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... Send *ike I see it a private message | | | *ike I see it's profile:I believe that everyone has the right to be treated with respect in his or her relationship, and advise accordingly. Life is too short to stay where you're not happy!
***Please note: although I'm flattered by inbox requests for advice, the beauty of DearCupid lies in the wide variety of perspectives shared by the aunts on this site. If you have a relationship question, please post it to the main site so that more than one person can assist you with it :)
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It's getting harder for me to deal with my boyfriends working patterns, does it ever get better?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. I have been with my boyfriend for several years now and since I've known him he has worked extremely unsociable hours. He's in the entertainment business so his hours always involve evenings, weekends and almost every big ...
A. 7 November 2013: As long as your schedules are opposite like this, it's not going to get any better in terms of his ability to attend events you would like to attend as a couple. Only you can decide how high a priority that is to you in a relationship. Do you ge... (read in full...)
I feel terrible after viewing porn- what can I do?
Q. I am so embarrassed, but I have been very sexually frustrated lately (21, virgin) and have unfortunately watched a bit of porn lately. I have only watched it like 5 times in my life, but I was raised that it is wrong (and I totally agree it is) and ...
A. 7 November 2013: There's nothing wrong with being curious, in fact it's to be expected as your body and mind mature and your sexuality continues to develop. Watching porn involving consenting adults a handful of times doesn't make you a bad person. You're not in a ... (read in full...)
Any kind words or bits of advice on surviving this breakup?
Q. Hey guys. I'm an regular aunt on this page. I'm in need of some help and kind words myself at this moment. My gf broke up with me a couple of days ago and I'm hurting really badly. She has serious anxiety and has difficulty separating one is...
A. 6 November 2013: I truly think you did the right thing in standing by your words to her. It wasn't fair of her to shift the blame for these blow-ups to you and to your relationship with her. By taking that 'out' she avoided accepting any personal responsibility for ... (read in full...)
Married but in love with another
Q. I got married 3 yrs ago, but fell in love with someone else. I don't want to hurt my wife, but can't help thinking about the other women. I know the other women also loves me, and will wait an eternity for me. My wife is 20 yrs younger than me, but ...
A. 3 November 2013: Here's the question you need to sit back and answer to yourself. Honestly. You don't have to come back and post it here. You just need to arrive at the answer and give that conclusion some thought. Would you stay in (and work on) your marriage if... (read in full...)
Am I allowed to have these thoughts towards a friend? The "what if" might have happened?
Q. ok so there's this friend of mine, lets call him *dave, who i get on with famously. but friday night he had far too much to drink and ended up making a pass at me. now thankfully he didn't force me or anything but he didn't exactly stop pre...
A. 30 October 2013: Having those thoughts isn't wrong. It's human nature to wonder about the unknown in all kinds of situations. What if I went into that career instead of this one, what if I didn't break up with my ex, what if I won the lottery tomorrow... you get the ... (read in full...)
Am I a total pervert for being turned on by the idea of a cute boy masturbating to a picture of me?
Q. Not long ago I had an embarrassing moment at my school where I was wearing a thin black spaghetti strap top with just a thin camisole underneath but no bra when someone conveniently decided to snap a picture and thanks to the flash you could totally ...
A. 29 October 2013: Nope, you're not a pervert. You're at the age where developing sexuality and curiosity about sex is perfectly normal. As you will see when you're a little older, everyone has slightly different things that turn them on. Some people would be very ... (read in full...)
I found a sex video on my boyfriend phone and it has just devastated me
Q. I recently found a video on my boyfriend's old mobile phone of his ex giving him oral sex, and a few photos of her just in her underwear. I can't help feelings like he kept them because I'm not enough for him. I've never had much confiden...
A. 27 October 2013: It's possible that he forgot this video is still on his phone. It's also possible that he still looks at it from time to time. Not knowing your boyfriend and how he is as a person, we can't tell you for certain that he never watches it now, even if ... (read in full...)
Is asking your separated spouse for sex wrong, we were on very good terms
Q. My wife and I are separated for 4 years, it's a long story of infidelity on her part and neglect on my part. I have accepted the situation for what it is and to help keep peace in the family. We have 2 adult children. Recently she asked me to go ...
A. 27 October 2013: To answer your question, yes it was wrong. No matter how many nice things things you do for her, she does not OWE you sex. If you feel you're doing too much for her and getting nothing back, then cut back on the assistance, but realize that nothing ... (read in full...)
Baby momma drama or MM who swears he's getting a divorce?
Q. I moved to another state to be with a man I lived with for 5 years. He moved here to be with his daughter in the mean time I met another guy back home who treated me like a queen for the short time I knew him. He wants me to move back and be with ...
A. 26 October 2013: If the guy you moved with is cheating on you, leave him. He can only treat you like crap if you stick around and allow him to treat you that way. You're a grown woman and you know and deserve better. I'm sorry you uprooted your life back home to ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to go on dates with more than one guy?
Q. Dear agonyaunts, I am 27 and most friends my age are either married or in stable relationships. I have had two unsuccessful long-distance relationships and I am seriously trying to find a guy who is a good match and is worth sharing a life with. ...
A. 22 October 2013: It's totally okay as long as you don't go out of your way to give either of them the impression that you're dating him and him only. If they ask you about it you should be honest and tell them you're keeping things casual and leaving your options ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my standoffish sisters-in-law?
Q. My two sister in laws( the wives of my husbands brothers) always exclude me from hanging out with them, whether it be they're going out on family outings with their kids or if they're going out as adults. While they are out they'll both post a bunch ...
A. 20 October 2013: Let me get this straight: your sister-in-law wants you to bake her a very specific, fancy and time-consuming cake but she doesn't even care enough to ask you for it herself?
You're being used. If I were you I'd suggest she take her cake request ... (read in full...)
Can guys look past this hair I have?
Q. I have a strange question. I am a girl and have hair in irregular sopts on my body (lower back, butt, and stomach). Ive went to the doctor and she said that there is no was to get rid of all of it. Im taking birth controll hoping that will help with ...
A. 20 October 2013: If I leave my body hair as is, I also have way more of it than most women. I'm brunette so it can be very visible and I used to freak out over it, but as I've gotten older I've figured out what works for me. I use those home wax strips (cut to s... (read in full...)
I am a very professional, very good looking woman in a high-powered job, and I have a lot going for me in my life....but I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband!
Q. I can't seem to stop cheating on my husband. I cheated on him before he and I were even married, and I've cheated on him after we were married, and am still cheating on him. I cheat on him with one of my current co-workers on occasion. The co...
A. 20 October 2013: You basically answer your own question here... you cheat because you're bored in your marriage and you get a rush from sleeping with someone other than your husband. It's the same feeling that motivates some people to drive fast cars or skydive or ... (read in full...)
Why am I so nervous that he wont like how I look?
Q. I am a nervous wreck. I met this man in my work uniform, we hit it off. I am a chunky girl. He went away for about six months and we kept contact. He is back in the states, and wants to see me. Why am I so nervous that he wont like how I look? He ...
A. 20 October 2013: *He* hit on *you*, so clearly he finds your appearance attractive.
Insecurity, on the other hand, isn't attractive to anyone except maybe emotional abusers, who often enjoy knowing their partner doesn't have the confidence to walk away from the... (read in full...)
Why should I do if my mum doesn't approve?
Q. I'm a 39 ear old guy in Dublin, and fancy 2 women. First woman is 46 years old and lives in London and we have known each other for just over a month now. I have sent her flowers and 2 gifts. The second woman is 39 and lives in Cork, and Ive known ...
A. 20 October 2013: If at 39 you are still letting your mother make your major life decisions then perhaps an older woman is exactly what you need ;) Seriously though, it's very early in the dating process to be hung up on something like that. There's no guara... (read in full...)
Why would he flirt but never ask me out?
Q. Was wondering if someone could possibly give me some insight as to why a man would constantly flirt with someone but, never ask them out. A particular man in question works with me but, on a higher level than I do. I have worked at the same plac...
A. 20 October 2013: My gut reaction upon reading the title of your question was "Probably because he has a wife or girlfriend at home." From the remainder of your post, that seems unlikely (although NOT impossible, so be cautious.) I suppose it's possible you've... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? My boyfriend wants to add his boss' girlfriend on facebook.
Q. I need some advice so I don't turn this into an argument between my bf and I. We've been together for 3 years. We're both in our early 30's. We don't live together but do spend weekends together and any days during the week if we can find time ...
A. 20 October 2013: I do think you're overreacting. First off, your bf was, from the sound of things, very upfront and honest with you about putting her into his phone and then HER request to add him on FB. He didn't ask her, so it's pretty clear that this is n... (read in full...)
Got the MM and it hasn't exactly been "happily ever after"
Q. this is very long winded so anybody who has the patience to read and answer...thankyou in advance! 5 years ago i started an affair with a married man. at first it was just fun then it got deeper and everybody started getting hurt. eventually...
A. 20 October 2013: Just because he left his wife doesn't mean you owe him anything. You didn't hold a gun to his head and force him to divorce her, and if he's treating you badly you have every right to leave him. Good for you for deciding to remove yourself and your ... (read in full...)
Can a man get addicted to the woman he is having an affair with?
Q. So recently I heard a man say that married men come into 3 categories: 1) The ones who have been faithful for a long time and suddenly discover (about the age of 45 or so) that there is sex beyond what they are getting at home and once they have the...
A. 16 October 2013: I don't think it's quite as cut-and-dried as those three categories would imply. Cheating in a marriage doesn't have to occur late in the marriage, it doesn't have to be part of some midlife crisis, and some instances of cheating are one-time mis... (read in full...)
Amazing fantasies of how hot our three-way could be!
Q. I am an “out bisexual woman” but men often mistake me as lesbian. I have a gal-friend (who’s just a friend) that I’m emotionally close to, so much so that we often hug and kiss on the cheek. She recently hooked up with a hot great guy that I know ...
A. 15 October 2013: It doesn't matter how hot you think it might be... this just isn't your decision to make. If a couple wishes to open their relationship to include an additional partner or partners, it is up to that couple to decide (hopefully together and without ... (read in full...)
Should I go to the doctor to prove I am NOT mentally ill?
Q. I have posted on here before about my situation. Abusive ex, left our son in wet clothes, we had a row about it, then he said he never wanted anymore contact, now he has changed his mind, and I have said no, as I want supervised visits, so now he w...
A. 13 October 2013: The burden of proof is on the person making the accusations. You don't have to prove to your ex or anyone else that you are not crazy - he would have to prove in court that you are. Based on your previous posts it's pretty clear you're a good mo... (read in full...)
Can you sue someone for giving you an STD?
Q. Can you sue someone for giving you an STD? My ex boyfriend has contacted me, to say that he recently ejaculated blood and that if he has an STD he will be suing me. I haven't had a check-up for a few months, but last time I went to the doctors ...
A. 13 October 2013: I assume you were the one who ended the relationship? It sounds to me like he's mentally unstable and looking for ways to get your attention. Please document any threats he has made to you and your property so that you can involve the police if ne... (read in full...)
We have a 20 year old difference. Don't know if there is any point in starting things again.
Q. Hi, I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things ...
A. 12 October 2013: I'm sorry to say that you're probably best off leaving him alone. He ended things, it does not sound like he has made any efforts to rekindle them, and you freely admit that you're likely to get too involved with him emotionally if the two of you do ... (read in full...)
I don't like it and insinutated he should find a new 'soul mate'
Q. My boyfriend lately has been saying he wants to get more serious, I'm his soulmate etc. We've been together a year and a half. The other night we were really drunk and he entered me from behind. It really hurt and I hated it. But I always told him ...
A. 12 October 2013: You are not wrong. If anything, what he did to you is wrong, and being drunk is no excuse on his part for an act that amounts to rape if you did not consent to it.
My response to his comment would have been this: "Yeah, well my soulmate wouldn't... (read in full...)
What do people think about dating someone who uses a wheelchair?
Q. Just curious. Because I use one but it seems that most people are really weary of it and I think a lot of them think wheelchair-users are a no go when it comes to dating, or even friendship. I'll be honest and say that making friends has been...
A. 12 October 2013: If I were single and our personalities 'clicked' I'd have no problem dating someone in a wheelchair. But I am one of those people who is drawn to personality far more than looks - and usually with almost complete disregard for looks. I am 25 and ... (read in full...)
My friend probably gave her one-night-stand guy chlamydia (he doesn't know it might be from her) and now I'm dating this guy. How do I ask him to get checked without exposing my friend?
Q. Hi all, I'm in a sticky situation! Straight to the point, I started university 18 months ago and quickly became good friends with a girl on my course. Since then we have been like best friends, we clicked instantly. She happens to be a girl ...
A. 11 October 2013: Honestly? I wouldn't beat around the bush at all with this. Why should you have to make up some story as to why he needs to get tested? Tell him the truth. If he's with you then it doesn't matter if he thinks this friend of yours passes STIs around ... (read in full...)
My g/f played strip poker till everyone was naked but says nothing happened?
Q. My girlfriend went away for the weekend to visit some friends. She told me that she had some drinks and ended up playing strip poker with 2 other guys and a girl. She told me nothing happened. just played until everyone was fully naked. What should ...
A. 7 October 2013: It definitely wasn't a great choice on her part given that she's in a committed relationship, but the fact she seems to have been quite forthcoming about it is a good sign that she's probably telling the truth. Had she not mentioned it, I'm guessing ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants to take a male friend out for dinner - am I wrong to disapprove?
Q. My girlfriend has recently got a new job (through one of her male friends) and now she has said to me that she thinks she will take him out for dinner to say "thank you." I've never met this guy and am not at all happy about this, even the t...
A. 6 October 2013: If he's now a new colleague of hers the dinner arrangement makes sense... she may want to pick his brain about the politics in her new workplace and how she can best be successful there. Having recommended her for the job, he should also be ... (read in full...)
I have lost attraction to my wife since she gained a lot of weight.
Q. Hi i have a problem,my wife is fat she has put on weight,I requested, advised her to decrease her weight, but she not taking any step to do it,due to this i am annoyed how shall i tell her that i am not able to manage my sexual intercourse, i don't ...
A. 5 October 2013: You said you've been making excuses as to why you won't sleep with her, but it doesn't sound like you ever actually explained to her point blank that her weight is what's caused you to lose interest. Ordinarily I would say start by doing that (i... (read in full...)
I am bringing bad luck to my boyfriends.
Q. Hello, I have a strange problem and I really hope I can find any answer for it or somebody who is having the same. So, everytime I fall in love and have a relation with some boy, he starts to have so much bad luck (for example lost work, broken lap...
A. 5 October 2013: Not being a believer in superstitions, I'd say it's extremely unlikely that their "bad luck" has anything to do with you. Both good and bad things of various degrees of seriousness happen to everyone on a daily basis. I think it's far more likely ... (read in full...)
He's crossed boundaries in the past so I'm tempted to snoop
Q. need your advice please-to worry or to relax, to snoop or not to snoop! background: i've been with my bf 3yrs, he proposed (out of the blue) 1yr ago and we've since moved in to a new house together and are planning to marry in 2 years (giving us...
A. 5 October 2013: You don't sound petty or pathetic... you sound like a cautious woman whose trust has been damaged by prior poor choices on your fiancé's part. That said, I would take it as a really good sign that he is public about your engagement on FB... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you have sex with a woman on her period?
Q. What are your opinions on period sex? Especially guys... Would you have sex with a woman on her period? Would you do this only if you were in a relationship with her and care about or love her? Or would you do it with a random woman if you wa...
A. 5 October 2013: I may be way off the mark here, but if you are currently in a casual relationship and looking for hints that your partner feels a deeper connection with you, this wouldn't be a good indicator to use.
I've had FWBs who were totally cool with per... (read in full...)
Tiny boobs and a wierd vagina
Q. Hi please help! One of my labia minora is stretched, saggy and gross! Is there anything I can do and if not is it weird Also my breasts have been stuck at a 32a for a year now what does this mean? (My mother is a c aunty is a d as is cousin does t...
A. 5 October 2013: Breasts and vaginas come in all shapes and sizes. Asking what's normal is like asking what a "normal" person's face should look like - a wide variety of versions are possible. Some women have breasts with up to a cup-size difference between one and ... (read in full...)
Is this video a gift he'd like?
Q. ok. so I'm planning to do this sexy elegant video for my boyfriend of me in lingerie, undressing and stuff. I'm in that field of doing videos all the time and have all the equipment to do something quite stunning and very professional. So my q...
A. 5 October 2013: Your question had two parts so I will address both. Do I think he would like it? Absolutely. He already finds you attractive and you making the effort to do a hot video for him will, I'm sure, only turn him on further. Do I think it's a good id... (read in full...)
He's in jail now. When he gets out do I tell him I was a prostitute and other things about my past?
Q. So I'm talking to a man, who is currently in prison for a charge he caught at 17, for burglary. He gets out in 12 days, and I plan on spending time with him. We write all the time and I have met him. My problem is, he wants to know me, like rea...
A. 5 October 2013: First off I want to congratulate you for cleaning up your life the way you have. You should be proud of your present, not ashamed of your past. To live though hardship and yet recover from bad choices takes a lot more character than a spotless past ... (read in full...)
In love with my late husband's brother - is it wrong?
Q. Hi! This is going to be long, so please be patient! I'm a widow. My husband died suddenly four years ago leaving me with three children, then aged six, three and one. I was devastated and it took me a long time to come to terms with his death. H...
A. 5 October 2013: I see nothing wrong with it at all - in fact, I owe my existence on this earth to a very similar set of circumstances. My grandmother's first husband was killed in a plane crash in WWII. Before the war he had asked that his best friend, also a p... (read in full...)
If you were me, would you try and approach this girl and potentially harm a maybe happy household? Or would you simply forget about it and move on?
Q. For about five years iv always had a small crush on the girl who works in my local post office, we would often flirt and smile a lot when we talked, she is about 2 years younger than me at 24. I have never persued it though as I have always been in ...
A. 4 October 2013: Have you considered the possibility that she was just being polite to your mother?
Given that this is a crush in its infancy and you now know for a fact she is unavailable, I would say you absolutely need to move on. Investing any more of your fee... (read in full...)
He doesn't want people to know about us.
Q. He has told his two best friends about me, but that's it. His other friends don't even know I exist. I haven't met any of his friends except his two best friends (and only then because we were classmates). My friends knew about us but after he said ...
A. 3 October 2013: Definitely sounds odd, but all anyone here can do is speculate as to why he might do that.
If it's bothering you (and I don't see why it wouldn't be), you need to ask him.
Good luck and best wishes.... (read in full...)
Do women really want on FWB relationships?
Q. someone just told me the new "in" thing was fwb. The lady i was talking to said even women wanted this now. Why? is because men were I think she meant men were not that nice. I know per my recent post I think I have become that..but i do not ...
A. 3 October 2013: If a woman really values independence or doesn't have the time to invest in a full-blown relationship, FWB "relationships" can start to seem appealing, in theory anyway.
In practice they are very hard to pull off without one party or the other de... (read in full...)
Single for 2 years and feeling very lonely. How can I cheer up?
Q. I'm single and lonely. What should I do? Dear Aunties: I've been single for 2 years, which I know is completely normal, but I've been starting to feel quite lonely. I'm a senior in college so I'm very busy and so are my friends, so we only go ou...
A. 3 October 2013: You're not going to meet many available (read: straight) men at makeup counters. You won't meet them hanging out in your apartment, either.
No one can give you the recipe for meeting that guy who is just right for you, but taking up a hobby th... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this relationship with a mooching friend!
Q. There's this mooch of a friend I had a while back which I recently unfriended on Facebook , but haven't met her since. She was basically taking advantage of my generous and "patient" nature. I was rather passive to be honest and when mistreated, ...
A. 3 October 2013: Nah, I'd just ignore her.
Sitting her down and saying "here's a laundry list of what's wrong with you" seems a bit pompous to be honest, and what exactly are you expecting out of doing that? For her to be grateful that you've pointed out all thes... (read in full...)
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