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I've lived in 2 countries (2034.73 miles apart)
To me, there are 3 things important in a relationship: trust, love and humor.
I speak 4 languages.
There are 5 countries that I would like to visit in the near future: Sweden, Japan, UK, France and New Zealand.
I love people for the way they're different from each other, but still seem to follow some common logic. I spent my whole life observing them, first to be like them and fit in and then to distance myself from them and try to find my own way of life. |
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| Latest articles: Save yourself the pain - don't text!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 May 2007: In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
Pep-talk for the would-be dater
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2007: There must surely be a lot of people in this world who like each other and shyly glance at one another and never become a couple because both are too shy to ask each other out. As a girl, it's very easy to hide behind the idea that the man should ...
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My Husband said I dont love him if I wont give him a blow job!!!
Q. My husband says I don't love him if I don't give him a blow job. Blow Jobs make me throw up what should I do - at this point I don't care if he leaves me....
A. 6 February 2007: It's not a very nice thing to try to emotionally blackmail someone into performing sexual services for them.
I really think you need to have a chat with your husband about showing proper respect for your partner. To me it sounds horribly disr... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and a virgin. I want to save it for someone special but I feel pressured to do it now because of my friends! Please help.
Q. I am 16 an stil a virgin, i have been offered to have sex loads and loads but the more i get asked the harder it is to say no, i wanna know what its like NOW yet i wanna save it for my first true love whoever that may be. I feel so pressured seems ...
A. 6 February 2007: And by the way, there was another thread on the importance of virginity which I think that you might benefit from reading:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-virginity-important-and-how-old-were-you.html... (read in full...)
Shall I surprise her on Valetines day? Good idea or not?
Q. We dated once and our next date is a week after Valentines Day. I am going to the cinema with this girl. Shall I send flowers and a card to her via a friend to surprise her on Valentines Day? She said she'd love to get flowers and a card from a boy ...
A. 6 February 2007: Wonderful idea. Flowers are a real classic =)
On the card you can write something along the lines of:
"I wish I was here to hand them to you personally, but I take comfort in that I shall see you before they wilt.
Counting the days,
[Your name]"... (read in full...)
I'm not really good with children and I'm wondering if it's ok for me t want him and not his kid?
Q. My boyfriend has a two year old son with his ex. She's psycho. I'm not really down with the kid. I'm 29 but I'm no where ready to have kids nor do I want to be a mom. Is it okay to be with him but not want the kid? What do I say to him?...
A. 6 February 2007: I can empathize with you on not being crazy about kids. They're nice for an hour or two, but then they start demanding attention, making a mess, need to have their diapers changed.
However, you need to realize that your partner is the father of this... (read in full...)
I'm 16 and a virgin. I want to save it for someone special but I feel pressured to do it now because of my friends! Please help.
Q. I am 16 an stil a virgin, i have been offered to have sex loads and loads but the more i get asked the harder it is to say no, i wanna know what its like NOW yet i wanna save it for my first true love whoever that may be. I feel so pressured seems ...
A. 6 February 2007: If it's any comfort to you, I was 19 when I lost it and I think that if I had done it before that I might have been too young to emotionally deal with it.
I think that when it comes to sex (any time, not just the first time), if you feel pres... (read in full...)
Is virginity important and how old were you all, when you lost it?
Q. when is the average age to lose your virginity becuase most people these days are losing it younger and put you in a position where you think of how far you went with a boy. How old was you when you lost your virginity? Is virginity important? i am ...
A. 6 February 2007: At the time I lost it I had just turned 19. I had low self esteem and a guy who had been my friend for 3 years was my first lover. I use the term lover here because even before the first time we kissed (my first kiss btw) I knew we could have no ... (read in full...)
After the break up he still comes to me-all the while he has another gf! Why is he doing this?
Q. It it time to give up on him? My relationship was just 9 months, but brilliant. myself 18, my ex 22.... He broke up with me afew weeks before I began uni. I was devestated. 5 months on, i'm still not sure why we broke. He blamed my moodswings, ...
A. 5 February 2007: Sounds a little bit like how I held on to my old blue ford fiesta for some time, even after I had bought a brand new focus because I wanted to be sure that the new car was good enough and wouldn't break down on me.
So in short, what I'm saying is t... (read in full...)
Should I continue my affair??
Q. I have been maried 15 years. Over the last 5 years my wifes sex drive has been in decline whilst mine has increased. We now have sex very rarely . I practiclly have to beg for sex but she wont give in. I recently made contact with an old friend a...
A. 5 February 2007: The fact that she's on anti depressants means that she's depressed, and I think it's no news to you that people who get depressed tend to have their sex life interrupted.
Your talk of age differences is rather strange. What does five years matt... (read in full...)
My long-distance girlfriend has a problem with my use of porn!
Q. Dear Cupid my long-distance girlfriend of 18 months has a serious issue with my use of porn. I only use it when I am away as a visual aid. When i'm in town we have great sex daily and i am happy with her body. I have a high sex drive and i wi...
A. 5 February 2007: Actually the porn is not really to blame. Your girlfriend has low self-confidence. Most women with a healthy amount of self confidence will know that there's a big difference between watching a bit of porn and actually having sex with somebody ... (read in full...)
Should I continue my affair??
Q. I have been maried 15 years. Over the last 5 years my wifes sex drive has been in decline whilst mine has increased. We now have sex very rarely . I practiclly have to beg for sex but she wont give in. I recently made contact with an old friend a...
A. 4 February 2007: If you continue seeing this other woman, it might be hard for you not to have a sexual relationship with her. Call me a pessimist, but I think that for most people it's difficult (neigh impossible) to go back from being lovers to just being ... (read in full...)
What do I get him for Valentines' Day..that shows I really care?
Q. hi all i am meetin this lad on valentines day hes kinda like my boy friend, and we r gettin each other cards and pressies for valentines day. but i dint have a clue wat to get him. im dreadin turning up on valnetines wiv wiv sumthin small and stupid ...
A. 1 February 2007: Expensive doesn't always mean meaningful. If you put a lot of thought into your present it will mean more to him than if you had bought him something expensive, but easy to find.
As for WHAT to get him, you need to think about what he likes.
If he... (read in full...)
We want to have children together as friends - is this a good idea?
Q. So this is a wierd situation. I met my soul mate. We are completely in love. We have the same values and morals. The thing that keeps us from being together is our sex life. It is horrible!!! And when i say horrible i mean it. We do not mix at all. ...
A. 30 January 2007: Well, there are married couples who stop having sex after some time together, and there are parents who live in different houses and share the care for the children...
So yes, I don't see why you shouldn't be able to start a family. Of course it's... (read in full...)
I'm scared to have sex b/c of pregnancy and b/c my parents might find out!
Q. I am with a great guy but no worry we dont plan on sex right now. Not until I'm 16 and then for the right guy but im just scared i will never lose it. I am scared about pregnecy and the first time and everything. Really it is because if i want to do ...
A. 30 January 2007: First, I admire you for waiting until you feel ready. Many people these days get pressured into sex at an early age by friends or partners.
To address your concerns about pregnancy I would like to recommend that you use a condom. Not only does it w... (read in full...)
My parents emotionally blackmail me when I bring up moving out. Now people are calling me a "mommy's boy!"
Q. Hello, need some wide spread opinions here. I'm male, and 23yrs, living with my folks, I have 3 older sisters who have married and moved out. Our folks refuse the concept of moving out of the house, saying why move out and pay rent when you ca...
A. 30 January 2007: Don't think so much about what other people say, think about how you feel. If you have a good time hanging out with your mother, then it's good. If you feel like you are being controlled by her, then it's not so good.
I guess there's nothing wron... (read in full...)
How do I get w/ a coworker who works in a different department? I don't want to scare him off!
Q. Oh my, I find myself lusting after a guy at work that physically any girl would pass up. However his personality drives me crazy; in a good way of course. He’s not the best looking crayon in the box, but he is so confident, that; that makes him s...
A. 30 January 2007: Well, you seem to take astrological signs seriously, and I can't help you with what Aries men like, but I do think that a guy who has confidence in himself wouldn't be put off by someone asking him out. Besides, self confidence doesn't look good ... (read in full...)
I like this girl and she knows, but she steers clear of me and avoids meeting up together!
Q. I have this problem with a girl a fw years younger than me. shes my friend's little sisters friend. i dont know this girl, except for that iv seen her around school and that shes my friends sis's friend. shes absolutely gorgeous. she knows that i l...
A. 30 January 2007: I'm sorry, but it sounds to me as if your friend's little sister's friend doesn't reciprocate your feelings. If she liked you she would probably be happy to be around you, but it looks to me like she's a bit uncomfortable with how you feel about her ... (read in full...)
I lack the confidence to talk to this nice girl I like. Any tips?
Q. i am 24 and have not had many girlfriends, my last one was a girl i met on holiday but we have split up, i consider myself reasonably good looking but lack confidence to ask a girl out. there is this girl who i quite like who works in a shop that i ...
A. 30 January 2007: I don't know what kind of shop she works in, but you can try to strike up a conversation under the pretense that you need help with something related to what they're selling (i.e. "Excuse me, but which spice goes well with this type of fish?" if ... (read in full...)
I need date ideas for me and the my new bf! Any tips?
Q. hey, im nearly 15, my new bf is 17.. we've been going out for just a day, but im stuck 4 an idea for a date, and im so scared about tellin me parents. will they disapprove?...
A. 29 January 2007: Whether your parents will like him or not most likely depends on what kind of person he is and what kind of people your parents are. In short: you would know better than I if your parents will like your boyfriend or not.
As for date ideas, h... (read in full...)
We are both shy....shall I call him??
Q. Dear Cupid, There's this guy I think I might be interested in (he's from a town about thirty minutes or so away from mine). Two of our friends (who are boyfriend and girlfriend) introduced us, and they both think that we should get together...
A. 29 January 2007: The fact that he's shy doesn't automatically mean that he will freak out if you call, he might be thinking about calling you but feeling weirded out about how his phone acted up on him last time he tried to call you. He would probably be happy you ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend refuses to stop seeing this other guy. Does she love me?
Q. There has always been another man who my girlfriend refused to stop seeing. She said she loved me and wanted to get married. I bought her a $12,000 ring as she promised me he was gone out of town forever.. Three weeks later I found them together at ...
A. 29 January 2007: No, I think you did the right thing. She obviously had some kind of amorous feelings for this other man as she kept seeing him behind your back. And when you broke up with her and she went to sleep with him only two days later, it pretty much ... (read in full...)
After we had sex--I found out he injects heroin! Can I get HIV from him?
Q. hi ppl.this is a really serious question. I have just split with my boyfriend and yesterday i found out that while i was with him he was on heroine, and in fact has been injecting for 12 months. I had no idea about this!!anyway i had sex with him, ...
A. 28 January 2007: First of all: it's great that you're going to test yourself. I can understand that you are scared now while you're waiting for test results and I hope and pray that your tests will come back negative.
If you turn out to have HIV there is supp... (read in full...)
Sometimes, I feel nothing when I kiss my bofriend. What could be missing?
Q. I love my boyfriend very much; he’s so caring, loving and sweet. I really don’t know what else more I can ask for. However, some times when I kiss him I not sure that I feel any thing why is that? What could be missing? ...
A. 28 January 2007: I don't know what it is that you're expecting to feel, but I only had a feeling that the world was spinning the first 2 times that I kissed my boyfriend. After that, sometimes I felt happy and sometimes I felt other stuff. I noticed that when I'm ... (read in full...)
I want the older, married guy out of my life as I feel guilty for cheating on my bf. What should I do?
Q. I am a 22 year old girl in a relationship with a boy for last 2 years with whom i wish to settle down. I recently fell for a married man of double my age and working in my office. Under strong emotions i slept with him twice and really enjoyed ...
A. 28 January 2007: The best way to end a relationship is to do it face to face. It's difficult, but it's better to do it that way because it leaves less negative feelings.
If you can't do this face to face, here are a few other alternatives:
1) Write a letter. ... (read in full...)
She said she just now wants to be friends, but I want to give it another go, any ideas what I can do ?
Q. just before xmas i asked this girl out. she said she doesn't feel the same and she just wants to be friends now. i still love her, i talk to her everyday on msn. could i casually ask her out on valentines day? i just wanna give it another go. any ...
A. 25 January 2007: I do admire your courage for wanting to give it another try, but when a girl clearly states that she just wants to be friends and doesn't feel anything but friendship for you, you probably don't have much of a chance in changing how she feels about ... (read in full...)
She said she loves me but cant be with me, as it hurts to much.. Whats going on ?
Q. I was with this girl for 16 months, and had just returned from a month long trip to china, and back into her arms, i slept over at her place for the next week, we fought a lot but no more than usual, we have a fight the day after i get back to my ...
A. 25 January 2007: You were gone for a month. The two of you fought when you came back. And then she told you she loves you but can't be with you.
Sounds to me like she had some peace and quiet while you were gone and decided that she just doesn't want to deal with... (read in full...)
My husband and I are perfect, except for the sex. He said I could have other partners so long as I came back to him... but now I've fallen in love with one!
Q. Please can you offer me some advice. I am married and have been with my husband for 5 years. We have one 2 year old boy and I am 6 weeks pregnant with our second child. We are happy together and we are made for each other but he just does not do i...
A. 24 January 2007: Dear, I can understand your dilemma, but I think you're being a bit unfair to your husband and your beau.
Your husband allowed you to pursue your physical desires as you saw fit under the single condition that you would not have an emotional affa... (read in full...)
Do you think he's been cheating with the girl from his 3-week training couse?
Q. I am unsure whether to trust my boyfriend of one year. I knew about my boyfriend before we started seeing each other and I know he has cheated on one girlfirend with someone from Spain and dumped the English Girlfriend eventually to get together ...
A. 24 January 2007: He might have told you that they were just emailing because he had seen you worry about this kind of thing before and didn't want to make you troubled.... (read in full...)
She's 15. Should I wait or not?
Q. Hello to anyone that replies to this question I really need some advice. I'm 19 years old and my girlfriend is 15.We'be been going out for 6 months and recently talked about going all the way as it were. I want to know whether I should wait or not. ...
A. 24 January 2007: I don't know when you're legally "allowed" to have sex in the UK, but since you're 19 I would recommend to maybe wait a while.
Also, a lot of it depends on your girlfriend. She needs to be ready to take this step in your relationship or else the ... (read in full...)
I've moved into the big city with my boyfriend, he loves it here but I really miss my family! What should I do?
Q. So i've been with my guy for years..we met in my home town where i grew up.When i graduated the two of us moved 5hrs away from there to the 'big city'. We both decided it wasn't for us but instead of moving back to my hometown we agreed to move to ...
A. 24 January 2007: Sometimes you just have to choose.
You have a good job, relationship and friends and you seem very happy with it.
Would you really want to trade it all in just for the opportunity to be with your family more? Wouldn't it make you a mere spectato... (read in full...)
My parents are so judgemental. I have a new bf and am afraid of what they may think.
Q. I have an issue. I am sort of dating this guy, who is 29 years old, and I am 20. He is so incredibly nice and wonderful, and I do enjoy his company and how everything is going. However I am paranoid about what my parents might think of him as...
A. 24 January 2007: I think that at the age of 20 you don't need your parents approval to be with your boyfriend. On the contrary, your parents should respect your choice and be happy that you found a man to love that treats you well.... (read in full...)
My bf resents that I talk to a good male friend. What should I d0 about this?
Q. Ok, so my boyfriend and I are studying away from home (in Canada). We live together too. He goes home every 4 months and spends time with his family and friends and has a total blast, partying and all that! I go home every 4 months too, but since my ...
A. 24 January 2007: Your boyfriend is way too controlling and for him to try to "force" you to have less contact with your friend is just wrong.
I also don't really like the he violates your integrity by checking your email accounts and phone. That's not right.
I thi... (read in full...)
My Ex-Girlfriend is lying, I want to confront her but how without letting on that I've been spying!!!?
Q. My Ex Girlfriends Lies yesterday (tue 23rd) my ex girlfriend walks through the door after work to say she got a phone call from a lad from manchester a friend of hers so i thought nothing of it at first until i noticed she was trying to hide h...
A. 24 January 2007: The reason why you're her EX-boyfriend (as in FORMER boyfriend) is that you and her are not a couple anymore (other than the sleeping together) and this means that you have no right to claim her for yourself. In short, if you wanted to have an ... (read in full...)
We're in a nasty cycle of verbal abuse and fighting! How do we stop this?
Q. ive been living with my boyfriend for 8yrs.As any normal couple does we fight over everyday things. the only problem is lately when we fight it turns into nasty name calling and somtimes it turns physical on both sides. Weve been calling names so ...
A. 23 January 2007: You can both try to sit down on one of those good days with a lot of love and discuss this and agree on a set of rules for arguing, like:
1. Stick to the point your arguing about, don't start arguing about things that happened a month ago
2. Do... (read in full...)
I'm 31 and still a virgin. My boyfriend wants us to have sex but I'm scared! Please help.
Q. Hi guys and gals, please help me! i've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months. I'm 31 and still a virgin he's 28 and slept with 27 girls. 3 of them long term, and has an 8 year old from his first serious relationship. He knows i've never had ...
A. 23 January 2007: Having sex should be an enjoyable thing, and not a task. I'm happy that you found someone that you want to be with, and I think he's a really great guy for understanding you.
And also, I just want to stress that there's nothing wrong with being a vi... (read in full...)
How do I show my moody boyfriend that I really love him?
Q. for the last few days my boyfriend has been causing arguements with me or just getting the face on for no reason which is making me feel worthless i want to show him how much i love him and to show him that he is the one i want please help!!...
A. 23 January 2007: I think if you want to show him you love him and you are there for him, you should let him know you're worried about how he seems angry over little things lately and that you would like to know if there's anything you can do to help him feel better. ... (read in full...)
I feel inadequate after seeing a photograph of my boyfriend's ex. But am I just being silly?
Q. I've been in a reltionship with my boyfriend for 4 months. We love each other very much, and I am completely open with him. His last relationship was with a girl that lasted 2 years, and they were engaged. He told me he broke up with her because he ...
A. 23 January 2007: I can understand why you feel the way you do, but it's not right.
Let's have a look at reality: He dumped miss "massive-house-and-fancy-cars" because something wasn't right with her.
You write that the two of you love each other very much, so pleas... (read in full...)
Do you think it's ok for an 18 year old guy to date a 16 year old girl?
Q. Hi everyone. I've been talking to a girl online for about 2 years now and we get on really well. I was thinking of asking her to be my valentine this year. The age thing gets to me though for some reason and I would really like to know your ...
A. 23 January 2007: To me it sounds fine. I think it's cute that you're asking her to be your valentine =)... (read in full...)
This guy seems to like me but I'm super shy! What should I do?
Q. please help! i am 18 years old and a few nights ago my friend set me up with a friend of hers from her work to go on a date, and we went out with her and her boyfriend as well. i had fun and i really like him and he seems really nice. however we ...
A. 22 January 2007: I'm happy that you found someone you like that like you back.
As for being shy, you said that after you've met a person a couple of times, you'll be less shy. So how about the two of you go to the cinema, 'cause there you can be together, but with... (read in full...)
I really like this girl and I want to call her but I don't know what to say. Help me out please.
Q. i met this girl at a concert the other night, and i really like her, and i'm pretty sure she likes me too because she grabbed my hand when she was not by me and pulled me to her. and i do not know what to do, i'm bad with girls and plus she lives ...
A. 22 January 2007: I think most girls think it's kinda flattering when someone you've just met calls you up to propose meeting again.
Yes, inviting her to the other concert sounds like a good reason to call her. Maybe, if she seems happy about you calling, you coul... (read in full...)
I feel like our relationship is going to end. She's even emailed her ex about getting together!
Q. I'm in a relationship with the woman of my dreams and I feel like its going to end any day now. We have been seeing each other for about 8 months now and have been living together for 6 months. I think/thought that she would be the one!, but now all ...
A. 22 January 2007: Neither of you seem very happy in your relationship, she's emailing her ex and you are feeling unloved.
Doesn't she care that you didn't even hold her hand for a week?
What is it that she complains about? Maybe if you see a pattern, you will fin... (read in full...)
My gf seems to have had a more exciting life than me. Maybe I'm jeleous but I don't know if we'll work long term. What do you think?
Q. Hey everyone, I've just started going out with a girl that has had a much more "Exciting" life in the past compared to me. She's had so much more sex partners (i've only had sex with one previous girlfriend whereas she has had loads of one night ...
A. 22 January 2007: I would really not recommend option 3. It sounds rather meaningless to someone like you who seems to have their head in the right place.
Option 1 is also a bit hasty, no? The fact that she hooked up with someone more "stable" is something one coul... (read in full...)
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