A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a guy from work for a while, i started there in April and I've had so much fun working with him and flirting away. We get on great!The flirting increased about two months ago and we started sending dirty texts and pics, which again was great and there was no awkwardness at work. Every time either of us was drunk we would text each other with how hot we thought each other was etc.He then asked me out, yet on our first date he told me he has a girlfriend! He's been with her since February, yet shes gone travelling and he had no idea when she would return. I decided to keep seeing him. I know this is wrong! And its so unlike me, but that first date was the best night of my life! He was so romantic, we just clicked and i had the best sex of my life! Numerous times. I didnt leave his flat until we had to return to work on the Monday. Anyway after then we've continued to go on dates, have an amazing time, amazing sex and have really enjoyed getting to know each other! Plus no one at work knows and theres been no awkwardness or anything! He also leaves work for a new job at the end of the month - as much as i'm gutted about this at least if something did happen it wouldnt affect work. Heres the thing since last friday he's become really distant. Im on annual leave from work and havent seen him since Friday. He text me Saturday but seemed off then i hadnt heard from his so i text yesterday, to which he replied 10 hours after he read it and then when i text back he completely ignored it. I know just because he ignored a text doesnt mean anything but I just know that he's backing off and becoming more and more distant.I know your advice would be to leave it and move on but thats not what i want. I really want to continue seeing him, despite of everything, so would like to know if you guys know of anyway that i can keep him interested or get him interested again? I really appreciate any help you can give me.
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at work, drunk, flirt, has a girlfriend, move on, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (23 August 2013):
Im going to be brutally honest. He was only interested in a quick fling for sex. He got, now he's done. He will never look at you as a gf. Move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): Sorry to say. But he has had his fun with you and has moved on. Him telling you he had a girlfriend meant that he did not want no strings attached. You have obviously read a lot deeper into it than him. My advice to you would be to get some self respect and get a man of your own. You need to take responsibility for yourself. He told you he had a girlfriend. That should have been your cue to leave him alone. Why get involved with a man that is taken? It is obviously going to end in tears.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 August 2013):
 Short of sending his REAL "girlfriend" on a sabbatical to, say, Bora Bora for three, four or more years... I think you are wasting your time.....
P.S. IF you DO get her to take that sabbatical... don't be surprised if he dumps you, again, once she gets back!!!
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (22 August 2013):
 How can you keep him interested? I don't think he was ever interested in the first place for anything other than fling.
You entered into a relationship which you knew was wrong in the hope that he would fall in love with you and dump his girlfriend.
Well it might have worked but it didn't, he clearly would rather be with her.
The excitement of the forbidden and the challenge of the situation is what has kept you interested.
Well I'm sorry but your plan has backfired. You are the mistress and surplus to requirements. What surprises me is how you could have wanted to be with a love rat like this anyway. You knew he was cheating yet you wanted him for your own? Have you no self esteem?
You have done an awful thing to his girlfriend because you knew about her and so has he so you really are ideally suited but the reality is your "relationship" is going nowhere!
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (22 August 2013):
 I won't say you shouldn't speak to him or try getting him back or anything negative about you. I will simply answer your question.
The only way you could get him back is to move on. I'm not saying it as a trick or anything, it is just what it is. If you text him or try too hard he will see desperation and be turned off from you. People want what they can't have. Act as though you don't care. When you do see him be pleasant and fun, look good too, but don't hang around trying to talk with him. Give him a chance to miss you. Don't seem needy or desperate for his affection, act as though you can take him or leave him.
If he doesn't come around to you then be has moved on, probably with another girl. But texting or calling him won't change that, you see? Nothing you can say will have him coming back to you when he has decided he is done. He needs to make the decision on his own, and that decision will only be made if you are as appealing to him as possible. Don't blame yourself if he never texts again. He was after all a cheat and can't be 100% trusted. I know you feel a connection, but everything happens for a reason. If this ends now it was probably to prevent you from a serious heart break by him in the future. Just focus on yourself and doing your own thing without regard to him. Either he comes back or you move on naturally, but it is the most graceful, attractive way of doing it.
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A
female
reader, babyzbird  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 Honestly I can't give you any suggestions to keep him interested nor do I even want to. The best way to handle this situation is to accept the facts and move on. I know you don't want to despite the consequences but nothing you do or say will keep him interested...at least not in the way you want it. He cheated on his girlfriend with you making you the "other woman". He really doesn't care for you at all. Otherwise he would have dumped her for you. Your just something easy that came along. In other words he used you for sex. I really don't think you deserve it but try to put your feet in his girlfriend's shoes. You feel rejected by him but can you imagine how she would feel if she ever found out? Move on and find someone who is available to you. You don't have to lower your standards and hurt other people just because a guy knows how to seduce you. Be stronger then that!Also, remember that if a guy already has a girlfriend, no matter how sweet, they are looking for sex not a relationship.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): It sounds to me like you were just an easy fling for him while his girlfriend was away. He could be completely over it because his girlfriends coming back, or maybe he feels guilty for cheating on her even though that's pretty doubtful. I know it's rough, but you should have never let yourself get so attached to him. The second he told you he had a girlfriend you should have ended things, and now unfortunately you have to suffer because you're apart of his game. He's selfish. I hope everything works out, but don't get your hopes up for a favorable outcome.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (22 August 2013):
 This was never going to end well. If this has happened quite suddenly it probably means his girlfriend is back or about to come back. I know it's painful but you knew before you got sexually involved that he was with someone and that she wouldn't be gone forever.
Either that or he has found someone else. He obviously doesn't think anything of cheating, and you two are not in any kind of exclusive relationship, so there is nothing to say he's not off with some other girl.
There's basically nothing you can do to get him interested again. For your own sake, try to cut him out of your life. His leaving is a blessing because you won't have to face him at work every day.
Don't give him the satisfaction of watching you make a fool of yourself trying to get him back. He's an ass.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): I originally asked the question. I just wanted to say that I came on here to ask for advice not to be given abuse. You have no idea what I have experienced in my life time and believe me I have had my fair share of Karma. The point to this is I believe what we have is worth fighting for. I dont feel like i have ever had a connection like this to anymore before. And I realise i didnt put this in my original post but his plans are to break up with his girlfriend once he gets the opportunity to speak with her. And yes i believe him when he says this.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (22 August 2013):
 Hi, it was a fling for him, and the novelty has worn off. There is nothing you can do to keep him. YOu were too easy for him and he is now off to explore other options. Sorry you will have to let him go or will be seen as desperate and stalking him. The game for him is over.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2013): His girlfriend may be returning. You know it's wrong and you don't care that you're stealing another woman's man. Wait until it comes back to you, and you get to feel the burn of someone cheating on you. What we sow; so will we reap, my dear.
The karma has already started. Now you have to feel the sting of rejection and abandonment. He played with you, got what he wanted; now back to his girlfriend. He's leaving not only the job, but the mess he made behind.
You get what you deserve.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (22 August 2013):
 Maybe he has someone else and now he's cheating on you like he cheated on his girlfriend?
Do you really want to be with a love cheat you can't trust?
If he doesn't want to be with you, there's little you can do to change his mind.
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