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*hiRaven agony aunt

*hiRaven

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*hiRaven's profile:

I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.

Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester.

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Why can't I have a normal boyfriend?

Q.   why cant i get a normal boyfriend? im 18 and i have never had a steady relationship. my longest relationship was 3 weeks and the guy didnt even spend that much time with me, i think he just wanted a girlfriend just to SAY he had a girlfriend. i ...

A.   4 June 2008: Maybe you're trying too hard. I know it's difficult at your age, but just relax and let things take their normal course. Do things that interest you ... school, hobbies, whatever ... and sooner or later somebody will turn up who WILL like you just ... (read in full...)

How do I get a boy to love me back?

Q.   how do i get a boy to love me back...

A.   18 April 2007: There is no sure way to do this. Be yourself, get to know him as an individual, let him know you're interested, and just let nature take its course. If he is interested in you, he'll let you know too. If not, don't be too disappointed. You'r... (read in full...)

How do these home pregnancy tests work again? Help!

Q.   i have a question about pregnancy test..if it turns negative what is that mean?..and if it turns positive -- does it means that you're not pregnant?..i always get those things mixx up..please helpp!! tnx. t-t...

A.   18 April 2007: The kits come with complete instructions. Usually a "positive" result means that you ARE pregnant and a "negative" result means that you are not. But check the instructions that come with the test kit. READ THE INSTRUCTIONS.... (read in full...)

Married, but I will avoid any form of physical contact just to not have sex with my husband. How do I fix this?

Q.   Hi, I am a married women of 7 years. i have two children. Having problems in my marriage - in the bedroom department. I would rather go to sleep than have sex. I will avoid any form of physical contact (hugs, kisses etc)just so I don't have to say ...

A.   18 April 2007: The obvious question. WHY? Sounds to me like you've got a real problem here, lady. Married seven years and you're tired of the bedroom scene already? That's just not right. Which raises the question, WHY. If it's something that involves bo... (read in full...)

My fiancee disappeared for 12 hours, no explanantion! Was he messing around?

Q.   Why would my fiancee of 3yrs txt me and say he dont do expainations when i asked him to explain why he hadnt contacted me in 12hrs, am i right in thinking he was messing around on me...

A.   18 April 2007: Messing around? That's hard to tell. But I CAN tell you this. Solid relationships are based on trust, and it seems to me that trust is a scarce commodity in your relationship right now. He doesn't trust you enough to tell you where he's been, ... (read in full...)

What does it mean if a guy won't speak to you because he finds it awkward?

Q.   what does it mean if a guy won't speak to you because he finds it awkward? I finished with him a month agao and now he refuses to even msn or text me!! ...

A.   18 April 2007: He's probably still not over you, and hasn't come to terms with the reality that you have moved on. My guess is that he's terribly afraid that he will make a total fool of himself if he contacts you because he still hasn't given up, in his heart. ... (read in full...)

My bf lives far away from me--do you think we'll work out?

Q.   I have a boyfriend and he lives far away from where we live do you think we will work out?...

A.   18 April 2007: Miles can melt away in this age of easy communication, but there's still nothing that beats the touch of your beloved's hand or their kiss on your cheek. If the two of you are seriously committed to making this work, it can work out, but the odds... (read in full...)

What do you do when your boyfriend's parents won'tt accept you?

Q.   What do you do when your boyfriend parents dont accept you? My boyfriend got this girl pregnant who he wasnt phisically attracted to, about 2 years ago. He says that he was too drunk and messed up on drugs when he got with her. That he didnt know ...

A.   18 April 2007: Sounds like way too many people making way too many babies way too soon and now starting to regret it. A lot. I hope that all of you have learned that you should be responsible and use protection when you have sex because you certainly don't need ... (read in full...)

why do guys in bars and clubs ask for ur number and then never call?

Q.   simple question but why do guys in bars and clubs ask for ur number and then never call?...

A.   18 April 2007: Sometimes guys are just trying to get over their fear of rejection or fear of women in general, and they go out to try to get numbers from women they consider attractive. They are probably too afraid to make the next move, but being able to ask for ... (read in full...)

She blows hot and cold and one minute thought she was into me.. Shes been with another guy and I dont know what to do as it hurts!!

Q.   Two very good friends of mine are married, I have been married for 10yrs but seperated from my wife 18months ago. The sister of my female friend comes out with us regulary she is 34, I have had feelings for this girl for 6 months, and she seems to ...

A.   17 April 2007: First, remember you're still married. A lot of women (quite sensibly) simply do NOT get involved with guys who are still married. So the first thing I'd advise is either sh*t or get off the pot with your wife. If it's over, get it over with. If ... (read in full...)

My partner of 9 years is snappy and moody and only seem happy when hes having a go at me!!

Q.   My partner and i have been together 9 years. Recently he has been moody, snappy and seems only to be happy when he's having a go at me. We have 3 kids and he has no time for them either. My friends say he either is cheating or he wants to leave but ...

A.   17 April 2007: Unless (and I regard this as very unlikely) your guy is willing to go to some serious counseling with you, I think you should start thinking seriously about the damage that this situation is doing to your children and you. There are some ... (read in full...)

I am very unhappy in my marriage..my wife/family doesn't trust me! What can I do?

Q.   I'm not happy in my marriage. What should I do? We have been married for 17 years and for the past 6 1/2 years I have been working 2 full time jobs. Prior to that I had worked a full time and a part time job. Our son just turned 16 and my ...

A.   14 April 2007: Let's see. No sex, 80 hour work week, daughter won't get a job, wife is paranoid, no trust. And you're still there because...? You LIKE getting kicked in the head? You're so used to being used that you don't know any other way of life? You're ... (read in full...)

I really like him, but Im not comfortable taking him to my neck of the woods as we are different races!

Q.   Hi I met a boy in london one day and since then i have grown to really like him alot. But recently things have really bothered me since i live 50mins away from him and i come from a totally different background to him. Although im mixed race and...

A.   14 April 2007: Interracial dating always has its ups and down, especially when there is a class difference as well. You don't give your age, or say whether you are free to move to his part of town, or how serious your relationship is. Has he met your family y... (read in full...)

Any tips to pleasure my man with boobs!!

Q.   what is the best way to..ahem..pleasure my boyfriend with my breasts. i'm a 30DD,,,want to know positions, tips etc. thanks (dont give me any weird links, dont trust these random sites)...

A.   13 April 2007: Here's one that my partners and I have always loved. You, up on your hands and knees crosswise on the bed. Him, on his back, slides underneath so his face is right at your boobs. He has his mouth right there and an extra hand to work with. The ... (read in full...)

Shes says I'm too big for sex!! How can we get over this!?

Q.   hi im 18 and have been with my girlfriend for 2 years. evrythign is great but she doesnt like having sex because she says im to big wich at 12 inches im kinda going along with, is there anything i can do to help and wot can we try to make it more ...

A.   13 April 2007: By all means, try a position that gives her control of how far and how fast things go. After all, the female anatomy is flexible, if you give it time to adapt. Think about it ... eventually, that equipment is meant to get a whole baby to come ... (read in full...)

Is this because I really what to or is it just the old 'forbidden fruit' thing?

Q.   I can't stop fanatsising about having sex without a condom! Me and my boyfriend can't do because he has an STD but it's always been the thing that turns me on the most and it's killing me! We've been together for over a year now. I'd never cheat on ...

A.   13 April 2007: There's a powerful yearning to couple just "skin on skin" in a lot of people, and condoms get in the way. As a friend of mine puts it, if I wanted to have sex with latex, I'd buy a blow-up girlfriend. But you are absolutely right to keep using yo... (read in full...)

I've lined up two dates, Fri and Sat, I'm not a dishonest person, so what should I do if I like both of them!!!

Q.   Hi I've met two lovely ladies on a dating site at the same time and have a date with both one friday the other saturday, the problem is i'm very honest and don't like cheating as that is what my wife did to me. What do I do if I like both and they ...

A.   13 April 2007: If it comes down to liking them both to the point of wanting a regular girlfriend, you will PROBABLY have to make a choice between them. That can be tough. But as long as you are just dating, with no thought of commitment, and both of them are ... (read in full...)

I'm 53 year old male and my girlfriend is in her late teens

Q.   now you all are going to can me a pervert but the guys i know say im lucky baster I'm 53 year old male and my GF is in her late teens she is of age, not underage girl and i have a hard time keeping up with are sex life, some times we do it 3 or 4 t...

A.   13 April 2007: OK, man. Here's the straight dope. Learn about Kegel exercises. It's a muscle down near your prostrate, the same muscle that you can use to start and stop the flow of urine by tensing it up. Develop it by doing exactly that. Stop and hold the ... (read in full...)

She's still a virgin but she's much more experienced than I am.

Q.   Hey I just got my first girlfriend im inexperienced compared to her she is a virgin tho, but i keep thinking of her with the other guys why is that? Other girls that i speak to there past doesnt bother me even if they've done worse then mine? is it ...

A.   13 April 2007: It's hard sometimes to imagine your girl with another guy, even if you know that all they did was kiss. But you've got to put it behind you. You know perfectly well that now she wants you, and you are moving forward with what is going to be the ... (read in full...)

I can't live with my mother any more, she's a real bitch!!!

Q.   I want to get married to my boyfreind. its just that i cant live with my mother anymore she a real bitch. i love my boy friend and he loves me to. only thing is that my mother will say no to all this. someone help me . Please ...

A.   13 April 2007: Getting married to get away from your mother is a BIG mistake. Marriage should be about wanting to go TO someting, not about wanting to get AWAY from something. If you hope to be able to build a stable relationship with your boyfriend, you're g... (read in full...)

He keeps sending his ex girlfriend's teenage daughters money.

Q.   My boyfriend has an exgirlfriend that lives thousands of miles away. He has met her teenage girls a handful of times, but says he loves them like they were his own children. In the past he has sent them large checks ($1000 or more) and extravagent ...

A.   12 April 2007: My sister is in a relationship with a guy who has always regarded his ex-girlfriend's daughters as his own, and who helped them pay school expenses and stuff while they were growing up. My sister was not thrilled with this, but recognized that ... (read in full...)

I went on his myspace profile and discovered he’s in a relationship now. I don’t understand him, is this his way getting over me?

Q.   I am so confused at the moment. I was dating this guy 18 months ago and he messed me about. I decided to move on with my life but it was hard. I’ve always thought about him and I’ve never been with anyone else since him. Anyway recently he got in ...

A.   12 April 2007: When was his profile last updated? Is it current? I think that some of the stuff on mine is left over from when I first joined. He may just be too busy to keep it current, especially if he is studying too. There's an easy way to find out what... (read in full...)

I am 14 years old and feel very fat and very ugly...

Q.   I'm fourteen and i am very ugly, im fat and thats all i see wheneva i look at myself, i am trying to go on a diet and i try not to eat very much, especially not to eat junk food, i've ate junk twice since ive started about five days ago and when i ...

A.   12 April 2007: Everyone has some body image problems. Even skinny runway models, for the most part, think they're too fat. First, get over the idea that your self-worth is bound up with the way your body looks. You are a fine person, a unique individu... (read in full...)

The married man I'm seeing says he sleeps in a different bedroom to his wife and only stays because of his son. Is he telling the truth?

Q.   hi i've been dating a married man for 6 weeks sat, he says he sleeps in a diffferent bedroom and he only stays at his house for his son and because he pays the mortgage, he says he loves me and cant give me a 100 percent as he has his 12 year old ...

A.   12 April 2007: Honey, if you'll fall for that line I've got some prime swamp land ... I mean waterfront property ... in Florida I want to talk about selling you. You're being had. The guy will tell you he loves you just as long as he's getting into bed... (read in full...)

I am just recently married and for some reason I have been thinking of other men and the idea of having sex with them.

Q.   I'm a married woman of 6 months only. I met my husband 5 years ago and we've had a great time sexually and in general and I do love him. However recently for some reason I have been thinking of other men and the idea of having sex with them. The ...

A.   12 April 2007: This is a case of too little too late. The time to think about these things is BEFORE you get married, not after. So now what are your alternatives? Well, first of course there's the possibility of cheating on your husband. Millions of wo... (read in full...)

Me and my boyfriend had dry sex and my mate filmed it on her phone!

Q.   me and my bf have had dry sex and my m8 filmed it on her fone and she has showed loads of people, but as i am only 13 loads of people are calling me a slut. but the real problem is that my bf wants to do it again but im not sure now that people are ...

A.   12 April 2007: With friends like that, who needs enemies? Too bad that phone doesn't have a cord ... you could strangle her with it. In sexual situations, three is DEFINITELY a crowd at your age. Don't be doing it anywhere where someone else is going to be po... (read in full...)

My boyfriend hasn't been showing any interest in sexual activity lately.

Q.   My bf of a year hasn't been showing any interest in Sexual activity lately. He's been playing computer games, hanging out with his friends, not working. Just last night he became a little touchy feely with me, and I told him I wasn't in the mood ...

A.   12 April 2007: Let's see. He leaves you alone for a long time to play and hang out, and then when he finally DOES come around you shut him down. Sign of something? How about "sign of a troubled relationship"? He's playing the ass by leaving you alone and no... (read in full...)

I have 32 DD boobs and all the boys are turned on by them and i really like that, but i want them to touch them?

Q.   I have 32 DD boobs and all the boys are turned on by them and i really like that, but i want them to touch them? what should i say?...

A.   12 April 2007: Don't be indiscriminant about who touches your body. It's OK to casually brush up against someone else once in a while, but if you're getting a real work-over, save that for a guy that you're heavily involved with just as you would any other very ... (read in full...)

I HATE my boyfriend's best friend!

Q.   Please help I HATE my boyfriend's best friend! We never got on from the start because he told my boyfriend he could do better and that I was fat and ugly. I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years but me not getting on with his friend is ...

A.   12 April 2007: What can you do? Probably not a lot. You boyfriend already knows you don't like his best friend. Apparently he's not going to be pushed into choosing between the two of you, and if you force him to do that, you run a serious risk of losing h... (read in full...)

I was raped a while back, a guy friend showed some support, I was weak and things went too far, should I tell my BF ?

Q.   I'd been with my boyfriend for four months when I was raped on my college campus. The thing is I'd left for school only a few weeks earlier in Florida--very far away from him in Cali. For the rest of the semester he was like my rock, and things were ...

A.   12 April 2007: Bravo. The best to the both of you!... (read in full...)

Some woman my guy knew is calling me and harrassing us...how do I deal with the stress?

Q.   I'm new and not sure how to post. I have a problem and need help bad, so I’m going to write to you. December 9th of 07 I met my boyfriend online. This man was calling me 4, 5 and sometimes 7 times a day to chat. Then 3 times in the past four months ...

A.   12 April 2007: Let's deal with that psychologist thing first. Virtually all communities in the United States of any size have Community Mental Health Centers that provide psychological services and charge for them based on your ability to pay. Contact your local ... (read in full...)

I am a small B-cup so what I want to know is do some guys prefer small breasts?

Q.   Dear cupid, sorry i know this is a boring question. now i dont compare myself to my friends or anyone else for that matter as i would rather be just me. It seems though, that when we're out almost all the guys go for them as almost all of them are ...

A.   12 April 2007: OK, the off-color high school guy answer to that is "more than a mouthful is wasted anyway". Most guys are perfectly happy with their girlfriend's body the way it is. Sure, guys might fantasize about a woman with a huge bust, just like some wom... (read in full...)

We used protection but am I pregnant?

Q.   I had sex with my bf on the last day of my period which was a month ago..... We did it 2 times and used a condom both times we did it like 2 hours apart..... The condom didn't break or anything but I'm scared I might b pregnant...... Someone ...

A.   12 April 2007: First, don't panic. Next, as soon as feasible get one of those home pregnancy tests and run it. See what the verdict is. If it comes back positive, then it's time to see a doctor and have the results confirmed. Where you go from there is pretty ... (read in full...)

How do I get over her?

Q.   Ok...me and my girlfriend broke up like two weeks ago. But i still love her...a lot, and she must have lied to me, because she told me she just wanted to take a short break, and she didn't want a boyfriend right now, so she lied to me, and she said ...

A.   12 April 2007: Well, you certainly do NOT get her back by yelling at her and accusing her of lying to you. Forget that. If no one believes you after that performance, I wouldn't wonder why. You are going to have to earn her trust by showing her some maturity... (read in full...)

How can I leave him?

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid; I need your help to give me advice and strength to get out of a relationship I am not supposed to be in.... I am in love with a married man ! Sounds aweful right ? I know, I blame myself everyday. He is a much o...

A.   12 April 2007: From a guy's point of view, I agree with the ladies. Forget it. This relationship is going nowhere fast. Of course he says he loves you ... he's sleeping with you. But the chance of him actually making a break with his wife is slim, and even if ... (read in full...)

Does this Grandmother really have 'rights' to visit her grandchildren. Any thoughts?

Q.   Sadly, my adult niece (35) and her Mother(55) don't get along and have huge, trust issues. My niece has two lovely children (10 and 12) and her Mother (the Grandmother) is demanding she be given the right as the Grandmother to have visits with ...

A.   12 April 2007: In general, in most legal jurisdictions, I believe that grandparents do NOT have any legally enforceable rights to visitation or other access to grandchildren. In this case, when the judge seemed willing to grant access, the grandmother totally ... (read in full...)

My dad "touches" me but when I tell him no, he goes into a tantrum!

Q.   Well I have had this problem since around age 12 I am 15 now. I do not like my dad touching me as he holds me like my bf on my hips want to hum him plevis to pelvis. He use to be worse by sometimes just opening the shower curtain on me and making ...

A.   12 April 2007: You are walking a very fine line here, as is your father. He's straying dangerously close to territory that is VERY forbidden. Keep up the communication with your Mom, and continue to let her know that you are still uncomfortable with your fat... (read in full...)

My mother's driving me insane! I have no social life...

Q.   i know this isnt the right place to ask help for this matter but i really need some advice. me and my mum dont get along with each other at all. we have a fight every single day bout the littlest things. its like she loves 2 fight!! it really ...

A.   12 April 2007: There is a law of nature that says that parents get noticeably stupider when their kids hit their teens, and don't get any better until the kids get into their 20's. You're right in the middle of this. I bet you're the oldest kid in your family, ... (read in full...)

He tried to rape me, but I want to give him another chance. Is this wrong?

Q.   umm, i have a question 4 you. i broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago because he tried 2 rape me. i was in a state. but now i am starting 2 ave feelings 4 him again. I want 2 give him another chance. is this wrong?...

A.   12 April 2007: I would be worried about any guy who tried to use violence as a means to sex. If he had that little respect for you at the time, I don't think you should trust him in the future. Stay away from this guy. Your feelings are doing you wrong he... (read in full...)

Im 16 hes 40, I cant imagine life without him so how do I get him ot marry me ?

Q.   I wrote yesterday "So many boys want to date me but I reject them all for my married neighbor who is 40! I'm 16. He is married but only see his family twice a mth over weekends coz they are overseas. We have been seeing each other almost daily for ...

A.   12 April 2007: Unlike some of my fellow responders, I find nothing inherently wrong in you wanting to marry this man as his second wife. It is fraught with complications, but it could be done. Even here in the United States, I know of people who are effectively ... (read in full...)

He gets home at different times every day...does this mean he is cheating?

Q.   my b/f doesnt work in an office..but doesnt leave at an exact time everyday..like he will say this job took longer than expected or i was cleaning out my truck etc etc..so sometimes he gets home at like 6pm or sometimes 7..if we were living ...

A.   12 April 2007: If it's just an hour in the variation of his arrival time at home, chances are he's not doing a lot of cheating on you. Most women who are seeing a guy will demand more of his time than just a quick hour before he goes home. Put yourself... (read in full...)

Some woman my guy knew is calling me and harrassing us...how do I deal with the stress?

Q.   I'm new and not sure how to post. I have a problem and need help bad, so I’m going to write to you. December 9th of 07 I met my boyfriend online. This man was calling me 4, 5 and sometimes 7 times a day to chat. Then 3 times in the past four months ...

A.   10 April 2007: First, it sounds like you've got yourself a certified nut case on your hands as far as this other woman goes. Try to have as little to do with her as you can. Don't acknowledge her in any way, if you can avoid it. Don't return her phone calls or ... (read in full...)

I was raped a while back, a guy friend showed some support, I was weak and things went too far, should I tell my BF ?

Q.   I'd been with my boyfriend for four months when I was raped on my college campus. The thing is I'd left for school only a few weeks earlier in Florida--very far away from him in Cali. For the rest of the semester he was like my rock, and things were ...

A.   4 April 2007: Your boyfriend ought to understand the emotional fragility that you went through (and, indeed are still going through) because of this one life-changing event. It's good that you sought professional help right away, by the way. First, make him... (read in full...)

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