A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I hope I get some answers to my question here b/c I’m not getting any answers from this woman.I am in my mid-30s and I just moved to NYC from Midwest following a great professional job that pays very, very well. While I was looking for an apartment in NY, I fell in love with my real estate rental agent who found me my apartment. She fits the description of my dream woman. She’s sweet, charming, intelligent and very pretty.A few weeks after I settled in to my apt. I worked up my courage to ask her out. She agreed to have coffee with me but on the day of the meet, she cancelled b/c she was filling in for someone. She agreed to reschedule the meet for another day. But on the day she said she would call me, she never did. I called her several times since then but she never picked up my calls. I left multiple messages that I wanted to see her and that she should at least let me know what’s going on. She hasn’t responded to my messages for two weeks now.What can be happening? I'm not bad looking and I never had any difficulty getting dates in my hometown. I’ve already gotten hints from several women here but I turned them down b/c I want to purse this relationship. Her silence is killing me! Please help me make sense of what is going on.
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male
reader, brighteyes +, writes (5 February 2007):
Dude,
It is insane not to tell her how you feel. At least if she doesn't approve, give her a long-standing contact email, or number so if or when she decides to consider an interest in you, she would have the opportunity to do so.
Just b/c she doesn't approve right now, doesn't mean she will not approve at a later time. That's how professional women work here in the city.
PS: I will bet my bottom dollar that your career is more stable and secure than a rental apartment agent.
If she says no, just let her know where she can always find you.
Good Luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): Dude, she's not interested! You say she "seems" like your dream woman, but you do not really know her. And in your dreams, does your dream woman not call you or respond to your emails? I don't think so. Look, she may have been interested at one point, but she's not any more. If she were playing hard to get, she'd respond to every other phone call or email, not avoid responding entirely. Remember that what one seems to be isn't always what one is. She probably changed her mind about leaving her boyfriend and has decided to stay with him. Get over her! There are many more deserving women out there who would love to have you calling and emailing them!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response cd206 and dragonette. Perhaps I should disclose more facts to clarify and I hope to get more detailed response.
Yes, she does have a boyfriend. But she told me that they may break up when I was hinting that I’m looking for someone like her (well… she asked me first – Will I be having any “guests” over). And we expressed much interest in each other about a month ago.
And it can’t be that “she’s just not interested” b/c we discussed getting together, and she was the one who suggested meeting me on a particular weekend.
The Question that I’m seeking answer to is the silence part.
We talked a couple times over the phone and emailed each other quite a bit. What would make a woman stop communicating completely after we’ve been exchanging emails/calls? Why wouldn’t she email me at least that she is not interested? (I know she’s still alive b/c she still maintains her busy schedule.)
If I have to take a wild guess – could it be my educational background (I have multiple advanced degree from very top schools) or money (I could buy a nice place in NY instead of renting) where as she has neither (BUT I COULD NOT CARE ANY LESS ABOUT THOSE). Could she be playing “hard to get”? – but not communicating seems too weird. If a woman is playing hard to get – would her behavior fit the pattern?
Any help would be much appreciated.
P.s. Yes, perhaps I’m latching onto her… but like I said, she seems like my dream woman… and I haven’t come across anyone like her before.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 It sounds like she's just not interested. Maybe she's married, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she signed some oath that said she should never date clients. The truth is that whichever reason it is you have to move on. To be honest I think you're focussing so much on this girl because she was the first female you met in NY and you spent a lot of time together so you just sort of latched onto her. You're in a fantastic new city, filled with amazing women. Let go of this unnatainable girl and enjoy it!
CD
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (20 January 2007):
 I'm sorry, but it looks to me like she was just not interested in starting a relationship with you and she was too cowardly to tell you.
As to why she didn't want to be with you I can only speculate: perhaps she felt it was not right to start something with a former client, or perhaps she has someone else, or perhaps she just felt that you weren't right for her...
In short: feel free to pick up the offers you've been getting from other ladies.
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