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*hiRaven agony aunt

*hiRaven

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*hiRaven's profile:

I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.

Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester.

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I was raped a while back, a guy friend showed some support, I was weak and things went too far, should I tell my BF ?

Q.   I'd been with my boyfriend for four months when I was raped on my college campus. The thing is I'd left for school only a few weeks earlier in Florida--very far away from him in Cali. For the rest of the semester he was like my rock, and things were ...

A.   12 April 2007: Bravo. The best to the both of you!... (read in full...)

I get 'stage fright' and can't get an initial erection, when I start having sex! Any tips to getting over this?

Q.   hey... wenever i go for sex with my gf i get 'stage fright' (cant get an erection) for about 5 mins ... its all good after that but how do i get it to stay up .. thanks :) ...

A.   9 April 2007: Just relax and let it happen in its own time. You can spend the extra five minutes just kissing and caressing her body and she'll probably not miss the fact that you aren't quite ready when you first set out. If you continue to have trouble,... (read in full...)

When are you not a virgin?

Q.   do you have to orgasm to say that you've had sex or do you just have to have been in and out...

A.   9 April 2007: Technically, any penetration counts. In fact, though, if you haven't had an orgasm you've really missed the point of the whole thing. And it you haven't worked on it enough to get your PARTNER to orgasm you've just been pretty damned selfish ... (read in full...)

His Mom doesn't liike me nor does she think I'll be faithful to her son! What can I do?

Q.   me and my boyfriend have been together for one week now and i love it things couldnt get no better.his mam however told me the other day that she thinks im going to be unfaithfull to my boyfriend with him been in the army and away for a long time, ...

A.   9 April 2007: One week is not long enough to judge how things will go. His mother will be a whole lot more impressed when you come to her three months from now and are able to tell her that you have still remained faithful to her son. Do you think you can do t... (read in full...)

I want to have a relationship with my 30 year old teacher! Help!

Q.   Someone please help I'm attracted (to the point of wanting to have a serious relationship) to my highschool teacher, I not entirely sure what to do. He is like 30years old and i'm 15...

A.   9 April 2007: Such thoughts and attractions are not all that uncommon. But be aware that nothing can come of this, at least for the next three years or more. As a teacher, he has a professional obligation not to get involved with you as long as you are a st... (read in full...)

He says he loved his ex gf more, in their past relationship, than he does with me! How do I deal with this?

Q.   My bf and I were filling out this book of questions for couples and we said we would be completely honest with each other. We came to "Have you ever known better love?" I said no, but he decided to tell me that he does feel like he was more in love ...

A.   9 April 2007: You're in, she's out. There is always something special about a person's first serious relationship. It's something that nothing afterwards can ever recapture. Your guy was being as direct and honest with you as he could possibly be. What he ... (read in full...)

Why can't he live with the fact that I don't want sex, I just want to make out?

Q.   me and my boyfriend were making out toppless and it seems that almost everytime we do he starts to pull at my shorts, i hum uh huh or no, and he says ok (deep down we both wanna wait for marrage) well i continue making out and he says "r u serious?" ...

A.   9 April 2007: He feels the pressure for sex a lot stronger than you do. That's just a biological fact of life. Chances are he will probably keep pushing at this until you start having sex ... hopefully after you get married since that's what you so obviously ... (read in full...)

We get along great online, but I'm hesitant to meet her in person! What if it goes quiet?

Q.   Hey, basically i've been getting to know this lass really well on the internet..sounds abit corny i know! But she's been on webcam etc...and well we have a great laugh together! She only lives like an hour away in the car or on train, and we've said ...

A.   9 April 2007: Be yourself. By all means, meet her. She wants to meet you, so you already have something going for you in the interaction. Let that give you some confidence. It doesn't take a lot of that to start to feel comfortable, especially with someone ... (read in full...)

She told me about her past fling - was she trying to be honest or what?

Q.   hey guys just wanted to know! if my gf tellin me bout a fling she had in the past which was meaningless no sex btw she told me voluntarily, is this a sign of honesty so i don't find out from someone else?? it did really hurt me tho, and i am the ...

A.   9 April 2007: Hey, if she had no sex and no touching below the waist it wasn't really all that much of a "fling" now, was it? Be glad your girl was willing to share that with you, but don't blame her too much for what is really a big nothing in her past. ... (read in full...)

What does "age of consent" actually mean?

Q.   The age of consent in my state is 16. Does this mean if I'm 16 I can consent to sexual activities with someone over 18, 21, etc? All my friends and I keep arguing back and forth about the meaning of 'age of consent'....

A.   9 April 2007: Usually, that's what it means. If you're getting down to serious cases, however, you may need to consult a competent attorney as to what the exact meaning of the statute is and means in your case. It will cost you some bucks, but that's WAY better ... (read in full...)

Everything started out great, it was dark, we were kissing, we took off our clothes, and right before game time...I lost my bat!!!!

Q.   I recently just tried to have sex for the first time ever with my girlfriend. Everything started out great, it was dark, we were kissing, we took off our clothes, and right before game time...I lost my bat! The whole time I was just asking "Why ...

A.   9 April 2007: Reactions can be a funny thing, and you never can tell how they are going to work out. The first time I was with a woman after my wife died was someone who had been a close friend of hers since grammar school. We were watching a tremendo... (read in full...)

How can I make sure this guy does love me ?

Q.   I wanna make sure a guy I know is in love with me (they told me he was). and also, he seems very outgoing with other people but me, so what is going on , does he like me or not? how can i make sure without asking him out? how can i make him to open ...

A.   7 April 2007: It's way too soon to be talking about love. Love is something that will grow as you get to know each other when you are dating and see one another. It's not something that comes free just from looking at someone. At least not usually. One o... (read in full...)

I'm making all the effort in our relationship, when shes in a good mood its great when shes not I want to scream!!

Q.   So i've been going out with my girlfriend for just over a year. Heres my problem: Its a one-sided relationship. It seems like I put all the effort into the relationship. She never really calls me, its always me calling her. It's rarely her inviting ...

A.   7 April 2007: OK, your like about 14, right? I'm about 50 years older than you are. If YOU figure out the secret of women, bottle it and sell it. I'll be your first customer. Some women are just spooky. Get used to it. She probably won't be the last one... (read in full...)

Hes out drinking all the time and I know hes dating which I understand but now I am worried that he is spinning out of control

Q.   I wrote 3 months ago about my break up of a very intense affair I had for a year.The break up was because I am married with kids, he wants kids and I cant have anymore.He wants to remain friends and thats working ok but he has changed so much since ...

A.   7 April 2007: Wait. You're married? Where is your husband in all this? About your former guy, he's hit the skids big time. Alcohol is indeed "spinning out of control" under most situations, and there is precious little you can do except urge him to get h... (read in full...)

How do you build self confidence and become positive about life and become successful in everything you do?

Q.   How do you build self confidence and become positive about life and become successful in everything u do?...

A.   7 April 2007: Well, first you get yourself elected as God. Get real. NOBODY is successful at everything they do. Nobody. Self confidence is built by first understanding yourself. Be honest about yourself to yourself. Don't beat yourself up, but take an ... (read in full...)

I don't want to ask him out in case it makes me look desperate!

Q.   Hi Everyone! I really really really like this boy, but I don't know how to tell him without getting embarassed! And my friends all say that I can't ask him out because it will make me look desperate and if he says no I will look stupid. What ...

A.   7 April 2007: No way does a girl asking a guy out make her look desperate. That idea went out a LONG time ago. Of course it DOES open you up to the possibility that he might say "no" and you would feel rejected. That's always the chance that someone in a ... (read in full...)

Do I make the choice for her and take control?

Q.   There is this girl who I haven't known long. We have fell for each other though. She love's me, I love her. It wasn't a physical attraction that started it too. In fact we met through our parents. When we met it just clicked. We always are so happy ...

A.   6 April 2007: Don't try to drive a wedge between her and her family at this stage of your relationship. That's almost certain to backfire on you and cause resentments later on. First, why not see if you can get this girl to formally break up with the other gu... (read in full...)

Is there anything I can do to reassure him that I trust him and know that he truly loves me?

Q.   I am a heterosexual female in a serious and loving relationship with a bisexual male. At the beginning of our relationship, he had told me that he's also capable of being attracted by men and has had two same-sex relationships in his life. The last ...

A.   6 April 2007: I assume you've told him that. Keep your lines of communication open wide. Keep letting him know that you appreciate him for the fine partner he is to you. And sooner or later, your constancy will give him an unambiguous message that you real... (read in full...)

Will we ever be friends again?

Q.   In my first year of uni, i had a really close friendship with a friend (obviously). anyway, 2 and a half years later, we are barely on speaking terms, but due to convenience we have to live together in rented house, just by uni with 2 other frieds. ...

A.   6 April 2007: Put up with it until the end of the term (or until you can get out of your present living arrangement) and then move out. People change, and friends don't always stay friends forever. Sometimes people get on one another's nerves for reasons ... (read in full...)

Is he going to turn up or was it just a joke?

Q.   hello please help right ive got this friend and today his friends asked me out for him over the internet and i said yes but i dont know if they were lying or not. and tomorrow they said that if i want to go out and ive just asked the guy if we were ...

A.   6 April 2007: Two choices here. First, buckle up your courage and ask, or second, just show up and then find out if they were just having you on or not. Or of course you could just forget the whole thing and stay home with your head under the covers, but you'... (read in full...)

Should your boyfriend of 8 years have a friend you don't know that he knows and grew up with who do personal favors for each other?

Q.   my question is should your boyfriend of 8 years have a friend you don't know that he knows and grew up with who do personal favors for each other....

A.   6 April 2007: OK, start by defining "personal favors". If you're talking about another girl that he has sex with, I'd say you probably have a serious problem. But I'm afraid your question is a little too vague to really admit of a definite answer. If it's any... (read in full...)

Do you think I went too far too soon?

Q.   Hey - I was wondering if I went too far with my girlfriend - We started kissing on the sofa and then I started moving my hands into her trousers into her bra. Did I go too far? I'm not sure if she enjoyed it or not and I'm worried that next time I ...

A.   6 April 2007: Let her set the pace. She's capable of letting you know when you've gone too far, but for now I wouldn't push it any more than you already have. Don't try to undress her or even do much more exploring until you get some clear sign from her that ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is unsure as to whether he is bisexual or not.

Q.   my boyfriend is unsure as to whther he is bisexual or not. he says im enuf for him and that he's still in love with me and wants to be with me but he doesn't know if he wants to be with a man or not. he says hes not sure if its sexual or if he wants ...

A.   6 April 2007: Don't get too hung up on labels. Sexual experimentation is not unusual as someone matures. Your guy probably needs some room to find out what works for him. It seems very likely at this point that you are figuring very large in his plans for the ... (read in full...)

I feel we should take a break from each other.

Q.   me and my partner had loved the idea of swinging it appeals on all levels and i thought we had talked very openly about it until we went away and did it. firstly he acted very childish by taking off his towel diving on a bean bag and shouting whey ...

A.   6 April 2007: Living with infirmities can be difficult and embarrassing. I can understand why your partner doesn't want to expose them to virtual strangers he's tying to get something going with. He's insecure and probably looking to you for support. You h... (read in full...)

We're now married and he still keeps in touch with this girl that he swears is only a friend!

Q.   I recently got married to a man I love very much. Our relationship is good and he makes me feel better about myself than any other man has. We've been together a year. He has a female friend that he talks to and texts on his phone though that he ...

A.   6 April 2007: You're in a difficult situation. If they really ARE just friends, and you break them up, you husband (if he's any kind of a man) will give in to your wishes and stop contacting this woman BUT he will always resent you for it. That's what hap... (read in full...)

I was raped a while back, a guy friend showed some support, I was weak and things went too far, should I tell my BF ?

Q.   I'd been with my boyfriend for four months when I was raped on my college campus. The thing is I'd left for school only a few weeks earlier in Florida--very far away from him in Cali. For the rest of the semester he was like my rock, and things were ...

A.   4 April 2007: Your boyfriend ought to understand the emotional fragility that you went through (and, indeed are still going through) because of this one life-changing event. It's good that you sought professional help right away, by the way. First, make him... (read in full...)

Our sex life was always good, but since having a baby he cant sustain an erection! Anyone know why this could be ?

Q.   Hi, At last I hope I found someone to help us. My husband and I have had proper good sex for four years. Then we lived far from each other cause he left to work in another country. We only met again seven months later. We were together for one mont...

A.   4 April 2007: There are two general ways this can happen: physical problems and psychological problems. The physical problems mostly have to do with blood circulation or some kind of trauma to the genital region. Since you didn't mention him having been hit... (read in full...)

My ex said he still likes me but tonight I saw him kissing someone else!!!

Q.   I need advice and asap! normally I'm good at giving out advice but this time I'm stuck. My ex contacted me and said he still likes me but he had a girlfriend at the time, now they have broken up but i keep seeing them together and tonight I saw them ...

A.   4 April 2007: How you move on is simple to say but hard to do. Find another guy and get involved with him. The problem is one of maturity. At your age, people are changing rather rapidly. You see this all around you, as couples come together for a while an... (read in full...)

Does one my buddies like my ex gf secretly? What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone This is continuing from my last posts (my most recent http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-dating-another-guy-and-im-so-upset.html). I would recommend please, that you read my previous posts before reading this post thanks. ...

A.   4 April 2007: Play it cool, man. As far as you are concerned, this chick is HISTORY. Get on with your life. NEVER even THINK of turning power in your life back over to her, no matter what you might be feeling inside. Find some other girl to talk to, whether ... (read in full...)

We've met up again after 10 years but I really don't know if he feels something for me or is just going with the flow...

Q.   Here's my story...I met this guy 10 years ago and had this childish crush on him which he wasnt even aware of...we lost touch and ten years later our paths cross again but this time he has a girlfriend so clearly there's nuthin there, so we become ...

A.   4 April 2007: Give him a little while to get over his loss, and continue to be supportive. I lost a fiancée (drowned) when I was in my mid 20's and it was about half a year before I could look at another woman. When I did, it was someone who had been close to ... (read in full...)

She flirts with everyone and shes married, Im annoyed as shes sleeping with a guy at work and it could have been me!!

Q.   Hi, there is a girl in my office, she started flirting with me some time back but as she was married i did not respond,flirted with her sometimes but never slept with her (though i wanted too). whenever i would give her signals she sould ignore t...

A.   3 April 2007: Stay as far away as you can from this woman. She's nothing but trouble. Even if she's the best lay in town, she's carrying so much emotional baggage around with her that you're bound to get some big problems coming your way if you go anywhere near ... (read in full...)

Everytime she goes out I wonder....

Q.   Hi I've been seeing my girlfriend for around 9 months now and we've had issues with trust and respect which I've sought advice on here before relating to her past. http://www.dea...

A.   2 April 2007: Your lady obvious has a serious problem with alcohol. Some people do. Try to get her to recognize this and to get help for it. Unfortunately about the only thing that helps is a program that includes "staying dry" for good. That's tough for a ... (read in full...)

I like this guy and his friend felt me up at a party when I got drunk! What should I do?

Q.   I feel really guilty and awful and i don't know what to do. I like this guy but i'm always to shy to let anything on to indicate this. On top of this i think he must hate me now because I got fairly drunk at a party and his friend started trying to ...

A.   2 April 2007: And your problems is ...? Nobody can "un-happen" that party. Nobody can fix it so you didn't get drunk and didn't get groped by this guy and the guy wasn't the friend of a guy you'd really like to be with. You're going to have to live with all... (read in full...)

Does one my buddies like my ex gf secretly? What should I do?

Q.   Hello everyone This is continuing from my last posts (my most recent http://www.dearcupid.org/question/shes-dating-another-guy-and-im-so-upset.html). I would recommend please, that you read my previous posts before reading this post thanks. ...

A.   2 April 2007: First, I think you can write this girl off as a lost cause. She's gone and she's not coming back. The sooner you get over that the sooner you can get on with your life. It hurts like hell ... I remember how my first big breakup did at 14, when a ... (read in full...)

Our sex is getting boring, but I dont want to lose him as hes not making me complete, so how can we change this ?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend are very sexual, yet I think that is all he thinks about now. I enjoy the sex, but it is gettin boring. We are stickin to the missionary position and I'm startin to lose feelin of it. He isn't "big down there", yet I love him so ...

A.   2 April 2007: First of all, at 16 he's probably not real sure just what to do to help you get to an orgasm. I'd seriously suggest that you get him a good book on how a woman's body works and make sure he reads it. Tell him that you are getting frustrated and ... (read in full...)

We are moving on to oral sex soon, any tips to make it good!?

Q.   hi there.....me and my gf are gonna take things a step further really soon and i was just wondering how to give really great oral sex... and also shes had some before and i havent so how can i be her best ever....any tips would be extremly ...

A.   31 March 2007: And one more thing. Women are different. One woman I've been with recently will explode practically as soon as I get good and started doing her. Another one can require half an hour or more of concentrated tongue work, paying careful attention to ... (read in full...)

We have phone sex alot as we are long distance, cant help thinking he gets off better to the slut roleplay scenarios than sex with me!

Q.   I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 25. We are in a long distance relationship and we frequently have phone sex. We usually talk about what we would like to do to each other, what we have done, etc. He also initiates a roleplay where I will fab...

A.   31 March 2007: Remember that the brain is the largest and most important sex organ in the body. That's where it really happens. He may fantasize you as the guest of honor at a gang bang while in real life he's having you measured for a chastity belt. Those... (read in full...)

is there evidence of couples getting together after a long struggle of distance and silly problems...?

Q.   I met an amazing guy last year and we were dating for a month before he went to Fiji for 6 months. This was originally planned before we even met, and I wanted a relationship from him, but he insisted it wasn't a good idea because he was going to ...

A.   31 March 2007: First, the communications problem. Two words: Web Cam! Your guy is in a university setting ... he has high speed internet. You can almost certainly get it. Buy a couple of web cameras, get some software (usually free) and you can set up a ... (read in full...)

I never seem to get it right with boys, they trample all over me and leave, will I ever find the right one!!

Q.   hey i really hope you can help. well it may seem just a small problem but i really dont seem to get it right with boys they come and go, when they are forgetting me my feelings and they just trampalling all over me im just so fed up and i really ...

A.   31 March 2007: Lots of teenage boys have the attention span of a fruit fly. Don't push too hard to find THE one, because you are changing as fast as they are changing right now, and you will be someone entirely different in three years or five years than you are ... (read in full...)

I really like him, but I have serious confidence issues, not sure Im ready for a relationship, what do I tell him ?

Q.   im 20 and a friend has told me they like me and i think i like them back. my problem is is that i have serious confidence and body issues at the moment and because of this, im not sure im ready for a relationship and he is 3 years older than me and ...

A.   31 March 2007: You need to find a guy (maybe this guy) that you can really trust. The only way you are ever going to get over your body issues is by facing them and realizing that nobody has a "perfect body" and that we all have issues. If you're putting it all ... (read in full...)

I broke up as she was getting hurt, shes taken it badly and now I think she might hurt herself!

Q.   i just broke up with my girlfriend.... and she is taking it too seriously..... i tried to explain the reason why i am breaking up with her but she wouldn't listen to me.... the reason why we broke up was because she was always getting hurt anytime ...

A.   31 March 2007: You can't live her life, and you can't accept responsibility for the outcomes. That being said, I think you tried to take on a little too much responsibility for those outcomes when you decided to break up with her in the first place for the ... (read in full...)

I want to tell my dad I've decided to date a 20 yr old, he wont approve! What should I do ?

Q.   hey hey..... thanx kay fay and martini for your replies it helped me alot... and i think i know what im gnne do... theres just one thing that i would like to ask... i wana be with the 20 year old and stuff but iv got a prob like what must i do...

A.   31 March 2007: First off, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but all 20 year old guys ARE like that, pretty much. They are more mature than 16 year old girls, and they are almost always more oriented toward sex. I'm not saying that you're not important to ... (read in full...)

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