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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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He says he's afraid of commitment with me, but will still have sex with me...
Q. so i met this guy who is 28 years old. hes a great guy and has everything ive wanted in someone, well im only 20 so there is an eight year difference. everything was going great, he shows how much he cares for me but one day said maybe he wants to ...
A. 6 July 2008: The "guy afraid of commitment" story is practically a classic by now. And it's usually just an excuse to continue getting sex from somebody (that would be YOU) without having to take any responsibility or accept any limits on who he can get to ... (read in full...)
I'm falling for a "bad boy"...
Q. a boy at my school really likes me he is hot and all but he is a bad boy so what can i do to like him and dont fell scerd please help...
A. 6 July 2008: In this case, I think your fear is a way of you telling yourself that this is NOT the guy that you should be spending your time with. You're worth a lot more than to waste yourself on a "bad boy". Look around again, and find somebody who will be ... (read in full...)
He seemed so totally into me, then when I suggested we get together, he freaked! Why?!
Q. hey im in a little tricky situation and was wondering to get some help... anything.... so here goes Ive been hanging around with this guy for about 6 months and we become really close to each other. when i first started chatting to him it was ju...
A. 6 July 2008: The "guys who are afraid of commitment" story is as old as the written word, or maybe older. Some guys just will NOT be pinned down. My guess is that you've found one of these.
It's not a comfortable place to be. You can try to stay with thi... (read in full...)
I just can't get over this guy, it's been a few years, is something wrong with me?
Q. (( Sorry for the legnth)) I was friends with this boy through primary school ( although he is a year older than me) and when i started high school i started to fall for him. In my 1st year of high school i started to realise how much i liked him...
A. 6 July 2008: No, there's nothing really "wrong" with you.
You're probably just obsessed with this fellow. You want to let him go, but have found it impossible to do so.
There are a couple of books on the subject of "how to fall OUT of love" and "break... (read in full...)
I've fallen for my best friend who is also a girl
Q. Dear cupid, Wel my problem is that im in love wid my best m8 - lets cal her alex. iv only nown her 4 under 2 yrs but wer ded close and i tell her stuff i wudnt dream of tellin other people...... Last yr i met...
A. 5 July 2008: Having a romantic interest in a best friend can always be a problem, whether it's someone of the same gender or not. It gets to be a bigger problem when the friend makes it clear that they are not interested in anything more than just being ... (read in full...)
I want to change my life. I'm free! What can I do?
Q. I am aged 54 divorced with no children and would LOVE to change my life. I live in the Uk and want to get out and do other things. I dont seem to have much luck with finding dates or anyone in my life. Luckily I have no financial worrie...
A. 5 July 2008: If you've got a high tolerance for "false positives" you might try the on-line dating services. They tend to be the "you've got to kiss a lot of frogs" sort of situations, so be prepared to reject a lot of guys who don't measure up if you go that ... (read in full...)
I feel drained all the time, but my mum won't take me to the doctor
Q. could there be a reason why im totally drained out? im only 16, all my friends are out partying and with friends, yeh i do go out but i just cant be arsed, up until like the middle of may i was really energetic. played rugby, swimming, badminton, ...
A. 5 July 2008: Ask your mother how good she is at diagnosing anemia. Or thyroid malfunction. Or endocrine imbalance.
This kind of condition can be serious, and needs professional medical attention. Sudden changes in your body's function is usually a sign tha... (read in full...)
Can you have a relationship with someone from your past?
Q. Can you have a future relationship with someone you dated in the past? Did not part on bad terms. They say it's just bad timing....
A. 5 July 2008: Of course you can always pick things up again if both of you are free. I know one couple who are seriously considering getting together after breaking up at the end of high school when they went away to different colleges ... and they're in their ... (read in full...)
I woke up to find him having sex with me. Am I still a virgin?
Q. i need to know if im still a virgin!! i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months and he stopped at mine on thursday and we both fell asleep but then when i woke up he was in me, ive never had sex before and i didnt feel him on me but he was actually ...
A. 5 July 2008: Unlike some of my colleagues, I'd be just a little bit more hesitant to call this out and out rape, because you admit you can't remember whether or not you consented to sex in the first place.
Something very much like this, the other way arou... (read in full...)
"Love. but not in love." What does it mean?
Q. WHAT do men mean when they say They love you but arent IN love with you? This sounds very confusing and have had it recdently said to me. What is the difference please and why say it and what is the meaning? Thanks...
A. 5 July 2008: "Love" has been defined as a situation in which the other person's happiness is essential to your own. In that way, it is possible to "love" someone deeply without being romantically involved with them at all.
I think the distinction is meant to... (read in full...)
Who do I pick?
Q. hey im 15 years old and i have a big problem. I had a boyfriend for just over a month but we broke up recently because of his mate saying all this stuff and we just kept argueing all the time. There is something he doesnt no aswell. :( im not proud ...
A. 5 July 2008: Look deep inside yourself for the answer.
Imagine yourself first with one, and then with the other. Imagine yourself in a social situation ... a party or something. Imagine meeting up with your friends when the two of you are together. How do y... (read in full...)
I saw my 44 yearold mother having sex - surely she is too old?
Q. I am 24. My mom is 44 she had a divorce after long married life of 28years.She was shattered and had lived a lonely life all alone for a year in her small parental town. When I got setelled with good job in a bigger town she came to live with me in ...
A. 5 July 2008: I'm glad Uncle Sneaker said it before I had to. There's ALWAYS something new you can discover about sex, and it really does just keep getting better and better if a couple keeps working at it.
Wait 20 years and you'll laugh really hard. Wait 40 ... (read in full...)
I caught new wife having sex for money!
Q. This is true. Ive been married since February and Ive recently caught my new wife of 24 (im 39) cheating. The problem is she was cheating with a previous "client" for money. She used to be a dancer at a strip club. She claims there was no ...
A. 5 July 2008: It sounds to me like she has not yet shaken off a big part of her "past life". Unless you're willing to become known as the guy who is married to the hooker, she's going to have to make that break. And that's a decision only she can make.
Your ... (read in full...)
I am having sex with someone that's doing someone else!
Q. What do I do with myself - I hate the person I have become! I went out with a married man twice and he dumped me. I recovered from it after going for vacation immediately after, and a month and half later we met at a party and sure as hell I acted ...
A. 5 July 2008: There is a perfectly legitimate lifestyle, polyamory, in which a person (or people) will have more than one partner. When it is done, and done successfully, it is done with the full consent of everyone involved.
Somehow, I don't think that's q... (read in full...)
Did anybody ever have experiences with Psychics?
Q. Ever have any successful (or non-successful) experience with psychics? Can you recommend any online psychics for me?...
A. 5 July 2008: As someone who knows a number of truly psychically talented people, I urge you to stay away from the "commercial" services. They are, as far as I know, all scams. They have scripts, and even if the psychic KNOWS the advice they are giving is wrong ... (read in full...)
Where can I find a decent man? I've tried all the suggestions!
Q. When I read various problems from other people and have one myself similar-I always smile when people say dump him get out there and find a man who really loves you. I dont think there are many men who want love or a steady woman or girl friend. ...
A. 5 July 2008: You're facing an uphill battle, as the number of single, eligible men in your age group is quite a bit lower than the number of single eligible women. (A fact that is working greatly in my favor, I must say. Women who wouldn't give me a second ... (read in full...)
Got with my best mate, split up, and now it's just a mess.
Q. well things between me and a guy friend of mine went totally out of hand and our friendship was ruined..he tried talkin to me,calling me but i ignored him and then he stopped calling me thinking that i dont want to be with him anymore and decided ...
A. 4 July 2008: It should have been you telling him, not her. It's almost always better, when both of you are free and not involved with other people, for you to be honest and up-front with your feelings. That way you both know where you stand.... (read in full...)
Is my bf wrong to do this? Is this fair?
Q. hi, i just wanted to know if this is fair on me?...my boyfriend has secretly been meeting a girl he used to fancy and go on walks with. he has been telling everything about our relationship to her. and everything bad. she has emailed back to me ...
A. 4 July 2008: There are times when everyone, male or female, needs a "sounding board", someone they can talk to, about private matters in their life or relationships. Someone to do for them on a personal level just what we are doing for you here.
But the pers... (read in full...)
Should I date my mom's assistant manager?
Q. Should I date my mom's assistant manager? Hi i'm 25 years old and have not had luck with men in my life. I always end up with jerks but I just recently found out my mom's assistant likes me. I have known him for years and we get along good, though I ...
A. 4 July 2008: The question boils down to an imponderable here, and that is HIS level of maturity. Is he sufficiently professional to keep his personal and work lives separate? I don't think you can really answer that. It's going to be a gamble. You've ... (read in full...)
I think my teacher had a crush on me, and now I find myself questioning how I feel about him, all of a sudden?
Q. A teacher this year, that taught me in a subject that wasn't my strongest, so I'd always coming for extra help after school, and naturally we got to know each other, but as the year came to an end, I started to realize that he was treating me ...
A. 4 July 2008: As a teacher myself (although at the college level) I'd suggest that you give it some time ... at least a year ... before making any overt moves to get together with this man. After a year has passed, with you going about your life after school ... (read in full...)
How should I handle his staring to other women? I don't want to be a nuisance!
Q. HI ive been dating a 26 yr old man for 2 months, Hes a sweetheart, however ive caught him twice staring at 2 women when we are out dining. It bother's me because my ex had a bad habit of this, i was with him for 14 years. How should i handle this? ...
A. 3 July 2008: Don't blame him too much for just looking. It's a natural enough reaction.
If it gets TOO out of hand, you might make some joking remark like "be careful there, you'll trip over your tongue" or something like that. It should give him the idea... (read in full...)
What can I do to take my friendship with him up to a relationship?
Q. I love this guy I'll call him S. The problem is I'm only 13 and he is 16. I've known him for years and we have always shared this connection. He comes over to my house alot wih my dads friends son (who I'll call J and I always want to hug S when I ...
A. 3 July 2008: S just obviously hasn't noticed you yet.
You don't say what S and J are doing at your house. OK, so J's dad and you dad are friends, but why are the two of them there? Is there some kind of activity going on that you can make yourself a part of?... (read in full...)
I'm on the edge because I never sleep with guys this quick as I have in this case, he's visiting France now and I fear he will cheat!
Q. The guy I'm seeing at the moment is gone away with his best friends (male and female) to France and he'll be back on Wednesday. At the moment I'm extremely paranoid to the point that I'm literally in tears because I'm so worried he'll cheat on ...
A. 3 July 2008: No, he doesn't "have to cheat". If he's the kind of a guy who cheats, he will. If he's not, he'll come back to you.
And yes, you're over reacting. But given the way you seem to deal with things, that's not really news, is it?
But I think t... (read in full...)
Would someone please help me, with a masturbation problem?
Q. I don't know if I am coming properly or atleast fully. It is better with my boyfriend but Dildo's also do the same thing to me. I get like a really amazing overwhelming tingly feeling and I start feeling so hot like this is just the build up and...
A. 3 July 2008: Hard to tell, but I don't think you're getting everything out of it that you should.
Have you and your guy tried oral on you? Over the years I've found that a combination of oral ending up concentrating on the clit, plus some internal manual m... (read in full...)
Going out with two girls and need to pick just one. How do I let the other go without hurting her feelings?
Q. uhm... hey to all my angels!!! in a situation and need some advice asap.. il make this very brief hope you understand. two girls.. going out with both.. both of them dont know about each other.. like them both alot but dont know what to do. dont ...
A. 3 July 2008: You already KNOW what you have to do, you just don't want ot do it.
First, make up your mind. Which girl do you want? If you really can't decide, then maybe you are not emotionally ready for a permanent relationship with either one of them at ... (read in full...)
I told him to make a decision about our relationship and he hasn't called back! What does this mean?
Q. i am 23 yrs old i have a male friend that i grew up with since 7th grade we lost contact, and ran into each other this year. so we have been conversating i am single he say tha he single so we had sexual invovlement more than once and i spend the ...
A. 3 July 2008: Three days may be pretty quick for a guy to decide whether or not he intends to get into a serious relationship with someone. Give him a little more time. But no more sex. You're not interested in just a casual thing, so be true to yourself and ... (read in full...)
If he admits to liking 2 other girls, why won't he admit to liking me?
Q. I like this boy, even though i'm young, and i've liked him for a year or two. Well a few weeks ago I found out he likes me back, but since we're so young he is still sorta shy about girls. Like he will stare at me and everything, but he won't admit ...
A. 3 July 2008: My guess is that he's probably a bit more shy with you than he was with his previous girlfriends. You're at an age when girls are changing a lot quicker than guys are, so it's not unusual for girls to develop feelings before guys do. And quite ... (read in full...)
Is there any chance of getting pregnant on your period?
Q. Hello, I have been wondering lately, if there would be any possiblity of geting pregnant on your period. Because last weekend my boyfriend came inside me. But he told me not to worry because i cant get pregnant on my period. He said theres like a o...
A. 3 July 2008: It's not THAT long a chance. Unlikely, but certainly a possibility.
Further proof that often a guy will say and do just about ANYTHING to get what he wants. A good lesson for the future. ... (read in full...)
Help! My ex tried to use me to cheat on the mother of his child and she just called me to ask if he's been faithful!!
Q. Please help me! I don't know what to do... I recently had a very, very complicated situation dropped into my lap. About four months ago I broke up with my boyfriend. Shortly after he moved out he found out his ex-girlfriend that he had dated ...
A. 3 July 2008: Face it. This guy wants to have two women. Or maybe three or four ... who knows. But two for sure.
He's NOT going to change. If you think he is, you're only kidding yourself.
He's made a choice, of sorts, by moving back in with his baby an... (read in full...)
Anyone have any idea how we can arrange an underage marriage?
Q. Ok so I am under 18 and I have this boyfriend who is 38. He and I want to get married but I know my parents won't allow it. No body even knows about him. So my question is, what can I do to be with him? Legally I mean. We have been ...
A. 3 July 2008: I hope you get the message. I disagree with some of the other people here ... I do NOT automatically assume that you don't know what you're doing. I said that in my earlier answer. I've know "children" your age who have had to hold down jobs and ... (read in full...)
He said he'd be here for the baby but he just ignores my messages, why?
Q. i am preg but not with the father,he will stil be around for the baby..but sometimes he ignore's my messages and it would be only about the baby,why do men do that??...
A. 3 July 2008: Do you mean he doesn't GET messages that you leave for him that are strictly about the baby, or are you trying to use messages that you need to tell him something about the baby as an excuse to try to get him more involved with you? He's said he ... (read in full...)
I can't stop thinking about her and I'm scared I'll do something I might regret!
Q. Ok, this one is long and complicated. I'm really taking a breakup very badly. It was technically my fault. My ex and I were arguing and at one point I said,'I just don't know anymore' and she said that i wanted to break up, I told her I didn't ...
A. 3 July 2008: If you're serious about wanting to get over this woman there are a couple of books that will help you. They are based on a psychological technique called behavior modification, and they deal with "how to fall OUT of love" and "breaking your ... (read in full...)
My best friend snogged my ex since a couple of months! Is this a betrayal of a friend? I don't know what to think!
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for about 2 years and split up just a few months ago. My best friend told me today that she snogged him today and i really don't know how i feel. I still love my ex to pieces but don't want to tell him this. To ...
A. 3 July 2008: When it's over, it's over. He's your ex, and who he is involved with (and how) is no longer your affair. It's shameful that she's running around behind her guy's back, but that's their problem and not yours either.
Stay clear of this floating... (read in full...)
Should I get involved with a man that considers himself a "free agent"? What do you think?
Q. I am aged 49 and wondered what you think of me potentially seeing /going out with a man who I know goes out with other women and I know he has sex with "because he is a free agent" (in his words and "doesnt want a relationship" in his words) s...
A. 2 July 2008: What do YOU want?
If you're after something short term with a lot of sweaty sheets, this is probably a great chance to get it. If this guy has a lot going for him, chances are he's probably pretty good at it. If you're willing to settle for a qu... (read in full...)
How do I know if my boyfriend loves me? Is there a way you can tell for sure?
Q. i just wonderd if anyone could tell me how do you know if a boy loves you?? well my boyfriend kisses me and we spend ages looking into eatchothers eyes and he puts his arms round me you think he loves me?? ...
A. 2 July 2008: Love is a LOT more than just physical displays of affection. Two people show love for one another in a whole bunch of different ways. They show it in respect. They show it in getting to know one another and in demonstrating that they know and ... (read in full...)
He's away for the Summer, and I think he is cheating on me! What do I do?
Q. Me and my boyfriend jj have been dating for a little over 6 months now. School is over, so he went to live with his dad in Baraboo. He said he would talk to me every night online. He told me a couldn't call. But his girlfriend last summer was able ...
A. 2 July 2008: There's an old saying that goes "if you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question."
What are you going to do differently once you ask that question and get an answer? Assume he says 'no', because unless he's ready to dump you I doubt ... (read in full...)
I told this man I love him....how can I realistically retract what I said?
Q. Having just returned from France I met a nice english man and we were jsut friends,but because I have lost so much in my life and was bought up in an orphanage etc (NOT feeling sorry for myself just telling the truth) I did a stupid thing and told ...
A. 2 July 2008: I'd suggest that you try to explain to him that you have these Issues around the question of being alone, and that sometimes your mouth sort of goes into business for itself before your brain has a chance to really think things through. In other ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of a boy without making him feel bad?
Q. there's this guy that really likes me but i don't like him. He always write me messages and asks me do i think he's unattractive but i said no because i didn't want to make him feel bad. He is really starting to get annoying because now it's the ...
A. 2 July 2008: Be honest with him. Tell him that although he is attractive, you are not interested in being his girlfriend. One of the lessons we have to learn as we grow up is that being in a relationship with somebody is about more than just how they look. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried that my wife is funneling my money to her Thai boyfriend! What should I do?
Q. hi there, i got married to a thai woman who brought a six months old daugther in our marriage. I adopted the lovely child after three years of being married. With my wife I have been married for more than six years. as i got to leave thailand w...
A. 2 July 2008: You need to seek legal advice from someone who knows the laws of Thailand well. A local attorney (or whatever the term is there) should be able to make the proper arrangements for you to get your divorce without your having to support your wife's ... (read in full...)
What should I do at the party Friday night, as I want my ex boyfriend back!
Q. What should i do? People whohave been following my relationship dilemma from previous posts know what i am refering to. I broke up with my bf a month ago and been very confused by signals hes giving me. loves me but cant have a gf etc etc. well.....
A. 2 July 2008: Don't let this guy run your life. The party is a chance for YOU to have fun as an individual. You don't need him to be complete. He does whatever he does. Just go there and be yourself, mix with your friends, and have a good time. Be friendly ... (read in full...)
I need help before I get sacked!
Q. HI there! I need your help! I am very reluctant to my work most of the time. I procrastinate works. And feel asleep early, wake up early in the morning with depression, and generally become ineffective in my office. Since I am in new office my ...
A. 2 July 2008: A couple of possible issues you might want to investigate.
First is your health. If you are clinically depressed, that can throw everything off. See a medical professional and get it checked out. If there are chemical imbalances they can caus... (read in full...)
Anyone have any idea how we can arrange an underage marriage?
Q. Ok so I am under 18 and I have this boyfriend who is 38. He and I want to get married but I know my parents won't allow it. No body even knows about him. So my question is, what can I do to be with him? Legally I mean. We have been ...
A. 2 July 2008: What can you do? STOP!!!! If anybody finds out you're having sex, he's going to jail, and what happens in most prisons to guys convicted of molesting children (that's what this is, legally) you do NOT want to know about. It's really BAD.
Let h... (read in full...)
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