| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Having met a guy via a dating website a couple of months ago and exchanging personal emails (quite lengthy ones) we decided to meet up a few days ago. We live about 2 hours from each other so I was happy to meet half way. I'm really careful about giving my mobile number out in any context, so only let him have it on the day we met up. The day went really well and we have since agreed to meet again. This evening I got a text from him asking for my home address. All it says is "By the way what is your address? Now that's a dangerous Q and A session isn't it!" Despite exchanging emotionally deep emails this text has stopped me in my tracks. He knows the town I live in and also that I am house sharing with a friend (she owns the property). It's a temporary situation as I am currently actively looking to buy a house.I think it is wrong for a guy to ask for a woman's personal address after one date. I don't know how to handle it. Also he sent me the text at midnight and it woke me up. I'm fairly new to dating after a 15 year marriage and then divorce... he has never been married and has by his own admission been on a lot of dates. We are both in our 40's. What should I do now?
View related questions:
divorce, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 June 2015):
I would ask him directly why he wants to know. Whatever you do, dont give it to him and dont tell him the name of the area/neighbourhood in the town you live. This may sound overly cautious or whatever, but I have a good reason for this advice.
I went on 2 dates if you could even call it that, with a guy last year in june. He was obsessed with finding out where I lived. Comments like "I would pick you up at your house but you dont want me to know where you live" it was really too much for me and I never saw him again after those 2 occasions. Until last month he was calling, texting and messaging me on whatsapp sporadically wanting to "call over to my place" at late antisocial hours. I blocked him off whatsapp.
I also dont let a guy know where I live until I know him a few months, as I know people who had similar experiences where weirdos actually showed up at their homes. Please exercise caution with this person. God luck
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 June 2015):
 There was a time that for EVERY date a man came to your house and picked you up and opened the car door and helped you in.
Times have changed. His asking seems odd but not a huge red flag to me.
As for the texting at midnight... I will send texts when I wake up at 5 am... most of my friends/family are not up and I know this so the text will wait. If they do not silence their phone during their "off hours" that's on them.
IF he texts at midnight and you are asleep then he will wait. My phone has "quiet hours" where i can not be notified of messages/emails from 10 pm to 5 pm an auto message goes out saying "SVC cannot answer your text right now she will get back to you when she can" or something like that.
just because someone sends a text does not mean you have to answer it then and there. Also I guess it would depend on WHAT he was texting about.. was he just touching base or was he looking for a booty call?
For many folks Midnight is an appropriate time to talk. My husband is a night owl. He would text or call at midnight and not think twice about it.
Just touch base with him and say "hey from 10 pm till 7 am I am NOT available.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 June 2015):
 I don't think it's TOO forward to ask for your address if you hit it off on the date... HOWEVER, if YOU feel it's too soon - tell him. There is nothing WRONG in say I'm not comfortable giving out my address till I know you better.
As for texting at midnight... well, I find that rude. But we are in the generation where manners (like NOT calling people after 9pm, unless it's an emergency is considered rude and breech of etiquette - obviously HE either wasn't taught that or he thinks texting is fine). He doesn't really know you so maybe he thought it was "cute". Now I understand if he texted to make sure you got home OK after the date (that would be OK for a later text, but just text at midnight on a day you didn't spend together? I would not be over the moon with that either). I would JUST NOT reply til the morning. That way he will know you are not generally up at midnight. Or you could just tell him that you don't call/text after 10pm (or whenever).
I agree with "Like I see it" give him the benefit of the doubt, what he did was not offensive just something YOU are not used to. But be honest with him when you talk.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2015): I don't think the fact that this guy asked for your address is anything to be too alarmed about. Maybe he wanted to send you flowers or something.
Also texting at midnight and beyond is common in my social circle. My phone alerts me to every email, text etc so when I want peace I switch it off.
It's not like he rang you at midnight or followed you home. If he likes you he'll be happy to go along at your pace. If not then don't carry on seeing him.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (5 June 2015):
 I'd be honest with him. Let him know you think the day went well and you'd like to see him again, but that you're not comfortable giving out an address that isn't JUST yours after only one date.
How he responds to this will actually be a terrific insight into what kind of guy he is. If his answer is anything other than understanding/dropping the subject, be very wary, as there may be a good reason he's still single after "a lot" of dates.
You can send YOUR reply at midnight if you'd like to make a point... just kidding, but in your shoes I WOULD tell him that I typically go to sleep around () and won't get texts sent after then until the next day. This should serve as a giant HINT to him that you are not up for midnight text messaging, and if it doesn't, again, you may have struck out with this guy. Until then, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
...............................
|
