A
female
age
41-50,
*atient1
writes:There is a guy where I work who will constantly walk by my office and stare at me. He will also come into my office and just sit in the chair across from me so I will divert my attention to him for a moment and try to make small talk, but after the conversation is over he'll just sit there in silence while I continute to work. I'm so confused. I don't want to be rude in any way because that's just not my nature. I'm pretty sure he fancies me, but I'm not interested. How do I stop this behavior without hurting his feelings? Thanks in advance for the advice.
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female
reader, Patient1 +, writes (30 March 2007):
Patient1 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Makes sense, thanks guys!
A
male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (30 March 2007):
 The first lady who answered you gave you a lot of really good advice. Now let me let you in on a little secret. Some guys are NEVER going to pick up on the subtle approach. For such guys, dropping an anvil on their heads won't work ... too subtle for them.
So by all means give those excellent suggestions a go. I sincerely hope they clear up your problem.
But just in case they don't, there ARE laws in this country against "creating a hostile work environment". If all else fails, please always remember that you've got the really big guns on your side. Give this guy every chance to clean up his own act. But if he doesn't, you can always go to your supervisor (or a higher manager if necessary) and get the problem resolved. They have an absolute legal obligation to see that unwelcome attention is NOT part of your work environment.
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (30 March 2007):
 Hi Patient1,
This sort of thing has happened to me, as well. Can you try to close your door a bit so it doesn't look as inviting for him to stroll on in and take a seat? That seems to work for me. I usually do this when I'm busy, so people get the hint not to come in (regardless of who it is).
You could also tell him you're too busy to talk. Even if you're not, just pull up something on your computer that you've already completed and pretend to work on it. Eventually he'll get the hint if you're always too busy to talk.
Then there's always making a huge hint for him to get lost after the small talk is over... "Well, it was nice talking with you, but now I've got to get back to work!"
Also, if he starts with "Hi, how are you?" You could respond with something like "I'm actually *really* busy!" smile, and just focus your attention to your work.
If he doesn't get the hint after trying all of these, I think you might just have to level with him. Maybe say something like "I do enjoy talking with you now and then, but I really need to focus on my work while I'm in my office. I bet you're pretty busy, as well." That way it doesn't really sound mean and you actually come across as caring about him, too. It's the nicest way I think you can say something like this to him besides "Can you please stop visiting me so much? It makes me feel awkward and I need to get my work done." ...Actually, now that I look at that, it doesn't sound so bad if you take the "It makes me feel awkward" part out.
I hope this helps. I'm the same way as you and I hate making anyone feel uncomfortable in any way, even if I'm bothered by them. But there is always a time when you have to draw the line - best to do it sooner than later so it doesn't keep wearing on you, right?
Take care.
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