| A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: OK this is going to be a long rant it seems. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months, everything was OK until one night where his friends all turned on me.There was a beer festival in my local town to which him and his friends went to; I was invited but was at a prior engagement and turned up rather late (close to the end... So didn't get a chance to drink) I said hello to everyone and to my other half, to which one of his friends greeted me with a nasty comment saying I need to stop being so jealous (she knew I was slightly nervous around her as she tends to be very close to my bf when she is drunk, and same with him really: by was assured on his side he didn't like her like that). So that was the first thing that made me feel terrible... Everyone seemed drunk so I just kind of took it with a pinch of salt and apologised to her over and over as she kept telling me over and over again. So I went outside to have a breath of fresh air to calm myself from bursting into tears over being picked on continuously. My friends happened to be out that night too and asked if they could say hi to me, so they joined me outside the pub. My other half then stumbled out of the pub, and saw I was with my friends and invited them back to his flat which he shares with his friend jack*. I did tell my other half he didn't have to, but he was adamant. So my friends and his friends all went to the flat.I was sat outside the front of the flat with my friend hannah* as she was a bit too warm inside and needed some air. Until jacks* girlfriend gabble* came outside and said 'Luke wants your friends to leave, they aren't welcome' in such a bitchy tone. I was shocked... And the fact she said this so loud my friends who were also outside heard. I started to cry because this girl is very intimidating anyway. I did make it clear to her I didn't invite my friends, my other half did. And she just turned and said 'stop looking so b****y morbid' -yes she was drunk.So I told my friends outside to go in and get their stuff and leave. But when we got to the front door, my other halves friends chloe* and jack* slammed the door in my face, bolted and locked it with a key. I proceeded to burst into tears and beg them to let me in as my friends stuff, some of my friends and my stuff was still inside. They just laughed and ran upstairs. I had to end up calling my other half and ask him to open the door -he was so drunk he didn't even realise what was happening- to which he was so confused why I was crying and who had bolted the door etc. I got my friends out and just spent the whole night crying for being put in such a bad place... When I was completely sober, and all I've ever done is be super nice to them (to the extent of brown nosing let's say) But now I'm in a dilemma... My other half told them to apologise... A month down the line, no apology, just a nasty message saying I'm in the wrong for telling my other half what happened that night. I am so upset and angry about what happened, and it's put my relationship in such a bad place. I hate it when he sees them because I know he acts like nothing he happened... (He hates conflict) I've even noticed now they've all Unfriended me even on fb... They are supposed to be 28... Not 16. I don't know what to do... It's making me think it may be easier to end my relationship just to get him out of a bad situation where he can't bring his gf to anything, I'm unhappy all the time. How can I make them be nice to me? Or even like me again, when I know I've done nothing wrong? *names changed
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2015): what a horrible bunch they are and your boyfriend did not stick up for you enough I think.
If you want to stay with him just don't mix with these people and if you have do, stick up for your self! Don't cry or let them intimidate you.I wouldn't even bother trying to win them over.
Personally though, I would move on from this boyfriend. You've only been with him 6 months, get out now! This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen and no fun for you at all.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 June 2015):
 Honestly, I would end it with this guy. His friends ARE a reflection of him. And not a pretty one.
He lets a FEMALE friend BULLY you without doing ANYTHING about it. A decent BF would have told that female friend to b a decent human being or go F off!
You think he was oblivious to her booting your friends out? I don't. He just likes to play the "I had no idea" card, because that way you don't expect him to really DO anything about it.
And I agree this is NOT the behavior of 20's something year old, but 15 year olds, TOPS.
You can't fix these nasty people. Your Bf has no intentions of putting you first either. Nothing you can do, brown nose, be nice, apologize for stuff you DIDN'T do... will make these kids into decent people. Only think you can do, is REMOVE yourself from these immature drama-llamas. And honestly BE glad they blocked you on FB, who would want them as "friends"? Yuck.
This is why I say, dump him. Nasty girl can have him, though I seriously doubt she can keep him. And I would NOT be shy of telling him WHY you no longer wish to date him. Having his friends treat you like crap is not OK. They don't have to like you, but they SHOULD respect HIM enough to act with some kind of common decency. You know, his friend are the ones who never made it to the "popular table" in High School and now that they are older they "pretend" that they ARE at the "popular table" - what they FAIL to realize is, NO ONE CARE about high School any more.
You do NOT deserve this kind of treatment.
They are a bunch of losers and so is he.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2015): I hope you find the strength within to see this as an opportunity. Some times we have life lessons, incidents that powerfully show us what is wrong, what is right and give us a chance to be stronger and improve our life. Walk away from this. I am 20 years older than you and divorced. My ex husband never stood up for me and let people treat me badly. It is the worse feeling to not know someone has your back. His actions will not change and will systematically undermine your confidence and self esteem. Why are you letting him and his hideous 'friends' do that to you? This incident has shown you something. Step back. Don't rush. Don't beg. Show yourself and your life some respect please. Withdraw and gain your strength again. There is a really good life outside of this toxic circle I promise you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 June 2015):
 I agree with Janniepeg on this one. It's actually rare that you are confronted with a relationship saboteur like you were, but the drinking exposed the truth about this person, who is wanting to split you and your boyfriend up because she wants him. Normally, people like that are a lot better hidden because they are sober, tending to cut you up behind your back and even posing as a "best friend" of yours while undermining your relationship.
In this case, I also agree that it's your boyfriend's fault. He likes the attention, and it's an ego thing for him to have women fight over him. But real men don't get off on that middle-school crap, and real women don't allow themselves to cry THIS MUCH over a worthless man like you have. "Other half"?? Please. Don't ever allow some guy...ANY GUY...not your boyfriend, fiance, husband, ANYONE to be classified as "half" of yourself. Yes, I know it's a figure of speech, but your choice in words is telling that you've allowed yourself to get too desperate to the point of kowtowing to worthless people like these friends of his (and in truth...your boyfriend is as worthless as they are).
You have friends of your own who came to that pub and supported you. You do not need these other people. You don't need to make some sort of impression on another woman who gets "too close" to your boyfriend, and then makes fun of your objections about her behavior. Your boyfriend was lapping up the attention big time.
Don't cry one more tear. Delete these so-called "friends", and then break up with him. Don't let him play these games with you. It wouldn't have taken much for him to tell this girl "knock it off" and then stay by your side the whole night instead of get plastered and useless. If that had happened to me, I would have called the police on them for theft long before crying the night away because they shut my stuff into their house.
Your boyfriend did you wrong. I would drop anyone who mistreated my husband, guy or girl, and no guy would be allowed to get drunk and drape himself all over me in front of him. I don't need that sort of self-esteem boost because I'm not pathetic like your boyfriend and his little friend is.
If you don't drop this "other half" and vow to yourself that you are whole in your WHOLE SELF, this is going to happen again and again. She is playing him against you. Think it was an accident that he was plastered inside the house with you outside? Don't be naive. You're in your 20's...you should not have time for idiots like these people, your boyfriend included.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (2 June 2015):
 They sound like petty, horrible people to be honest. It doesn't sound like you will be able to win them over (and nor are they worth the effort that would take.) Stop being "super nice" to them. Stop wasting any time on them at all. You can do so much better in life than putting yourself through all this for people who are never going to appreciate you.
Your boyfriend was right in asking them to apologize, but wrong to carry on like nothing happened when they didn't do that. If anything, that should have been a sign to HIM that they are petty, horrible people, but he clearly missed the memo.
I would not normally be so quick to say that he should be siding with a girlfriend of six months (not all that long in the great scheme of things) over friends he has had for a while, but their behavior really is inexcusable. Period. It would be obnoxious enough from a gaggle of 18-year-olds, but at 28 there is really no excuse for them (and they've had plenty of time as adults to grow into the shitty people they are, so it's not an accident or an oversight on their part causing them to act that way.) It is literally how they CHOOSE to be.
In your shoes I'd leave the relationship and be done with ALL of them, because it also speaks volumes about your boyfriend that these types of people are the company he actively chooses to keep. That he'd get so wasted as not to notice while his girlfriend is locked out in the street in the middle of the night is just an added bonus - a winner he clearly is not.
Good luck and best wishes for brighter things ahead :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 June 2015):
 The girl who told you not to get jealous, I understand why she doesn't like you. She is the one who is jealous because your boyfriend is with you. But for the whole group of his friends that were mean to you? I don't get it. Maybe that girl spread bad rumours about you and they take her side and they are all against you. You have an angelic heart and only think for others before yourself.
The relationship can't work because your boyfriend is a wuss. He lets people bully him into isolating you. It's no good when a boyfriend's loyalty is towards his friends but not you.
They are acting like 16. I was bullied in school before. The last week I was at that school, people were suddenly nice to me again and gave me a party. They had no idea why they had treated me bad before. It's just some gang, tribal mentality. "Let's hate! Here's the target!" Then people would follow. It's retarded.
Who you pick as friends reflect who you are. It's time your boyfriend outgrow these friends and I would not even bother trying to get them to like you. You deserve someone as nice as you, and who would protect your feelings.
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