A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend lately has been saying he wants to get more serious, I'm his soulmate etc. We've been together a year and a half. The other night we were really drunk and he entered me from behind. It really hurt and I hated it. But I always told him before I never wanted to try it. We spoke today and he said he always wanted a girl who was comfortable with it (anal sex). He said its a quality that his soulmate would have. I got angry and told him because of what happened, I hated the thought even more and insinuated that he should find someone else. Was I wrong?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I think you made a mistake letting him to this when it's something you have said all along that you don't like. But you were very drunk and these things do happen. It doesn't mean you have to do it again, even with lube and preparation. If you don't like it and don't want to do it, you do not have to do it.
It sounds almost as if he's blackmailing you to become comfortable with anal sex, or he'll stop seeing you as his soulmate. He knew you were against anal, and then it happened anyway after he said he wanted to "get serious", starting talking about being soulmates, etc... hmmm.
No I don't think you were wrong in telling him to find another soulmate. If he truly believes that being soulmates with someone requires the woman being comfortable with having anal sex, you're better off without him.
And (though this is for him, not you) he should inform his next girlfriend about his soulmate requirements at the beginning of the relationship, not 18 months down the line.
Good luck, OP.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (12 October 2013):
 WoW - talk about disgusting manipulation!!
He was hinting at, that if YOU want to be his "soul mate" you will take it in the rear and love it! He has no idea what a soul mate is. Nor how to make anal sex less painful or horrible to his partner.
Sex and SEXUAL desires/preferences has nothing to do with being soul mates.
Yes, you were right in what you said, NOW you just have to back it up. Kick him to the curb and wish him good luck with finding someone else to try and manipulate.
Honey, NO means no. If you have no interest in anal that is totally fine. THERE are so many other ways to enjoy sex, if HE can't respect that, he should GTFO.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 October 2013):
Your boyfriend is quite a character; I don't think I've heard a more ridiculous comment about soul mates in my life.
I've been with a couple of women who said they'd never do anal and I shouldn't even ask. When they were horny and on their period it happened and they absolutely loved it.
However, it requires a lot of patience and lube. I'm guessing you had neither the other night.
His comments aside, maybe you can revisit it, sober and with some lube. You have to "relax" so to speak, and that can take some time.
Or, don't. And don't worry about his comment, it's nonsense.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 Enjoying anal sex is not a quality, but rather a preference in sex. A person of high quality knows that, is considerate, and is not pushy with his opinion. Maybe you didn't have to break up over this, but instead tell him you disagree with the idea that soul mates mean having the same sexual likes or dislikes. If he can't respect that then he is not your soul mate. I can't blame you for being annoyed by what he said. I do feel he is too obsessed with sex to move forward to higher, more spiritual realms in love. He misused the term soul mate and made it ugly by mixing something vulgar like sex in it.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (12 October 2013):
 You are not wrong. If anything, what he did to you is wrong, and being drunk is no excuse on his part for an act that amounts to rape if you did not consent to it.
My response to his comment would have been this: "Yeah, well my soulmate wouldn't try to manipulate me into doing things sexually that hurt me and that I hated doing, and he wouldn't force me to do them knowing I'd said I never wanted to."
And then I'd start looking for a new "soulmate," because this guy sounds like an inconsiderate douche canoe.
I wish you all the best and hope you meet a good guy who will treat you with the respect you deserve :)
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