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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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My girlfriend was molested, when she was younger, she get nervous, when I touch her intimately, is there any way I can help her be less nervous, and enjoy our encounters?
Q. I've been dating this girl for quite a while. We're really close and even talking about getting married once we graduate college. I've been touching and sucking her breast for a while now and she always really enjoys that but I've just started ...
A. 15 September 2008: Take it easy, guy. Your relationship with this girl means a LOT more than just the great times with sex. She needs to back off for a little while now, if only to square things with her parents. Respect that. If you really love her, stick with ... (read in full...)
Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 14 September 2008: One word of warning about the phone thing. I don't know how things are now with the company where your husband works, but when I was still working in a corporate environment 15 years ago records for company paid telephones went ONLY to the ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was molested, when she was younger, she get nervous, when I touch her intimately, is there any way I can help her be less nervous, and enjoy our encounters?
Q. I've been dating this girl for quite a while. We're really close and even talking about getting married once we graduate college. I've been touching and sucking her breast for a while now and she always really enjoys that but I've just started ...
A. 7 September 2008: Great job, guy. Keep up the good gentle work. You seem to be giving her just what she needs.... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about my online relationship...
Q. hi, i met this girl on an online game and we decided to chat on msn, then we really liked eachother and we are now in a relationship but i feel bad about it because we have never met and she lives really far away, i dont no what to do...
A. 4 September 2008: Sorry to disagree, Dr. V., but my lady and I have had a great thing going for about a year now and it shows very little sign of slacking off over any issues of distance. It's 359 miles from my door to hers (if you count one stop for gasoline ... (read in full...)
The woman he cheated on me with got pregnant but we're not sure that they are his!
Q. Well my story started inJan. 2008 when my husband told me he had cheated on me once in Dec 15th 2007.. I was just devasted. I have been with him for 9 yrs. we have a 7 yr old son together and i just love my family so much.. Well, he said he only ...
A. 4 September 2008: I suspect this is one of those situations that illustrates why lawyer's wives wear mink coats. If I were in that situation, I'd talk to my attorney and find out just where I stand legally in my own state (and presumably the "other woman's") with ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do about my online relationship...
Q. hi, i met this girl on an online game and we decided to chat on msn, then we really liked eachother and we are now in a relationship but i feel bad about it because we have never met and she lives really far away, i dont no what to do...
A. 4 September 2008: Every relationship needs some "together time" to keep it moving. It doesn't have to be much ... computer contact (especially video phone calls via Skype or one of the other free services) can do a lot to fill in. But you do need some time ... (read in full...)
Is Sarah Palin a suitable candidate for VP?
Q. [Part of a DearCupid series on the forthcoming Nov 08 presidential election] Sarah Palin, John McCain's choice for vice-president, is a strict anti-abortionist, pro-guns and against sex-education. Her 17 year old daughter is now pregnant. ...
A. 2 September 2008: Actually, she isn't telling anybody their kids can't have sex education. She is saying that it's time that the PARENTS stood up and took the responsibility for giving their children the proper education in that vital part of their lives. So that ... (read in full...)
I'm sexually attracted to my female cousin but she's afraid of any physical contact!
Q. I am Sexually attracted to my female cousin who Lives with me she's 21 and i am 29 i want do something to her when she comes into my room and sits on my bed and talks to me but I Love her but when we try to do something she gets Scared and runs off ...
A. 1 September 2008: It seems likely that at this point she just isn't interested in what you're interested in. You seem to have made your intentions clear enough to her. You're pretty sure she knows what you have in mind, aren't you? Once you've made that clear (and ... (read in full...)
I'm so sick of being single! What can I do to change this?
Q. Haven't had a girlfriend since March, been looking since with no luck. Also, i'm not used to this, before then i was basically never single for 2 or 3 years. It's been so long now and i don't really have any confidence anymore, i haven't got any ...
A. 1 September 2008: At your age a six month drought seems disastrous but is not really all that uncommon. You've apparently burned through the reservoir of your immediate circle of girls that you know well. So it's time that you got out and met some new people.
... (read in full...)
Why can't I find anyone?!
Q. I'm not sure what to do, I just can't find anyone! Its been about 3 years since I've had a relationship, in the time between I've filled that void of my life with work and study. Now I just feel empty and lonesome, its not even so much a sexual ...
A. 1 September 2008: You're at a point in your life when all the cards belong to the other side in the game. Women pretty much rule the dating scene in your age bracket (it changes when you get to be about 50, but that's not going to help you very much).
First... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's parents don't want us to date!
Q. Me and my boyfriend recently got back together for the 4th time but problem his family doesn't want us to date. they say i treat him like crap and im not mature. i really want to be with me him cause i know for a fact i love him but he texted me ...
A. 1 September 2008: At your age family pressure can be a real problem. I lost the first great love of my life at 15 because my parents and teachers at school were determined to break the two of us up.
You really don't have much of an option about whether or not y... (read in full...)
What do you think about the websites where you meet people that you knew in high school?
Q. I know that chatrooms and social networking sites can be dangerous places to meet people off, but is it wrong to use a social networking site as a type of "FriendsReunited"-type website and meet people you used to know in high ...
A. 31 August 2008: I used such a site to find out about my high school class reunions, and went there and had a great time talking to people I hadn't seen in 40 or 45 years. It's amazing how much we'd all changed.
These sites are particularly useful for people w... (read in full...)
My father is molesting me and my mother has cancer. What can I do?
Q. It was a few days ago when my mom took me my dads house for the first time after they were divorced. She had to work late that night so i had to stay there until the next day and my dad came in to my room n started talking because he wanted to catch ...
A. 31 August 2008: You need to talk to somebody right away. You are being abused, and this has to stop. If you can't talk to your mother about it, there is undoubtedly a counselor at your school who you can go to. Such people are there to help you through ... (read in full...)
Because of the rape, it hurts to have sex with my boyfriend and it hurts us both! What should I do?
Q. Other than being sexually assaulted I've only had one sexual experience and when it happened it still felt like i was being raped. I'm not sure if it was him, me, or just the fact that i had been raped before, but i hated it it felt like he was ...
A. 31 August 2008: First things first. If you have not been to some sort of counseling program about your experience, GO NOW! This is something that will leave permanent scars on your life regardless of what you do, but you can make them manageable if you seek ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was molested, when she was younger, she get nervous, when I touch her intimately, is there any way I can help her be less nervous, and enjoy our encounters?
Q. I've been dating this girl for quite a while. We're really close and even talking about getting married once we graduate college. I've been touching and sucking her breast for a while now and she always really enjoys that but I've just started ...
A. 31 August 2008: But please try to talk her into getting professional help. She's only storing up trouble for the future. I spent 15 years as a volunteer working with professionals at a mental health center, and I asked the professional staff once what proportion ... (read in full...)
We had rough sex, and I was hurt a bit, but not so bad, my boyfriend feels terrible, how can I convince him it wasn't that bad?
Q. Several days ago, i had sex with my boyfriend. He went very rough. I told him it hurt, surprizingly it did. He pulled out, we had notice i bled a bit. He thinks im still in pain, and still bleeding but im not. Vincent wont believe that im fine, he ...
A. 31 August 2008: OK, so he wants to play knight in shining armor and protect his lady from harm. Pain in the butt, ain't it?
I think about the best you're going to do is just lay it on the line with him. Sort of grab him by the ears and tell him look, I wanted w... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I would like some ideas on different positions to have sex, what do you suggest?
Q. whats your fave sex potision? and what are they like? me and my boyfriend are experimentin lol, were been safe dont worry but need some idead :D thanks!...
A. 31 August 2008: Explore! Experiment! Try just anything that comes to mind. You're young enough that you could do it swinging from the chandeliers if they are strong enough to hold you up.
For a whole raft of good ideas, try the Wikipedia. There's a great se... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was molested, when she was younger, she get nervous, when I touch her intimately, is there any way I can help her be less nervous, and enjoy our encounters?
Q. I've been dating this girl for quite a while. We're really close and even talking about getting married once we graduate college. I've been touching and sucking her breast for a while now and she always really enjoys that but I've just started ...
A. 31 August 2008: If she has not already gone through serious professional counseling to help her deal with her trauma, she should do so. Such experiences leave permanent scars, and really do require lots of professional help to get past and make a readjustment. If ... (read in full...)
My cousin and I had casual sex a lot when we were younger. What does this mean now?
Q. Hi, I have a problem that I want to try and sort out... Me and My Cousin moved away from each other about 9yrs ago...she was about 20 then and I was 13, Now when were younger...we had casual sex alot..we didn't plan it to be like this..but It ...
A. 31 August 2008: Obviously the relationship with your cousin at 13 was quite improper, but that's water over the dam at this point, and there's no use dredging it up except as it relates to what's going on with either or both of you now.
If I understand this cor... (read in full...)
What are some household items I can use as lube? I don't want to go to a sex shop.
Q. What are some everyday things that can be found in a house that can be used as lube and dildo.I don't have the courage to go in to a sex shop.I'm a guy so it would look weird,btw I live in an apartment so I can't really hide it from my parents.I ...
A. 30 August 2008: Any grocery store pharmacy will sell KY, which is probably the most widely used water-based lube. It's also available at the Wal-Mart and Sam's Club stores' pharmacy sections, at least the ones I've been in.
If you can't find it, petroleu... (read in full...)
Why all this HATE towards me and show of temper?
Q. I met a guy a few months ago whilst on vacation and became friends-he wanted more but I held back because he was quite good at telling everyone in the hotel things and I did not want that spread around. he also got very angry in front of everyone ...
A. 30 August 2008: Sounds to me like he's a guy who REALLY doesn't like taking"no" for an answer. You hit him where he lives when you found him resistible, and he's not going to let you forget it.
At this point I don't think that a normal relationship would be... (read in full...)
Was she lying about him molesting her or was she just cheating on me?
Q. I would like to find out what you would do my girlfriend called me up 1 day saying a guy(her friend) tried to molest her when he invited her to go out because it was the last day he was in town. She gave me his number to call him up. Then he told ...
A. 30 August 2008: It's hard to get a "reading" on just who is telling the truth in this case, but you can bet that it lies somewhere in between the two stories.
If I had to guess, I would say that the story about being "molested" is probably a bit of an exaggera... (read in full...)
My friend is seriously depressed! How can I help?
Q. This is a very complicated problem, but I'll try to be as concise as I can. My best friend has been very depressed recently--to the point of severe depression, and I don't know what to do. The cause of her depression is the fear of change...
A. 30 August 2008: OK, your friend needs serious professional help, and no excuses. If you're really a good friend to her you will work with her to find some way to get her into a counselor's office or something like that. And sooner rather than later.
I don't th... (read in full...)
Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 30 August 2008: By all means go ahead with the counseling. It's a great way for the two of you to learn new ways of open communications and learn to deal with these sorts of problems before they build up into serious troubles for your marriage. Communication is ... (read in full...)
I think that guys don't want me because I'm fat. What can I do to lose weight?
Q. Hey I Know This Is Pretty Sad But I Havnt Had A Boyfriend Since December And The Day He Dumped Me It WAs Like I Had Been Shot In The Heart. I Havnt Had A Boyfriend Since Then. I've Been Told Im Pretty, Im 5"10, GOt A good Personality. But I Think ...
A. 29 August 2008: Extreme diets like water only are not going to work. Assuming you've tried more sensible eating plans and are still having trouble losing weight, it's time to seek medical advice. there are a number of medications that can offer real help in a ... (read in full...)
How do we maintain the truth and reality here?
Q. The site is fantastic. It makes me know the problems of real people. Answer to real people promlems and ask real people my problem. How do we mentain the reality and truth here?...
A. 28 August 2008: Well, there are a dedicate (ahem!) group of volunteer moderators who review the questions and answers before they are posted to this site. That keeps obvious junk from appearing here. There are other tests that are used (which won't be disclosed, ... (read in full...)
How can I convince my friends that he's worth it?
Q. Hello to anyone who is reading this. I have a problem, my friends think that i am to good for my boyfriend. They believe that i should leave him. They also believe that he's a waste of my time and he's holding me back from the things that i want ...
A. 28 August 2008: Stick with him. Eventually they are going to start to understand that there has to be SOMETHING that they are missing. When they start to take a closer look, they will start seeing all the wonderful things that make this guy so special to you.
... (read in full...)
Why does everyone condemn FWB? We are just doing something we both enjoy...
Q. I have had sex with this guy a couple of times now. It is not very serious, but whenever we have had it has been great. Well he is really a f**k buddy. I have never ever had one before. I know most people think it is wrong to have a f**k buddy bu...
A. 27 August 2008: If it works for you, that's the main thing. Be sure to do periodic "reality checks" to be certain that both of you are still OK with the relationship as it is.
The biggest danger with these arrangements is that over time one person will ten... (read in full...)
Is this Turkish man trying to con me or is he for real?
Q. I met a Turkish man (A bar owner 20 years younger than me on holiday) He tried it on sexually with me but i told him i do not sleep with some one i do not know. Next day he told me he wanted a future with me and wants me to move to Turkey. He said ...
A. 26 August 2008: Go really slow. There are far too many stories of western women being victimized by Muslim men to want to rush into anything.
With that said, let me also say that there are just as many stories where such matches have worked out absolute... (read in full...)
I am at a university but living with parents who set too many rules!!
Q. hey i am 19 years old..i live with my family and i have started university this year..i have so many rules set by family i feel soo tied up..i am not allowed to hang out with my frens after 10 in the night..no having stay over at my friends place,no ...
A. 26 August 2008: Well, there's something in this world called the "golden rule". It goes like this. The person who's got the gold, makes the rule. If you're still living with your parents and they are still supporting you, you are, unfortunately, going to have to ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my Step Brother and I might be pregnant, Help?
Q. I'm 18 and my dad and his girlfriend decided to take the next step in their relationship, so she moved in with us, along with her 16 year old son. Naturally her son is very attractive and well, we started kissing a week or so after they both moved ...
A. 26 August 2008: OK, first things first. get a pregnancy test, and if you are pregnant your entire gamily has to have a crisis discussion immediately. That will be one very hard discussion, but it shouldn't threaten your dad's marriage. Assuming he is in love ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pushes the limits when I am not ready. Am I too harsh to him?
Q. My boyfriend (hes a few years older then mke) wants to go all the way when I wasn't ready. I did talk to him at least two times but he kept (he would tried an grabbed one of my breats we were in his car. I would him off)on doing it. Then one when we ...
A. 26 August 2008: You have to be completely comfortable with what you do. Don't let any guy (or anyone else, for that matter ... peers, for example, who might try to tell you that "everybody is doing it") talk you into doing something you don't want to do. You are ... (read in full...)
Are there any undamaged women left?
Q. I'm sick of trying to get along with a grown woman these days. Every woman I've known just makes the same mistakes in life for the same reasons. I don't even want to keep trying to find anyone different anymore. How do I find a grown adult ...
A. 25 August 2008: In many cases there does seem to be something about a lot of women that craves the "bad boy" and will go to extreme lengths sometimes to get him and try to hold him. Most of the women who have burned by this type of guy tend to be VERY vocal about ... (read in full...)
Do men really like large breasts, I am endowed and I am embarrassed about my chest, do men like them better than small breasts??
Q. one more question... do guys like girls with big boobs? i mean honestly because i have a set and sometimes i get slmost self concious about them....
A. 25 August 2008: Learn to love your body. Guys worth having will love you just as you are. And yes, most guys do like breasts in just about any size, although there are undoubtedly a few who feel very strongly that bigger is definitely much better. (A very few ... (read in full...)
Should I let my boyfriend do oral on me if I'm uncomfortable about it?
Q. I Have This Problem. My Boyfriend Wants To Lick Me Out. But It Was Hard Enough to let him finger me. I'm not scared of Anything but i don't know if to let him do this? or not. i told him my opinion that i think its horrible and harsh on anyone ...
A. 25 August 2008: If you're uncomfortable because you fear its effects on HIM, you should let him worry about that. If you're uncomfortable about it because you don't want it done to YOU, that's an entirely different story. NEVER do ANYTHING sexually unless ... (read in full...)
Can I continue to sleep over at a male friend's house after I get married?
Q. i am a 22 year old woman who has a guy friend for about 8 years. my boyfriend knows that i see him. my boyfriend and i want to get married. My guy friend and i say i love you all the time, we hold hands, we cuddle, though, i sleep over his house. Is ...
A. 25 August 2008: I had no trouble staying overnight with a woman friend after I got married, but these were the circumstances: First, it was someone that I had known and been strictly friends with for more than 25 years. Second, my wife knew her and was her close ... (read in full...)
Is there a "right" way to ask out a married woman at work?
Q. Hi! My question is slightly controversial (so humble apologies in advance!). Is there a 'right way' to ask out a married woman at work? Is the protocol different vs asking out single women at work? I know I should really consider married women to be ...
A. 24 August 2008: The women have said it, now I'll add it from a guy's perspective. The women in the workplace may be tempting, and SEEM available, but the married ones are definitely "off limits". Even the single ones you should think carefully about getting ... (read in full...)
I can't have an orgasm after I found my husband looking at porn sites! I'm also pregnant...
Q. In the past my husband has had no problem making me achieve multiple orgasms. last month I found porn sites on his computer and I am four months pregnant. I cant seem to have an orgasm since, I even had to fake it for the first time in our ...
A. 24 August 2008: Pregnancy does cause some changes, there's no doubt about it. But it's not impossible that there are some psychological factors involved here, too.
Just remember, porn is fantasy, not reality. It has nothing to do with your husband's relation... (read in full...)
Any ideas on how to distract myself while my boyfriend is away?
Q. hey (: not a major issue but one i would like some help with if possible, basically my bf is going away for two weeks to america soon, obviously the time difference and what have you will make it hard to keep in contact so i would like some ideas on ...
A. 24 August 2008: If you both have access to a computer with a decent internet connection, Skype or one of the other free internet video telephone services can help you stay in touch. The five-hour time difference is not all that bad from the east coast (if that's ... (read in full...)
I am attracted to my aunt and I want to have sex with her! What do you think?
Q. My aunt is 42 and she's hot and very beautiful. We have a good relationship. We have never been totally alone, but we talk all the time when we see each other. I have noticed 2 times when she looks at me, she looks at me with a sexy-look, and w...
A. 24 August 2008: My guess is that you're misinterpreting her intentions here.
If she really is interested in you, it's something that can wait a while. If anything does come of it, the two of you are in for SERIOUS repercussions from your family. You'll be bette... (read in full...)
I don't want a relationship but at my age (I'm 16, he's 17) is this wrong?
Q. So me and this guy are what you'd call "freinds with benefits" We're pretty good freinds, and after we have sex its not like awkward to talk to him or just be his freind. I don't even get jealous when were together and he's desperately flirting with ...
A. 24 August 2008: OK, first thing that comes to mind is "safe sex". The one thing that could bring this whole thing to a tragic end is an unwanted pregnancy or either of you introducing some disease into the mix. So condoms are a must, and a backup means of birth ... (read in full...)
I can't trust my fiance because he lied to me about his porn habit and masturbation.
Q. I had what I thought was a happy relationship and a satifying one, until I found a porn magazine in the bathroom. Then my Fiance' lied about it and said a friend gave it to him when he really bought it, then I found out that he was looking at dirty ...
A. 24 August 2008: About the masturbation ... there are two kinds of people: those who admit they masturbate and those who lie about it. Asking your husband about that was silly, You should have known the answer before you asked the question.
Porn is another ... (read in full...)
Did I do right with my first kiss?
Q. Yestarday I kissed my boyfriend for the first time. As this was my first time so I dont know whether it was right or not. We had hugged each other real tight and I remember him pressing his mouth into mine. Then I kind of gave him a bite(very soft ...
A. 24 August 2008: If it worked for you and it worked for him, you did it right.
The nice thing about just about anything having to do with the relationship between a couple is that the only people who have any business judging what is "right" or "wrong" are the ... (read in full...)
My parents are so confusing and they shelter me!
Q. Ok,I am 13 years old,just of last month.My parents are so overprotective of me.Mostly my dad,but I think my mom feels like she has to agree with everything he says,but she is protective of me sometimes,on her own. For example,one time,dur...
A. 24 August 2008: You SHOULD be getting the responsibility to stay home alone by now, but there is no real way to get your parents to see that. The other responders have given you some excellent suggestions. Try following them.
And cheer up. Things could be... (read in full...)
Can my girl get pregnant even though I can't ejaculate?
Q. Hi people, well I am a 13 year old male, and well, I had sex with my girlfriiend, three times to be exact, but in thise three times, I did not where a condom, but I know my body, since I masterbate, I know that I still can't ejaculate, could she ...
A. 24 August 2008: The short answer to your question is yes, she can get pregnant. Even a laboratory test might not tell the complete story of exactly what was going on down there while the two of you were doing it.
Be on the safe side. If you're going to be se... (read in full...)
Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 20 August 2008: First big question: other than feel really terrible, what are you going to do differently if you find out that he IS involved with this woman than you're doing now? Would you consider leaving him? Confront him with ultimatums? Throw a fit? ... (read in full...)
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