me that he feels so connected to me. We met twice , had sex. That part was understood. But now the chase is over. After the second time, he seems ...
A. 26 September 2014: No judgment here, but I think you hit the nail on the head when you said the chase is over. The flirty texts, the attention, the talk about connection - that was all effort on his part to get you to overlook the fact that he has a wife and you have ... (read in full...)
Does he really want a teacher or me?
Q. I met this guy at my campus library and were talking about the different volunteer programmes we're both involved in. We are now on facebook and have been talking on and off (cause I've been busy) for the last 3 days. He then mentions that hes been ...
A. 21 September 2014: If what he actually wanted was a language tutor, he could easily hire one. Sounds to me like he's flirting with you.
Your response to him was perfect because it's left the door open for him to ask you out on a date if that's what he's after. T... (read in full...)
Why does my bf disappear for hours/ days?
Q. Why does my bf always disappear sometimes for hours/days?? My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything seemed to be going good, but for some reason a month to now he has change, before he would call me and night, to say goodnight and se...
A. 20 September 2014: What does he do for a living? It's 12 PM on a Friday night and my partner IS at work. Lots of people work late and odd shifts, from bartenders to law enforcement to people stocking stores after business hours so that in itself isn't necessarily a ... (read in full...)
Significant other and friends of opposite sex--should they limit their contact?
Q. I'm really curious on what others have to say about this. Here's the thing: Before you and your significant other began dating, they had a co-worker/friend of the opposite sex. It was platonic, but they hung out a lot. After beginning your rela...
A. 20 September 2014: I don't think there is a "right" answer to this question - it's the kind of thing that varies by person, relationship, and feelings of in/security within the relationship. Some people have been burned by cheating exes and would find this a complete ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is acting not right!
Q. I'm a gay male dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I have introduced him as my BF, Other half, Husband. When it comes to his coworkers he introduces me as his roommate. This has been going on since we meet. He doesn't want me to touch him at work ...
A. 13 September 2014: I have to ask... is he out to everyone in his life, or only to close friends and family?
If his co-workers don't know he's gay, then it's definitely not you... it's him being nervous to make such a huge and personal revelation to a group of peopl... (read in full...)
When will sex start becoming fun and romantic and not sore and awkward? How many more times must I endure the pain until it 'fades away'?
Q. I've recently started having sex with my boyfriend. He's had countless of sexual experience while I've had none before him. I'm very open with him and we're both open to discussion and learning. The 'inexperienced' thing didn't bother him. So a...
A. 13 September 2014: He's not going to judge you for lying there if it was his suggestion that you do so, so don't worry about that part. He knows that you're interested in sex and that you want to please him, but that it's still new for you and not comfortable yet ... (read in full...)
It's the best relationship I've had by far, but she's too controlling
Q. Ok..I admit I have been a bit of a naughty boy in the past, but to be fair some women are so stupid, I think we share the blame. I am 55 year old man. I am divorced and my partner asked me to leave her home. I admit I have (in the past) been unfai...
A. 13 September 2014: It seems to me that the vast majority of your post is an attempt to rationalize behavior that you understand on some level is not pleasant, honest or nice. Side note, I think you are mistaken in the assumption that "all men" would happily cheat on ... (read in full...)
His step-dad has banned all sleepovers!
Q. So both me and my partner (let's call him Alex) are 23 and we've been together since we were 19. I live in shared housing at Uni but Alex is studying from home. After the first few months of getting together we were allowed to stay at each other's ...
A. 10 September 2014: I have to say it's a bit hypocritical of Alex's mom's partner to be living with Alex's mom (while not married to her) but enforcing a rule that HER adult child can't have sleepovers.
That said, if Alex's mom has nothing further to say on the matt... (read in full...)
He wants to meet me but he is still married!
Q. the answer to the question why stay is because , part of me believed in him. Part is sooo scared to find out the truth. he is in the military and he lives separately from his wife because of the constant arguments. He left the city where he used to ...
A. 7 September 2014: You have been given some very good advice below. It truly sounds like this guy is feeding you a bunch of excuses to string you along and keep you interested in becoming part of a messy and complicated situation and the part of you that is "scared" ... (read in full...)
I feel like the house is taking over our relationship
Q. I have tolerated my boyfriend's house renovations since we met a few months ago. This has meant our relationship has practically been on hold while he beats the clock working outside before the winter. This is his second renovation and the first ...
A. 6 September 2014: From the sound of things he has been renovating the house since before you started dating him.
So this isn't something he's doing to spite you, and it isn't something he can just drop on a whim (yours) and leave half-finished, especially if the h... (read in full...)
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