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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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Some woman my guy knew is calling me and harrassing us...how do I deal with the stress?
Q. I'm new and not sure how to post. I have a problem and need help bad, so I’m going to write to you. December 9th of 07 I met my boyfriend online. This man was calling me 4, 5 and sometimes 7 times a day to chat. Then 3 times in the past four months ...
A. 12 April 2007: Let's deal with that psychologist thing first. Virtually all communities in the United States of any size have Community Mental Health Centers that provide psychological services and charge for them based on your ability to pay. Contact your local ... (read in full...)
He gets home at different times every day...does this mean he is cheating?
Q. my b/f doesnt work in an office..but doesnt leave at an exact time everyday..like he will say this job took longer than expected or i was cleaning out my truck etc etc..so sometimes he gets home at like 6pm or sometimes 7..if we were living ...
A. 12 April 2007: If it's just an hour in the variation of his arrival time at home, chances are he's not doing a lot of cheating on you. Most women who are seeing a guy will demand more of his time than just a quick hour before he goes home.
Put yourself... (read in full...)
He 's a heavy drinker and unpredictable! What should I do?
Q. I need advice, I am totally devastated. I have recently tried to reconcile with my husband after being apart for only 2 weeks. He's a heavy drinker which makes his personality very unpredictable and usually hard to deal with. He begged and ...
A. 12 April 2007: Two problems here.
The first and obvious one is your husband. He has multiple addictions (alcohol and drugs) and as long as he is not willing to get the help he needs and get clean and sober there is nothing in the world that will make that hap... (read in full...)
Been battling depression for 5 months, and I have forgotten how to feel! Please help!
Q. i used to be the most cheerful person youd ever meet but ive been battling depression for quite a while now,almost 5 months,it started out severe, i couldnt eat i couldt sleep couldnt concentrate i was just very negative. Its not as severe anymore i ...
A. 12 April 2007: You sound like you are experiencing a serious medical condition, clinical depression. This is something that you should get professional help with. Talk to your parents or a counselor or nurse at your school or your family doctor and explain the ... (read in full...)
We had a falling out! Should I not bother trying to fix things or try to patch things up?
Q. I have posted twice before over the last two days about how I have fallen out with one of my best friends who is a girl (neither one of us wants anything more than friend ship and she has a boyfriend)we have known each other for eight months but ...
A. 12 April 2007: If you start showing up with chocolate and cards, her boyfriend is going to start thinking you are trying to crowd him out. Because it will certainly look like it to anybody else ... and probably to her, too.
Let things be for a while. "While" ... (read in full...)
He ran off with another female and left me holding the bag! How do I deal with this?
Q. I just can't seem to get out of this depression. In January my boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up. He had been distancing himself since November and I felt it but I didn't know what to do. He had been hanging out with this girl from work... whom I ...
A. 11 April 2007: First, forget your need for revenge or even an apology from him. He's a self centered person who is never likely to grow up. In the end, he'll probably leave this other girl just as he left you, but for heaven's sake DON'T you be dumb enough to ... (read in full...)
Does this happen to all inter-racial relationships ? I really dont want my Bf to hate my parents and vice versa!
Q. My boyfriend is British and I’m Chinese. We both live in Canada. We have been dating for 1.5 years and are very serious about each other. His parents love me and even want us to get married soon. On the other hand, my parents are cool (literally) ...
A. 11 April 2007: Continue to respect your parents' rules as long as you are living with them. That's essential. Sooner or later they are going to have to come to terms with the idea that their little girl is a woman on her own and has made a choice that is not the ... (read in full...)
Thoughts on dating...any opinions are welcome!
Q. Of the many questions I see here regarding problems with our bf/gfs, the following from a well-known dating site on choosing the "right" partner is worthwhile, I think: KNOWING WHO MAY BE RIGHT FOR YOU means first, knowing your own traits, valu...
A. 11 April 2007: You've covered the field pretty well. If everybody read and followed that before they got into a relationship, we'd have a lot fewer letters here at this web site.... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of these feelings for my teacher?
Q. Hey, i really need your help here. I wrote up just before christmas i think the title of my question was "i don't want to think about her like i do becuase i don't want to be bi". Anyway i have come to realise i'm not gay or bisexual but i still am ...
A. 11 April 2007: You're still carrying the aftermath of a big crush on this teacher. Such things, especially when they hit as early as yours did, take a long time to go away and are not easy to remove from our mind.
It will be uncomfortable for a while longer. ... (read in full...)
I like my brother's friend..but my brother is very protective! What should I do?
Q. plz help me! i really like my brothers mate but the problem is my brother is really protective! I've also been out with one of his friends already and it got serious so their friendship suffered and i don't think he would want that to happen again ...
A. 11 April 2007: We just answered you on your other post, Kelsey. Go look there for the answer.... (read in full...)
My brother is protective of me, but I fancy his friend, last time his friendship suffered! What should do ?
Q. I can't get my brothers friend out of my head! wot can i do? my brother is really protective over me, plus i've already been out with one of his friends and it got serious so their friendship suffered and i don't think he would want that to hap...
A. 11 April 2007: I had no problems at all when my sister dated my friends. She was four years younger than me, but knew the score pretty well and my buddies knew that they had BETTER play the game by her rules (whatever they were ... I never asked her) or else. I ... (read in full...)
Why do I seem to always find the players when it comes to men in my life ?
Q. i have fallen for another guy, now im no prude, ive been out for 15 years, its just my last two boyfriends were secretly into cottaging and cruising and they kept it secret from me, it broke my heart, now 8 years later, over four years i think me ...
A. 11 April 2007: Are YOU taking advantage of the "technology" to meet the kinds of people you'd like to be with? Sure, a lot of them are just looking for something quick, but if they're on there chances are they are not just cruising, they are serious about wanting ... (read in full...)
I feel at the end of my tether and close to tears regarding my relationship.
Q. hello i have been in a relationship with a man who is older than me by 8yrs, he is 40yrs old and i am 32yrs old. Originally when we first got together, over 2yrs ago i felt he was a breath of fresh air, compared to all my friends, and previous men...
A. 11 April 2007: A starving artist .. what a cliché.
Unless he really does get "discovered" (a really,really long shot), you're always going to be the one who holds "the day job", brings in the money and provides the financial security for the couple. Can you ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and my mum doesn't even know my boyfriend exists let alone a baby is on the way in 5 months!
Q. hi im louise. i am 14 and i have been going out with this lad ashley now for a while (13 months) his mum knows everything about me and i am really close to her. my mum doesnt even know he exists. i have tried my hardest to keep the fact i have a bf ...
A. 11 April 2007: Your mother needs to know these things right now. She'll be upset, of course, but she'll be even more upset about you not confiding in her from the beginning.
You probably can't take him with you when you tell her, but he is going to have to ... (read in full...)
How do you tell a guy you've drunkenly kissed each week that you'd like to take things further?
Q. how do you tell a guy you flirt with at work and drunkenly kiss each week...that you would like to take things further, if he feels the same way??? i cant stop thinking about him and think i need to do this in order to clear my head of all the ...
A. 11 April 2007: First, try staying sober for a while. He might be more impressed if you kissed him when he thought you really knew what the heck you were doing instead of just kissing him because you had a load on.
You didn't say under what circumstance you kiss... (read in full...)
Do you think we should have sex now or not?
Q. well heres my question: i am 14 and am madly in love with my bf of 7 months we have recently been talkin bout having sex for the first time. we are both virgins but he is 16. do you think we should have sex. we have talked about it for a few week...
A. 11 April 2007: Have you ever heard the phrase "the blind leading the blind"?
I think it's wonderful that the two of you found each other and are in this very special relationship. But it worries me that neither of you has any experience. In particul... (read in full...)
Guys! Does it matter to men if a woman has stretch marks on her body??
Q. Dear cupid, i know you dont have to be perfect to be found attractive but how important are stretch marks to men? and does it effect them being physically attracted to you?( a males opinion as well please) Thanks x...
A. 10 April 2007: I certainly don't mind them at all. My current girlfriend (who is much younger than I am) lost a LOT of weight about eight years ago and still has the stretch marks from that. Doesn't bother me a bit. Oh, and she's also had three children.
... (read in full...)
He wants to go out with the boys more often on his own...will he cheat on me if he does?
Q. my long time boyfriend and i have been arguing about him going out with the boys lately. he wants to go out soon alone however i believ he may hang with a guy and girl...thats ok except the girl likes him and im not sure if she would do anything and ...
A. 10 April 2007: OK, so he's going to hang out with a guy and a girl. If he cheats with the girl, what is the GUY doing all that time? I wonder, though, if he's hanging out with the two of them why aren't YOU included? That would make a lot more sense to me.
... (read in full...)
What if the guy you love is dating someone else? What should I do?
Q. what if the guy u love is dating someone ele? i really love him see befor we got together i told him i was pregnet and he said he didnt care he said it was gonna be his and he tells me so many things so sweet.... i really love him and i dont wan...
A. 10 April 2007: Trying to trap a guy by claiming to be pregnant is not exactly the way to build his trust. If you're serious about trying to build something with a guy, he needs to be able to trust you.
My bet is that the sweet things he's saying are every bi... (read in full...)
She and I have a lot of problems-do I try to get her back or just forget this girl?
Q. Hello, am new to this and I hope someone can give me some advice. A year ago I joined a dating website and in the first day a girl sent me a message. We talked every night for many hours on the phone and the web. She then drove 200 miles to see me ...
A. 10 April 2007: This lady has serious mental health issues. Unless she is seeing a qualified clinician (psychiatrist or other M.D.) regularly and is 100% compliant on taking her prescribed medications, she is NOT somebody that you want to take a chance on.
... (read in full...)
Are there any ways of making anal sex for a girl less painful?
Q. Does it feel better when a guy's giving a girl anal sex or having sex the regular way? Also..are there any ways of making anal sex for a girl less painful? I recently discovered that when my bf fingers me there it feels really good, but i'm re...
A. 10 April 2007: Anal sex is different from vaginal sex. First, there is no natural source of lubrication back there, so you have to supply it artificially and make sure that it keeps on being well lubricated as long as the sex lasts.
Second, unlike vaginal ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and barely hugged a boy while my friend has scored with someone! I need advice on how to do things with the boys??
Q. im just 13 i've started 2 talk 2 a boy whos 14 and i really like him but hes into se and everything..my best freind is going out with sum1 and scored and i've bearly even hugged a boy. i just want 2 fit in but i don't know how to do anythink i've ...
A. 10 April 2007: Take your time. Be yourself. Everybody matures at their own pace. There is no race to see who can score first, nor any penalty for being the last virgin left in your school.
What you should be doing with boys right now is be as friendly and rela... (read in full...)
Questions about birth control and pregnancy...advice please?
Q. i need some help i got a few questions 1 im on the injection is it possible that i might be pregnant because i keep being sick and getting tired 2my parents want me to go on the pill how will this harm my baby if i am pregnant 3 how much w...
A. 10 April 2007: First, go to a clinic and see if you really are pregnant. You don't say where you are located, but there are minimal cost clinics for people who might be pregnant in most areas these days.
If you are, the clinic can direct you to appropri... (read in full...)
It feels distant that he stands there and watches the clock for the time. Should I take this personally?
Q. my bf comes over my house to visit each night for about 1 1/2 hours after work. he is constantly watching the clock and will not stay 1 minute past the usual time. He's always asking what time it is and he stands up watching t.v while I sit ...
A. 10 April 2007: OK, if he doesn't like you what could he be after? I mean, he's already at your place for an hour and a half every day. Are the two of you alone during this time? He could be out doing a million other things, but he's spending the time with you. ... (read in full...)
His best female friend is now single.....is he going to feel differently towards her now?
Q. Hi, Im 17 and have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months, we have a really good relationship and i am really happy with him. Recently however, his best female friend has just split up with her boyfriend (I believe they were together for a g...
A. 10 April 2007: So far, he's with you. Expect it to stay that way, and it probably will.
Urge him to keep trying to set this friend of his up with other guys he knows, and ask him from time to time how that project is going. She's important to him. Make sur... (read in full...)
Don't want to be with ex cuz he cheated, but now I'm having an affair with him!
Q. I got married to a guy, a year later he cheated on me with my best friend, we had a child together. we did not talk for about 2 years, now he is back to see our child, in the mean time a met another guy and got married and had a second child ...
A. 10 April 2007: Let me get this straight. You're cheating on your husband, but you don't want to go back to your ex-husband because you're afraid that HE might cheat on YOU?
Do I sense just a whiff of hypocrisy here somewhere?
Lady, I don't know how you can... (read in full...)
So many boys want to date me but I reject them all for my married neighbor who is 40! Any advice?
Q. I'm 16 and is madly in love with my neighbor age 44 (looks 30). He is married but only see his family twice a mth over weekends coz they are overseas. We have been seeing each other almost daily for past 2 yrs, but he would only kiss and hug me. I ...
A. 10 April 2007: He's right about it for now. You do need to continue with your studies. Frankly, he's a man and even if he weren't already married he wouldn't want a half-educated woman as his wife. So apply yourself in school. That's your job for now.
Does ... (read in full...)
We slept together-no sex-and he told me he had weird thoughts all night! Does this mean he likes me?
Q. I'm 19 and I came to knew a guy about 9 months ago and we became buddies since then. He's the typical type of 'romeo' who changes gf like changing clothes. But I have to admit I have some feeling towards him and sometimes there's chemistry between ...
A. 10 April 2007: It's really hard to say, especially since (I assume) neither of you is openly gay at this point.
Go slow on this. Go on being his friend. If he is having sexual ideas about you, and you are having such ideas about him as well, sooner or later op... (read in full...)
Life with his ex-wife changed him and it causes me upset! Is this fair to me and is there anything I can do?
Q. I had a causal talk with my boyfriend yesterday. We are in a serious relationship and are planning to buy a house and move in together some time this year. We talked about how men are annoyed at women when they complain about the slightest things, ...
A. 10 April 2007: Love him. Let him see over time that you are NOT his ex, and that in fact you are nothing LIKE his ex. He will always carry the scars of a bad relationship with him, but you can help him make sure that those scars don't poison your new ... (read in full...)
Some woman my guy knew is calling me and harrassing us...how do I deal with the stress?
Q. I'm new and not sure how to post. I have a problem and need help bad, so I’m going to write to you. December 9th of 07 I met my boyfriend online. This man was calling me 4, 5 and sometimes 7 times a day to chat. Then 3 times in the past four months ...
A. 10 April 2007: First, it sounds like you've got yourself a certified nut case on your hands as far as this other woman goes. Try to have as little to do with her as you can. Don't acknowledge her in any way, if you can avoid it. Don't return her phone calls or ... (read in full...)
He keeps saying he wants us to live together and get married.
Q. my bf keeps saying he wants to live together and get married. he mentioned on Easter he wanted to tell my family but he didn't because he thought he'd embarrass me with an announcement. the problem is, he only seems to bring this up when he ...
A. 10 April 2007: You are finally getting some basic training as a bullshit detector. As the line from the old movie goes, "talk don't mean shit."
If you really still want to marry this guy (knowing that he's going to be a bullshit artist all his life ... so think... (read in full...)
He feels too pressured for sex!! He only does it for me and hes losing interest rapidly! What Can we do to get it back ?
Q. We are a couple in our early 30’s. We have been together 4 years. In the main things are fantastic, totally in love, have a lot in common, are very close and hes my best friend its all good except the sex life! Its been about a year now that we ...
A. 10 April 2007: First, you might want to see if he'll go get his hormone levels checked by a doctor. If he's running low on testosterone, that can really kill a guy's interest in sex, but it's very easy to correct with hormone supplements that his doctor can ... (read in full...)
I want a relationship with communication and NOT secrets!
Q. My boyfriend of 2 years and I had a really huge fight yesterday. It started when he told me his boss had asked him to work away in the other office for 2 days out of the week, which he would stay down there. He then told me that I couldn't live ...
A. 10 April 2007: Well, it sounds like you're about 90% there already. You know you're being used. You know your guy is out hunting other women, and may or may not have something going on at work. You know he won't talk to you about it because if he does he's ... (read in full...)
I know he will never do it again (have a one night stand) but I just want to smack that girl.
Q. okay I decided to stay with my boyfriend after he had a one night stand but it's really hard. everytime i walk down the street im thinking is that the girl? it's driving me insane, when we are together things are gr8 they are even better now than ...
A. 10 April 2007: Long ago in China there was a group of monks who were forbidden to talk while outside their monastery and were also forbidden to have any contact whatsoever with women. One day an old monk and an younger one were crossing a turbulent river and saw ... (read in full...)
We're each others first bg/gf but she likes another guy!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 months now. We are each other's first bf/gf. It's been going fine, but she likes this guy more than me, but the guy liked her for a bit but is now going out with a different girl. My girlfriend is always ...
A. 10 April 2007: It won't help much, but you are at a time of life when people change very rapidly. That's why relationships shift so quickly from one person to another. Your girlfriend's other guy has moved on, but she's still stuck on him, and apparently you're ... (read in full...)
I'm so depressed it's affecting my bf and out relationship! Any advice?
Q. i have depression and my boyfriend mood is reflecting off mine so we both end up depressed i don't know what to do he wants the fun loving side of me. i don't know what to do? i ve tried everything...
A. 10 April 2007: Clinical depression is no joke and nothing to mess around with. If you are having this more than once in a while (everybody feels a LITTLE down now and then) you should get competent medical help at once. There are medications that can help ... (read in full...)
I am liking sex with my gf way too much...am I becoming addicted to it?
Q. My girlfriend and I are having sex. I fear that I am becoming addicted to sex, and not caring about other things about her. I love my girlfriend very much. I also love to please her, and really don't want to stop having sex with her. What do I ...
A. 10 April 2007: If you are having sex and NOT doing other things, the real solution is to start doing other things. Instead of meeting where you can have sex easily (where you live), plan to get together somewhere else and do something together for an afternoon or ... (read in full...)
I am bad at relationships! Can anyone help me?
Q. HaPpy Easter guys...I dunno how to begin or wht 2 say cos actually am all messed up! I feel so lonely cos am single and ppl around me r all couples, I've had 2 relationships in my life and they were quite recent and both of them ended badly I was so ...
A. 10 April 2007: First, DO NOT let your parents pressure you into jumping into something that you are not ready for. And believe me, you are NOT ready to get married. You are not your cousins, you are you.
Next, don't worry too much about having had a couple o... (read in full...)
I really like her but she's really flirty with other guys and is always being pursued by them...what can I do?
Q. theres this girl i've been seeing for about a month who i am crazy about. she says she loves me and wants to be with me. the problem is that she is really flirty with guys and is always being pursued and sleazed over by them. i've been in relation...
A. 10 April 2007: You've got to gauge your own tolerance for your girl's behavior. She apparently likes the attention of a lot of guys, and it is really unlikely that she will ever give that up. Can you live with that on an ongoing basis? If not, you would do ... (read in full...)
He says hes more likley to pay attention to other females than most! But would never cheat, how can I trust him and move on from this ?
Q. I'm in a serious relationship with a guy who is 32 and I'm 22.The problem is with my insecurities and jealousy. We both go to school but go to seperate universities and the temptation of other girls/ guys is everywhere. I don't feel the temptation ...
A. 10 April 2007: As long as he's faithful, let him look. Guys do. I was devoted to my wife for more than 20 years, right up until the day she died, and would never have touched another woman. But that still didn't stop me thinking about it when I saw some cute ... (read in full...)
Partner totally told me out of the blue that he was leaving me. He is acting weirdly though. What do I do?
Q. Help! My partner of nearly four years woke up a few days ago and totally out of the blue told me he was leaving me and moving out. We have always had a good relationship, though with its fair share of hard times (his mother passed away 2 years ago ...
A. 9 April 2007: This guy is 21, and yours is the only serious relationship he's been in as an adult. My bet is that he's just undergoing some late changes in his maturation process ... he's finally growing up. He's not the boy that you started living with four ... (read in full...)
I get 'stage fright' and can't get an initial erection, when I start having sex! Any tips to getting over this?
Q. hey... wenever i go for sex with my gf i get 'stage fright' (cant get an erection) for about 5 mins ... its all good after that but how do i get it to stay up .. thanks :) ...
A. 9 April 2007: Just relax and let it happen in its own time. You can spend the extra five minutes just kissing and caressing her body and she'll probably not miss the fact that you aren't quite ready when you first set out.
If you continue to have trouble,... (read in full...)
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