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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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I want to tell my dad I've decided to date a 20 yr old, he wont approve! What should I do ?
Q. hey hey..... thanx kay fay and martini for your replies it helped me alot... and i think i know what im gnne do... theres just one thing that i would like to ask... i wana be with the 20 year old and stuff but iv got a prob like what must i do...
A. 31 March 2007: First off, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but all 20 year old guys ARE like that, pretty much. They are more mature than 16 year old girls, and they are almost always more oriented toward sex. I'm not saying that you're not important to ... (read in full...)
After he turns 18, does that mean that everything below the waist is illegal?
Q. My boyfriend is turning 18 in a month, and I am 10 months his minor. We both live in North Carolina. The age of consent in North Carolina is 16, but he said that it's still could be illegal for everything below the waist? That seems confusing. If I ...
A. 31 March 2007: We're not lawyers here. If you really need legal advice, see one. Or alternatively, just keep him out of your pants for the next 10 months.
Hard to do, I know, but think about this. If you make a mistake and are wrong about the law and then... (read in full...)
Should I talk to him about the email I saw or leave it?
Q. well i found this from my boyfriends bebo mailbox... Subject RE: hey Sent 276 days ago eres a dilema!!! a guy has a gf, he chats 2 3otha galz dey lyk him, he finks of dem as m8s!!! 1 day he accidently let slip dat he lyks dem. now dey wnt hi...
A. 31 March 2007: Sheesh! You gotta drag something up from last year on this guy? Obviously if you two are still together he wasn't really serious about those other galz and didn't let them distract him from his #1 interest ... you.
I wouldn't advise you to actua... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend seeing someone else?
Q. is my boyfriend seeing someone else my boyfriend have been working away for a week while he was away i didnt heard from him then tonight he calls me asking how i am and stuff and if i've met someone else i said no thn asked if i have a sex life and ...
A. 31 March 2007: Impossible to tell. Sounds like he has an active interest in YOUR sex life, though. If you're having sex with him, I'd be a bit worried if he's back in town with four days off and he didn't come to see you. If he's still out of town or if you're ... (read in full...)
We're married with 5 children and now my husband is asking for another woman to come into OUR bed!!
Q. My Husband is a really loving man but he is asking for another woman to come into our bed we are married with 5 children and I don't know what could I be doing wrong? What do I do?...
A. 31 March 2007: Lots of people have polyamorous arrangements in their marriages, BUT such things always need to be thoroughly discussed and agreed to WAY before any such arrangements are made. Tell hubby that right now you're not into a threesome, and he'd better ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me 3 months ago, now he's like a bodyguard to me where other men are concerned!
Q. my ex broke up with me 3 months ago. At the time we were working together and i got laid off shortly after. During these 3 months he would call me like once a week (if even that) just to see how i was doing. I just went back to the job two weeks ...
A. 31 March 2007: Do you want him back? If so, it's time to tell him that he either has to get back together with you or just butt out of your life. If you don't want him, then tell him that, too. Either way, you don't want a chaperon for life.... (read in full...)
I'm 24 and have been married 2 weeks. My husband (28) has just taken a lover who is 64!!!
Q. I'm 24, and have just got married to my new husband who's 28. Recently he went on a business trip for a few days, or so it seemed, until a good friend (female) had told me she'd seen him with his lover. I thought that was bad enough - se...
A. 31 March 2007: I'd start by checking your information sources. It sounds to me like someone is feeding you a BIG line. While I (at 62 myself) will admit that a 64 year old woman can be much more talented in bed than some 24 year olds, I doubt that a 28 year old ... (read in full...)
I already have 2 children from a previous relationship but my partner wants to have kids and I'm not sure I want any more.
Q. Hi Guys, My girlfriend is 23 years old. I am 31 with 2 children and seperated. We disagree quite often on things and not so long ago the issue of more kids came up. The problem is she definitely wants some in the future, and Im not so sure I do...
A. 30 March 2007: Having children is no way to fix a shaky relationship. Until the two of you establish a firmer, more stable partnership, don't even think of starting a family together.
Oh, and that means that YOU, not HER, have to be the one responsible for seei... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't exist without him, I'm so confused about men.
Q. we have been seeing each other for since last june he was the best looking , most laid back , kind happy person ive ever meet and i truly love him /... until xmas every thing was fine (i was paying for everything as he didnt have a job that was my ...
A. 30 March 2007: You don't feel confused about MEN, you feel confused about THIS man. There's a difference. You're being used. This guy doesn't even have the respect to come up with a good lie for you. Town center my Aunt Sally Sue!
If you want to get slap... (read in full...)
I've been seeing my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now but still never had an orgasm.
Q. hi, i have been going out with my bf for nearly 2 and a half years and in the time we have been having sex, i have never had an orgasim. what should i do about it? ...
A. 30 March 2007: Buy him a good book on female sexuality and make him read it. He probably has NO CLUE how to get you there. Tell him it's required homework reading for the next time he wants to go out with you, and you expect him to be ready to pass the practical ... (read in full...)
He's started talking to me for no reason... do you think he likes me?
Q. i need ur opinion.today i had midterm exams and the guy sitting behind me is 1 year older..he has never talked to me as he is in grade 12 and im in 11th. but yesturday he asked me what did the teacher have up on the board... then today he asks me ...
A. 30 March 2007: Well, at least it's a start. Why not try to get some conversation going with him OUTSIDE class some time (ask him what the assignment for tomorrow was or something) and see how he responds to that? Then lead him into talking about something ... (read in full...)
How do you get over the fact your boyfriend or husband looks at other women?
Q. how do u get over the fact ur boyfriend or husband looks at other women ??? i cant deal with it to the point i dont want to have sex any more . i feel used and cheap and always thought my ex thought of other women ( eg todays page 3 girl (ie topless ...
A. 30 March 2007: Wake up. Guys ALWAYS like to look. It doesn't mean they're going to DO anything about it, but they like to look. It means their systems are functioning normally. It has nothing to do with you (although he SHOULD like to look at YOU, too ... and ... (read in full...)
His room mate seems to be making up excuses now about me moving in saying it's a bad idea.
Q. I've been planning to move in with my boyfriend for months, and his apartment mate was fine with it at first, but he seems to be making up excuses for why its a bad idea and being extremly difficult. His main complaint is that I don't let him act ...
A. 30 March 2007: I assume you're going from a two-way split of rent to a three way split?
Your boyfriend sounds like he needs a backbone transplant, dear lady. Your problem isn't should you or shouldn't you move in with these guys. Your problem is, can you coun... (read in full...)
What are your dating deal breakers?
Q. Dear Cupid, What are your dating deal breakers? Each question goes like this: Would keep dating someone that ___ ___ ____ _____? Is that enough or does their have to be more issues? Assume that this person here your very attracted too i...
A. 30 March 2007: OK, I'd bail if...
The person showed me no affection
The person was "frozen in bed" (I assume that means sex)
I would NOT bail if she was "a tiny bit weird" ... I'm a tiny bit weird myself!
I would also bail if I thought she was not doin... (read in full...)
Is it normal to chase a girl for 2 years that you've only been with for one month?
Q. hello Is it normal to run behind a girl for 2 years that you had a relationship with for only one month? Why does it feel like I have to? I've got no control over my feelings. Is this romance or madness? thank you...
A. 30 March 2007: The technical term for that is "obsession". If she's made it clear that it's over, and you're still chasing her, you've got a serious problem. It isn't "her" that you're really after, but something that she represents to you.
This sounds l... (read in full...)
This guy at work keeps coming in my office and sitting there staring at me! How can I get him to stop ?
Q. There is a guy where I work who will constantly walk by my office and stare at me. He will also come into my office and just sit in the chair across from me so I will divert my attention to him for a moment and try to make small talk, but after ...
A. 30 March 2007: The first lady who answered you gave you a lot of really good advice. Now let me let you in on a little secret. Some guys are NEVER going to pick up on the subtle approach. For such guys, dropping an anvil on their heads won't work ... too subtle ... (read in full...)
Im 16 and atttracted to girls and boys, what does this mean ?
Q. Hi. Im a 16 year old boy. Im attracted to men as well as women. When i maturbate i think about men, but then sometimes i automatically think about women. I seem to look at women sexually as well as men. What does this mean? I'd be grateful for any ...
A. 30 March 2007: It means you like sex. Big deal. You don't need a label. You're YOU. Do what you want, with whomever you want (and can get to cooperate) and find out what works for you and for them. Eventually your life will settle down into some kind of a ... (read in full...)
Is an orgasm THAT important???
Q. Is it a big thing for a girl to get her first proper orgasm????...
A. 30 March 2007: The thing I always shoot for with a new girl friend is "ladies first". I try everything I can, especially oral on her, to get her to orgasm if possible before I even start anything that's going to get me to mine. Sometimes it takes a time or two ... (read in full...)
Is it better for a guy to reach orgasm quickly or to take a while?
Q. Hi there, I have a question about sex! Is it better for a guy to reach orgasm quickly or to take a while? Could someone please explain that to me? thanx...
A. 30 March 2007: Tell him that he needs to learn the wonderful benefits of KEGEL exercises for guys! These allow him to use muscular control to reduce the period of time between orgasms. Drastically. If you've heard of guys who can go a dozen times a night, this ... (read in full...)
Do I wait it out or give up?
Q. Do I wait it out or give up?? I have fallen very seriously for a close friend of mine... but he has a girlfriend of 2 1/2 years (I've only known him about 6 months). I know he likes me; we spend A LOT of time together, he constantly texts me, and ...
A. 30 March 2007: Don't try to cut his current girl friend out. That can backfire and get the two of them both turned on you badly. I'm afraid you're going to have to wait this one out. Give him some hints that you WOULD be interested in him if he were free, but ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for a girl thats turning 16 to go out with a guy thats 20 that shes never met!?
Q. hey everybody.. my question is that is it ok for a girl thats turning 16 to go out with a guy thats about 20.. but they havent met yet( he's one of her friends friends) they really close over phone and they really like each other! though her sist...
A. 29 March 2007: Best advice: keep the first encounter or two VERY public. DO NOT be alone with this guy. Get to know him first. He's five years older than you are, and maybe all he's looking for is a quick sexual conquest. Or maybe he really IS interested in ... (read in full...)
If a teenager is in a proper relationship, how far into the relationship do you think the average teenager has sex?
Q. hi if a teenager is in a proper relationship, how far into the relationship do you think the average teenager has sex? My 16 year old daughter and her 16 year old boyfriend have been together for about 3 months and they are both pretty serious a...
A. 29 March 2007: If it's important that you know (ask yourself "why do I need to know this, and what am I going to do based on the answer I get?"), then you should be able to ask her. You ARE her mother. If you don't have the kind of relationship with your ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so insecure when I'm not with my girlfriend?
Q. I've been in a relationship for a few months now with a girl who I really like. In fact, I don't think I've ever liked someone as much as I do her. The problem I have is I'm getting quite insecure about it. I'm not sure if it's just a lack of s...
A. 29 March 2007: I've got exactly the same problem with my new gf, and I don't know any good way around it. I'm lucky because I've been able to bring this out in the open and talk to her about it. That helped some. Oh, I'm even scare when she's WITH me. Scared ... (read in full...)
His mom married my dad's cousin. I know it doesn't really make us related but it seems weird. What do u think?
Q. I'm 21 years old and I like a guy who is 34. I've never been into older guys but I really like him and I know he likes me too. The thing is he looks like he is only 25 and we get along great. But there is another problem. His mom married my dad's ...
A. 29 March 2007: Too old for what? If you're thinking of a dating relationship, it's probably fine. If you're getting serious, give it a year or two. Really get to know this guy (and yourself) to be sure that the difference in age won't be a barrier to your ... (read in full...)
Can anyone interpret this dream? I confided a sickness to a teacher in real life and had a bizarre dream about it!
Q. Okay. I was wondering if anybody is good at defining/interpreting people's dreams? My Dream: I was in some class room, with all of my sophomore classmates. I had this little pink diary and slipped it into my bookbag. Then I heard someone sa...
A. 29 March 2007: Don't worry too much about the dream world, lady. You've got problems enough right here in this world. Get help and get on your way to a solution to them and I guarantee that the problems and mysteries you are having in your dreams will start ... (read in full...)
Is he just manipulating me so that he doesnt have to put any effort in!?
Q. My boyfriend and I are going through a rough time. I've been seeing a counsellor who thought it would help to clarify our needs/expectations in the relationship. She wanted us to outline what we expected as far as sex, household concerns, friends, ...
A. 29 March 2007: Those may be "needs" in a fundamental sense, but they are not "expectations" that a relationship can be built on. If you're feeling generous (or really needy ... god forbid!), ask him to try again. Tell him that you're after what he EXPECTS from ... (read in full...)
Is this too soon to be getting engaged ?
Q. me and my boyfriend were dating for seven months an we split up for two years we are now getting back together and he wants to marry me and i want to marry him but be engaged for about two years is this too soon for our relationship?...
A. 29 March 2007: It's like Rockefeller said when asked how much his yacht cost. "If you have to ask, you can't afford it." If you're asking, then you probably should be waiting for a while. This is NOT something you want to do in a hurry and regret later. This ... (read in full...)
Is everyone just impolite ?
Q. help i do walk every day in town i do see people face to face ,sometimes i feel strange becouse it seems i am the only one who say hello ,we are humans we say that we love that we want every thing to be green full of love ,but why we dont say hell...
A. 29 March 2007: Rudeness is SOP in a lot of metropolitan areas in the USA. In some areas of New York and other cities, you might get really abusive comments if you tried saying "hello" to total strangers on the street. It's often a reaction born of fear ... fear ... (read in full...)
My gf kissed another guy when she got drunk! Any advice?
Q. My g/f got drunk for the first time in her life and then walked to her room with a guy. He gave her a kiss and she didn't object. Then she told him to leave. We have been together for 4 years and I really love her and she is really sorry...Any ...
A. 29 March 2007: By all means,find a way to forgive her. But if you can, also find a way (gently) to suggest that she might want to watch it on the alcohol from now on. Her behavior suggests that she can behave erratically when she's had a bit too much, and this ... (read in full...)
He came on hard and fast and the minute I responded...he backed away! What's up with this guy?
Q. I began seeing this guy on November 1st. We really hit it off. He wanted an exclusive relationship, he said the word "love" first, he went overboard at Christmas and Valentine's so on.... So then one night I told him how I felt. Nothing scarey ...
A. 27 March 2007: Sounds to me like he's too scared to maintain a relationship. In that case you're never going to be able to get something going with him anyway. Back off and give yourself a chance to find a guy who shows some maturity.... (read in full...)
I want to so bad but how about if he doesn't feel the same back? Should I tell him?
Q. Well I met this boy online. He's 17 and I'm 14. When I talk to him I get butterflies. And he's told me constantly how beautiful I am and how he loves me. I love him so much too. But we always just flirt. He doesn't know that I reallllyyy do love ...
A. 27 March 2007: How long have you known him? Have you met in person yet?
Be VERY careful about revealing too much to people you meet on-line. There's on old cartoon (it had been around for at least a few years when you were born) of a couple of dogs talking ... (read in full...)
How can I cope with all of this?
Q. hi, im 16 years old and have recently been diagnosed with depression, and also my boyfriend split up with me wed bee going out for 4 months and he helped me to cope alot, he says this is due to me being too clingy-although all of mine and his ...
A. 25 March 2007: There are two issues here.
One is clinical depression. That is NO JOKE! Get professional help, FOLLOW their advice to the letter, and don't even THINK about skipping medicines that they say to take or skipping medical appointments or anything... (read in full...)
He's dying to have sex but I want to wait until marriage. How do I tell him?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 years now and lately he keeps asking when are going to finally have sex. He doesn't know that i have chosen that i want to wait till marriage. how do i tell him???...
A. 25 March 2007: Do people actually still do that? I thought that went out with buggy whips.
I guess your only hope is complete honesty. You may be the world's oldest living virgin by the time you get married. You have my complete respect, and I'll nominate... (read in full...)
Last night I saw him at a party and he completely blanked me out...
Q. a few months ago i snogged a family friend at a weekend away. i really like him but the only problem is that i am 17 and he is 27. it was my first true kiss but it felt wrong because i saw him as a friend. the age gap really bothers me. last night i ...
A. 25 March 2007: Cool it. Let this one sit for a year or so. I know that's a tall order to behave that way toward the guy who first lit your burners, but things may well look a bit different at 18/28 than they do at 17/27. If you're still of a mind to go after ... (read in full...)
What can I do to stop these types of arguments and at the same time feel free to talk about my opinions without fear of these horrible arguments?
Q. I am currently engaged, about to be married next month. I love my fiance very much but I find something about the way we communicate very troubling. Here is an example of our last argument that is similar to the trend I am speaking of. I don't ...
A. 25 March 2007: This is a job for professional help.. A lot of places have training in effective communication for couples. My late wife and I, before we were married, went through one that was offered by a local community mental health agency. I urg... (read in full...)
We want to have sex, we're both 19. Is this a decent age to have sex?
Q. Is it good for us i mean me and my girl friend to have sex at this age? We both are 19 years old. Will it be a problem after marriage?...
A. 25 March 2007: Whoa! WAY too little information here. While 19 is not an unreasonable age to start a sexual relationship, age should NEVER be the determining factor in whether or not to start such a relationship. The decision to begin a sexual relations... (read in full...)
Do guys sometimes need to be single for a while to see if anyone else will feel the same?
Q. I'm feeling so hurt and so sad and upset.. that after all 9 months with the guy I believed and loved with all my heart. Everything all the dreams of future is not there now.. He is dating around to see if it helps him to get over me he said he ...
A. 25 March 2007: Sounds like he's got a bad case of "go away closer". You gave no idea how old a man this is, but he sounds very immature. My best guess based on what you've said is that he really wants the security of a sure thing (you), but would really lik... (read in full...)
How can make her see that I truly love her and I want us to be together again?
Q. Me and my girlfiend broke up today, and she won't even talk to me. What happened I went in the bedroom around 10:00...and fell asleep watching TV...then woke up around 3am...went out and got a drink and had a smoke...went over to the couch and put ...
A. 25 March 2007: Guy, you've been busted. I think you're in deeper sh*t over the lie about not getting up than you are over having your arm around her friend ... or even having your hand in her pants. You could probably square those things with her. Just explain ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him I don't want to have sex with him?
Q. dearcupid i am a 14 year old and i was wondering how do i get a boy to see the real me and how do i ask him to go out with me? I go to his house and he talks to me and he wants to have sex and i am scared and i like him alot but i'm afraid to tell ...
A. 25 March 2007: He's a teen aged boy. OF COURSE he wants to have sex with you. That's what teen aged boys do.
From your letter it's clear that there is no way that you are ready for such a step in your life. You are going to have to make it clear to him that... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to "play it cool" around him to get his attention.
Q. I am such a dork around this boy i like. i get these moments of confidence when i walk towards him and smile, and get eye contact but then very obviously chicken out as soon as i open my mouth to start a conversation. He must think i'm such an ...
A. 25 March 2007: OK, so you've got problems starting a conversation. So keep up the eye contact, give him a nice smile, and maybe raise an eyebrow a little. Let him know, in short, that you're interested but that HE is going to have to come to YOU if he wants to ... (read in full...)
My mate has been gay for 3 years and said he's been thinking about what it would be like to be with me.
Q. my best mate whos been gay for 3 years , said he cares for me a lot, and has been thinking about what it would be like if we got together I dont know what to say to this as i know hes saying this cause hes lonely, cause since hes been gay he hasn...
A. 25 March 2007: Sexual identity can be a slippery thing at his age. Right now I suspect he's trying to decide if he's NOT sleeping with boys or NOT sleeping with girls, and either way he's frustrated. He sees you as a solution because you've been mates for so ... (read in full...)
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