A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Almost all of my friends are males. Most of them also work in my department at work. Usually this has never, ever been a problem. However one of my male friends just... can't take a hint. I'm not interested!A few months back he told me that he was very attracted to me. He has offered to take me out several times. We go out frequently to bars, restaurants, movies, events, etc with a GROUP of friends. Never alone. I told him no, that I wasn't interested in him in that manner but liked being his friend.He tried again a few weeks later. I told him the same thing.Now, while he hasn't asked me again, he has become very uncomfortable and weird to be around. If I pass by him he will try to block me jokingly. Almost every time. He is always nudging me around. When I walk in the door at work he stops what he is doing and walks directly up to me to say hello, how I'm doing, etc. If we are in the same area he often comments about the small things I'm doing. Anything from the face I'm making to what I'm doing with my hands or my habit of clicking pens. He comments on every little thing I do.I just find it weird and uncomfortable. I don't know if that's just his personality or what. I don't like it. I can hardly make eye contact with the guy and if he talks to me I keep conversations short. But I don't want to make things awkward at work or when we go out with other friends. He has not asked me out again or made any comments about how he's attracted to me (probably because I am now in relationship and have a boyfriend who I love very much) so I don't know if I can really complain about it without seeming paranoid to others.If you were me, would you try to ignore this situation or at least ignore it unless it gets worst? Or would you bring this to someone's attention? I really just don't want to feel awkward or make the guy feel bad. But when he's around I'm simply not comfortable.
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female
reader, Lola333 +, writes (29 August 2013):
Tell him you don't like his behavior and you are not interested. Then go to HR and report him. This is sexual harassment and as you have already seen ignoring it has done nothing.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 August 2013):
 I vote for ignoring him... BUT, if he does any of the shenanigans that you have described herein, again, I suggest that you take him aside - out of earshot of any others in your circle - and tell him: "You know, bunky, I'm trying to endure you foolish shenanigans... but you're making it more and more difficult to do so.... So, if you do something stupid again... I'm going to have to report you to my Uncle Guido.. who is VERY protective of his niece (me!)... Do you understand? Do you want to be able to walk for the rest of your life?"
I think he'll get the message...
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 Since this is workplace id file a harassment complaint. Men like him need a strong reaction in order for him to understand. Youre being too nice n patient which arent bad necessarily this guy just needs to be dealt with differently.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 "poor guy" just want to get your attention and unfortunately it is irritating you. I would ignore it and make an excuse to keep conversations short. Should you confront him, I think the situation could get worst. Better still if you have a BF or Friend, introduce him as your BF that should set him straight. I introduced a friend as my BF to guy that was hounding me and he immediately stopped.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (29 August 2013):
 Whether the "poor guy" has a crush on you or not is immaterial. You have made it clear to him that you're not interested in dating him and what he's done is to switch tactics. Instead of asking you out, he now makes a nuisance of himself by "getting in your face" - literally - at every opportunity.
I think you need to tell him you're busy and that "look here, friend, I DO NOT appreciate you coming over to me when I walk in the door, or comment about what I'm doing. So BACK OFF!
Then say nothing more. Instead, turn your back on him, act as if he doesn't exist; freeze him out - COMPLETELY. And if he still persists in making a pest of himself? Have a word with Human Resources Department or his boss.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): For starters, listen to your insticts. He may be harmless and he hasn't actually "done" anything, but he's making you uncomfortable. The next time he makes comments like he has been doing, just pull him aside and tell him that it's bothering you and what he's says makes you feel uncomfortable around him and you don't want to feel like that every day, and you would appreciate it if he would stop. Maintain a cordial working relationship with him and keep converstions with him to the minimum the best you can. Hopefully, he will respect your boundaries and will back off if you clearly, but nicely, tell him what you need from him. If it seems to be getting worse, it's important you let some people around you know what's going on. If you keep this all to yourself and nobody has a clue if something should go wrong you don't have anyone but yourself to back you up. Tread carefully, but stand up for yourself.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2013):
 I'd be generous and just ignore him, hoping that eventually my indifference will take the wind off his sails. Unless he does something REALLY stalkerish- creepy, like sitting in his car in front of your house all night... be magnanimous : the poor guy has a big big crush on you . You are not giving him the time of the day , in fact you have a boyfriend- you made clear that he has no chances,.. and all that's left for him is the ( rather adolescential, I agree ) pleasure of tryng to brush past you when you cross paths, or of commenting on your pen-clicking. He's more to be pitied than blamed, I think.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2013): You're doing all the right things.
Continue the clear boundaries of "no, not interested" and let your actions continue to match your words. Don't let there ever be anything that could lead him to believe otherwise, and hopefully he will eventually get the message.
The fact he stopped asking you out, he has gotten the message, but when people are interested in more than just friendship, it is sometimes hard for them to accept it and it may take time. During that time, if you continue as you've been doing, he will eventually move on, give up or find someone else to focus his attention on. Worst case scenario he turns into a stalker, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Nothing indicates a red flag, just inconvenient and a pain but not dangerous. You can make sure someone you trust at work knows about his interest, how you turned him down, and that it's awkward but you're monitoring the situation and you just want them to be aware, for safety and as insurance in future should a witness be needed.
Keep mentioning your boyfriend whenever possible, how wonderful he is, how happy you are, as that will also send the message home and eventually he will give up!
Good Luck
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 August 2013):
It's hard to answer because everyone's tolerance for weirdos is different. My reaction would probably be to tell him that you don't want to sound rude but you'd appreciate a little bit of space. Tell him that you feel like he's always looking over your shoulder and it's a little overwhelming.
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