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... Send *hiRaven a private message | | | *hiRaven's profile:I'm a retired widower living in a university town in the American midwest. I spent most of my life in Chicago.
Although I live in a town dominated by a major university, I choose to teach part-time at a very small college about a half-hour drive from home. There I can make a difference in the lives of the small number of students (typically about 10 in a class) that I teach each semester. |
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Anyone have any idea how we can arrange an underage marriage?
Q. Ok so I am under 18 and I have this boyfriend who is 38. He and I want to get married but I know my parents won't allow it. No body even knows about him. So my question is, what can I do to be with him? Legally I mean. We have been ...
A. 3 July 2008: I hope you get the message. I disagree with some of the other people here ... I do NOT automatically assume that you don't know what you're doing. I said that in my earlier answer. I've know "children" your age who have had to hold down jobs and ... (read in full...)
I need help before I get sacked!
Q. HI there! I need your help! I am very reluctant to my work most of the time. I procrastinate works. And feel asleep early, wake up early in the morning with depression, and generally become ineffective in my office. Since I am in new office my ...
A. 2 July 2008: A couple of possible issues you might want to investigate.
First is your health. If you are clinically depressed, that can throw everything off. See a medical professional and get it checked out. If there are chemical imbalances they can caus... (read in full...)
I proper love him, do you think he'll be okay? Will he come back?
Q. well ive liked this guy for ages and ages now, like over a yesr or something and he likes me too, i think about him none stop and we have the cutest conversations, people say were made for each other, everytime i see him (which isnt often, maybe ...
A. 2 July 2008: Two hours is not the other side of the moon, you know. If he's got a decent job and he's interested, he should be able to make it back to see you on a reasonably regular basis. Be sure he knows that you are interested in continuing to build a ... (read in full...)
Anyone have any idea how we can arrange an underage marriage?
Q. Ok so I am under 18 and I have this boyfriend who is 38. He and I want to get married but I know my parents won't allow it. No body even knows about him. So my question is, what can I do to be with him? Legally I mean. We have been ...
A. 2 July 2008: What can you do? STOP!!!! If anybody finds out you're having sex, he's going to jail, and what happens in most prisons to guys convicted of molesting children (that's what this is, legally) you do NOT want to know about. It's really BAD.
Let h... (read in full...)
We used to hit each other and now her parents won't accept me, help!
Q. I have a terrible dilema. I am very much in love with my girlfriend and she means the world to me and we have a very passionate and emotional relationship. She is the one I want to marry. We both very very strongly for one another. Abou...
A. 2 July 2008: The problem is that, statistically, abuse once it starts is very very unlikely to stop. You may have the very best of intentions and a clean record for some time, but you've got a cloud hanging over yourself and over that relationship that is going ... (read in full...)
How can I get psychological help without my parents knowing?
Q. How can I get psycological help without my parents knowing? I have anxiety attacks and problems with depression but I'd really like my parents not to know my business...Is there any way I can get help without them knowing? A school counselor is not ...
A. 2 July 2008: In most cases you probably can't. You are still a minor, and except in certain circumstances (abortion in some jurisdictions, for example) clinicians must have your parents' consent in order to treat you.
To make sure this is the case, you can ... (read in full...)
Why am I annoyed that my friend fixed up my ex husband? Shouldn't it be water under the bridge?
Q. should I be upset to learn that my friend fixed up my ex-husband just months after our divorce? the information slipped out recently and the divorce occured 10 years ago. should be water under the bridge right? why am I bugged?...
A. 1 July 2008: Divorce is pretty final. You've already turned that guy back in at the service desk and gotten a refund. You can't really complain if he gets recycled to somebody else, no matter how it gets done. Assuming this woman was a friend to both of you, ... (read in full...)
I'm dating an older guy online, could he be using me?
Q. Hello. I have a question to ask.... I am a 15 year old girl...and i'm dating a soon to be 22year old male over the internet. My friends think it's wrong and my parents don't know about my relationship with this guy.. I want to move o...
A. 1 July 2008: At 15 and 22 this is a VERY bad idea. At 22 and 29 you could have a shot. For now, forget it. Regardless of what he says, this relationship at your age is exploitive, and is illegal in most places in the world.
You shouldn't be involved... (read in full...)
Is it safer to use 2 condoms?
Q. is it safer to use 2 condoms at a time?...
A. 1 July 2008: It only really helps in those rare instances where one breaks and the other one doesn't. And the down side is that it represents twice the physical barrier between the two of you, something that many couples find quite annoying. One condom is bad ... (read in full...)
I'm torn between my new girl and my ex - what do I do?
Q. In Sept 2007 I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. She was beautiful and really helped me through some bad times, but she was very jealous and we probably should not have been in a relationship. I was still very hurt and hardened from my divo...
A. 1 July 2008: Ok, let's get the players straight. There is a VERY ex with whom you had a son, who is no longer in the picture. There is an ex who you dropped but who continued to chase you until she hooked you again just in time to leave for Australia. And ... (read in full...)
He wouldn't hold my hand in public because it was "scary". Was I being used for sex?
Q. I dont get this guy! He said he likes me but didnt want a relationship cuz he was too "busy" with school. I told him i felt like i was being used for sex cuz we werent dating and he wouldnt hold my hand in public cause it was "scary". he told me ...
A. 1 July 2008: You're confused and need to get your head together here. He only wants sex, but was supportive when the two of you thought you might be pregnant, and you do non-sexual stuff together? Sounds like more than just sex to me.
A five-hour commute ... (read in full...)
I'm a Highly Sensitive Person. How do I find the right girl?
Q. I have a little problem, I recently learned that I am a Highly Sensitive Person, and that HPS people are sensitive to many things and I began to wonder, how can I find a girl who would be willing to deal with someone as sensitive as I am. Please ...
A. 1 July 2008: Keep authoritative resources regarding your condition handy so that people you relate to will have something they can refer to that will give a good explanation of your condition. HSP syndrome has been stigmatized by a lot of negative stereotyping, ... (read in full...)
Do you guys think 18 is a bad age for marriage and kids?
Q. do you guys think 18 is a bad age for marriage and kids? i mean like if you find the rite person to be with, have a career and ur partner has a job to fall back on.....
A. 1 July 2008: It's really hard these days to have adequate job training to have a secure career at 18. If you're planning to be married at that age, your life plan should definitely include a strategy for both of you to continue your educations. That's REALLY ... (read in full...)
Young People Having Sex
Q. Does anybody else find it as ridiculous as I the age people nowadays are losing their virginity? I am sixteen and have no intention of having sex while I'm still a teenager. It saddens me whenever I hear of girls (and guys) my age running off toge...
A. 1 July 2008: Ok, some statistics. In a follow up study in the U.S. about young people who took pledges as teenagers to remain virgins until the were married, 88% of those who made such pledges broke them and had sex before marriage. Only 12% kept the pledge. ... (read in full...)
I want my ex back but he won't talk to me! What do people think?
Q. My problem is that I would like to get back with my ex but he won't even talk to me. We broke up 9 months ago-he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and broke it off suddenly after getting heavy, making long term plans for us etc. I texted him ...
A. 1 July 2008: Don't hold your breath waiting for this one. He's gone, and shows every sign of staying gone. You can choose to wait if you want, but trying to keep on chasing him is just going to make you look more like a fool. And waiting around for him is ... (read in full...)
My BF doesn't work and is immature, the new guy is a drug dealer. Who do I choose?
Q. ok i got a problem...ive been with my boyfriend for 1 year and i love him to death, but he dont work he is kinda immatuire and we fight about stupid things...well i met this other guy he is so sweet to me he is all i think about he does everything ...
A. 1 July 2008: This is what is known in the business world as a "no-brainer". Neither one of these guys deserves so much as a backward glance from you, so just turn around and keep walking. Soon you're going to find somebody that will be one heck of a lot ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong not to believe my wife over this?
Q. Years ago and 1 or 2 years after we started dating there was a situation where I have never been able to believe that my girlfriend told me the truth. She was at a last day before Christmas work party at a tavern where there was always action and I ...
A. 30 June 2008: You've lived with this for how many years now?
Bury it. Let it go. She's been faithful to you since then, and do you really want to mess up a really good thing that you've invested a lot of time in over something that may or may not have hap... (read in full...)
We need to spice up our marriage. Please tell me what to do.
Q. I'm married and I have been married for 16 years now.I am trying to figure out what's the best thing to do.My husband comes to bed around 4 in the morning instead of spending time with me.I have told him time and time again to please come to bed.He ...
A. 30 June 2008: If you are losing your love for him, it's got to be starting to show. He's losing interest and you're losing love, and the two of you are heading for a major train wreck.
Get some professional help now. This marriage won't make 20 years if you a... (read in full...)
Could sharp pains in my head be linked to masturbation?
Q. Hi, i am a 15yr old male incase the above says otherwise. I masturbate frequently but recently have had a problem. I occasionaly get sharp pains in my head for a short while (for about 15-30mins). Also, I don't know if this is relevant but I think I ...
A. 30 June 2008: It's unlikely that the two are related, but there is the possibility that the headaches could be related to a change in blood pressure that comes with orgasm. If you haven't had a thorough physical exam for a while it would probably be a good idea ... (read in full...)
Second cousin has a crush on me. Could it be a problem?
Q. yeah i have a 2nd cousin thats had a crush on me since we were little. i never really thought much about it but now im starting to get a crush on her... the problem is i dont know if she still likes me or how our friends and family would take it......
A. 30 June 2008: Cousins look like really attractive partners when you're young. The hard part of getting to know them is taken care of for you. But it's almost always an illusion. Such things almost never really work out, especially if you try to start them when ... (read in full...)
I used to think I looked ok, now I have major confidence issues and feel ugly.
Q. i think i am having major security problems or confidence problems, i feel im really ugly and thats why i havent got a boyfriend and i feel everyone is constantly laughing at me like the other day i was walking past a few guys and i was looking at ...
A. 30 June 2008: Everyone has self-doubt at one time or another. It's entirely normal. Don't worry about it. Be comfortable with who you are and with the face and body you've been dealt.
Of course you should do everything you can to be the best "me" you can ... (read in full...)
How do I learn to trust and regain my self esteem?
Q. Hi everyone. I am seeking some advice on how to get beyond the things that have happened to my marriage and my self esteem. My husband of six years (together for 10) cheated on me with an 18 year old girl. He actually left the kids and I for about ...
A. 30 June 2008: You and your husband could benefit from some professional marriage counseling. The two of you have issues that need the services of a trained professional. You are carrying a load of anger (and not just at "her", I'm sure) that is a slow poison. ... (read in full...)
I used to be a strong person but now I feel weak and pathetic! Why can't I stay away from him?
Q. I used to be such a strong-willed person. Now I feel weak and pathetic. I really feel like such a mess all because of a guy. I have been in a thing ( i call it a thing because I don't know what it is!) with a guy for many many months now and its ...
A. 30 June 2008: You should have signed your message "Violin", because this guy is PLAYING you! He's got you eating right out of his hand, and he knows he can have whatever he wants from you whenever he decides to spring the trap.
It's time YOU decided what it ... (read in full...)
I need some wisdom about why I keep making bad choices! Now a married man?
Q. I'am an emotional mess....I dated my first love and everything for almost 5 years...he cheated,lied....you know the deal....i forgave him the 2 times he cheated,,,i always felt resentment but i loved him and decided to continue with him...after all ...
A. 30 June 2008: First, your instincts are 100% spot on about the married guy. Stay out of that trap. You will only get hurt more in that situation.
It's too bad you couldn't open up to your ex when he came back to you, but it's understandable given your emo... (read in full...)
I'm sleeping 12-16 hours a day, and I have other unpleasant symptoms. Can anyone suggest what's wrong with me?
Q. i need help plz.recently have been sleeping more than usual.i sleep like 12-16hours a day and even at that,i get someone to wake me up not me waking up willingly. i get tired easily and all i wona do is lie down and rest.whenever i stand up to go ge...
A. 30 June 2008: I can only repeat what's already been said. This could be something as easy as changing something in your diet, or something that could be life-threatening if you don't get it fixed right away. Only a doctor can really tell you for sure. You need ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of my emotional attachment to my ex?
Q. I've been dating this guy for a few months--he is WONDERFUL. I mean I don't even have to ask for anything, he just does it. He's like a prince charming. Everyone in my family loves him and so do my friends. There is only one problem....I don't think ...
A. 30 June 2008: Sometimes we have to go through a process called "falling OUT of love" after a breakup. If you're still thinking about your ex all the time and can't let thoughts of him get out of your mind, that's what you need to do.
Probably the best way to d... (read in full...)
Does he really loves me or is he just playing?
Q. i love this guy he is 28 and i am 20 we work in the same office he is very cute and everybody says he is very nice person. I love him a lot. I dont know weather he loves me or not. He had only one gf she died and he never made gf again. He never ...
A. 30 June 2008: As much as this man may want you, his mindset will always keep him from marrying you and (I suspect, though I'm not sure) will eventually push him into marrying someone else. I don't think there is much you can do about the situation.
It's ... (read in full...)
Can I find a partner at this age or do all men prefer the company of young(er) ladies?
Q. I am aged 53 and would love to meet a nice man please tell me it isnt true that all men want young girls. I like to think I am attractive and hopefully nice company but it seems a shame if I have to resign myself to the fact no one is ever going to ...
A. 30 June 2008: Well, you know, to SOME of us you ARE a "younger lady".
I'm 64, and last year ended a wonderful two-year relationship with a woman who was 53 at the time. (She left me, by the way, if it makes a difference.) Still close friends, but we were jus... (read in full...)
I become petrified at the thought of experimenting more, sexually wise.
Q. Okay so I have kissed three guys. The first was just a kiss at the end of a date but the last two guys I made out with. I am scared though becasue I don't know how to do anything else. Is something wrong with me because I am scared to get ...
A. 30 June 2008: Lighten up on yourself! Don't feel you have to do something just because other people are doing it. When you have sex (oral or otherwise) be sure it's because you feel a deep commitment to your partner and truly want them as an individual. You're ... (read in full...)
He wants me to take control. I want to be controlled. Is there a solution?
Q. my boyfriend wants me to take control but i want to be controled. how can i fix this problem?...
A. 30 June 2008: As an additional resource for the two of you, there is a book called "The Loving Dominant" by John Warren, published by Greenery Press. It's heavily into things that you may not be into (at least not right away), but it does talk about some very ... (read in full...)
Two guys, really sweet, tonight is the work party.. give me some advice on what to do!
Q. I just started working at an amusment park a few weeks ago and I've met two guys who work in games, during my breaks. I work in retail. They are both tall and have brown hair..and are sweet. I think I have a type. Tonight is our work party. S...
A. 30 June 2008: Be yourself. Don't push too hard, but it's perfectly OK to let them know that you are not without interest in them. Oh, DON'T do it when they are together, though. The last thing you need is to get the two of them fighting over you and end up ... (read in full...)
Can anyone understand the relationship I have with a married man?
Q. I know nobody would understand the relationship i have.I`m having an affair with a married man.I`ve tried to stop my feelings towards him,but he`s persistent in courting me.He did the best and the sweetest things to win my heart.I know that married ...
A. 30 June 2008: You've made a statement but haven't really stated a problem or a question here. Do you feel bad about what you are doing? Do you feel that other people are criticizing you? Do you feel that other people think you are being taken advantage of?
... (read in full...)
If we are taking a break, can I date?
Q. My partner and I have been going through the mill for the past year as she had an emotional affair with an old friend of hers. We have been to counselling and talked alot and it appears she has quite a few personal problems and ghosts she wants to ...
A. 30 June 2008: I think the question here is NEED. Your girlfriend is doing something because it is essential to her emotional health and to her ability to continue in the relationship with you.
Can you say the same thing about what you are proposing to do?
I... (read in full...)
He wants me to take control. I want to be controlled. Is there a solution?
Q. my boyfriend wants me to take control but i want to be controled. how can i fix this problem?...
A. 30 June 2008: I don't blame either of you. Being the dominant partner in a relationship means that YOU have to take responsibility for the outcome of the experience for both of you. It's darned hard work.
So we've got two submissives coupled here. It's a p... (read in full...)
Are there many who are "saving themselves for marriage"?
Q. How many Christians who go to church on a regular basis do you think are saving themselves for marriage these days?...
A. 30 June 2008: Huh? You mean they still do that?
No, seriously, one recent study showed that of a group of teens who took pledges to remain virgins until marriage, about 12% actually did so. Now that was among people who took public pledges to "save themselv... (read in full...)
He use to date my best friend and now he is asking me out. What should I do?
Q. there us a guy who use to date my ex-bestfriend know is asking me out. his saying he should have ask me instead of my former bestfriend but i don't want tobenore than a friend to him. what shouldi do i don't want to lose our friendship and i don't ...
A. 30 June 2008: If you don't want to date him, regardless of the reason, just tell him that. You don't need excuses. A simple "thanks, but no thanks" will do quite well. If he pushes you about why, you can always fall back on the old "I just don't think of you ... (read in full...)
He told me to stop kissing him. I don't understand.
Q. My boyfriend of one year (we have our first aniversary this week) told me last night .. in the middle of kissing, to stop! I didnt understand what he ment .. he said He is tired of kissing me for this long. It was not like we were kissing for no r...
A. 30 June 2008: I agree with the lady ... I think your guy just wanted to get the preliminaries over with and get down to the real action sooner than you were ready to do that. He went about it in a really clumsy way, but that seems to be the clear message.
... (read in full...)
Does he really loves me or is he just playing?
Q. i love this guy he is 28 and i am 20 we work in the same office he is very cute and everybody says he is very nice person. I love him a lot. I dont know weather he loves me or not. He had only one gf she died and he never made gf again. He never ...
A. 30 June 2008: It sounds like you didn't really give him a chance to say if the rumor about him getting married was really true or not. You should have let him answer and explain before you said you never wanted to see him again. Doing that just because of a ... (read in full...)
I want to join a Christian group but I feel ashamed of myself. I feel like an outcast.
Q. .I'm 19 years old and I feel like an 'outcast' in society. I feel like everyone wants me to change and be someone who I'm not comfortable with. Most of my values and beleifs are based on Christianity, and although I believe in God, I dont know...
A. 30 June 2008: Several issues here, and you should try to keep them straight in your mind.
First is your attitude toward Christianity in general. Christianity is a deep and complex faith, and there are MANY different approaches to it. Most of them welcome ... (read in full...)
I made a joke and he has taken it seriously. Help!
Q. last night i was chatting with my boyfriend on msn and while we were talking about sex I was kidding when I said to him that I just act like I'm pleased after sex with him and I do it just not to make him feel bad. Surely I was just kiding and it ...
A. 27 June 2008: OK. Lesson #1. NEVER hit a guy there unless you mean it. Many guys are too sensitive about stuff like that, especially when they are too young to have developed a strong sense of their own sexual capabilities. If your guy were 15 years older and ... (read in full...)
Does age matter when you're young? I'm worried it does...
Q. In 2 days it'll be my boyfriends and my 3 month anniversary. We've spent almost every single day together since then and all of my friends adore him. He respects me, and he, himself, isn't even thinking about sex, neither am i. Hes perfect in every ...
A. 27 June 2008: It sounds wonderful, and there's no reason it shouldn't work out.
BUT.
There is one big consideration here. Topic "A". Sex. There are lots of laws in this country designed to protect "children" (that would be ... you) from "adult sexual pr... (read in full...)
Why can't I have a normal boyfriend?
Q. why cant i get a normal boyfriend? im 18 and i have never had a steady relationship. my longest relationship was 3 weeks and the guy didnt even spend that much time with me, i think he just wanted a girlfriend just to SAY he had a girlfriend. i ...
A. 4 June 2008: Maybe you're trying too hard. I know it's difficult at your age, but just relax and let things take their normal course. Do things that interest you ... school, hobbies, whatever ... and sooner or later somebody will turn up who WILL like you just ... (read in full...)
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