A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with a man that is much older than me. I just turned 18 and I recently met this guy that is 37 years old. He has a son that is 2 years older than me and he is not married. I strongly believe that age is just a number. All my friends think it's disgusting and that he's a creep but I do not see it that way at all. I really think I love him and he means so much to me. I told my mother about a week ago and she FREAKED out considering the fact that he is basically the same age as her and threatened to stop helping me pay my college dues if I don't break up with him now. What they don't understand is that he is the most down to earth man and I've never met someone that cares about me so deeply. We have not even had sex yet and we've been dating for over 5 months so I know he's not just using me for that. I really don't want to break up with him but I also hate my friends and family judging me.. What do I do?! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2013):
 As an older partner in a relationship I think it is incumbent on the older partner to be the responsible party.
When my husband turned 18 I was 31. I can assure you that had I met him when he was 18 he would NOT have interested me in any way shape or form as anything other than a fun sexual toy… 18 year old people are so newly LEGALLY adults they don’t even realize that they are still maturing and growing as people. I am SURE when he was 18 I would have found him childish and immature. (heck now at 40 sometimes he doesn’t get it.)
I too strongly believe that AGE is just a number… once all parties are past 30…. To be honest life experience has a way of changing us in ways you could not begin to comprehend. There are days I still think I’m 18. My kids are 27 and 29 and I often say I’m not old enough to be the parent of grown men. MY FATHER at 78 stays he’s not old enough to be the parent of two kids in their 50s… go figure.
You really THINK you love him… RED FLAG ONE… if you truly loved him you would say I TRULY LOVE HIM. The fact that you MODIFY it with THINK says a lot… your GUT is telling you what you don’t want to listen to.
Your mom said she would stop paying for college if you continue to see this older man. Well dear, that’s what adults do… they pay their own way. If you make your own choices you have to suffer the consequences.
What YOU don’t understand about this “down to earth” man is that a mature adult really has almost NOTHING in common with a newly minted 18 yr old adult. And if you do have stuff in common NOW.. what will happen in a few years is that you will surpass him and move on and outgrow him. He’s never truly matured if you two have enough in common that you enjoy each other’s company that much that often.
If you hate your family and friends judging you then you are not ready for adult behavior. Flynn24 is correct. Many times as adults we do things others do not approve of. But we make the choice to do it anyway knowing the consequences.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Whilst people make valid points... in the end it all means nothing. You are an adult and that means you are perfectly entitled to date whoever you please regardless of age, race, sex or creed.Age does not determine who we form connections with or what kind of connection we form. Be it platonic or romantic. And if you are going to spend your life based solely on the opinions of those around you then yes... you are far too immature for an adult relationship. Adults are mindful of what their family and society at large thinks... but adults also don't sacrifice potential happiness with another adult because of it, especially if the two parties involved are single and willing.I say go for it. Maybe it will work out or maybe it won't. But if you are happy then it is up to your family to learn to accept your decision. If they can't then they were never worth bothering with.Flynn24
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): You don't see it as a red flag on his part because you are 18 years old. You could not possibly understand it yet because your brain has not fully developed and reasoning and logic is just not all there yet. Sounds like such an insult, but it's not intended to be. It's just a fact. He on the other hand, should know this and should see you as a child, one of his son's classmates, not someone to date! He may seem like a down to earth person, but a man at his age engaging with a barely legal young girl does make him a creep. He is a grown man with a grown adult life and a child your age? I imagine he is getting as much slack from his side of family and friends too. If age was just a number, we would not have laws in place to protect children from adults like this. The fact that he is relating himself in a life in the same age bracket as his son is seriously questionable and very concerning. I can't imagine his son his very comfortable with it at all. Perhaps you can take a step back, and though you may not understand why, there HAS to be some little radar going off as to WHY, EVERYONE is telling you the SAME THING. There is a very big difference between a 38/50 year old and 18/37 year old...you should be going out with friends, meeting boys, furthering your education after high school, heading towards making your way into the real world as an independent women, etc. Not hanging out with your "father" who has a son who could be your brother or an appropriate aged boyfriend for that matter and jumping into an adult world you have no experience or understanding of yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): I can understand it in a way, as you are only 18. You are very young. I am 29, and I am currently seeing a 50 year old man. It isn't as bad when you are older and you are seeing someone that is much older than you. If you were in your 20's, or older, I don't think that people would have a problem with it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I don't blame your parents for being wary. Age might also be just a number, if two people are at the same emotional / psychological development stage, but, it's at least curiosity inducing that a 38 y.o. guy feels at the same level with a teenager,- that may - or may not, agreed - say a lot about him. It's normal that your parents fear it says all the wrong things and that they are protective. He is not using you for sex , ( although, if by that you just mean you haven't had intercourse yet, and you do other stuff,... that's not as reassuring as you think ) but there are other ways to " use " a young girl. For instance, that of considering her just eye candy to boost his ego, or that of treating her as a fun nice little novelty or passtime till the first time a real grown up woman is available.
I am not saying this must necessarily be your case, but it's a distinct possibility that your mom and friends have in mind, so...
Point is : YOU think age is just a number, but other people do not have to think this way, and do not even have to keep their mouth shut about it, if they are your close relatives and friends, I imagine they will be allowed to express an opinion / comment, won't they.
If you are so adamant about your choice and so sure you are doing the right thing, then just agree to disagree and keep doing your thing with the older guy, time will prove all your critics wrong.
Or, it will prove them right and you'll have learnt to make better choices in future.
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reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 Hi,I dated a guy not 19 years older than me but 10. I loved him too and generally people cant understand why you want to be with an older guy. Its simple, they are mature, make you feel loved and can be very understanding. You need to be mature if you want keep this relationship and ignore the comments without getting defensive and further make light of it. Like I admire Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, there is a huge age gap and I hope they work it out. So you can make a comment you feel like Catherine Zeta Jones and hope your relationship stands the test of time. Accept there that people will make comments until they see you are indifferent.
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reader, Jk101 +, writes (11 September 2013):
Well, I think 18 is still quite young to be in love with a much older guy like that. Yes, age is just a number I totally agree with you on that. 5yrs ago I met a guy who was 21 yrs older than me. I was 21 then, everybody was disgusted by it. Even my friend gave him a nick name which I hated so much. My family was angry at me too. Well, I still kept seeing the guy and married him a yr later. I have 2 beautiful kids and a lovely family now. If I would turn back the clock of time I would never change a thing about my decision. He is my world and the best ever! However, sometimes i still feel like I missed out a little since I was raising a family at 22. Especially when I hear all the crazy stories that him or my friends were doing at that age. Hehehee! One more thing, trust me you will be bored to death when it come to hanging out with his friends, coz chances are you won't have anything in common with them at all. You can't do what teenagers do when you are with him as you will need to adjust your life to meet up to his standards. It's not easy dating an older guy. Take it from me. Go explore girl and see if 3yrs from now you feel the sane for this much older guy. 18yrs is quite young! Enjoy ur teenage life for now and do whatever teenagers do:)
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reader, HappyPlace  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I don't blame them for freaking out - I would too. At 18, you are failing to see the bigger picture - because you don't have the experience or wisdom. The guy is essentially old enough to be your Father, and I think this is the sticking point. I am fairly sure as well that a 37 year old man dating an 18 year old is thinking only with his dick. So, you haven't had sex yet. I'm sure it is high on his agenda, but he is playing it cool. Maybe it's an ego boost for him to have an 18 year old on his arm, because other than that, what do you have in common? My Father freaked out many years ago when an older guy pitched up at the door to take me out - He was sent away and on looking back, I am glad this happened. Only with the wisdom of age do I now see how yucky this is. If everyone is seeing this for what it is, we can't all be wrong, can we??
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