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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 14 September 2008: One word of warning about the phone thing. I don't know how things are now with the company where your husband works, but when I was still working in a corporate environment 15 years ago records for company paid telephones went ONLY to the ... (read in full...)
Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 30 August 2008: By all means go ahead with the counseling. It's a great way for the two of you to learn new ways of open communications and learn to deal with these sorts of problems before they build up into serious troubles for your marriage. Communication is ... (read in full...)
Can my girl get pregnant even though I can't ejaculate?
Q. Hi people, well I am a 13 year old male, and well, I had sex with my girlfriiend, three times to be exact, but in thise three times, I did not where a condom, but I know my body, since I masterbate, I know that I still can't ejaculate, could she ...
A. 24 August 2008: The short answer to your question is yes, she can get pregnant. Even a laboratory test might not tell the complete story of exactly what was going on down there while the two of you were doing it.
Be on the safe side. If you're going to be se... (read in full...)
How do I help my boyfriend get through the first anniversary of his last girlfriend's death?
Q. Its me, again. Crickey, my life is really complicated these days! Im not usually like this, just the past few months have been crazy. Well, im happy now, in a relationship with a new man, (the same man of the last post!). However.... next week is ...
A. 23 August 2008: As someone who has lost two wives and a fiancee, I can tell you that the one-year anniversary is really tough. Hell the FIVE year anniversary is really tough. But one year is murder.
Everybody is different, and every loss is different. At this ... (read in full...)
How do I live with my boyfriend and avoid sex?
Q. I want to live with my boyfriend. How can I avoid sex before marriage? What excuse should I give when he asks for that? ...
A. 23 August 2008: It might actually be better for both of you if you didn't move in until you were just about to get married. Frankly, living together, where you have access to one another at all hours, can create a situation that will be tempting to both of you. ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a married girl at work!
Q. I'm very lost now...I'm in love with a girl in my work place, but shes already been married. I dunno what to do now.. do you think its possible between me and her? We are considered very close friends but I never told her/anyone how I feel towards ...
A. 23 August 2008: It's not real clear ... is this girl married now or not? If not, there is no real reason why it can't work out between the two of you.
If she is married now, it's another matter. You should leave well enough alone and just be her friend unless s... (read in full...)
I think I want to leave my wife!
Q. I have been married for the past 14 years. We were both 19, pregnant, and pressured into this marriage. Not an excuse, just a back story. Now I am having several thoughts of leaving my wife. I have had a couple of little flings in the past three ...
A. 23 August 2008: What are you still doing there? You are not doing yourself, her, or your kids any good by keeping that marriage going. You two need to agree on an amicable way to end it, and just move on.... (read in full...)
How do I masturbate for my boyfriend?
Q. my boyfriend wants me to masturbate for him but I'm not sure how I should do it! Please help....
A. 23 August 2008: Don't tell us you've never done it by yourself.
Just relax and follow your usual practice. There's no "wrong way" to do it. Anything that turns you on is OK.
He just wants to see you get really excited. It's not uncommon in some guys. ... (read in full...)
By the time I figure out a girl wants me, they've moved on or lost interest. Why are girls so hard to read?
Q. True story: I knew "Ashley" for four years in high school, and then the day before we graduate I found out she's had a crush on me the whole time! If I had known about it sooner, I would have asked her out (she's pretty, smart, the whole package); ...
A. 23 August 2008: That, my friend, is a question that men have been asking themselves, and other men, since there have been men on this planet. And women.
Women don't like to be obvious about things. They want you to be "sensitive" to them, and "underst... (read in full...)
I like to tease, and now he won't respond!
Q. Its been 4 days since my boyfriend has tried to take my bra off, finger me or even tried to have sex with me. I know its 4 days but he would try every night and he hasn't. Maybe a little odd but I like it when he would try, and I've been horny for ...
A. 23 August 2008: A guy will try and try, but only up to a certain point. If you keep saying "no", at some point even the stupidest male is going to get the idea that you are not interested and give up on the game. You may be tempting, but eventually he will ... (read in full...)
What is a vagina suppose to look like?
Q. I just turned 18, and I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months. Recently we have began to get really touchy and and intimate, but I haven't had sex im still a vigin and so is he. I've never seen his "penis" and he's never seen my "vagina" nor has he ...
A. 23 August 2008: Don't judge anything by porn, please. First, as you say, those women are very sexually experienced. Second, they do use lots of special preparation and lots of trick photography (not to mention special effects) to get just the shot they're looking ... (read in full...)
She is meeting her ex husband to discuss the debt. Should I have a problem with this?
Q. I have been dating my girffriend for 2 months things progressed very quickly. We are going start living together when she comes home from her trip. She has a ex husband that stuck her with a large debt. My question is she told me he was going to ...
A. 23 August 2008: You want to end up stuck with the debt? Didn't think so.
Trust your lady to handle her ex. She divorced him for a reason, and it's extremely unlikely that she's at all interested in him, especially if they're still wrangling over the financia... (read in full...)
I'd really like to go to her forbidden place...any opinions??
Q. I am looking for opinions here. I have been with my wife for 10 years, total. I have always wanted to have anal sex with her, but she has said only on one condition: She wants to do me first with a strap on dildo. She thinks the idea of a guy ...
A. 23 August 2008: Well, there's an old saying in finance that you've got to speculate in order to accumulate.
I'd suggest that you both start out with his and hers anal plug vibrators and see how you both like them. Your local adult book and novelty store will usu... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend thinks I'm too young to settle down with, but I wasn't too young for sex. Is that just an excuse?
Q. I've always dated older guys but now my family think i should date guys my age. They usually are 10 years older than me. Do you really think age ain't nothing but a number? I'm currently dating a guy that has a girlfriend but now i want more but he ...
A. 23 August 2008: Older guys can be a great experience for a younger girl. (I know. I've BEEN one for some over the past couple of years ... said he, modestly.) But you need to find a guy who is really open and available and is looking for a relationship with YOU, ... (read in full...)
I was drunk and I don't remember... would I have been aware of having sex with this guy?
Q. I was recently at a party where I met a guy and we kissed - at least I have no recollection of having gone any further with him. One friend told another that she had caught him with his trousers down and that I had a hole in the crotch area of my ...
A. 23 August 2008: I note that THAT girl, while decrying English girls, didn't have the 'nads to tell us where SHE was from. ;-)... (read in full...)
I'm 12, horny and shy
Q. Well im 12 years old and I am very shy around boys! I really dont go far with them but sometimes I get horny and I really want to have sex! What should I do?...
A. 22 August 2008: Being shy is nature's way of protecting you from a very big mistake. You have one of the very strongest of urges that a human being can have ... comparable to the need to eat when you are VERY hungry ... driving you to want to have sex RIGHT NOW!!! ... (read in full...)
I was drunk and I don't remember... would I have been aware of having sex with this guy?
Q. I was recently at a party where I met a guy and we kissed - at least I have no recollection of having gone any further with him. One friend told another that she had caught him with his trousers down and that I had a hole in the crotch area of my ...
A. 22 August 2008: It is not all that uncommon for people who drink heavily to have periods during that time which they completely do not remember later. So yes, it's possible that you did have sex with him. He might even have had your tights down and gotten them ... (read in full...)
Have I done the right thing by ignoring him all day?
Q. Ok so here goes...i'm 21 and i've never had a proper boyfriend. Anyway this guy i had been talking to him for a few weeks before he asked for my number (that was on the tuesday and i went on hols for two weeks on the sat and kept texting and stuff) ...
A. 22 August 2008: Well, you came into the city to see him, so that should indicate that you're willing to meet him halfway.
Let this guy know that you are willing to continue to see him, but only in public. If you do not live alone, you could even offer to have ... (read in full...)
I'm 11 and my girlfriend won't kiss me on her own. Am I doing something wrong?
Q. Hey im 11 and i have a girlfriend but she wont kiss me on her own. Her friends have to convince her.My best friend's girlfreind will kiss him.I dont know if im doing something wrong....
A. 22 August 2008: Some girls just mature faster than others. It is very likely that your girl just isn't ready to start kissing yet. At 11, many girls are not.
If you two really like each other, just keep on being boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't push it with the... (read in full...)
My dad's fiancee is doing all she can to come between me and my Dad...
Q. My Dad has been with his girlfriend (now fiancee) for just under 18 months. At first things were great, they seemed really happy, and I know my Dad had been really lobely for a while. Me and my sisters have always had a really close relationsh...
A. 22 August 2008: I can sympathize. I had an "evil stepmother" who did the best she could to break up our family. He kicked me out of the apartment before they were married even though I was the one who lined up volunteers (my friends) to move us, for free, from his ... (read in full...)
How is losing my virginity going to feel? And what steps do I take to move it to full on sex?
Q. hi there im 16 and im gunna have sex with my boyfriend at the weekend, im a virgin and have only ever kissed a guy before. i dont know what to do nd hes really experienced and knows alot bout sex and positions but i know nothing whatso ever, wh...
A. 22 August 2008: I think all that any of us can say at this point is have a good, safe, happy, and fulfilling weekend. And may you have wonderful memories of this special event throughout the rest of your life. All of us wish that for you, no matter whether we ... (read in full...)
He wants to come on me like they do in porn!!
Q. My bf is my first sex partner and I'm not very experienced. He wants to start cumming on me like they do in the pornos. We always use condoms, so I'm I'm scared I will be grossed out if he takes it off and finishes like that. I've never done that. ...
A. 22 August 2008: Porn and real life are two totally different things. Don't believe everything you think you see.
The fluid itself is not particularly "gross" ... it's just slightly sticky and slick. If you do this you'd probably want to wash it off relative... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to want to say "I miss you". Do men find these things hard to say?
Q. i sort of split from my boyf despite being in love with each other because i felt like things were going a bit too fast and we were wanting different things.i tell him i miss him but he doesnt seem to say that but i think maybe he does as he once ...
A. 22 August 2008: My guess is that you hurt him pretty badly when you decided to break up with him. He let himself be vulnerable by being in a relationship with you, and you decided to end it. Now he's not willing to expose himself again, even verbally, to the ... (read in full...)
Problems with erections and I cannot emotionally handle "servicing" her any longer, if I cannot be part of the sex!
Q. HI All I am a 30 year old male, good physical condition. When I was 22 I strted having erectile problems, which at the time I assumed to be from cycling. In the past 8 years I have been with about 8 women. Every single time with them I ha...
A. 22 August 2008: You're smart to be working with a medical provider, and probably a counselor as well, to try to attack this problem. Such problems are very complex and have to be dealt with on many levels Your medical people will be able to help you through and ... (read in full...)
I need revenge!
Q. i need advice on the best way to get my revenge on him for putting me in this situation!!!!!me and my boyfriend had been goin out for 3 and a half yrs and have a daughter together, two days ago i answered his fone an a girl answered claiming she is ...
A. 22 August 2008: First, the question of whether or not it's true is of great importance. Imagine how you'd feel if this woman made it up because your guy REFUSED to sleep with her and this is her way of getting revenge on him! So talk to him about it and settle ... (read in full...)
Both my new guy and I like to be sexually dominant.
Q. When I have sex I like to dominate. This used to make my ex go crazy (in a good way), but it doesnt turn my new guy on at all, he prefers me to be the submissive one. What do I do? He is perfect in every way apart from this, but the sex just isn't ...
A. 22 August 2008: Doms are doms and subs are subs and ne'er the twain shall meet. Or something like that.
It's really hard when two people who really like to take charge in the bedroom end up together. You both want to take the responsibility for the success ... (read in full...)
How is losing my virginity going to feel? And what steps do I take to move it to full on sex?
Q. hi there im 16 and im gunna have sex with my boyfriend at the weekend, im a virgin and have only ever kissed a guy before. i dont know what to do nd hes really experienced and knows alot bout sex and positions but i know nothing whatso ever, wh...
A. 22 August 2008: Let me add that first, you were the one who asked for help, and second, all we know about you is what you yourself chose to tell us. We gave the best advice we could based on the information given.
Speaking for myself, I think that a lot of m... (read in full...)
I had encounters, with a man I met on the internet, only for sex, I saw him, in the area where I live, my boyfriend does not know I did this, should I tell him before the internet guy, or someone else does?
Q. two years ago I met up with someone off the internet for sex. He said he was a virgin and so I agreed to be his first. We met up 4 or 5 times just for sex. I thought nothing more of it until now... My boyfriend and I have recently moved to a small ...
A. 21 August 2008: Your boyfriend doesn't think that he's your first lover, does he? You should probably just ignore the entire situation. If your former lover (or anyone else) brings up anything unpleasant, you can just say that the guy was someone you were... (read in full...)
I don't love my brothers and sisters!
Q. I'm the oldest of seven children and I hate it! The last two babies really upset me because I knew my parents would have less time for me (I was right). But I don't want to tell my parents but I really resent that my parents decided to keep cranking ...
A. 21 August 2008: Being the oldest is a real bitch. I'm the oldest of five, and my youngest sister is 16 years younger than me, so I have at least some idea of what you're going through. Well five-sevenths of it, at least.
Unfortunately you have no say in their... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes watching S&M but not doing it. Where's the thrill?
Q. My question is bout my boyfriend. We are both the same age. On the surface he looks just like any other guy, has a job and generally gets on with things. Very outgoing and great with people. Grew up in a normal family that likes each other and still ...
A. 21 August 2008: First, S&M is first and foremost about power transfer in a relationship. About one person taking total responsibility (and total control) for the outcome of the sexual experience for both people in the partnership. But that's another story. We'll ... (read in full...)
Seeing someone new: every time I touch him he tells me he has a lot on his mind and won't open up to me.
Q. hi my husband passed away in december an ive recently started to see someone who is 3 years younger than me but recently every time i touch him he tells me to get off he has said that he has a lot on his mind but he wont talk to me how can i sort ...
A. 21 August 2008: OK, two issues here, one you asked about and one you didn't.
I've lost two wives and one additional fiancee, all dead now, and I'll tell you that the process of recovery and getting ready to face getting out again takes as long as it takes. ... (read in full...)
He kissed me despite having a long term girlfriend... confused!
Q. I'm 19 and my co worker is a year older, we've only been working together for a couple of months as we're both at uni. He's in a long term relationship and seems very content and happy with his girlfriend when he talks about her etc. We always ...
A. 21 August 2008: OK, what's to understand? He saw it, he liked it, he went for it. Apparently he's not the type to let a little thing like a serious girlfriend get in the way of his getting a little action on the side. And you're there, and oh so tempting.
... (read in full...)
I have these problems after being sexually assaulted by a family member. Please help.
Q. i was sexually assaulted by my a family member earlier this year and it can really screw me up at times. its not as bad as whatsome people go thru but that doesnt mean it doesnt affect me. i had to explain to my friend today, which im totally fine ...
A. 21 August 2008: First of all, you need to tell somebody if you haven't already. A trusted family member who would believe and support you would be best. If that is not possible, the next best would be a school counselor or a medical provider like your doctor or ... (read in full...)
I was groped by my cousin and now I am scared of being alone and feel really dirty...
Q. i was groped by my cousin at the beginning of this year and it has messed up parts of my life. i find that i cant sleep at night every now and then because im scared of being alone and that a stranger, or my cousin, will come into the room and tak...
A. 21 August 2008: By all means tell an adult about this as soon as possible. Your parents would be best, but if you seriously have problems with talking to them about it perhaps there is a counselor at school or a doctor or nurse that you could discuss it with. But ... (read in full...)
How is losing my virginity going to feel? And what steps do I take to move it to full on sex?
Q. hi there im 16 and im gunna have sex with my boyfriend at the weekend, im a virgin and have only ever kissed a guy before. i dont know what to do nd hes really experienced and knows alot bout sex and positions but i know nothing whatso ever, wh...
A. 21 August 2008: This is a really big step. The first thing is, take a reality check here. WHY are you doing this? Are you being talked into it? Is it something you really deeply want? How are you going to feel about yourself afterwards? Think about that very ... (read in full...)
Are these the real red flags that he is going to cheat?
Q. Okay - same old sad story - but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 21 years. We were high school sweethearts. We have good morals, but we aren't prudes if you know what I mean. We have two daughters and I work from home most of ...
A. 20 August 2008: First big question: other than feel really terrible, what are you going to do differently if you find out that he IS involved with this woman than you're doing now? Would you consider leaving him? Confront him with ultimatums? Throw a fit? ... (read in full...)
I'm older than the girl I met, is that bad?
Q. I am a 29 year old male from the UK. Two months ago, I met this lovely 21 year old young lady. I have fallen head over heels for her; we are very much in love. But, the age gap bothers me. Does it really matter that my girlfriend is many years yo...
A. 18 August 2008: She's an adult, and seems to know what she wants. Talk to her, let her know how you feel. Work together to get through the tough times dealing with the criticisms that the two of you may face from others who don't have a clue as to what your ... (read in full...)
Should I insist that my girlfriend tells me about her fling?
Q. Last november me n my gf went out for a night out n she got drunk n then started talkin bout past bf's. And then she started saying something about this fling she had with a guy( she had already told me about this n knew it bothered me). Anyway I st...
A. 18 August 2008: You're coming into this relationship all brand new, so you may not appreciate the fact that the vast majority of people in this world carry some past baggage around with them. That being the case, there would be almost no relationships forming ... (read in full...)
My friend hinted at us being together in different circumstances, so now I felt betrayed to know he had sex with another...
Q. hey ive been talking to this guy online for nearly a year now me and him are really close we know basically everything about each other he is 23 and im 16 were really good friends, but he always tells me how much he wants to be with me and if m...
A. 18 August 2008: You've been cast into the role of "the kid" in his script, and it will be a long time before you break out of that role, if you ever do. You started writing at 22 and 15, and I suspect that he's probably thought of you as pretty much "underage" all ... (read in full...)
My gut tells me something is up, but I'm don't want to make a fool of myself.
Q. I'm confused my boyfriend was living with me we had just gotten back together and this past week he went to stay at his sisters while she was away and watch his nephew. Well since he's left he's hardly called only late at night and is kind of iffy ...
A. 18 August 2008: There may be something going on there, but it could be that your boyfriend is getting a bad case of "loco parentis". He's functioning as a child's parent, and perhaps the reality of the responsibilities of parenthood are giving him a new ... (read in full...)
She is a bit of a shy person and supports sex after marriage! I am exactly the opposite!
Q. I am in a confused state of my mind regarding my girlfriend.. We were friends from college but chose different universities in different cities to stay in...so we have always been in a long distance relationship..but v hve been together for 4 years ...
A. 31 July 2008: OK, first big question: if the two of you are in love and have finished your degrees and are getting settled in life, why the heck aren't you getting married? That would seem to be the obvious answer. Get that wedding band on her and BOTH your ... (read in full...)
His parents hate me and control him. What do we do?
Q. My friend i've liked alot we got together and for a week it was good, but i found out his mother hated me, took his phone off him and because he hasnt got a job stopped all his money just so he couldn't see me (he's 18). So i broke up with him and ...
A. 31 July 2008: There's a lot you're leaving out here. Like how old you are, and why his mother objects to you. And is there a relationship between those two facts?
If he's going along with his mother's program of not seeing you, and he has to sneak around t... (read in full...)
My online guy is pressuring my for naughty photos... is this a bad sign?
Q. Theres this guy who I have been chatting to on msn, from an online dating website. We havent actually met yet cause he lives in a different city, but closer to the end of the year, I already had plans to move to his city for university, so w...
A. 31 July 2008: First, tell him not to be so cocky about his computer. Tell him you know a guy (that would be me) who was at the Last HOPE conference, has been working in the Mac world since 1985, and can blast through most OS X firewalls like they were tissue ... (read in full...)
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