A
female
age
36-40,
*ula
writes:There's this mooch of a friend I had a while back which I recently unfriended on Facebook , but haven't met her since. She was basically taking advantage of my generous and "patient" nature. I was rather passive to be honest and when mistreated, I drew back without me nipping it ever in the bud and teaching her lessons as we got to know each other more and more...It dawned on me after three months that her friendship is rather parasitic, mooching type instead of a healthy exchange between two adult friends so I stopped seeing her at once including the FB.Five days after the unfriending I get a message from her, asking me a silly question to do with translation and setting up a date to go to an art exhibition...as if nothing had happened. How do I go on demonstrating to her that she is not longer my friend on FB nor in real life, now that it's been over a week since I met her. The last time I met her, she had breakfast at my place and although I was boiling to confront her , I did not and just watched her eat, use my flat for her convenience and then she left...I did NOT chicken out, I just DID NOT know where to start with her. She's wronged me on many levels and not just the financially; which i kind of consented knowing that she's jobless and very poor, yet I think she needs manners. Money comes and goes, what she needs is manners. Do I need to sit with her and explain each and every major thing she did against me and let her know for sure what is it exactly that upset me, or do I ignore the message and pretend she never existed.We used to talk about everything, from childhood memories to current crushes and the like, but lately the converstations with her are shallow and she keeps laughing like a lunatic for no apparent reason...Please h - e - l - pta x
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female
reader, Tula +, writes (3 October 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all :)
May you never cross ways with ugly people xxx
peace
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 October 2013):
 I wouldn't waste time on her either, I would just ignore her. I don't think she would care or even believe you if you gave her the "list". If she keeps doing it, she obviously think it's OK to do.
If you run into her say hi and walk off, IF she does ask why you don't answer her texts/calls - I would just say:" because I don't really have any interests in being friends with you and you don't seem to want that either". And then walk away.
YOU don't owe her a deep explanation. My guess is, you are not the first to get enough of her.
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A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (3 October 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much ladies! At last, someone who really undersstands me :) Cheers xxx
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 I don't think such a recent and unfulfilling " friendship " deserves the effort of a showdown,. If it was a real, long standing friend who all of a sudden acts up, then yes, it could be maybe useful to say " it bothers me when you do X, I'd like instead if you did Y "... but, as it is, it would probably only lead to some pointless, silly,nasty confrontation. Friendship in not that different from dating, there's a trial period in which you sniff around each other to see if you are compatible. You and this girl aren't, and if this is only her fault, and of her mooching ways, - does it really matter ?, you just want her out of the picture anyway.
So, I'd either go the passive - aggressive way ( some times it is justified :) , ignoring all her messages till she gets the idea. Or else, be polite, dry and short , write something like " sorry, I don't think we should keep in touch any longer, unluckil I don't see it being beneficial to either of us . All the best".
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A
female
reader, harchie  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Yes, u need to sit down with her, and explain things to her becos she isnt getting ur messages or maybe not. That is the best thing to do instead of ignorin her and ignorin her wont sent her away. And when talking to her about her manners and how she has hurt u, make sure she understands u. And goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Is this the pooping friend?
Tula, girl, you just need to say "no." And hit the delete button.
Ignore the translation question.
"Can't go to the art exhibit. Sorry!"
"No, I'm not available."
"Oh darn, my toilet has mysteriously blown up. It seems to have happened right after the last time you were here. I have a plumber coming in and I hope it'll be fixed in the next week or so. I'm desperately seeking another place, do you mind if I could use yours? This has been an ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE!"
You shouldn't have to teach friends "lessons"…. not in your 20s. If they are this mismatched with you then they are not going to be your BFF.
Let it go. Become too busy to see her and with a toilet that is out of commission.
Woman up!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Some people just don't get the message do they? I know people just like this too!
From my experience as much as it can help to have a good rant it usually leaves you feeling worse than it leaves the person you're ranting at, so save your breath!
If you don't want to be friends anymore then be totally clear about it. Defriending on Facebook doesn't mean anything, she may not even know that you've defriended her and she may not realise you've been avoiding her.
That said, if she had her suspicions that there was a problem then you've erased that by letting her use your flat, provided her with breakfast and watched her leave! That's what a friend does!
You need to tell her (privately but NOT in your flat), calmly, that you feel used by her and that she abuses your friendship. Give her examples if it makes you feel better but DO NOT lose your self control. Tell her you no longer wish to be friends and leave it there. Send an email if you don't feel able to speak to her face to face.
Then erase and block her telephone numbers and don't let her in if she turns up at your door.
I hope this helps AB x
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (3 October 2013):
 Nah, I'd just ignore her.
Sitting her down and saying "here's a laundry list of what's wrong with you" seems a bit pompous to be honest, and what exactly are you expecting out of doing that? For her to be grateful that you've pointed out all these negative traits she has? More than likely she will come back with her own set of behaviors she happens not to like about you.
If you're looking for closure after how you feel she mistreated you, then look to the fact that you were the one who called time on the friendship. You've already gotten the last word; now go your separate way from this woman who wasn't a good friend to you and focus on other things, such as learning to stand up for yourself when you feel you're being used. Good luck.
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