Why did my cheating ex-lover say he wanted to be friends then decide to cut all ties?

A female age , *aysie writes:

2 years ago I started dating a guy, he is a long distance lorry driver and we only saw each other at the weekends. He has recently left a 10 year marriage and was lodging with his best mate. We had a great time every weekend out drinking and having a wild time, the sex was amazing, all night sometimes! We are both in our forties but it was like we had both been given a new lease of life. He was a self confessed player, and got drunk most weekends, but always allowed time to get to work sober. However, we fell for each other and after 6 months he moved in with me. I was totally besotted and he said how much he loved me and asked me to marry him on our first caribbean holiday in Sept 05. He worked very long hours and I pampered him when he arrived home, he didn't have to lift a finger, breakfast in bed, washing and ironing done, even his shopping, he had a very comfortable, and cheap lifestyle. I was very happy running around after him because we were totally in love with each other, or so I thought. However he went on a 'lads' weekend to Spain and when he got back he started getting texts in the middle of the night, one night he was fast asleep in a drunken stupor and I picked up his phone and discovered it was a text from a woman he had met on his lads weekend. I woke him up to find out more, he finally admitted everything. I told him that I wanted him to leave my house, he begged me to let him stay and that he would have nothing more to do with her. She lives 250 miles away from where we are. I gave him a second chance, but after a few months he disappeared one weekend saying he wanted 'space'. I found out he was with this woman again, to cut a long story short, he wanted to carry on seeing her when he could but also wanted to live with me! He was furious with me for going through his stuff to find out that he had been cheating on me. He said that if I hadn't gone through his private stuff then he would probably have not carried on seeing her. I loved him so much that I thought it would be better to have him live with me in the hope that things would fizzle out with her as he said it probably would. We had made a pact that I would never kick him out and he said he would never leave me. So we tried this for a few weeks, but the mental agony I went through when I knew he was with her was torture. I was in tears every weekend and could not stand it any more, to know the man I truly loved was breaking my heart. He wanted to see her every couple of weeks or so, when he felt like it. We went on holiday last September and on our way to the airport she texted me to say did I know she was pregnant and that I was to enjoy my last 2 weeks with him. He denied everything, and said he wanted nothing more to do with her, he would not contact her again when we got back from holiday, that we were to enjoy our holiday. I couldn't enjoy it after that, I cried every day on holiday, it was a nightmare. When we got back to the UK he put some things in a back and disappeared again for the rest of the weekend, I knew he had gone to her, I was devastated, he hadn't even unpacked his things. The following week I flipped and put all his stuff in bin bags, dragged the quilt cover off him and told him to get out of my house, he refused to go and called the police telling them what I was doing, they were not bothered. I went beserk, totally lost it, I was hyterical, all the hurt he had been causing me, all the mental torture of knowing the man I loved was with another woman when it suited him was too much for me to take. He eventually left and came back for the rest of his stuff 2 weeks later in Nov last year. We were amicable and hugged and kissed when we said goodbye, we agreed there was no reason why we couldn't keep in touch and both said sorry things had not worked out. He hasn't phoned or texted me since, but I have phoned him a few times and we have chatted pleasantly, he said he hadn't phoned me because he had nothing to say, but he still wanted us to keep in touch and that we could be friends. But last week I phoned him and he was very angry with me when I asked why he hadn't phoned me, he said I don't need this shit, you went through my stuff and I don't trust you. He put all the blame on me for his leaving, he said let's cut all ties now and I don't want anthing to do with you any more and that he would change his phone number. I stupidly begged and pleaded with him not to do this, I phoned him and texted him all afternoon and evening but he would not answer. So yesterday I texted him to say that I would never be contacting him again that I was sorry and goodbye. He was my best mate, and I love him to bits, it hurts like hell and feels like a bereavement, he is so angry with me. I told him I had started to see somebody else, I have but it's only at the coffee and chatty stage at the moment. All my mates tell me to forget him, he has treated me very badly and that I should move on, but I feel stuck, I yearn for the great times we had for about a year when I was the happiest person on earth. I long to see him again, I would love him to realise he has made a mistake and ask me to take him back, because after everything I still would. Why did he say he wanted to be friends then decide to cut all ties? That is the bit I don't understand. Any advice very much appreciated.

View related questions: cheap, drunk, long distance, move on, moved in, on holiday, player, text

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