A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm single and lonely. What should I do?Dear Aunties: I've been single for 2 years, which I know is completely normal, but I've been starting to feel quite lonely. I'm a senior in college so I'm very busy and so are my friends, so we only go out occasionally. I usually keep myself occupied with school and work, but during my downtime, I start feeling lonely! I've been feeling this way for about half a year, and it comes and goes. I've tried a dating site but didn't find anyone I liked. I've joined some school club events and made friends in class but I haven't found a connection with anyone, and there isn't anyone I like at work. I know "searching" for someone isn't exactly efficient so I stopped doing that. However when I have down time, I find myself being alone, whether it's shopping, working out, or lounging around in the house. I've been exploring different interests but I feel like it's been fading. First it was food and exotic restaurants, then planning my winter break solo trip (no one to go with), and now I'm getting into makeup. But then I came to, there is only so much makeup you can experiment with and then it becomes pointless when there's no one to admire you. I mean, all I have is school and work.Any suggestions? I'm hoping for advice on feeling happier rather than dating advice. Thank you!
View related questions:
at work Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2013): I know the feeling. Unfortunately for myself, I've never had a boyfriend and I'm currently a sophomore in college, so I've been lonely for several years. To be honest I broke down the other day simply because I was left alone with these depressing thoughts of not being good enough for anyone. However music cheered me right up. I know that seems cheesy, but maybe preoccupy yourself with things that make you happy, hobbies, activities. Personally I attach myself to music, and that's what picks me up the most on my worst days. I too tried makeup to improve the chances of meeting guys, and I'll admit, I did feel a bit better, but like you said, it can only go so far.Something I noticed, is that when I'm thrown into situations, I converse more easily with people rather than when I like someone and I'm too shy to approach them and talk to them. What I'm saying, is that when you're at work or with a group of people, say in class, don't look at it as trying to connect with someone to be your boyfriend. Look at it more as if just wanting to get to know them. For me, there are people that create impressions on me just by their looks, but there are others that I become interested in AFTER I get to know them. Looks don't even matter then. So maybe try looking for a friend first rather than a BOYfriend. Just get to know some of the guys.
A
male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (3 October 2013):
It sound like you are living on some deserted island or some-thing not near anybody. Are you the male equivalent to a sad sack? Do you not have any friends? How did you meet your boyfriend? I also had a period in my younger years after i had broken up with my girlfriend where it seemed nobody really cared about me but God i had lots of friends. I was un happy and everybody who were my friends knew that. I soon found out that i could not project my unhappiness upon anybody. For me being able to relate successfully i had to change from with in. I had to put myself out and not be concerned about me,myself and I. Face it nobody wants to date anybody who appears to be carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. What i am trying to say is that you have to lighten up a bit and refocus. Forget the excuses, i should of ,would of if only i had done this. You have to get out of your home,apartment or where ever you live and first stop beating yourself up. You have to initiate change for change to come about. Ask yourself one important question? Why should a man want to date me right now? What am I prepared to do right now to make positive changes in my life so I wont be lonely. Take a look in the mirror and what do you see? Because that is what exactly a potential suitor or boyfriend is going to be seeing when they first meet you. I met my present girlfriend at a volunteer agency that was a 1 -800 number for people in distress. You have been lonely and single for two years and that is as long as some marriages ever last. I do not mean to critique you . You do not have to do anything with your hobbies but remember there are thousands of organizations requiring peoples help. You have to do a google search and see where you would fit in and then get out there and help. I am sure you will meet somebody. And one last piece of advice do not tell anybody that you have been dateless for two years. This will only raise red flags in many peoples mind but not all. good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 I think all of us feel "lonely" time to time. As you say it comes and goes for you.
To focus on feeling happier and less lonely there are many techniques you can try.
Thinking more positive about yourself really helps. Drinking water also helps with good focus.
Trying deep breathing techniques like this one helps me:
1. Inhale, count 5 heartbeats
2. Hold breath, count 7 heartbeats
3. Exhale, count 9 heartbeats
Instead of focusing on being "alone" or "lonely" you can choose to focus on what you already share with those around you. Take your mind off your lonely thoughts by helping those around you a bit more this will also make you feel less lonely.
Exercise is also an excellent mood booster,
Once I took up dancing my happiness levels increased! I really suggest doing an exercise you enjoy. You will make wide variety of newer friends too. Variety is the spice of life as they say.
These are some of my tips which I use to avoid feeling down or lonely, hope this helps you.
Goodluck.
...............................
A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (3 October 2013):
 You're not going to meet many available (read: straight) men at makeup counters. You won't meet them hanging out in your apartment, either.
No one can give you the recipe for meeting that guy who is just right for you, but taking up a hobby that brings you into contact with a wide variety of people can only improve your chances. A sport or pastime that attracts more men than women would be ideal, but even making female friends can only help you because they in turn have male friends you'll meet when out socializing.
Focus on widening your social circle a bit and you stand a much better chance of meeting a guy who interests you. Good luck and best wishes :)
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 October 2013):
 Get a hobby. One that actually makes you leave the house. For example, my hobby is horseriding and that keeps me so busy - I ride 5 times a week so when I'm not at work I'm generally with the horses. I cant afford my own, I just ride a friends horse 3 times a week then share another horse 4 days a week (which I pay a small fee for).
You could try any kind of sport that involves speaking to other people - if you like running, join a running club, if you like cycling, join a cycling club. You get the idea.
Volunteering is another idea - there are plenty of charities out there that need help, and that would be a very worthwhile thing to do. You can offer as much or as little of your time as you like, it can be helping with animals, children, the elderly, sports....the list goes on.
All of your 'interests' have typically been things you do alone, you need to start having 'interests' or hobbies that actually involve other people. When thinking about a new hobby, think 'is there a way of doing this with other people' and if there would be no way of getting involved with other people via this hobby then dont do it. Shopping and make-up are 2 classic examples - unless you go shopping with friends or have make-up sessions with friends, then it is a solo hobby.
So try and get yourself a few new hobbies where you can interact with other people, and try volunteering as that will be a wonderful thing to do and will bring you a lot of happiness.
...............................
|
