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I've lived in 2 countries (2034.73 miles apart)
To me, there are 3 things important in a relationship: trust, love and humor.
I speak 4 languages.
There are 5 countries that I would like to visit in the near future: Sweden, Japan, UK, France and New Zealand.
I love people for the way they're different from each other, but still seem to follow some common logic. I spent my whole life observing them, first to be like them and fit in and then to distance myself from them and try to find my own way of life. |
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| Latest articles: Save yourself the pain - don't text!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 May 2007: In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
Pep-talk for the would-be dater
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2007: There must surely be a lot of people in this world who like each other and shyly glance at one another and never become a couple because both are too shy to ask each other out. As a girl, it's very easy to hide behind the idea that the man should ...
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How can I get my parents on my side?
Q. I'm a 20 and a junior in college, and I'm in love with a guy who is a senior in high school. We kind of dated when I was in high school, but I never told my parents because of the age difference and thing just didn't work out. Now, we're both ...
A. 15 March 2007: If you have feelings for someone else, then I think it's only fair that you would leave your current boyfriend. And if the two of you are arguing a lot then maybe the relationship has run its course?
I'm not too familiar with the american educ... (read in full...)
I feel as if he is trying to control me! Am I blowing this out of all proportion or do I have a point?
Q. Hi, My mum introduced me to a guy which she thought is suitable for me. We went out for a week and then he flew off to a different country as he works there. In the week that we spent we had a really good time I found him to be really nice but it ...
A. 15 March 2007: No, you're not wrong. I think this guy seems a bit more dominant than what is healthy.
When he told you to wear something more conservative in front of his parents it could have been brushed off as he was trying to make his parents like you, but ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but my ex wants me back and to make babies with me!
Q. My husband and I have been together for a little over a year. We just got married a couple of months ago. When we first got together I was 7 1/2 months pregnant from my previous fiance, who left me because of his stupid friend. Right before our son ...
A. 15 March 2007: You said it yourself: you love your husband very much. I say you should stick with him.
I'm sorry that your ex-boyfriend is playing a foul game by speaking words of love and trying to make you be with him again. It's probably confusing but don'... (read in full...)
I feel as if I've missed out on my younger days and am filled with regret. How can I stop feeling this way?
Q. hey, just wanted to know im 20 years old and have just got my 1st gf, my girfriends has 2 other guys 1 for 2months n one for 2wks both cheated on her,the 2wk realationship wos more of a physical relationship which bothered me slightly, shes also had ...
A. 15 March 2007: I understand how you feel a bit. I had similar thoughts because my boyfriend was more experienced than I was. But then I thought that if you know another person's body and mind well it's probably worth more in experience than having 10 short, ... (read in full...)
Guys, would you date a girl who didnt like oral sex?
Q. Guys, would you date a girl who didnt like oral sex?? I hate giving guys oral sex, its a massive turn off for me (Im actually not a fan of recieving it either) but my guy friends were talking the other day and said they could never date a girl who ...
A. 14 March 2007: I'm no guy, but I'm sure that there are plenty of guys out there who won't mind that much that they're not getting any head. If a guy loves you, he won't push you for anything like that if he knows you're uncomfortable about it.
And how much can ... (read in full...)
I belong to an asian culture. Is it true in the west, you can have sex with anyone you want?
Q. I belong to asian culture and i have this mindset about West that you are free to do whatever you want there. Meaning you can have sex with anyone you want to, if both are ready. Is this true? ...
A. 14 March 2007: Well, as Soulsista said, it's relatively free for a person to have sex with anyone they want and virginity doesn't carry as much weight as it does in other cultures (compared for example to more patriarchal cultures).
Still if a girl has had too ... (read in full...)
He just doesn't seem to want to go away with me!!
Q. I have been pleading and begging my boyfriend that we go away for a weekend together, its been four months since we have been able to spend that quality time together. Finally I organised a really beautiful beach house for this weekend. This morning ...
A. 14 March 2007: The baby brings your question into a different light. I've heard of men who until the time the baby is born are in denial of what is about to happen. Maybe that's what all these sports exercises are about (unless he is a professional player and is ... (read in full...)
He just doesn't seem to want to go away with me!!
Q. I have been pleading and begging my boyfriend that we go away for a weekend together, its been four months since we have been able to spend that quality time together. Finally I organised a really beautiful beach house for this weekend. This morning ...
A. 14 March 2007: No, you're NOT wrong to be upset with him. I think you should go away for a weekend by yourself and seriously consider if this guy is worth keeping.
Four months is a long time to be busy, especially since you've been begging him to spend time with... (read in full...)
Any ideas why I always feel ill??
Q. Hi, I have a problem. I recently moved schools and I'm loving it, but at my old school I used to have really bad attendance and I wanted that to change at my new school. I'm really trying but I constantly feel ill and I think my parents think I fake ...
A. 14 March 2007: I don't know in what way you feel ill but if you're experiencing tiredness, headaches, belly aches and similar things, I think you should see a doctor about it. Maybe you just have a lack of certain minerals or vitamins. It's better to get it ... (read in full...)
I am really worried my bf thinks I am cheating!!
Q. Hi, Last night my bf got a text and he said it came from my phone. Thing was it was not the kinda thing id text (he didnt tell me what it said just it was rude, and not in a good way) Thing is i didnt send the text and cant see how anyone else coul...
A. 14 March 2007: Technically it's possible to send a text through certain internet services and make it appear as if it was sent from somebody else's phone number. See for example http://thesmszone.com/ where it says "You have the power to specify what the receiver ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if your gf is a real virgin??
Q. How do i get to know if my girlfriend is a real virgin? She said she is but i dont trust her enough becasue she had been in a relationship before and seems to know a lot about sex. Is it true that all women bleed on their 1st time? She is just 15 ...
A. 13 March 2007: Are you sure you really love her, because usually when you love somebody, you trust them. What reasons would she have to lie about being a virgin? It's not like you're going to dump her if she isn't, right?!
And to answer your questions: Not all ... (read in full...)
I don't mind him talking with his ex as long as I know about it but I've found he's done it numerous times without telling me. What should I do?
Q. Here is the situation. I have been dating this guy for about a year and a while now, everything (to my understanding is great). The only big discussions we have had is about his ex girlfriend. My boyfriend ended his previous relationship very badly ...
A. 13 March 2007: How often does he talk to his ex? Maybe if he's not talking to her more than once every two weeks you don't need all the rules about him updating you whenever he calls or emails her. I'm a bit concerned about the rules because it makes you come ... (read in full...)
Help!!!! Have I caught an STD from him??????
Q. Hi this is the same girl Jackie. I know that i may have gotten used by an x boyfriend. But, everytime we did anything he ALWAYS talked to me no matter what!!! Could it be possible that the reason why he's not talking to me could be because maybe he ...
A. 13 March 2007: Hi Jackie. Go to your doc, take a couple of tests. It's better to get tested than to worry about these things because worrying never solves anything, and at least if you caught something you can get medication for it.
And I don't know what the laws... (read in full...)
We are going on a break for a week so he can decide what he really wants. I'm not sure if I should avoid him, or talk to him. What is the best idea?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years has all of the sudden become very distant. I believe that his friends are pushing him away. He is a senior in high school and I am a junior. He thinks that he wants to be more independent now and not have a girlfriend. ...
A. 13 March 2007: I'm really sorry about your boyfriend becoming distant. After 2.5 years together it can't be easy.
It's not unusual that teenage relationships break though, since during these years people evolve a lot emotionally, and not always in the same way.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of three years didn't throw out his nudey pics of his ex! What does this mean?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He is divorced...he got burned pretty bad we're 27/25 years old... Anyway... He was going through some of his old junk and got rid of alot of stuff, EXCEPT for, I found this out today, some nude pic...
A. 13 March 2007: It hurts to find that kind of crap around. However, just like Irish said, blokes seriously are forgetful about these kind of things and I bet your guy had totally forgotten about those pictures.
I've been in the same situation as you and even afte... (read in full...)
I'm going on holiday in 4 months - how do I tone up - the mile a day run isn't working!
Q. Hey. I'm going on holiday in four months, and would like to tone up for that. I run for a mile every other day, and do a 30 minute bike ride for the days I'm not running. Everyday, I do 100 sit ups, squats, leg excersises, tushups, etc. However, ...
A. 13 March 2007: Personally I think that being happy with what you have would be a good approach. You already said it yourself: you're not chubby. Models are models because they have a genetic make up that combined with training and diets makes them perfect in the ... (read in full...)
My question is she coming on to him when saying you must know me quite well by now or am I just being totally silly
Q. Hi everyone Before I start I just want to say that a yes or no answer will do. Yes for there is some flirting or more and no for absolutely no substance. Thank you everyone. The question is: My partner and I are in our early fifties. She is ver...
A. 13 March 2007: No, it doesn't sounds to me like she's flirting in the email. But a 9-hour dinner?! They must have had really slow waiters or something... ... (read in full...)
I'm not particularly good looking, do you think I'm in with a chance?
Q. looks matter alot dont they? i really like this girl and she's quite pretty but has never had a boyfriend because she's really shy and hard to approach. well there's me who has kinda broken the barrier and can talk to her sometimes at school a...
A. 13 March 2007: I've fallen for lots of guys that were not conventionally good looking and I know that even if a person is really "ugly" they always have something good looking about them like nice cheek bones, or really graceful hands. Beauty is in the eye of the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never wants to mess around any more, this other girl I know does... what do I do?
Q. well me and my gf have been dating for a few months. everything was goin great. but latley she never wants to mess around. and last night this girl that is kinda a friend started txting me outta now where. we were just talkin then all of a sudden ...
A. 12 March 2007: First of all: Going for some time without sex is not going to turn you into an animal. You have control over yourself, and I'm sure you're a good guy, but try to avoid exchanging naughty text messages with your friend. It's not fair to your ... (read in full...)
He says he loves this other girl so why is he keeping in contact with me all the time?
Q. i was with this guy for just over 2years and things were fine between us but last september he met somebody else whos only just 16 and hes almost 21, and he sais he loves her but all hes doing is asking to meet me and keeping on talkin to me and ...
A. 12 March 2007: While reading all the questions on this site I noticed a tendency where people who break up with someone want to keep in touch with their ex just so they will have someone to go back to if the current relationship doesn't work out.
If your ex just... (read in full...)
I've tried to throw him out but he claims he has no where to go, I have 2 kids to consider here, what do I do?
Q. Hi I have only just found out that my partner of 11 years has been cheating on me and got another woman pregnant, as you can imagine I am totally gutted, he says he wants to stay with me and loves me but I keep finding text messages on his phone. ...
A. 12 March 2007: Why are the two kids a reason for you to keep a drinking womanizer around?
With all the people he seems to socialize with (his mates and his mistresses) he should be able to find a place to crash for a while until he can find his own place.
If he... (read in full...)
How do I balance my needs with my partners to keep things going??
Q. I feel doubtful about a relationship when i don't get enough consideration for my needs by the people concerned. And happens quite so many times. People just find themselves busy with their own things when i want their attention for something. How ...
A. 12 March 2007: Generally your question is a little bit non-specific and it's not clear whether the "people" are partners or friends, so for now I'll treat it as both.
What need is it that you have that is not being attended to?
When encountered with a situatio... (read in full...)
I find it difficult to accept social company of most type of conventional people around.
Q. I find it difficult to accept social company of most type of conventional people around. I know that people consider me arrogant for this very reason but i can't be like some of those double standard people who are valued in society. I don't mind if ...
A. 12 March 2007: Nobody likes being underestimated or looked down upon based on superficial things like salary, clothes, or cars. This unfortunately happens to everyone because people instantly make an impression of another person based on what they know about them, ... (read in full...)
Is it true that she will feel tight again and therefore I will feel her break?
Q. Hi i'm really worried. My girlfriend wants to have sex and she said she's virgin. But i'm worried that suppose she had done sex before but she stopped doing it which they are called 'born again virgin', is it true that she will feel tight again...
A. 12 March 2007: Even if she was a virgin you might not feel her "break" as due to gymnastics, tampons and other reasons the hymen becomes stretched sometimes. I for one, did NOT bleed or break.
And if you love the girl it shouldn't matter to you if you "feel her ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to feel that there is no point to life?
Q. is it wrong to feel that there is no point to life? I sometimes feel kinda down i guess because, i don't have a great social life, partly because at school i hang between two groups and am consequently not as close to everyone in those two groups. ...
A. 12 March 2007: I can't promise you that things will get better, but I can say that it's likely that they will get better.
Let's put it this way: When you go to school you're thrown together with a bunch of people who are there because they have to be there, and ... (read in full...)
I've text him and haven't heard back and I just want to hear from him so bad... what can I do?
Q. Hi everyone I have been seeing my bf for bout 8 months although the first 6 were long distance My prob is i suffer with panic attacks and i have been doing really well recently and not had one in over a month What kicks off my attacks is no...
A. 12 March 2007: First of all, congratulations on managing to get a better hold of your panic attacks.
About your question: maybe you should try calling instead of texting him. Not only would you get instant reply, but you would hear his voice as a bonus and ther... (read in full...)
One of my breasts is bigger than the other, is this normal? What's wrong with me?
Q. i'm almost 16. my one breast is bigger than the other!! why is it like this? wat caused this? will they eventually be the same size when i have grown up properly??? what's wrong with me! my bras feel uncomfortable and i think its noticeable ...
A. 12 March 2007: Well at 15 (almost 16) your body might still be changing, and there's a chance your other breast might catch up in size.
Also, please be aware that our bodies are not completely symmetrical, and if you look at your face in the mirror you will noti... (read in full...)
I find it difficult to accept social company of most type of conventional people around.
Q. I find it difficult to accept social company of most type of conventional people around. I know that people consider me arrogant for this very reason but i can't be like some of those double standard people who are valued in society. I don't mind if ...
A. 12 March 2007: In what way do you expect people to acknowledge that they understand that not everybody wants to be like them? Please update your question with some info, because, whereas it's an interesting question, it's very unclear. I think I might know what ... (read in full...)
Do I go around to ask him to confirm the date?
Q. I really like my next door neighbour. He approaches me whenever he sees me, offers to do jobs for me and even asked me to the cinema. When i approached him the other day to ask him when he could go out he mentioned a day but then never got back to ...
A. 12 March 2007: Whatever happened to borrowing a cup of sugar? Knock on his door with some superficial errand and then smile and say "oh by the way, about the movie, which day are we going, I forgot to write it down...".
If he's shy, it was probably a huge thin... (read in full...)
He wants me to delete him off my contact list and never speak to him again although he does have reason. Is this fair?
Q. i'm 15. i almost cheated on my bf with a guy who is also my very good friend. i told him straight about it and he forgave me . i dont want any lies in this relationship. i am still friends with this guy but there is NOTHING going on. now my bf wants ...
A. 12 March 2007: Let's put it this way, technically it's maybe not right to dump a friend, but on the other hand if you keep contact with this guy he will always be between you and your boyfriend. Every time you go out with your friend your boyfriend is going to ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for the blood to be that light and that red? It looks like the type of blood that comes out when you have a cut!
Q. Hi, sorry if this is gross. I'm almost 21 years old and I've had my period for about 8 years now and it's been fairly regular. I was on the pill for a couple of years and stopped taking it about 2 months ago. I'm on a period right now but I went 6 ...
A. 12 March 2007: When you go off pills it has a tendency to screw up your periods for a while, so that's probably why you didn't have your period for 6 weeks and why it is so heavy now.
As for the color of the blood I wouldn't know if this is bad or not, but do ask ... (read in full...)
How can I find somebody who is not 'money motivated'?
Q. How can I find Someone who is not money motivated?...
A. 11 March 2007: Well, you can target somebody who is already filthy rich.
The easiest way might be to trust people around you a bit more. You're insulting yourself by thinking that somebody would only be with you because you have money, I'm sure you're an inte... (read in full...)
Now I am more positive, people are suspicious of me!!
Q. I wish to thank "DEARCUPID.ORG" and the agony aunts for being of so much help to me to become a more positive person. However, with the new things i have discovered, i constantly find myself to be looked at with some kind of suspicion by others, may ...
A. 11 March 2007: I don't know what kind of community it is that you live in or what the people there are like. Are they suspicious of you because you don't fit their way of life, or are they suspicious of you because you suddenly are more positive?
If it is the latt... (read in full...)
My husband only wants to debate and talk about politics and world issues! It's driving me crazy! Ahhhh!
Q. Hello. I'm having a bit of a problem with my marriage. My husband doesn't stop debating and doesn't want to talk about anything other than current events. It's in his nature to debate everything - his father is the exact same way - that's just ...
A. 28 February 2007: Is there any chance that you might be able to take him somewhere without tv and internet access? Like some cottage in a very big canadian forest? ;-)
I don't mind you "yammering on" (is that a yiddish expression?), and I'm sorry our ideas didn... (read in full...)
Is there life after death? Is there hell and heaven? Is there reincarnation? Do we wake-up, and find out we're all aliens?
Q. hey this is a very wide question but hopefully itll mean i get more peoples opinions on it!! what you think happens when people die, is there life after death? my dad died recently and i cant help thinking whats happened to him so i'd like to know...
A. 28 February 2007: First of all, I'm sorry about your father.
I think that while you're alive there's a certain amount of things you need to do, it might be something really big (save the world) or something really small (like giving a good piece of advice to a frie... (read in full...)
Have I got enough best friends and is it normal ?
Q. I have to ask if the type of friendship I have is ideal. I have 5 best friends who I would go on holiday with. Apart from one of them who is a girl. After that, I have several friends who I'm good friends with and would go to their parties, but not ...
A. 28 February 2007: Everybody's different. Some people have big social networks and less intensive connections and other prefer to have a few very good friends that they can share everything with. And I doubt that a person who has 20 "best friends" can forge a strong ... (read in full...)
Should I be worried the he refused sex, but then jerked off the next morning!?
Q. i have a bf, we have been going out for 2.5 years now, and do have sex. just the other night, i assumed we would have sex, but we decided not to since we do it almost 4-5 time a week (!?!?) any way, that very next morning, i saw my bf jerk off.....
A. 28 February 2007: A lot of people pleasure themselves even if they're in a relationship with someone. I don't think you need to feel hurt or betrayed about your boyfriend giving himself a hand. It doesn't mean that he loves you any less or that he doesn't find you ... (read in full...)
I'm a male and afraid to lose my virginity, I seem to think that people who lose their virginity before marrige are not good people. Why?
Q. I am a guy alright. But i wonder why does it discomfort me when someone is looking at me or makes eye contact, i feel shy, when they look at me I think they were probably thinking about having sex with me. That sounds absurd but i am extremely ...
A. 28 February 2007: First of all, I want to say that those girls who tried to force you into a physical relationship were doing something horrible, and I'm sorry you had to make such an experience.
Second, when people look at you or make eye contact with you, they are ... (read in full...)
My husband only wants to debate and talk about politics and world issues! It's driving me crazy! Ahhhh!
Q. Hello. I'm having a bit of a problem with my marriage. My husband doesn't stop debating and doesn't want to talk about anything other than current events. It's in his nature to debate everything - his father is the exact same way - that's just ...
A. 28 February 2007: Maybe you need to think back to how things were when you dated? Did he show any signs of droning on like this then? If not, you could tell him about how you used to enjoy going out with him, and point out that that you would like to do more of the ... (read in full...)
Do I cut his cell phone off or let him keep paying for it?
Q. when me and my ex boyfriend were together-i added him a cell phone line to my account.we broke up 2 months later.he pays his part of the bill on time every month still like he sussposed to. the thing is i just found out that he cheated on me with ...
A. 28 February 2007: Personally, I would not hold myself economically responsible for a cellphone of somebody I was not in a relationship with. What happens if he runs up a bill of 100£ and refuses to pay it? Then you're probably responsible by contract to pay that.
I... (read in full...)
Do I wait for her or do I move on? She said she wants to be with me...but is not ready right now.
Q. I have recently come out of a two year relationship, after my fiance found she had feelings for another man and when he returned those feelings she put me to one side and started ignoring me and leaving me alone. We did split up, however every time ...
A. 27 February 2007: Listen mate, she left you, she got together with another guy, lied about it to you, and when he dumped her she wants to come back to you. As harsh as it sounds, it's kinda obvious that she's just going back to you because she has nobody better to go ... (read in full...)
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