A
male
age
36-40,
*CC
writes:I found out yesterday my girlfriend who I have been with for 17 months is engaged and due to be married this month. She informed me she was going on holiday to Bangladesh about 5 months ago and left last month. I have been counting down the days until she comes home and now I realise how stupid I have been. She told me she would never have an arranged marriage, whilst she was with me and that our love was strong. We even talked about marriage and children although we are still young (22). I can try to accept this, but I can't understand it, it seems so backwards and archaic.My girlfriend drinks and smokes. So she will have to change her ways somewhat. I am still in shock and asked her to postpone it, but she said she can't, because her family's reputation depends on her going through with this. I feel deceived and slightly naive, in thinking that this isn't what she wants at all, because if she felt strongly enough about me, she would never allow this to happen. I have so many reminder of her, im devastated, but don't really know what to feel.
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engaged, on holiday, smokes Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): Usually it's the boy that goes out with a girl from a certain culture and then his dreams are shattered when the girl decides to marry another boy that is lined up for her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): What a shame! It must be a hard situation for you to be in.
The thing that you are going through is something that many Asian girls go through. They go out with a boy from this country and they plan to marry, have children and spend their lives together. But these dreams are shattered when the boy decides to get married to another girl that the parents have lined up for them.
Trust me, I have been through it. What the best thing to do is to move on. You allow yourself to be sad and grieve about it. Do not let your friends tell you what to do in this mourning time. Plan new horizons like for example travel, education, a new job, or whatever you fancy. Pamper yourself with what you can. Believe me, time is a good healer. You will not get straight answers from your girlfriend.
But next time fate or destiny allows you to fall in love again, make sure she has same belief and outlook as yourslef. Just learn from this present experience that you are in that the next person who you fall in love with will not likely run off and get married to someone else.
Another word of wisdom. These arrange marriages that people get into are not what they are cut out to be. A true marriage comes from hearts, and love and honesty. Not from the family honour and prestige, which is an artificially created by people. Majority of these arranged marriages are frequently unhappy and is about endurance. What a way to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CCC +, writes (14 August 2009):
CCC is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice Starlights. I agree that it is better that it happened now, rather than in a few years. I still want to talk to her and try and get some answers, but she has turned her phone off.
She text me two weeks ago, telling me she really really missed me and couldn't wait to see me again. Which i can't understand.
Just trying to stay busy and function the best that i can. Just don't know how long i am going to feel like i am grieving.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (12 August 2009):
 This is a hard situation you are in.
Your gf has made her decision, she's not strong enough to leave her family and come to you.
You have to accept this and cut ties and connection with her.
She's left you to it, and this is a form of betrayal.
Some people are not strong enough to cut family ties and your gf isnt ready.
she will find that her marriage will be hard given the circumstances and the way she used to live.
Its better you found out now how she is truly like when push comes to shove rather then spending more years together and then breaking up.
It will take you time to come to terms with the fact that your gf isnt who you thought she was.
she is under family pressure and going with whats expected of her.
I would suggest you cut ties with her and surround yourself with friends or family who can provide you with support when u need to talk or go out.
it will take time to get over this, it isnt easy, some days will be tough, but in time you will look back and be glad it happened.
trust me.
Good luck!
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