A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just curious.Because I use one but it seems that most people are really weary of it and I think a lot of them think wheelchair-users are a no go when it comes to dating, or even friendship.I'll be honest and say that making friends has been bloody hard sometimes and still is, but I do have a lot of fun with the ones I do have, and I try to be a good friend and be friendly to everyone whether they are friendly back or not. That way, the way they choose to react to me is their problem, but I've found that when you make an effort to be generally friendly, people are likely to return the friendliness, even if they aren't interested in being friends.I am a nice person "on the inside" and all, have a nice personality etc, but that only helps when someone finds something physically attractive about someone else first to make them want to get to know them better. Physical attraction is what makes someone pursue a possible relationship in the first place, but my disability does not make me feel physically attractive at all. I have many scars on my legs and feet from various surgeries which also makes me feel ugly and abnormal. I suppose I can't really expect others to find me attractive when I don't find myself attractive. It's fine to say "don't judge a book by its cover" and all, but fact is, the more the cover catches your eye, the more likely you are to read the book. Just the way life works and I don't hold that against anyone. It is just frustrating at times when I crave lust and love like everyone else.Many people also seem to assume that wheelchair-users are asexual and seem fascinated when they find out I can have sex. I mean, I definitely have a sex drive but it would be a bit harder to find the best position and everything, both for her and me. Haven't come close to doing that though so I'll figure it out when I get there haha.I guess it might be because people assume that if you use a wheelchair, you are most likely paralyzed but lots of people including me aren't.I don't hold it against people that they may be scared or unsure because it is different and to be fair, if I were in their position I'd probably feel the same. But I guess it just gets me down and makes me think no one will give me a chance because of it. Yes, it is a part of my life but it's just a way of getting around. Nothing more.Anyway, long post short, what do people think about dating someone who uses a wheelchair?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): There is nothing wrong with it. The person should be into you and not the wheel chair. When things click and there is a spark then chemistry can develop and almost anything can be achieved. Things will be okay for you. There is somebody out there for everyone i firmly believe.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 If I were single and our personalities 'clicked' I'd have no problem dating someone in a wheelchair. But I am one of those people who is drawn to personality far more than looks - and usually with almost complete disregard for looks. I am 25 and could name men from 18 to 45+ who I would be open to dating if single (and none of them look anything like each other; most aren't conventionally attractive at all to be honest) because we have a lot in common and our personalities attract. I don't care how hot a guy is if he's shallow or boring to talk to. I will freely admit that this may not be the norm for women but I also know I'm not the only one out there who feels this way.
Unfortunately being in a wheelchair is going to rule out dating certain women right off the bat. Some girls do seek out partners based almost exclusively on looks. You're probably quite handsome but not in the conventional way this particular type is looking for and so you won't have much success with girls who only want a partner who looks that certain way. (The argument can be made that you're much better off anyway missing out on girls who are shallow enough to see only your chair and not *you*.)
I think you can improve your luck with the ladies by choosing a hobby or pursuit - book club, Bible study if you're religious, take a cooking or art class, you name it - that will, first off, bring you into regular contact with women your age and second, give you the opportunity to let them see YOU as a person. Because there ARE women out there who really only give a darn about what's going on in your heart and your mind... you just need to meet the right one. Any avenue that lets you express who you are as a human being - because honestly, you sound like a lovely and understanding person - will let women you meet become comfortable with you as friends or classmates first without being intimidated by the fact you use a wheelchair, and who knows what chemistry may develop or reveal itself :)
Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): There is this stupid thing called "political correctness." This is where people feel it's impolite to ask personal questions of people with disabilities.
Those who aren't close to people with certain physical restraints assume and presume a lot; but are afraid to ask.
They'd rather remain ignorant than offend you, or look stupid. By the way, people with no physical limitations have the same problem in the dating world. There are those of us over 40, and people with weight problems. Hello!?
People forget how charm goes a long way. Perfectly beautiful people don't corner the market on sensuality and attractiveness. There are more women out there than you know who wonder what it's like to do it with a guy in a wheelchair. They will find if he can get it up, it's like any other man. Up your game and improvise. Compensate for what you don't have. Nature intended it that way.
If you're approachable, people will learn things about you and become comfortable. However; don't let your scars and imperfections make you a "social cripple;" for lack of a better term.
The dating world is usually easier for the beautiful; but because the earth is inhabited with billions of people, it increase our odds of finding someone.
There are more social prejudices out there than you can shake a stick at. For some of us, it might take a little more work; but those who have faith and persevere; we'll find success. There are certain types of women who don't meet your criteria as attractive; so you won't encourage them to bother you. That's just the way it is.
Things may not always happen according to plan and within your set time-limits. So you just haven't met the right woman. Stuff happens, dude.
Be visible. Stop putting yourself down before anyone gets a chance to see who you are, and what you're about.
I'm gay; but the thing I admire most about women, it's how they can see past looks and imperfections to see what's beneath them. They're more evolved then we men are in that respect. They are also intuitive. They avoid men who don't show confidence. It's sort of a sixth-sense.
If you have other limitations, they are to be discovered; and she will still venture to find out if you allow her to get close enough. Don't put yourself down; self-deprecation is a turnoff. Not if you have humor about it; then it's just a part of your charm.
Not to say they'll settle for anything, or that they don't appreciate beauty. What I mean is, if they like you; they'll give you a chance. If you can't get past a guy's eyes; in many instances, you might not make it much farther than that.
So, practice charm. Be open-minded. Don't be offended by stupid questions. People learn by asking. She will presume you can't have sex if she doesn't know a thing about you.
She sees a man in a wheelchair, immediately she has to make assumptions.
You have to exude confidence and approach a nice lady,
she may not want to date you; but nothing ventured nothing gained.
There are soldiers returning home from war, and they will not be the physical specimens they were before they left.
There will be men and women waiting for them. I hope they won't give up hope that those of us waiting for them will feel any less about them with their injuries than we did before.
There will be people who have issues about disfigurements;
but if you look at the veterans of older wars. They have wives and families. Many are missing legs, arms, eyes, and digits. They are just as loveable and sensual as any physically whole person. People get used to things.
Your time just hasn't come yet, and you just haven't met the right woman. Your disability is no excuse. Don't make it one.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 People would not actively look for someone on a wheelchair, unless they also use wheelchairs. I believe love has no boundaries and it can get over hurdles. I also believe two people can be put together by chance, and then feelings develop. When it happens it happens. I agree we can be shallow but I also think there is a person for everyone. If you are open to love then right there there is something lovable about you. Honestly if I am on a wheelchair I would not look for dating partners, because it would look like I am desperate for love and recognition. But if I meet someone and feelings develop I would say go for it. In real life I am single and I don't care about dating because right now it is not the right thing for me. Though I am not rejecting offers if there are any. If it's meant to be then it would happen.
There will always be misconceptions and generalizations that you are asexual and are paralyzed down below. You would never be a popular candidate for dating but when someone loves you, you know for sure they are serious. It also helps when you can find people who are not so tradition and family bound, people who are individuals and don't care what others think, people who are not too worried about marriage, kids, money, reputation and genetics. People who are not too rigid in their thinking. Just simply people who want to love and be inspired.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2013): I'm one of those people that are never sure precisely how to react when i see someone in a wheel chair. Its not something i'm overly used to so i don't really know how to deal with it. The wheel chair straight away marks you as different even as a stranger in the street ..... makes me worry that if i smile friendly will i be precieved as doing so because you are in a wheel chair or if i ignore will i precieved as doing so because again you are in a wheel chair. I feel either way i don't win and you are the target of my worrying mind where as if you were "a walker" no doubt i wouldn't have given you a second thought. But the key is that i'm not used to wheel chairs. If you were deaf i wouldn't notice. If you had autism it would be fine. I'm used to those. So the thing for other people is getting over how to react when not used to something which i suppose the thing is getting to know you so they see you and not just the chair. Which obviously do you struggle with people seeing past the chair. If i could get over myself and actually found a nice man who happened to be in a wheel chair, i would date him. So though hard, it's not hopeless. Just takes someone who in comfortable and willing to see you.
The funny thing is, i have absolutely no problem with those scooter things. Actually i think they are rather cool and i love how folk scoot around. Maybe its because internally i precieve an independance that i assume is lacking in wheel chairs :/
I have scars, bad scars, no one perfect.
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