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I've lived in 2 countries (2034.73 miles apart)
To me, there are 3 things important in a relationship: trust, love and humor.
I speak 4 languages.
There are 5 countries that I would like to visit in the near future: Sweden, Japan, UK, France and New Zealand.
I love people for the way they're different from each other, but still seem to follow some common logic. I spent my whole life observing them, first to be like them and fit in and then to distance myself from them and try to find my own way of life. |
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| Latest articles: Save yourself the pain - don't text!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 May 2007: In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
Pep-talk for the would-be dater
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2007: There must surely be a lot of people in this world who like each other and shyly glance at one another and never become a couple because both are too shy to ask each other out. As a girl, it's very easy to hide behind the idea that the man should ...
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My gf seems to have had a more exciting life than me. Maybe I'm jeleous but I don't know if we'll work long term. What do you think?
Q. Hey everyone, I've just started going out with a girl that has had a much more "Exciting" life in the past compared to me. She's had so much more sex partners (i've only had sex with one previous girlfriend whereas she has had loads of one night ...
A. 22 January 2007: I would really not recommend option 3. It sounds rather meaningless to someone like you who seems to have their head in the right place.
Option 1 is also a bit hasty, no? The fact that she hooked up with someone more "stable" is something one coul... (read in full...)
I have a fairly healthy diet but for some reason I have put on weight. Why?
Q. I have recently put on weight and surpassed a point on the scales i have never been at before. But I am unsure as to why I have put on weight. I have not changed my eating habbits and I eat fairly healthily without starving myself which i know ...
A. 22 January 2007: It might be that you've just stopped growing/changing and now that your body doesn't need all that energy for developing anymore it turns to excess energy (fat).
By the way, how do you know that your metabolism has increased? ... (read in full...)
I have a lot of angst about chatting to girls...
Q. Hi, I started college in september 06 and i still havent got any female friends from there. I jus cant bring myself to go and talk to any girls. i think to myself "what do i say", "what if i look bad", "what if i dont act right" and so on. even ...
A. 20 January 2007: Depends on the girl. Sometimes I find it hard to discuss specific topics (programming, chemistry) with certain people, but there are a few things that are "safe" to talk about with anyone, like small stories about funny things that happened to you, ... (read in full...)
Moved to NYC and fell in love with my real estate agent... so why wouldn't she meet for a date?!
Q. Dear Cupid, I hope I get some answers to my question here b/c I’m not getting any answers from this woman. I am in my mid-30s and I just moved to NYC from Midwest following a great professional job that pays very, very well. While I was lo...
A. 20 January 2007: I'm sorry, but it looks to me like she was just not interested in starting a relationship with you and she was too cowardly to tell you.
As to why she didn't want to be with you I can only speculate: perhaps she felt it was not right to start some... (read in full...)
My friend thinks I've been saying nasty things about her and I haven't! But no one believes me. What should I do?
Q. hey im 16 and need advice, a girl i have been mates with for 5 years has started tellin people about my private life and telling people that i've been saying bad things about her ( which i haven't) now i'm losing all my friends and i have no one to ...
A. 18 January 2007: You could try talking to her alone, she may have reacted weird because there were two of you and she felt attacked, but I have little hope she'll give you a reasonable answer as two why she's behaving the way she is. Was she always such a horrible ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant but don't want another child out of wedlock. He's reluctant to marry me. What can I do to make him want to marry me?
Q. my bf and i have been together for over 5 years and have a son together. i found out recently that i'm pregnant again and when i tell him he says he can't handle that right now. when i ask about marriage he says not to rush him.he lives with me and ...
A. 18 January 2007: About marriage: He's been living for 5 years with you and he doesn't want you to rush him, even though you already have one child and another one is on the way. It seems to me that this guy does not intend to get married in the next couple of years. ... (read in full...)
My friend thinks I've been saying nasty things about her and I haven't! But no one believes me. What should I do?
Q. hey im 16 and need advice, a girl i have been mates with for 5 years has started tellin people about my private life and telling people that i've been saying bad things about her ( which i haven't) now i'm losing all my friends and i have no one to ...
A. 18 January 2007: Hey duckling,
Why does your friend of 5 years suddenly start telling everybody theses things? Is she angry with you for something? Try to talk with her and ask her why she's so hellbent on making you miserable. It's not easy, but I think this is t... (read in full...)
Is he worth it if he's shallow? Or shall I ditch the weight anyway?
Q. hi. im seventeen and overweight (I'm 5'4" and 160lbs). I have a friend who I know likes me, and I like him a lot, but I think he wants me to loose weight before we can date... Im not really sure, but I get that impression, especially since he's ...
A. 18 January 2007: I always believed that people would be happier if the changes they made were for themselves and not for somebody else.
Don't loose weight just so some shallow guy will like you, do it because you want it for yourself.... (read in full...)
I've never had a boyfriend and I really want one. Guys always seem to think I just want friendship. Where am I going wrong?
Q. dear cupid i dont know what is wrong with me. i have such low confidence and find it so hard to get a boyfriend. i lost my mother a year ago and my best friend last august and i have not motivation anymore. not having a boyfriend never used to...
A. 17 January 2007: Hi Lisa,
I'm very sorry that you lost your mother and your best friend. That must be very hard on you, and it's probably why you're feeling blue and have low confidence right now.
When people are sad, comments like "haven't you got a boyfrien... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to confide my relationship problems in a friend? My bf thinks so!
Q. My bf and I are having problems in our relationship. I have tried talking to him about it but he doesn't want to discuss it. A girlfriend called me and asked why I was so down so I told her. My bf found out that I had told her about us, and was very ...
A. 16 January 2007: Let's put it this way: I can understand why you told your friend, but I can also understand your boyfriend being upset.
Your boyfriend thinks that your problems are private, and he's right, just think of how you would feel if he discussed some... (read in full...)
Bought my boyfriend an xbox for his b-day, now he never comes off it! Should I leave him?
Q. Should I stay with my boyfriend or should i leave? I bought my bf the xbox 360 for his birthday and now he is never off the thing. We have been together now for 3 years and live together. it may sound stupid but we never go out any more and whe...
A. 16 January 2007: Why are you still paying for that subscription? I think you should cancel it. Not only are you being miserable, you're paying to keep him making you miserable. Anyways, the subscription is hardly the issue here.
You need to sit your lad down and ... (read in full...)
I am stuck here in our apartment with someone who I don't think wants to be with me...
Q. I have been dating this guy for over a year and a half.. everything was going fine and he asked me to move in with him because he was going to law school and I was going to college. We have been living together for about 6 months now and he is ...
A. 15 January 2007: Is there a message board at school where you can see if someone is looking for a nice person to share an apartment with? Maybe if you're a few people sharing one apartment it won't be so heavy on your economy, and you can get out of the place you're ... (read in full...)
She's my ideal woman, except she's newly married!
Q. In short: met her year ago at work, (she was new employee).She was about my age,smart,charming,elegant,beautiful,everything which I ever dreamed of.And married.And childless (not hopeless,though,she was married freshly and told me that "somethi...
A. 15 January 2007: As my grandfather always liked to say "there's no point in running after buses and pretty girls; there's another one every five minutes".
So yes, apart from there being a lot of single "nice guys" out there, there's also quite a few single "nic... (read in full...)
Sometimes I think my gf is irritating and childish - is it just me being moody?
Q. From time to time I find my girlfriend really irritating and childish, to the point where I find it hard too speak to her or text her long texts. Is this normal? Other times i'm fine but i've noticed a pattern I get fed up of her for a few days t...
A. 15 January 2007: It's normal that people in a relationship get annoyed with each other from time to time.
I can't answer your question of you getting fed up with her is connected to your mood or her mood though. There are two possibilities:
a) she is behaving... (read in full...)
Will she run away if I tell her my feelings?
Q. I met this girl about 4 months ago and we went out about 3-4 times before I recently moved into my own place. Everytime we went out, we both had a great time and I know for sure, and I'm fairly sure that its mutual, their is a definite connection ...
A. 15 January 2007: Maybe she needs a bit of room to breathe, I do it too when I have a lot of contact with somebody, even if it's just non-romantic (me and a friend of mine whom I really like had a project together so we saw each other 3 times a weak, talked on the ... (read in full...)
My best friend said he's in love with me and it's a dream come true! He hasn't made much contact recently - what should I do?
Q. my best friend (male) admitted to haven falling in love with me and it's a dream come true! The thing is before when we were just friends i would always be the one keeping us in touch but now things have changed and i want to play hard to get. It ...
A. 15 January 2007: The guy told you how he felt about you, and you haven't called him in a fortnight, probably he feels rather rejected, and he might possibly be a bit upset/sad about it.
Don't you think it's about time you picked up the phone, called him and star... (read in full...)
Is the terrible relationship w/ my parents worth salvaging?
Q. My parents and I have a terrible relationship. They always criticize me for everything - be it what I'm wearing, how the furniture in my house is arranged, learning foreign languages, traveling, ANYTHING. They also dislike my husband and even make ...
A. 15 January 2007: First of all, in your email you sound pretty self confident and I admire you for not letting your parents break you. It must have been horrible to grow up having them criticize you constantly. Also, I'm very sorry for the circumstances with your gra... (read in full...)
He says I am too good for him
Q. I dont know what to do in this situation, my bf and i have been together for approx 2 months at the beginning he was loving and caring and wanted to spend time with me then i hurt him by saying i wasnt sure how i felt about my ex but realised it was ...
A. 15 January 2007: So your boyfriend closed off his feelings to you because of insecurities that he picked up in previous relationships, but he still seems to think that you belong to him.
Logically he is not going to be a good partner if he's closed off, so you migh... (read in full...)
I'm 17 and getting irregular periods...
Q. Ok, well i got my first period probably when i was 13, i'm now 17 and i don't think i've ever really had a regular period. I've had months between my periods, sometimes less than a month between them, i've also had heavy periods and ones that go for ...
A. 15 January 2007: First of all, if you've had your periods for 4 years already and it's not stabilized I think you can see someone, at least just to have them tell you that everything is okay so you can stop worrying.
As long as you're getting your periods, thin... (read in full...)
Will she run away if I tell her my feelings?
Q. I met this girl about 4 months ago and we went out about 3-4 times before I recently moved into my own place. Everytime we went out, we both had a great time and I know for sure, and I'm fairly sure that its mutual, their is a definite connection ...
A. 15 January 2007: First of all, I think you sound like a wonderful guy that you could have her stay at your place and fall asleep with her without making any moves on her. She probably appreciated you for it as she actually took you to see her family and she included ... (read in full...)
Age Of Innocence
Q. I am of quite a young age, and the thing is i avoid getting fingered. I have been fingered before, and i am willing to give them the favour (hand job/blow job) But for some reason, i avoid getting fingered. All of my friends, are the complete opp...
A. 14 January 2007: Well, as you said, you're quite young. I don't know how young but it doesn't matter. Maybe subconsciously you feel that you're not ready have someone else touch you there, and that's okay. Don't let anybody touch you until you feel ready. In fact, ... (read in full...)
18 and single ...help!
Q. i need some help ppl..i feel so so down at the moment.im the only single 1 out of all my friends..Im 18, i know thats not very old.I have so much bad luck with men. They just dont seem 2 take me seriously. I want a bf so badly but nothing ever works ...
A. 14 January 2007: If you can't be comfortable with yourself, how is someone else supposed to be comfortable with you?
What I mean is that it's easier to be attracted to someone who's whole existence isn't hung up on having a boyfriend.
It's when you're not looking ... (read in full...)
Like A Virgin?
Q. will my bf know im a virgin? i told him i had a one night stand a few months ago, thas how i lost my viginity however i was lieing...
A. 14 January 2007: First of all, no, he won't know that you're a virgin.
But before you go ahead with what you want to do, ask yourself why you didn't want him to know that you're a virgin. It's nothing bad.
I'm not saying that the first time is the most importan... (read in full...)
I need ideas for composing naughty notes to my bf-help?
Q. Hi all, i was just wondering if any of you could help me out..i want 2 give my b/f little naughty notes but i have no idea what 2 write?? we go to the same uni but study different things so only really see each other during our breaks.i want him2 ...
A. 14 January 2007: If you have a particular piece of clothing/underwear that drives him wild, just write something along the lines of: "See you tonight. I'll wear the lacy black stockings and nothing else. The mere thought of it turns me on and I want you already."... (read in full...)
Some good relationship questions to think about. Tell me what you all think.
Q. Why do relationships crash and burn so often these days, and so quickly? Why do people think the grass is always greener on the other side? I read something interesting that said the ‘grass is greenest where you water it’, so why do so many people ...
A. 14 January 2007: This is my theory of why relationships break more frequently these days than when our parents were young:
a) Today a lot of people enter a relationship knowing that if it doesn't work out they can always try it out with someone else, back then a g... (read in full...)
It seems the more we get into this relationship-the more he pulls away! What's going on?
Q. Should I finish with my boyfriend. We have a fab time dating and have done now for eight months, but he's already told me he nover wants to marry or live with someone again. On top of that he'e now telling me he intends going on a lads holiday. ...
A. 14 January 2007: Go with your instincts, finish with him.
He openly said that he didn't want to move in with anybody, and that doesn't make him a bad person, but an unsuitable choice of partner for you if you want a serious relationship.... (read in full...)
How do I stop being jealous?
Q. My girlfriend and I have now been dating for a little more than two years. We have had a long distance relationship for most of this time, but plan to get married upon her graduation in 2008. Recently, she started a travel abroad program in the ...
A. 14 January 2007: I think you're doing the right thing in not being controlling, that would probably make her ticked off.
But you could call her to tell her that you miss her, and to report of all the amazing stuff you've seen in south Asia. I'm sure she'd appr... (read in full...)
Why did my cheating ex-lover say he wanted to be friends then decide to cut all ties?
Q. 2 years ago I started dating a guy, he is a long distance lorry driver and we only saw each other at the weekends. He has recently left a 10 year marriage and was lodging with his best mate. We had a great time every weekend out drinking and ...
A. 14 January 2007: Dear, do yourself a favor and listen to your friends. They are so right in saying that you should forget him.
This player with a weakness for alcohol walked all over you like a doormat, he let you pamper him while he was screwing around with some... (read in full...)
Is this email chick hitting on my boyfriend?
Q. I just saw an email from a girl to my boyfriend, i don't know if i'm being way too sensitive, but in the email she says. "I so need to see the sun. I want to get out of town. Seriously. Some place hot?" is she trying to attract my boyfriend or am I ...
A. 14 January 2007: It doesn't sound like it to me. It sounds like she just wants to go on vacation.
Darn, I would sure like to go to the Caribbean and fry on the beach now as well.... (read in full...)
Did I make a fool of myself on the BBW dating site?
Q. After being single for 5 years i thought i would give internet dating a shot, so a few months ago i signed up for a bbw dating site (as im a big girl myself i thought it best as i wouldnt have to explain about my size later on if i did meet ...
A. 14 January 2007: Dear Lonely,
Maybe he was interested and then got cold feet. People who subscribe to dating sites are usually researching their options, which means that he might have had been talking to several interesting ladies, not just you.
Don't let... (read in full...)
How much does a guy expect from a virgin? I'm so nervous!
Q. my boyfriend and i are ready to take things to the "next level" problem is im a virgin and extremely nervous..the question is how much does a guy expect from a virgin for first time sex together and what can i do so i dont seem like im doing ...
A. 14 January 2007: Don't be nervous. It's going to be fine.
If your guy knows you're new to this type of activity, he will first of all feel very honored that you choose him to give it up to, and second: he will understand that you're nervous and hopefully do ever... (read in full...)
Is there any such thing as being too young for an long distance relationship?
Q. Is there any such thing as being too young for an LDR? I'm 18 years old, fresh college student, and I've recently become involved in a very very long distance relationship. I've waited a long time to be with this guy and now that I have something I ...
A. 14 January 2007: I had a long distance relationship for 3 years where I saw my guy 4 times a year (after 3 years I had had enough and moved in with him).
I was 19 when it started, and I can tell you is that it will be more difficult to have a long distance rela... (read in full...)
What does relationship mean?
Q. what does relationship mean?...
A. 14 January 2007: A relationship describes how two entities relate to each other.
Friendship is a relationship, and then there are different degrees of "friends" as in "close friends", "just friends" and "acquaintances").
Being "sworn enemies" would also be a relati... (read in full...)
My ex's grandmother made plans to visit me for a few days! How can I politely tell her no?
Q. Hi cupids Here it goes my ex and I broke it off 3yrs ago we have a son together who turned 9 this year, we had an on/off rship for almost 10yrs during this time I got very close to his family and friends and the same went for him we were hoping t...
A. 11 January 2007: Maybe, since you got along with your ex-boyfriend's sister-in-law you could ask her to explain to granny that she can't visit?
Also, maybe if granny comes to visit you she will see you together with your new partner and understand that her drea... (read in full...)
Our sex life is non-existant. I even get the feeling she'd be happy if I left her and the kids. How do I save our relationship?
Q. My girlfriend of 6 years and I have 3 beautiful kids. I love her and used to think she did too. However, she just won’t have sex with me. It went downhill after our first baby but that was OK – she just needed time right? Now our youngest is 16 ...
A. 11 January 2007: It sure sounds like you tried. You tried time, you tried taking her out, etc. What I didn't understand from your letter is if you tried talking about it outside of the bedroom? If you tried asking her why her feelings about sex have changed?... (read in full...)
What's the point of being in a relationship if it's just always going to end in tragedy?
Q. I'm 20 and might be starting to date women. You'll probably notice the "might be". The reason why is that I would like to have a relationship with a women, yet everywhere I look it just ends in catastrophe. People getting divorces, people having ...
A. 11 January 2007: Not all relationships end in tragedy. Don't judge relationships from what you read on this site, take the site as an example of the different problems that can arise in a relationship.
I have quite a few friends that are in happy long-term rela... (read in full...)
I get turned on by naked chicks more than men.. scared I may become a lesbian!
Q. I'm a female and not a lesbian but i get turned on seeing women naked than seeing men naked. What the heck is wrong with me!?? This is very unlikely for a woman but i do get excited when i see women's breast and women in bikinis (only those you ...
A. 11 January 2007: I too like watching women because they're prettier than men, and it does make me turned on when they're posing in an obviously sexy way as to attract the eye of a man (like on porn sites or in Luis Royo's paintings).
I don't consider myself a lesb... (read in full...)
Since our split I've felt my life is a boring routine. I've also developed feelings for my best friend!
Q. So I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and I'm going through a really rough time at home as well. Lately I've just felt really down and depressed, like theres no point in my life and that it's just like a routine I have to do everyday. I still ...
A. 10 January 2007: I'm sorry things ended between you and your boyfriend. You have my sympathies.
About your feelings for your friend: Sometimes, when people have a very good friend, they confuse the love of friendship with something else (happened to me too, so ... (read in full...)
He said he was single and childless, but he's married w/ a daughter! How can I trust him again??
Q. Do we have a future. My partner and I have been together for a year, he has lied constantly throughout his relationship, initially saying he was single and childless, as it turns out he is married with a 20 month old daughter. He told me in March ...
A. 10 January 2007: This guy had a relation with you for a year, pretending he was not married to another woman.
The only reason as to why he's now moved out is probably because his wife kicked him out.
Most likely, you deserve someone better than this. This guy will... (read in full...)
Bored of my finger, any tips?
Q. Ok I need some advice. I am a 19 year old girl who is a lesbian. I dont have a girlfriend therefore I do it manually! Trouble is now Im bored of just fingering myself and want something different but I don't want to try sex toys as ive tried before. ...
A. 10 January 2007: This might sound weird, but if you are right-handed, try using your left hand. It felt totally different for me. More work, but more rewarding.... (read in full...)
He asks me to spend the night, but I usually say no. Then he gets angry! What should I say or do?
Q. here it goes....my boyfriend and i have been together for five months....he lives at home right now and he always asks me to spend the night...i have a couple times but for the most part i usually say maybe not tonight.....i guess im just scared for ...
A. 10 January 2007: I think you should try to find out why you're scared of spending the night.
You say he lives at home, does that mean with his parents? I can understand you're uncomfortable with spending the night there then.
Does "spending the night" mean having s... (read in full...)
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