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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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Sex.. is it all right to turn him down during that one week of the month?
Q. im sorry if this is innapropriate but am i right in this? ive been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months now, we started going out in december and we lost our virginities to each other in march. we both felt we were ready and it was the right ...
A. 11 July 2008: If you WANT something from him and he fails to deliver, then you are right to complain. If you don't want anything from him and he's asking for something from you, you'll have to ask yourself how you feel about that and why you feel that way. It ... (read in full...)
Every lad thinks I'm ugly and its really getting me down. Will I ever find a boyfriend??
Q. Ok, so Im 15 and every lad I know thinks Im ugly. Even the ones who, themselves never get girlfriends, call me ugly. It really, really gets me down. They dont count my personality or how well we get on for anything. I DO have a nice body and my ...
A. 11 July 2008: Trite but there: there's somebody for everybody. You WILL find the right person for you, if you maintain a positive outlook. That's important because if you sit around moping about how you're never going to have anyone, chances are you won't.
... (read in full...)
We two girls had very rough sex, now my stomach hurts badly, what could be the problem?
Q. ok i had lesbian sex in i got fucked pretty hard in i tummy has been killing me wats rough with me...
A. 11 July 2008: There's even a possibility that the two are not related to one another. There have been times when my partner has come down with stomach pains after a bout of vigorous sex (yes, we still DO that!), and it's been due to something else completely.
... (read in full...)
How do I get back into work with a 10-month old baby?
Q. hi. im having a career dilemma. ive got a 10 month old boy and i really want to start working. but the thing is i want to work from home and have my own hours. im really interested in writing, but dont know how to start, you know maybe be an agony ...
A. 11 July 2008: Careers in writing are difficult, demanding, and take a great deal of talent. Most paid writers work on a part time "don't quit your day job" basis and depend on whatever their writing brings in as extra money. This is true even of some very ... (read in full...)
We need some advice on anal sex
Q. Hello everyone! This is somewhat embarrasing to ask (I try to keep my sexual life private), but I've been wanting to know how to do this for a while. Well, me and my boyfriend have decided to have anal sex but even after searching about it I still...
A. 10 July 2008: OK. Yes, a condom is a VERY good idea. But LOTS of lube is even more important. You'll probably want to use a water-based lube (MUCH better than having petroleum or silicon running around in your system, in my opinion), but that means that if ... (read in full...)
Has my ex posted pictures of me on the internet?
Q. My ex has threatened to post explicit pictures of me on the internet. I'm really worried about this. I googled myself, but other than that I don't know where to look to see if he followed through on the threat. Help! Where/ How can I look, and how ...
A. 10 July 2008: First, keep an eye on any social networking sites (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) that he has. Not that he'll likely post there, but he might use them to point to pictures if he does put them up somewhere else. That would be particularly effective in ... (read in full...)
I am a teenage male, who is seriously interested in losing my virgin status, how do I go about this??
Q. hi. im a 14 year old boy and i REALLY want to have sex. i can't stand it... im tired of people saying "just wait till your older. i want to now... i have friends at school who have already had sex. and if i get to i WILL wear condom...i just wa...
A. 9 July 2008: Relationship FIRST, then the sex will follow. You've got to care about somebody before sex becomes meaningful, good, or in most cases at your age even possible.
With all due respect to my fellow "aunties", the "do it yourself" method is NOT just... (read in full...)
Fortune teller predicted an early pregnancy ... and the condom broke.
Q. my mother has recently had her tarrot read. It says about me going to have a baby when im really young. I had sex with my boyfriend and the condom broke. What should i do?...
A. 9 July 2008: The Tarot reader may be gifted, but you have some control about what happens from here. Get medical attention right away, both to check for diseases and to see about pregnancy. Early on there are often precautionary medical treatments that can ... (read in full...)
Embarassed about gingery brown pubic hair...
Q. I have gingery brown pubic hair although my natural hair colour is dark brown...I've always been really embarassed about this because when I was at school, kids would always make fun of 'ginger pubes'. Now I'm 25, and no man has ever seen me in ...
A. 9 July 2008: I'm a natural redhead (and down below, too) and put up with a LOT of crap in grade school and some in high school because of it, but I never really let it bother me because I always knew it made me unique and memorable. Now, of course, I have to be ... (read in full...)
I had sex with my cousin, and now my period is three weeks late.
Q. I have a HUGE problem. I have a great steady boyfriend of almost 4 months, and I'm pretty sure I love him. The problem is, one night i got really, really drunk (my first time drinking). I've always had a thing for my cousin who is a few years older ...
A. 9 July 2008: With respect to what the anonymous reader wrote, she is perfectly correct that having sex with a cousin is not incest IN CANADA. In many states of the United States, however, such an act IS outlawed under the incest statutes.
It all depends ... (read in full...)
What can I do to stop his bold comments towards my "attractive" friend - without sounding jealous?
Q. My boyfriend tells me that my best friend is super hot all the time.We have been dating for over a year and he always treats me good. He tells me I am hot too. While on a dinner date alone with him we talked about the night we all met the first ...
A. 8 July 2008: You shouldn't have to compete with your friend for your guy's attention. You need to let him know that he shouldn't be quite so complimentary about her because it makes you feel bad. And you should let her know that she's definitely in a private ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be married any more. I don't know what to do.
Q. I have been married for 3 years. I have also been in a relationship with someone else for the past 4 years. I have come to the point where I don't want to be married anymore. The person that I'm in the relationship witb has a girlfriend also. I ...
A. 8 July 2008: OK, so you got married during your relationship with another guy?
Why?
Figure THAT one out and you'll be well on your way to figuring out what your next step should be. That should tell you what you were expecting from your marriage, and fr... (read in full...)
After Sex for Two Years, How Do I get Him Into a Real Relationship?
Q. Im 16 Years old and mature for my age.For the past 2 years i've been in a sexual relationship with a 21 year old neighbours son.I went to school with his brother. I'm really keen to get into a relationship with him, however ,sometimes, it feels like ...
A. 8 July 2008: I hate to say it, but it IS all about the sex, and he's been using (and abusing) you for years now. It's time to put a stop to it. Tell him it's over. Don't even think about carrying it on any longer. If he raises any trouble, go to your parents ... (read in full...)
I am small chested, and concerned with my image, any advice for me?
Q. Well this is going to sound akward, but anyways, we were on a school trip a while ago and everyone was wearing vest tops and obvoiusly you could see the shape of there breasts and stuff - okay so that sounded totally strange! but I dont have much of ...
A. 8 July 2008: First, get used to the idea of liking who you are. Your body is always going to be with you, and none of us have a "perfect" body. Get used to the idea that you need to love yourself and accept your physical being as well as who you are inside. ... (read in full...)
Depressed, unable to find a good relationship, how do I interact more and enjoy myself?
Q. hi, im a 37 year old single female, im having trouble finding a man to settle down with, ive suffered from depression for nearly 20 years, and im wondering if that is my problem, ive been to see therapists and tried hypnosis, but nothing works, i ...
A. 8 July 2008: I assume that you're getting consistent medical and psychological help for your serious problems. If not, get to it at once. This is not something that is just going to clear up all by itself. Depression, paranoia, anxiety and the like are ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my husband's porn habit? It's getting excessive..
Q. Every time I come into the office, my husband is frantically closing windows on the computer. I was wondering about this because he accidentally left a bunch of porn site passwords on the screen one day. I asked him about it and he got somewhat ...
A. 8 July 2008: Addictions are another matter.
If he is willing to admit that he has this addiction (and apparently he has), maybe he is willing to try some counseling to see what need this addiction is fulfilling in his life, and how else he might get these ne... (read in full...)
My bf keeps having mood swings!!
Q. im seventeen. my boyfriend has been having mood swings toward me , and he takes his anger for his family out on me, not only do i feel distant from him but i feel he is not the same person i fell in love with a year ago. we haven't had sex in two ...
A. 8 July 2008: It sounds like your boyfriend could very well have some serious physical/psychological problems that could require medical intervention. He should probably see a counselor or doctor and get an evaluation.
The local referral agency attached... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is sexually abusing me....
Q. my boyfriend wants to have sex with me.we already had twice this month.whenever he gets a chance,he starts fingering me.last night,he just pulled open my top and started sucking my breasts.he wanted my naked photos which i gave him.i never refused ...
A. 8 July 2008: By all means, he MUST stop if you tell him to. If he doesn't, GET OUT NOW!!!!
But twice in a month? Hey, that's hardly a good weekend. I think he's assuming that you're more interested in sex than you apparently are.
You don't say anythi... (read in full...)
Is this a big age gap??
Q. im 13 and there's this boy that i really like but he's 16. We hang out alot and we always enjoy each other's company. but i want to know is it a big age difference? and should we stay friends and don't be more than that?...
A. 8 July 2008: At 13, three years is an enormous age gap. When you're 16, it will be practically meaningless. For now you'd do best to stay friends and not try to push it any further. But DO keep in touch. You'll both be glad of it once you've blossomed into ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend always ogles younger girls!
Q. Hi everyone! I have an ongoing issue, and I have sadly reached a conclusion. But I need input. My boyfriend is 12 yrs younger than me. I am 53 and he is 41. We have been living together for 2 yrs. The issue is that he ogles younger girls when...
A. 8 July 2008: Guys look. It's just a fact, and it's not going to change. If it gets to the point where, say, the woman in question, or her escort, becomes offended by it, then he really HAS carried it too far. But don't expect him to stop looking ... that's ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend and I keep arguing about his ex, need help!
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend now for 9 months and we have had a series of aarguments, all about the same thing, HIS EX. They were together on and off for 5 years and i feel completely beneath her. At the beggining of our relationship her ...
A. 8 July 2008: You're grown up. He's still a child, emotionally. He can't let go of his ex and really devote himself to you, and it really doesn't look like he's going to be able to do that.
Let him go and find yourself a grown up to date. You'll feel eve... (read in full...)
What can I do about my husband's porn habit? It's getting excessive..
Q. Every time I come into the office, my husband is frantically closing windows on the computer. I was wondering about this because he accidentally left a bunch of porn site passwords on the screen one day. I asked him about it and he got somewhat ...
A. 8 July 2008: It seems that your only hope is to break into your husband's fantasy world, and that's apparently not going to be an easy thing to do.
Make sure he knows that sex, the way he likes it, is something that you want to share. Make sure he knows th... (read in full...)
I'm feeling lonely and inadequate - How can I sort this out?
Q. I'm feeling unhappy. First off, my body - I have little breasts, but I'm not a thin, small framed beauty. They're out of proportion. I'm medium to big framed, not fat, but I have a couple of pounds to lose but I'm afraid as I'm already small on...
A. 8 July 2008: Two big issues here.
First, your body image.
You're going to have to get used to it, because your body is not going to miraculously change. But it seems that your boyfriend (for one) thinks that it's pretty good. So others are probably not... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but I'm falling for another guy. What should I d?
Q. okay well i have been with my boyfriend for 7 months, and i love him, but ive known this other guy for 5 years, and im falling for him. i broke up with my boyfriend once because of it, but i guess i was scared of being alone so i asked him back out...
A. 7 July 2008: There's an old saying about a bird in the hand being worth two in the bush. You're not entirely sure yet if this new guy is really interested in it, but you're thinking of giving up a relationship you already have for a CHANCE that there might be a ... (read in full...)
Open marriage plus money worries plus kids... What do I do now?
Q. I’ve been married 14 years and have a 10 year old son. We have been poly for about 9 years of that time and this has been with various people for both of us. There is one person I have been involved with for almost 7 years of that time. About two ...
A. 7 July 2008: Your wife is getting hit by jealousy from two directions ... not only is she developing a problem with you and your lover, but all of a sudden HER outside love interest seems to be straying as well, and getting involved with the woman you are ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my husband's porn habit? It's getting excessive..
Q. Every time I come into the office, my husband is frantically closing windows on the computer. I was wondering about this because he accidentally left a bunch of porn site passwords on the screen one day. I asked him about it and he got somewhat ...
A. 7 July 2008: How's your sex life?
Porn is neither bad nor good in and of itself, but it can be a positive or a negative influence on a relationship, depending on how it impacts the partners. The greatest sex I ever had came after my girlfriend started ... (read in full...)
The problem is, I'm jealous of everyone who is successful...
Q. I am 19 years old, but i feel that i've wasted my entirely life doing nothing. I'm often compared with my sister, who is 15 and already has a boyfriend, knows to play the piano, goes to hawaiian dance lessons, is going to enter the school she wants ...
A. 7 July 2008: Your problem is concentration. Excelling at anything takes the ability to stick to something until you have mastered it, and it sounds like you're having trouble with that.
Such things are often the result of medical problems that impair one's ab... (read in full...)
My BF has the chance to see many girls at his summer place of work... and I'm super jealous!
Q. ok i think im just about the most jealous person my bf just got a new job workin at a canoe launch loadin and unloadin the canoes into the water and i went up thr yesterday 2 pick him up from work and the girls there are dropd dead sexy perfect body ...
A. 7 July 2008: Guys are going to look. That's just a fact of life. If they've got a pulse, and working eyeballs, it's going to happen.
Has he given you any cause to worry about the stability of the relationship? If not, you should take him at his word and... (read in full...)
I tend to get attached very easily - should I hold back or throw myself in there??
Q. Hello all, 11 years ago when i was 16-17 i had a relationship with a bloke of 18-19. We were good friends before (i classed him as a best mate) but we had AMAZING and very adventurouse sex. i was going to uni so was unable to continue to see him....
A. 7 July 2008: The pitfalls now are no worse than with anybody else, and probably better than with most since you have some history together. You'll probably get attached, because that's what you do. If he leaves, you'll get hurt, because that's what you do.
... (read in full...)
I feel like I can't get out of this abusive relationship! Help!
Q. I'm in a situation that I feel like I can not get out of. I'm living with my boyfriend of five years and we have two young babies together. I don't want to be with him anymore because he drinks, and when he drinks he becomes very voilent. He beat ...
A. 7 July 2008: RUN, do not walk, to the nearest shelter, and take the kids with you. You need to get the BLAZES out of that situation right now. Can I make it any clearer? Your continued well being and the well being of your children could well depend on you ... (read in full...)
I'm not very fond of my aunt and I don't know if it's wrong to feel this way!
Q. Have any of you ever felt like so far away from a family member,like emotionally? Well,a couple of days ago,my grandma told my mom that her aunt(my great aunt),had asked about her. My mom's not exactly fond of her. My mom told me in the car yest...
A. 7 July 2008: You don't get to pick your family, and sometimes visiting with them is an unpleasant duty, but there is no rule that says you've got to like them. As with anyone, affection among relatives (even relatives closer than your mother's aunt) is ... (read in full...)
How do you spot a guy who is a 'player'?
Q. I need help / advice / tips on how to spot a player or a guy who could be taking you for a ride or what I can do to evaluate. I have met a guy who is nice enough to me and says all the nice things and has said he likes me. To be honest I havent k...
A. 7 July 2008: The way to tell about someone is to observe them over time. Get to know them before you get involved. This is particularly important because of your vulnerable emotional state.
I agree that you can't pre-judge people, but that doesn't mean you... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend rape me? I told him I was ready but during the act I realised it wasn't so.
Q. im really confused!! i really dont know what to do, did my boyfriend rape me?! or is it down to me, ive been with him for just three months, not long i know, but i thought i loved him, i thought i was ready for sex, hes 17 and im 16. last friday, i ...
A. 6 July 2008: Let me give you another perspective. This was a LONG time ago. We were in our teens (18 and 19), and we had been together for about six months. Both of us said we were ready. Long foreplay, we're both sure we want to go ahead (yes), got ... (read in full...)
My number 2's are often messy...How can I have normal poops??
Q. Not a love question, more related to health... Ok, this is going to sound really gross. But I can't ask anyone else. Whenever I do a number 2, it's always really soft and messy. How can I have normal poo's?? I'm fit and healthy, have...
A. 6 July 2008: You should probably see a doctor. He or she will probably want you to do a hemoccult test (yes, it's gross but it tells you if there could be something seriously wrong inside) to rule out some important illnesses.
The doctor can probably... (read in full...)
I feel like the world is in color and I am in black and white
Q. I feel like the world is in color and I am in black and white. I have a great job, my child attends a great school, I have a beautiful house, no real money issues, and yet I want to sub my husband for someone, anyone, else. I am pretty, smart, and ...
A. 6 July 2008: Yes, Virginia, there IS true love in the world.
You have a right to expect a whole lot more from your marriage than you are getting, and it's time you got it. It's time to take this whole thing to a counselor and start working out the issues b... (read in full...)
Embarassed about gingery brown pubic hair...
Q. I have gingery brown pubic hair although my natural hair colour is dark brown...I've always been really embarassed about this because when I was at school, kids would always make fun of 'ginger pubes'. Now I'm 25, and no man has ever seen me in ...
A. 6 July 2008: Well, you could always color your hair to match the ginger.
Just kidding.
By the time you reach the stage with a guy where you're ready to bare all, you should be close enough to him that a few shades of difference in hair color are not go... (read in full...)
I'm gay, I've fallen for my best friend...
Q. hi well im using my twin sisters account here. basically i am gay and iv fallen for ona of my best friends. im 16 years old and in year 9. im not out of the closet yet but i think i want to come out soon as i find it too hard to keep it a secret. ...
A. 6 July 2008: First, why not get your own account? It's really painless and this might not be the last time you need some advice.
This is not an easy situation to handle, but I'll tell you how I saw it done well. My best friend in high school discover... (read in full...)
My ex had a drug habit which he is overcoming...Can we have an adult, fulfilling relationship?
Q. I was dating a guy for 5 months. I'm 25, and can honestly say I truly felt I was in love with him. We were from totally different backgrounds and he is totally the opposite of the usual type of guy I go for, but we worked so well together. He ...
A. 6 July 2008: Let him know that you're still interested, but unless he has some serious time in a serious program (like a 12-step program or some more one on one counseling and therapy through some professional outlet) you are not willing to risk taking a chance ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend hasn't ejaculated in a while, the next time he does will he split the condom?
Q. I have a question, if my guy hasn't ejaculated in a while does that mean he will bust the condom or am I jus bein paranoid...
A. 6 July 2008: A man's "hydraulic pressure" undoubtedly builds up over time, but that does not necessarily mean that he is going to split the condom. In the first place, I hope you're using a second form of birth control, as using just one is kind of risky no ... (read in full...)
I'm bi curious, my boyfriend isn't satisfying me...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for three years and bi-curious for a year, he sweet and I love him a lot but sexually he doesn't satisfy i have to fake it should I let him know how I feel about women?...
A. 6 July 2008: If you've been with him for three years and you're not getting what you want there is definitely something wrong with your relationship. You need to start communicating better with your current guy about what you need and want physically from the ... (read in full...)
He says he's afraid of commitment with me, but will still have sex with me...
Q. so i met this guy who is 28 years old. hes a great guy and has everything ive wanted in someone, well im only 20 so there is an eight year difference. everything was going great, he shows how much he cares for me but one day said maybe he wants to ...
A. 6 July 2008: The "guy afraid of commitment" story is practically a classic by now. And it's usually just an excuse to continue getting sex from somebody (that would be YOU) without having to take any responsibility or accept any limits on who he can get to ... (read in full...)
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