A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:2 years ago I met a foreign guy who was on a short holiday in my country. We stayed in touch by email (always as friends only) and he invited me to visit him in his country. I visited him and during my short stay he was very friendly with me. I thought he found me attractive but he never made a move on me. One night I told him I liked him and we ended up making out and he told me that he liked me a lot but that there's no future for us due to distance and our age gap (he was 8 yrs older than me). After 2 more days and nights together I had to fly back to my country. We stayed in touch by email/sometimes chat but both of us maintainted the 'friends only' tone in our emails/chats.After 4 months of emails he told me he was planning a holiday and he asked me if I wanted to join him. I was very happy and accepted. During our two week holiday together we acted as a couple and although we didn't speak of the future we were both very happy with each other's presence. After flying back to our respective countries, I let him know that I was missing him and he said he felt the same way; we used to talk on the phone/text regularly. After around 2 months, he stopped initiating contact and I felt he was becoming distant until one day he called me and told me that he met another girl who lives in his area and that he wanted to start a relationship with her. I was devastated, told him that I had high hopes that we would meet again but he told me that he wasn't sure of my interest. This is because I didn't want to seem too clingy so I didn't try to contact him when he didn't. I wished him well and he said he'd like to remain friends with me as long as I wanted to. I told him I needed some time to think and he said that we should stop contact if I feel too hurt. After that phonecall (more than a year ago!) , I haven't tried to contact him and neither did he! Yet, he's still on my mind all the time. He was my 'first' and I don't know what I can do to stop missing him. I try to keep myself busy and I am optimistic and all but I get days where I just can't get him out of my mind. It's been more than a year so I'm sure that he has moved on by now. sometimes I feel like sending him an email/text but I don't want him to think that I'm still obsessed by him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): no u must contact him to find out if he has moved on, he is probably doing the same thing as you (wondering if he should contact you) JUST CONTACT HIM AND FIND OUT ONCE AND FOR ALL, otherwise.. you will never be able to move on FULLY. You need to know, so just contact him.. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE, NO TIME TO WASTE!
goodluck my dear.
(I was in your same position and i finally contcted him and asked him, and we evnetualy got married, so do it otherwise you will never know)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe probably thinks (if he ever thinks of me) that i've moved on as well as i haven't tried to contact him after his last call. well, it seems I've got no other choice but to keep doing the same thing: keep with the no contact and try to stay busy !
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A
female
reader, Elainey  +, writes (17 August 2009):
He has moved on. You should delete all his facebook, msges or even photos throw all the presents and memories away. Never look back. YOU MUST THROW THEM AWAY!
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A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 A year is a long time to wait before contacting someone.
and the guy you like has probably moved on, maybe even married, else he would have contacted you already.
he was your first, so therefore you feel alot for him, but you knew initially he wasnt that deeply interested in you.
Him acting this way shouldnt leave you surprised.
the best thing for you now is if you concentrate on your present life and future.
You can drop him an email as FRIENDS to see how he is doing but declaring undying love wont work.
you have to accept there is little chance with him.
you need to give yourself time and focus on other activities to move on.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, offthestage +, writes (17 August 2009):
i think you should first evaluate what sort of feelings you have and what you miss about him. if they are very strong, perhaps you should try just giving him a simple friendly email to see how he is doing. in the end, i dont think it could hurt, if anything you might feel some closure and be ready to move on.
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