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... Send *ike I see it a private message | | | *ike I see it's profile:I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!
***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)
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I feel like the house is taking over our relationship
Q. I have tolerated my boyfriend's house renovations since we met a few months ago. This has meant our relationship has practically been on hold while he beats the clock working outside before the winter. This is his second renovation and the first ...
A. 6 September 2014: From the sound of things he has been renovating the house since before you started dating him.
So this isn't something he's doing to spite you, and it isn't something he can just drop on a whim (yours) and leave half-finished, especially if the h... (read in full...)
The guy from the dating website knows my ex
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend last April and have recently started looking for another guy. I met this guy "M" and we seem to hit it off in a friendly way and i really want to see if he's interested to. Problem is he knows my ex. I dont know how ...
A. 4 September 2014: It's noble of you not to want to mess up their friendship, but unless they've been inseparable buddies since childhood, this may be less of an issue than you think. Based on the limited information in your post it doesn't sound like your ex and M ... (read in full...)
He didn't reply to my messages -- should I leave it?
Q. Hi. On Sunday I was talking to a guy on Grindr, we were really getting on well, albeit for the short time we were talking, and he definitely my type, and its nice to speak to a guy my own age on there. After a while he went offline, and stayed that ...
A. 4 September 2014: You put the ball squarely in his court by asking about a meetup and a drink.
He didn't reply, so you can safely assume he's not interested.
Don't take it personally, though - for all you know he has a partner and is "just looking" online ... (read in full...)
Advice to give to someone who is being cheated on?
Q. My friends bf is cheating on her, she knows the name of the girl hes doing it with well my problem is shes got an old phone and a new sim card so a different number and shes going to text him from it telling him not to trust this girl hes cheating ...
A. 17 August 2014: I agree with you, she's unwise to stay with a cheater in the first place and playing games with him makes very little sense.
That said, as her friend all you can do is point this out to her, which you have already done. In the end it's her life... (read in full...)
I'm really attracted to him but he hasn't made a move
Q. I asked him to go on an errand with me but he said "we'll see". Should I ask him again or just let it go? we have great chemistry at work and I can tell from his body language that he's somewhat interested in me (being conservative in ...
A. 16 August 2014: Whether he likes you or not is irrelevant - it seems he likes the relationship he is currently in too much to jeopardize it by getting involved with you.
You should absolutely let it go - given that it's happening in your workplace, if he gets tir... (read in full...)
No kisses from my boyfriend! He just starts sex. What should I do?
Q. I have a problem with my boyfriend, he doesn't like to kiss me down never. I do for him everything but he doesn't. When we start kissing or hugging he just start the sex. He doesn't kiss my body. I feel I'm sad each time after sex. I don't know why ...
A. 16 August 2014: The wording of your question has me a bit confused... are you saying he doesn't kiss you at all, or that he doesn't go down on you? Because these are two very different acts and you will definitely find some guys who are not into the latter, just ... (read in full...)
I am totally in love with my second cousin, but what does he want? I'm confused!
Q. I am totally in love with my second cousin. I have been in love with him since I was about 15 yrs old but he was older and had a girlfriend and I just figured he would shoot me down. I am 27 now and we lost touch for a while but recently got back ...
A. 16 August 2014: Trust your gut. The fact that you profess to love this guy and still have that nagging suspicion speaks volumes. If he's not single and neither are you, then yes, he's probably just looking for sex, and if you made it clear enough in the past that ... (read in full...)
4 year relationship ended, why is he making out like I meant nothing?
Q. I was asked to leave by my former boyfriend of 4 years 3 weeks ago. I left, packed my life into boxes. I had relocated, enrolled into college and generally uprooted myself for this guy, and after doing so much for him and his family, that is how he ...
A. 11 August 2014: I don't think the possibility of seeing him on a commute is a good reason to keep someone like this in your life. Perhaps the most telling part of your post is the part where his own family thinks he did wrong by you. People will often overlook many ... (read in full...)
I love the girl, but not the relationship. what should I do?
Q. Hi everyone Firstly, I just want to say. Constructive advice only. I know lots of people on here like to give hard hitting "advice" however really that will not help me. I love my girlfriend very much, and she loves me. It is long distance an...
A. 10 August 2014: Most relationships, after "a number of years," go one of two ways. Either they progress to more concrete commitment (living together, marriage, etc.) or one or both partners feel their needs aren't being met, lose interest and go their separate ... (read in full...)
Why did she get to move on so easily?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years. Her kids became my kids and I their dad. We split up suddenly without any kind of hint of things going awry. One day she just packed up and moved to her mom's. She's had a lot of medical issues and mood ...
A. 31 July 2014: She's not happy, trust me. She has bigger problems than dating someone new can fix. Sadly she doesn't appear to be considering her children's feelings at all if she's given them no explanation or closure of any kind concerning the disappearance from ... (read in full...)
He won't commit! We are stuck in a cycle of breaking up and making up!
Q. I met a guy 4 years ago. At the time I was 25 and he was 38. We soon started seeing each other and after 4 months I had met his family. Everything seemed to be going well other than the fact that he started working longer hours and going out salsa ...
A. 31 July 2014: Put bluntly: he has no reason to change, because you keep coming back to him. You're saying with words that a casual arrangement is not what you want, but your actions tell him you're willing to settle for it if no greater commitment is an option.
... (read in full...)
Why did she get to move on so easily?
Q. My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years. Her kids became my kids and I their dad. We split up suddenly without any kind of hint of things going awry. One day she just packed up and moved to her mom's. She's had a lot of medical issues and mood ...
A. 31 July 2014: If it's any consolation to you, the attractions you describe as "moving on" on her part aren't indicators of her having successfully moved on and found happiness so much as they are further indicators that she is mentally and/or emotionally ... (read in full...)
Can people get back together?
Q. Dear cupid Can people get back together ? I am embarrass to be writing on here about my predicament but I am driving myself insane. I went out for 2 months with a man older than me (I’m 26 he’s 41) I did not realize my guard was down an...
A. 30 July 2014: He might, he might not. By the time he changes his mind (if ever) you may have changed yours about him. For the sake of your own emotional health it's probably best that you treat the break-up as final and begin the process of moving on. As the ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish? Or is my reluctance to share information with her due to her need to compete with me?
Q. Hi everybody, I am a nursing student soon to qualify and I have decided that I want to go down the route of medicine. I have researched the course and contacted the university. I have paid for the upcoming GAMSAT examination and started ...
A. 30 July 2014: You don't have to share anything you don't want to. And yes, if she really wants the same things you do she will also make the effort to look for them herself.
That said, reading your description of this girl and her behavior towards you, I questi... (read in full...)
Mother-in-law's name for the baby's middle name?
Q. Background: SO and I have been together almost a decade. We are married and expecting a baby (our first) in 4 months. A few questions: Would you be okay with giving your baby MIL's name as their middle name IF... ...your MIL has in th...
A. 30 July 2014: I'm curious... whose idea was the middle name, your partner's or his mother's?
If it's something he wants, all you can do is express your opinion, and there's not much you stand to gain by failing to let it go if he disagrees with you. As others h... (read in full...)
I'd really like to be in a relationship with her but she says she's not ready
Q. I've been meeting and texting a girl I work with for the past 5 months we've slept together and are great when were together however I've tried telling her that I have strong feelings for her and I would really love to be 'in a relationship' with ...
A. 7 July 2014: I wouldn't say she is "using" you as it sounds like she's (commendably!) been upfront about not wanting commitment. She probably figures that since you keep coming back for the free no-strings sex, the status quo is, if not what you really want then ... (read in full...)
Will it ever get any easier getting over an ex?
Q. hey guys i need some advice me and my hubby of 9 years split almost 18 months ago now as we wanted different things i was desparate to be a mum and my hubby didnt really want children things took a turn for the worst when we had investigations done ...
A. 6 July 2014: You say that your ex keeps making you feel guilty, which suggests to me that you're still in contact with him. Cutting that contact would be a good place to start.
It's understandable that you feel guilty for having stepped outside your marriage... (read in full...)
My ex is mentally ill, how do I talk about changing our relationship status on facebook?
Q. Hi everyone! A while back I wrote to you asking if I should break up with my depressed boyfriend. I did it, we broke up. He was since sent to hospital again, where he is currently staying against his will because they believe him to be a danger to ...
A. 11 June 2014: It's kind of you to be concerned about his feelings but I imagine the actual breakup was a much bigger blow than the act of changing a Facebook status.
If anything, leaving it up could ultimately cause him more anguish if his friends see it, are ... (read in full...)
My lesbian girlfriend of 4 years had unprotected sex with a guy
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for four years (since she was 17 and I was 18). We have been through a lot together and it's been a rocky relationship to say the least. Her family is extremely religious but they have started to come around, ...
A. 10 June 2014: It's possible that her difficulty in coping with her family's reaction to her sexuality led her to get drunk and see if she could enjoy sex with a guy.
It's also possible that she had sex with him because she wanted to and told you afterwar... (read in full...)
Did he forget about this CD filled with pictures of his ex? Should I be angry with him?
Q. Hi There, When I first got together with my other half , I can;t remember why we were discussing it but he told me he had deleted all inappropriate pictures of his ex-wife. Two years ago I found some pictures on his computer which he told me he...
A. 10 June 2014: Discreetly keeping tasteful pictures of memories like vacations they took to places he may never see again... that's one thing. Pornographic photos of his ex, though? Not acceptable in most relationships! Your reaction is quite natural.
Tell ... (read in full...)
When I'm drinking I don't find him attractive anymore, why is this?
Q. I've never experienced this before and it's incredibly unusual for me! Usually they say when you drink someone looks more attractive.. But the guy I'm dating, he looks very good looking when I'm sober, yet once I've started drinking he starts ...
A. 15 May 2014: What you want when you are sober and what you want when you are impaired/not thinking clearly may be two different things... just as many people's personalities change with alcohol, or they do things they might not do otherwise. Alcohol and reason ... (read in full...)
Should I ask her about her sexual past?
Q. I have been dating a new girl for about 6 months now. Recently we were at the grocery store together when we passed a bottle of chocolate syrup. My girlfriend laughed and said: "I haven't had that stuff since I licked it off some guy's d*ck." M...
A. 18 April 2014: Tisha nailed it - if it bothers you enough to have asked here, the odds that you're going to be able to just forget she said that and move on are slim to none.
As I'm sure you've found, most of the women you'll be dating at age 35 have had part... (read in full...)
My wife told me about her past sex life and now I can't even look at her
Q. My wife told me of her sex life before, she would go on no strings attached websites and meet men ...3 sums , now I feel sick my wife was passed around groups and used as a sex toy and she loved it , now I can't even look at her, what should I do?...
A. 7 April 2014: I'm very sorry to hear you are going through this.
Did you have to pry this out of her or did she volunteer the information? I'm usually a believer in the past staying the past but for something this big and with so much potential to come out late... (read in full...)
Is this normal male behavior or is this just bad behavior?
Q. I am a newlywed. I have always known my hubbie is a friendly guy, especially to women but I think he has really crossed a line with his behavior this last week. He says his behavior is normal for men and I need to get over it. This is the second ...
A. 31 March 2014: I agree with the others - it's bad behavior. Especially on your honeymoon. And I think the fact that his response to your objections was simply to say you "should split" speaks volumes about how willing he will be to work through this with you ... (read in full...)
We get so little time together that distance is creeping in
Q. I have been with my boyfriend almost 8 years however the older we're getting the less time we're spending together. we both live with our parents, but we are in the process of getting a house. he lives away during and comes home at weekends. he has ...
A. 31 March 2014: You're not being stupid.
Unless you're in a long-distance relationship, you have every right to expect to see your partner more than a few hours a week - especially after eight years together. What you describe is NOT a healthy relation... (read in full...)
Should I cancel my membership or will that make me look needy?
Q. Hi, i'm wondering what i should do. My online date and i have been hitting it off so well, over the past few mths, that now he has decided to leave the dating site where we met for good, so that he and i can pursue a possible future relation...
A. 31 March 2014: If he's told you that he left the site out of desire to pursue an exclusive relationship with you, he's made the first move here. He's saying, without actually saying it, that courtship of you has his full attention.
Ending your membersh... (read in full...)
Should I continue this long-distance relationship knowing we can't be together for another two years at least?
Q. Am I stupid to be willing to wait for so long for us to be together? My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship. We always have been. We are recently engaged. I love him very much, but I struggle with the length of time it will be befor...
A. 29 March 2014: Was this question yours also?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/feels-like-no-one-is-genuinely-excited-about.html
If yes, it seems pretty clear that you have a LOT of reservations about the situation in which you find yourself. Rightly so, I th... (read in full...)
How do I put my family problems behind me?
Q. Hmm... I don't even know where to start. My life has been all over the place since I've returned to school. I was living with my mother when I came back, for about 2 1/2 months until we got into an disagreement, which turned into an argument which ...
A. 26 March 2014: I think the best way to start is to understand that the fault here is your mother's, not yours. It doesn't appear that you in any way acted out or brought this on yourself. On the contrary, it sounds like she is in sincere need of professional ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be anxious after becoming engaged?
Q. Did I just make a huge mistake accepting a proposal? I've been dating a wonderful man for about six months, and he just proposed yesterday. I love him, and I feel like I can see myself having a happy life with him. I am freaking out right n...
A. 24 March 2014: Some people know they are ready to marry each other after six months of dating, and go on to have happy and successful marriages.
In general, though, that's a rather brief courtship prior to an engagement, even if BOTH people are 100% confiden... (read in full...)
I don't like the engagement ring he gave me
Q. I'm disappointed with my engagement ring. I feel like a horrible person. I love my fiance to death, but he picked out a gorgeous ring, with a sapphire as the centerpiece stone. It really is a beautiful ring-but I am very traditionally mi...
A. 24 March 2014: You're not a horrible person. There is nothing wrong with having preferences. But I do think you are missing the forest for the trees here. You're not marrying the ring; you're marrying the man. The ring is just icing on the cake. Heck, the entire ... (read in full...)
Should I worry about him checking out his ex on facebook ?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We live together, have a puppy and were going to buy a house and get married next year. I just have a niggling suspicion that my boyfriend still has some feeling for his ex. Be it hate, longin...
A. 24 March 2014: I wouldn't worry about it. After a year and a half (at least; you don't say how long ago they last dated) it's probably just harmless curiosity at this point. If he isn't messaging her, doesn't bring her up in conversation, and is making concrete ... (read in full...)
Is it even normal to spend so much time with someone who you dated?
Q. I feel horrible for feeling like this but I can't stand the fact my boyfriend is still such good friends with his ex girlfriend. Is it even normal to spend so much time with someone who you dated?! We have been together for 8 months, and it w...
A. 24 March 2014: It is weird, and I would call your apprehension about it not "insecurity" but rather "common sense." You are dead right about not being the only person who would put your foot down about something like this. Sharing a car is no big deal but a small ... (read in full...)
Are dentists used to this?
Q. This may be odd but I get really embarrassed gagging at the dentist, especially as he's quite young and nice looking. I'm assuming dentists are used to people gagging throughout their treatment or do I look like an idiot? Before anyone misinter...
A. 23 March 2014: He's almost certainly used to that sort of thing. Dentists see all kinds of stuff, including panicked kids and people with bad breath or really awful oral hygiene, and they are trained to be professional and take these things in stride.
You h... (read in full...)
A super out-of-the-blue booty call? Why?
Q. Hi everyone, and thanks ahead of time for your advice. I appreciate you reading this and giving me your thoughts. I'm nearly 23, and in October '13, I broke up with a boyfriend of nearly three years. It was the most toxic relationship I h...
A. 22 March 2014: I have to ask... had he been drinking?
If so there's not too much to read into this; he was horny and not thinking too clearly about social niceties (or anything else), and the hookup text probably seemed to him like a GREAT IDEA.
If he w... (read in full...)
He was rude and dismissive until I resigned ...
Q. I'm feeling a little upset and annoyed over something so your advice is appreciated. My mother in law has been widowed for the past 6 years and has always been very independent. Unfortunately over the past year her health has deteriorated so ...
A. 22 March 2014: Agreed - take it and see how it goes.
I'm guessing that even though this guy may be a jerk, overall you are well liked and highly valued as an employee at the company. *Someone*, whether it was him or one of HIS superiors, made the call to make ... (read in full...)
What can I do to get my LDR boyfriend back to me?
Q. So, if you want someone you have fight for it, isn't it? But what if me and him are in a long distance? Once he got used to send me a message first, ask what i'm doing, and all those thing. But now, he never contacted me again, or ask how I was ...
A. 22 March 2014: I'm sorry, but I think you will have to let him go.
You've made an effort to keep contact, twice, and he has chosen not to reciprocate, twice.
He may not have met anyone else at all; maybe the long-distance aspect of the relationship has... (read in full...)
Dating an ex of a family member...right? wrong?
Q. Do you think it is wrong to fall in love with your cousin's EX husband? We have been friends since him and my cousin got married 6 years ago, and they've been divorced for 4 years. They have a 6 year old son together, who my cousin hasn't se...
A. 22 March 2014: It's not "wrong" if all parties involved are single, but it does have the potential to cause quite a bit of drama, depending on how close-knit your family is and the respective maturity levels of everyone involved.
If she has moved on and is clear... (read in full...)
While we were apart, he slept with a lot of girls, including one night stands and gave me an STI when we reconciled. How do I deal with this?
Q. Hi everybody any advice will be appreciated. Me and my boyfriend had been together four years when I got into a university in a different country to do medicine. It's a five year course and I would be living four hours away from home. After much...
A. 21 March 2014: As you've said, you can't really blame him for his actions during the months while you were broken up, especially as he had every reason to assume it would be permanent.
He was coping with pain and he chose ways that you wouldn't choose to do it... (read in full...)
How could a FWB be any good with a virgin?
Q. I want to understand how an earth this is even possible for a guy to be attracted to and why? I've never, ever understood it! This guy I know, we've been talking for months and we've been out about three times and he asked if I wanted to be friends ...
A. 21 March 2014: FWB is all the physical benefits of being in a relationship without any of the responsibilities, obligations or (at least in theory) emotional attachment.
Many, many guys LOVE this sort of arrangement because they get free sex. By free I mean the... (read in full...)
He stopped talking about this female coworker, what does this mean?
Q. Ever since my husband had learned his younger female coworker was getting a divorce, it was non-stop talk about her for a good year and a half. I would hear she is attractive, why would someone divorce a beautiful woman like her. I would hear ...
A. 20 March 2014: The whole thing does sound a little off to me.
I doubt he would just come out and tell you if anything untoward had taken place... it seems like most people who post here to say their partner was cheating caught him or her in the act somehow ... (read in full...)
I feel like my marriage was a mistake
Q. I've only been married 5 months, but I feel like I made a mistake. There are a lot of "factors" to this story that I feel are important to really give you a perspective, so it might be a long, convoluted post, but I'll do my best to get the point ...
A. 18 March 2014: I have not personally experienced this, but your post reminds me very strongly of the way my partner (who has been married before) describes his former marriage. The parallels are striking enough (to me) that it's worth bringing up a subject I ... (read in full...)
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