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Why did my sincere love for her wind up with me in such pain?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 September 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2013)
A male Pakistan age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I think have posted abut my problem many times but this one is different related to my Ex American wife. I met here through internet and she came to Pakistan and we married here. She applied for spouse visa for me in the US and close to my interview . We had fight over the phone and she divorced me. It's been almost 2 months since US court granted her divorce and few days back I mailed her Pakistani divorce papers to sign them and get the divorce completed in Pakistan as well.

With this brief background, I would like to come to my latest problem which is that I had dream about her last night in which I saw her coming to Pakistan to our house. Ever since that dream, I have been missing her a lot and even now I'm crying in pain. Why she punished me so severely for my opinion of that why she added her Ex boyfriend again on Facebook? If she divorced me for that simple reason, why not her Ex boyfriend divorced his wife for her? Why my sincere love got me here? Why guys nowadays cheat on their waves and girlfriends behind their back but still they are loved and valued?

Please help me guys I'm having tough time of my life! Thank you all!

View related questions: divorce, facebook, her ex, my ex

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A female reader, sugarplum786 South Africa +, writes (10 September 2013):

sugarplum786 agony auntYou need to stop all contact. Not even follow her on facebook. You will not heal and move on as long as you continue to follow up on her life. Yes its not easy but its possible.

You were not meant to be and its an end of a chapter, however brief.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (10 September 2013):

janniepeg agony auntI forgot what you fought about, but she only got with you right after her break up from her ex boyfriend. You were a rebound and gave her confidence again. I am sorry but I could not say that you were in a relationship with her, so you can't talk about love the same way she sees love. What she calls love is really validation and a proof that she could get a man. Guys cheat on their wives because relationships get boring and they are seeking excitement elsewhere. He is not loved and valued. It's just that some people are so desperate to get attention that they will cling onto whatever's available. She couldn't stand being alone so in her down time, meaning when he's with his wife, so she filled the gap by contacting unsuspecting men overseas. She's still with that married guy because she refused to believe that she's just his plaything on the side; and that he never intended to leave his wife. She didn't want to lose to his wife. A person who doesn't value herself can't value others. Now that the divorce is done, the gaping hole is wide open again, so she is focusing harder on that married guy, before she finds another victim to play with.

Love is more than feelings. You do not really know this woman so all you loved was an illusion and the possibility of what the relationship could become. You did have a sincere intent though, which she didn't share.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2013):

as you, i married a foreigner and came to usa.

and i had the same issue. exfriends around and all this stuff. time passed and i got divorced also.

i think is more cultural thing. what i mean is, people from usa or europe are more open and liberal, they maintain civil relationships with their ex. and doesnt mean anything romantic at all. but for us is not the same concept. i know many mix married couples are succeful but for some reason is not easy for everybody. you need to start to do things for yourself, i know your story sounds sad but think about it. everything in life is a lesson. move on. seems like she cut off all comunication so respect that.

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