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I've lived in 2 countries (2034.73 miles apart)
To me, there are 3 things important in a relationship: trust, love and humor.
I speak 4 languages.
There are 5 countries that I would like to visit in the near future: Sweden, Japan, UK, France and New Zealand.
I love people for the way they're different from each other, but still seem to follow some common logic. I spent my whole life observing them, first to be like them and fit in and then to distance myself from them and try to find my own way of life. |
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| Latest articles: Save yourself the pain - don't text!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
9 May 2007: In all communication there is translation. Even if the communication is in your mother tongue. We interpret our partners' sentences, trying to get to the emotional core of the message, under all the words. This is of course the source of the endl...
Pep-talk for the would-be dater
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
7 May 2007: There must surely be a lot of people in this world who like each other and shyly glance at one another and never become a couple because both are too shy to ask each other out. As a girl, it's very easy to hide behind the idea that the man should ...
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Worries about doing it anal...
Q. I am willing to try anal with my partner. We are both VERY nervous about this new "spice". Can you please give me information on the best tips on doing this. Will it hurt? What about his "thing" comming out 'diry'? How can I prepare for it? Thank ...
A. 9 May 2007: I agree with the other posters on that you should definitely not do this if you don't feel like it. It's the kind of thing that will hurt a lot if you're not totally into it.
If I were you I would experiment a bit on my own with a buttplug to get ... (read in full...)
I've been a total fool here! Do you think he really wants to be with me?
Q. I need some advice please. I dated my boyfriend while he was at uni but it was long distance. He found it hard to be faithful and often wanted to be single like his mates but eventually he met a girl from his uni and so dumped me. When he ...
A. 7 May 2007: I think this guy doesn't deserve you. He's already dumped you once to be "single". If the guy couldn't wait for you for a year, then clearly you're not worth waiting for in his eyes.
And now he's messaging with his ex saying that he wants to be with... (read in full...)
I cant seem to have an orgasm with my boyfriend at all.
Q. I am 18 years old. I cant seem to have an orgasm with my boyfriend at all. I can have a orgasm by my self but not with my boyfriend. Hes the type of guy that doesn't like using vibrators and stuff like that. He only want to use his mouth or fingers ...
A. 7 May 2007: There's nothing wrong with you. I'm in the same situation that you are.
For some women it's just easier to have an orgasm than others. Maybe you could be on top of him and play with yourself at the same time, that usually works for me.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is away on a trip for 3 months and I want to have cybersex with him but how do I instigate this?
Q. My boyfriend has been away on a trip for three months. He won't be back for another month and a half. We have been emailing and talking on the phone when we can. I have never had cybersex or phone sex, but I really miss him and I want to. I don't ...
A. 7 May 2007: How about telling him that you're missing him a lot and that you keep thinking about all the naughty things you will do with him when he comes back. You can just imagine how he will... Well, you get the point. It's really all about sharing ... (read in full...)
Let down by my hair!
Q. I am not pleased with the way i look, especially my hair, and it gives me a low sense of self-esteem. I feel that i cannot achieve good things in life because my hair are not so good. Any advice on how do i overcome this ? ...
A. 6 May 2007: I guess that people might have complexes about their hair as well as their big ass, small breasts, short neck, short unmentionables or other things. A hair complex is of course really unusual.
How about you go to the hair dressers and ask him to r... (read in full...)
It's not a competition.... is it?
Q. What are your thoughts on whether or not a man and a woman "complete" each other in a marriage? Don't you think they both have something to bring to the table to offer the other one that the other one may be lacking?...
A. 6 May 2007: I think that because they both have something to offer, they complete each other. Every person have strength and weaknesses in different areas. I am a very theoretical person, whereas my boyfriend is a very practical person. We complete each other ... (read in full...)
We have forbidden this 23 year old man to see our 17 year old daughter but he won't!
Q. my husband and i have a 17 yr. old beautiful daughter that claims to be in-love with a 23 yr old male. we have tried to keep this relationship from happening, but the more we fought it the more they were determined to be together. we both told the ...
A. 3 May 2007: Let's put it this way: Your daughter said she's in love with him. He said he was in love with your daughter. The more you fight for her not to see him, the more she will want to see him.
If he was actually a threat to her (got her started on taki... (read in full...)
I'm not sure i believe him. I don't know what to do and my heads in a spin thinking what he could be up to.
Q. I recently found out my husband has lied to me. You will all probably think its a stupid small white lie but to me its a big thing. His mobile phone beeped a text message through the other day and when he looked at it he said it was just a delivery ...
A. 3 May 2007: Sounds to me like there's something here that you're not writing. You must have been suspicious of him to begin with, or you wouldn't be in a habit of checking your husbands cell phone.
If he never cheated or lied to you before, then I suggest you ... (read in full...)
I'm prideful, but I'm far from selfish, and I never want to see her hurt this bad again. How can I make it up to her?
Q. I made the mistake of thinking my girlfriend was doing a few things as a cruel mindgame on me, only to find out later that it was a few series of consecutive mistakes. Problem is, I had already yelled at her thinking I was in the right, which ...
A. 29 April 2007: Maybe you should just show her your question/letter and ask HER what she thinks you can do. I think she would be very moved by that and realize that you're looking to make yourself a better person.
And the next time you feel like yelling at her,... (read in full...)
People say when you want to be confident, you should look at what you´re good at. What does that mean?
Q. i´m trying to build up my confidence so that i can do anything i want. I´m already doing that by travelling on my own around europe. There´s just one problem. People say when you want to be confident, you should look at what you´re good at. What ...
A. 29 April 2007: "Looking at what you're good at" means that you look at the things that you do well. If you need to appear confident it's great to think about all the things that you do well ("I'm an excellent linguist, I have received the nobel price in ... (read in full...)
I love my new girl but sex is boring. How can I get her do new things?
Q. y isn't things like my first sexual partner? when i first started havein sex with my first sexual parnter things was great till she had a misscarriage and then she got unhappy but still unhappy she would do things to me my new girlfriend doesn...
A. 29 April 2007: A few things:
1. About your ambulance joke; I don't think it was the best joke in history. Especially since it makes the point that you're pretty and mentions another woman. And she knows she's not pretty, so she probably felt a bit annoyed. That... (read in full...)
My ex raped me while we were still going out. He wants me back and being lovesick as I am, I want him back too, but I'm so scared he'll rape me again.
Q. It's not a question exactly but i need advice. I dont want you all to say that it's up to you and its your decision or alecture on young love n sex cos i know all that :S but.... I am 15 in a fortnight and my (bf/ex bf) is 17. We went out for 2 an...
A. 28 April 2007: You're young and what your ex-boyfriend did to you was horrible. I can understand your need for having somebody love you, right now, but this guy can NOT give you what you need. I agree with the rabbit in that you shouldn't go back to such a total ... (read in full...)
I live in Spain and cannot speak alot of Spanish.
Q. I live in Spain and cannot speak alot of Spanish. Theres this really cute Spanish guy i like, but i cant get him to notice me. Its really hard to talk to him as i cannot speak the language very well. Last time i talked to him i looked like ...
A. 28 April 2007: I know what it'slike to be in a new country and not speak the language. It's very frustrating until you learn, but believe me; unless they're linguistic snobs, nobody is going to think you're an idiot for trying to say something. Generally people ... (read in full...)
My parents were rigid and controlling and I have low self-esteem! How do I cope?
Q. I have been brought up like an obedient servant by my parents who does everything they ask to, even if it's not something i want to do. They would pressurize me to do it if i denied and it is generally me who has to give up, for they are quite rigid ...
A. 25 April 2007: Maybe you could tell your parents how you feel. If it's uncomfortable for you to speak to them about it, then write it in a letter.
If you haven't already moved out of your parents' place, then make arrangements to do so as soon as you can. Make... (read in full...)
What happens if you can't live up to other's expectations?
Q. What happens if you do not or cannot live up to the expectations of other people in life who are important for you?...
A. 25 April 2007: All in all, expectations that are not lived up to usually cause disappointment, and everybody deals with disappointment in their own way. So it's hard to say what happens if you cannot live up to people's expectations.
It depends on how high thei... (read in full...)
Ladies, would you reject your guy for the pain you feel while having sex with him?
Q. This is a question to all women in general as to whether you would reject your guy for the pain you feel while having sex with him? Or in milder case, would you blame or criticize him?...
A. 25 April 2007: If the guy had done something that I percieve as painful and it was entirely his fault, yes then I would blame him. If it was because of rough sex (which I enjoyed during the act) which I got a bit tender from, then I wouldn't blame the guy.
A... (read in full...)
My bf never goes down on me! So I was wondering..Guys, do any of you simply not like to give oral sex to women? Does it smell or taste bad?
Q. Guys, do any of you simply not like to give oral sex to women? Does it smell or taste bad? My b.f. almost never goes down on me and I'm trying to figure out if it's too wet or he simply doesn't like doing that in general. He said it's both and ...
A. 24 April 2007: I'm not a guy, but I just wanted to say that there are lots of women out there who don't like giving head, so it's not so weird that there are guys who don't like giving their girlfriends oral pleasure.... (read in full...)
I need some good suggestion on dealing with girls! Help?
Q. Looking for advice when it comes to making a good impretion on a girl. Well I'm 16 yo, haven't had alot of experience with girls, and 99% of the time I don't make a good impretion. Now in my opinion I shouldn't have THAT much trouble getting a...
A. 24 April 2007: I like red hair. And I think the reason why you haven't had any luck with relationships might be that you don't value yourself that high. Think of yourself as a product that you're trying to sell. The first thing you write about yourself is "Well ... (read in full...)
My long distance boyfriend has told me he has many female friends online. Would you consider this cheating?
Q. This is for all you single/married ladies an gents out here. What would you consider cheating? I have a b/f, that lives abroad and he has recently told me that he has many female friends online. He says hes not the jealous type, i told him i am. So ...
A. 23 April 2007: I was in a long distance relationship for a few years and I know that it requires even more trust than a "normal" relationship as you are not always aware of where the other person is and there is no way to verify what he has been doing. Little ... (read in full...)
I had a one-night-stand with a 43 year old married man, now he says he loves me!
Q. Im 21 and a month ago on a night out saw this gorgeous older man we looked at each other and smiled i instantly was attracted to him. I went over and we talked. we then went back to his hotel and made love. he is 43 i asked him was he separted from ...
A. 23 April 2007: Not to be harsh, but I think that a married guy who sleeps with other people than his wife, probably is having a crisis of one sort or another.
He probably have some fonds feeling for you, but I doubt that getting into a relationship with him will... (read in full...)
My girlfriend seems to have some security issues and this is messing with my head.
Q. Hi my name is Steve. I'm 23 and I'm in a new relationship but she is pregnant with someone else's child. My girlfriend is 18 and I fell in love with her very fast but the only problem has been her ex boyfriend causes a lot of problems - he kept ...
A. 22 April 2007: I guess that in some way you feel threatened by this child or what it signifies, otherwise you wouldn't hate it so much. I don't know why your girlfriend chose to keep the baby, but I think it's fairly safe to say that she didn't keep the child ... (read in full...)
My penis won't co-operate when it comes to the crunch and now she's getting annoyed!
Q. Everytime (Three times now) I try to have sex with my G/f it goes soft. I'm a virgin, but I'm positive it isn't nerves. Last night, like everytime we're about to have sex, we were kissing for like 45-50 mins! Now during all that my penis was erect ...
A. 19 April 2007: Well, I don't know about the expiry time of erections, but I do feel that a woman who has no understanding for your going soft, is not very tolerant at all. Now that you know she expects your little soldier to be standing at attention all the time, ... (read in full...)
During sex she just lays there doesn't make any noise! How can I get her to do more?
Q. what can i do 2 get my girl 2 be more playful when it comes to foreplay? ok the problem is i've been wv my girlfriend 5 weeks we had sex twice which everyone (EVERYONE) i speak 2 laff's at because i'm 25 shes 20 and everyone keeps saying " u sould...
A. 19 April 2007: I do agree with what the other agony aunt said; that you should talk to her about it.
It sounds a bit to me like she's holding something back. Maybe she's extremely conscious about her body and doesn't like the way she looks, or she's afraid that... (read in full...)
Is it bullying/teasing when my friend at school, get's laughed at constantly?
Q. I need some advice. My friend is constantly getting laughed at--at school for no reason. Students just laugh at him.I don't know why? Is this some kind of teasing or bullying? Please respond. Thanks....
A. 18 April 2007: Yes, I would say that it's psychological bullying if a group of people constantly laugh at a person for no reason in a non-friendly way.... (read in full...)
Mom read my diary and now she's really 'off' with me! How do I handle this?
Q. i really need your help :0( i live away from home at university, when i came home for easter, i think my mum read my diary-i left it under my pillow and it was moved when i came back.it makes me feel sick the thought that she has read it-it has lots ...
A. 18 April 2007: First of all, I don't know what your mother's idea of a diary is, but my grandmother gave me my first diary at the age of 10 and she explained to me that it's a person's personal thoughts and ideas that goes in there and that nobody else gets to ... (read in full...)
My confidence was crushed in the past but I have gained it back. So is it wrong for me to not think I'm 'not' ugly/bad-looking?
Q. Hi I just want to know is it wrong for me to not think I'm ugly/bad-looking? I know I'm not exactly the sexiest, best looking 19 year old girl there is, but I don't think I'm ugly/bad-looking either. But I get girls that (in my opninion) don'...
A. 17 April 2007: People who look down upon other people are not happy with themselves so they look for other people who they think should suffer more than they do.
I think it's great that you have your confidence in your looks back and I think it's even more wond... (read in full...)
Is there a relation between extroversion or social confidence and sex sppeal or vanity?
Q. Is there a relation between extroversion or social confidence and sex sppeal or vanity? I seem to think of two to be the same based on the way i am conditioned in my culture. Would like to know views of others about this.....
A. 15 April 2007: Well there might be a relation between social confidence and extroversion: people who have less social confidence may be perceived as not so extroverted. It takes a sense of social comfort to speak up and be extroverted, I guess.
Sex appeal and vani... (read in full...)
I want my bf to show affection but he isn't budging. Please advise.
Q. Is it true that some people truly love their mate, but never show affection, or give them any verbal confirmation, such as compliments or little sweet "I love you's".... I came from a very loving family, I grew up seeing my parents show affectio...
A. 12 April 2007: Some people show their love for others in what they do for them. My friend has a husband who isn't that big on showing her affection (physically or verbally), but she knows he cares about her from his actions: like she would come home one day and ... (read in full...)
How do I strike a balanced way of seeing things so that I can relate with people the way they are rather than trying to see them the way I want to.
Q. I have failed to found a person, yet, a friend or a girl who could really understand my deeper feelings and would appreciate the same or accept them to be normal. Because of this, i am losing faith and don't find it worth relating with any human ...
A. 11 April 2007: Your vision is very nice. It's hard to implement however, just as you've realized.
But I think that the "good-will and cooperation" that you dream of is real. Everyday I meet people who help me in one way or another, be it something big like help... (read in full...)
If I don't miss him every second of the day, does that mean I'm not in love with him?
Q. hellooo im 16 an have been with my 16 year old bf for 3 months and a bit. i think i am falling in love with him :) because whenever i look into his eyes i just get a wonderful feeling and i just cant stop staring! occasionally i really ...
A. 10 April 2007: I'm sure you could fall in love at 16, why wouldn't you be able to? Each person has a unique perception of love and maybe yours and your sister's perception of it differ.
But why do you care if it's love or not? If you enjoy spending time with this... (read in full...)
How important should parent's / friends opinions about your boyfriend be to you?
Q. How important is your parent's and friends opinions about your boyfriend to you? I've been going out with a boy for a year and a half now. My parents and my bf didn't get off on the right foot to begin with and in the past he has spoken boldly to ...
A. 10 April 2007: I wouldn't pay too much attention to your parents' advice, since your boyfriend and them got off on the wrong foot. The part where they said they thought he was immature might be worth a closer examination. Did they say it because they thought he is ... (read in full...)
How do I stop my boyfriend being so clingy and how do I tell him he's being clingy?
Q. Hi, I have a very clingy boyfriend and I need help to tell him that. He's my first, and I've been with him for 2 years. During that time though, we had a lil' drama with a third-party and I broke up with him but later reconciled. Now however I'm ...
A. 8 April 2007: Your guy seems extremely insecure. His way of trying to isolate you from your friends is really unhealthy. It would probably do him good to talk to a professional.
If he reacted badly to his friends telling him that he needs to give you space, then... (read in full...)
I want to have girl friends as well as boyfriends but my dad won't let me have any boy "mates."
Q. I want to hang out with friends as friends go to parties and have some fun. My friends dont do drugs and they drink some but I do not as the taste of alcohol I just dont like. I really just want to hang out with a bunch of people including boys in ...
A. 8 April 2007: Is your mom around? Maybe you could talk to her and have her explain your side of things to your father.
If your mom isn't there, then talk it over with your father again. Tell him that you're a responsible young adult and that you don't drink, you'... (read in full...)
We had a terrible argument and he hasn't called me for 5 days, what do I do? He KNOWS I'm pregnant with his child!
Q. My bf and I have been dating for 1yr. I found out 2wks ago I was pregnant. We talked about it I told him I was going to keep it. We knew it would be hard seeing that we live 3 hrs apart. he just found out a week ago that he got a new job offer to ...
A. 8 April 2007: I think eventually he will get in touch with you. But if I were you I wouldn't trust this guy to handle his part of your baby's upbringing. I think you need to re-evaluate the situation and take into account that maybe this guy is not going to be ... (read in full...)
My fiance flips out whenever I mention getting married!! What do I do ?
Q. my fiance wont talk to me about getting married anymore, it used to be a great thing now sense we had a scare about me being pregnant he has completely stopped talking about getting married and every time I try bringing up the subject he flips!!! I ...
A. 5 April 2007: Maybe you need to hold off the marriage plans for a few years. Your boyfriend may have realized that he's not mature enough to make that kind of commitment yet.
And honestly, at the age of 17 are you really sure that you want to get married? Marr... (read in full...)
I feel so mean, but the invitation numbers are going up, Ive been asked to reduce my guest list, so some of his can come!!
Q. hello everyone. i feel so mean at the moment. my fiancee and i are to be married in a few weeks and we have everything set. our wedding is to be a rather intimate affair consisting of 60 guests, close friends and family. we have booked a reception ...
A. 5 April 2007: First of all I would like to congratulate you on the upcoming union.
Second, I would like to say I think it's very selfish of the cousins to threaten with a "family war" during an occasion that is supposed to be a joyous celebration of a marr... (read in full...)
Any good advice for vaginal dryness?
Q. hi everyone, i need some help plz. Vaginal dryness is becoming an issue for me and my partner; even when i am tuned on, nothing happens. this is a recent problem and i have been fine before. Im wondering what could have caused it? stress maybe for ...
A. 5 April 2007: You can use lube (like ky-jelly) when you have sex, so you don't get friction wounds.
As for why you're experiencing vaginal dryness, there are many reasons, but stress can definitely be one of them.
If it goes on for a long time and it's botherin... (read in full...)
When a girl gets hurt in a relatonship, does she tell anybody (even her ex)?
Q. When a girl gets hurt in a relatonship, does she tell anybody (even her ex)?...
A. 5 April 2007: She might tell her ex if she and he were good friends.
Sometimes when I get hurt I might tell a close friend, but the really painful stuff I would keep to myself.... (read in full...)
I want to wait until marriage until I have sex, But im getting tempted lately as I love my BF, what do you think ?
Q. I want to wait until marriage to lose my virginity, for religious reasons, some, but mostly to protect my heart and out of fear of getting pregnant. I've been going out with my boyfriend for 1.5 years, and he's great. Lately, I've been thinking of ...
A. 5 April 2007: I think that if your virginity is important to you and you feel that you would regret loosing it to him if you would break up, then don't do it until you get married.
Of course it's tempting to make love to him, it's only natural to want to phys... (read in full...)
Feel like I've wasted five years with a man who is only with me for his residency!
Q. I'm married to a man, who I think dosent care for me at all. I met him on holiday 5 years ago. He's from Israel and I'm english. We had a real whirl wind holiday romance and I really fell for him in a big way. When he came to the uk the first ti...
A. 5 April 2007: He's not being respectful, he's been living off your resources and he is threatening to throw YOU out of the place just because you had three weeks of unemployment. What a chutzpan!
If you have any possibility to get rid of this guy, I suggest you ... (read in full...)
Why can't girls have the same sexual freedom guys do?
Q. Why do so many people have sexual double standards? I mean if a girl sleeps around she's a slut but if a guy does it he's a stud. You see parents who give their son a credit card on prom night to pay for the hotel room afterwards, but tell the girl ...
A. 5 April 2007: For a very long time women have lived in a patriarchal society. They didn't have right to inherit until they reached the age of 23 or they got married. They didn't have the right to vote. They didn't get any higher education, so they thought their ... (read in full...)
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