A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are going through a rough time. I've been seeing a counsellor who thought it would help to clarify our needs/expectations in the relationship. She wanted us to outline what we expected as far as sex, household concerns, friends, affection, amount of time together, financial etc. (we live together) This seems perfectly reasonable to me and I approached him with it. He replied that food, sleep and having money to survive are needs and that the rest is just wants or desires and that we shouldn't have any expectations. I'm frustrated because this doesn't seem to leave any hope for making this relationship mutually fulfilling. Am I asking for too much? I love him but I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really want to be in a relationship or that he's manipulating me so he doesn't have to put any effort in.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (29 March 2007):
 Those may be "needs" in a fundamental sense, but they are not "expectations" that a relationship can be built on. If you're feeling generous (or really needy ... god forbid!), ask him to try again. Tell him that you're after what he EXPECTS from you in the relationship, and what he feels you can reasonably expect from him.
If he stonewalls again, it's time to move on to a guy who will be more emotionally expressive. My guess is you've got a narcissistic loser on your hands, and your chances for success are slim to none in that situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): Leave him. If he doesn't want a relationship with you then the relationship isn't going to work. Find someone in which wants and willing to put effort into a relationship with you.
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