A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:why would my girlfriend finish with me because of a few arguments,everything else was great especially in the bedroom,she was very experienced compared to me but she taught me the right way to make a girl happy and satisfied,i love her and i know she loves me so why as this happened?i have tried to make contact with her but she refuses to answer me,i had suspected she was cheating on me but denied this when i asked her,how do i go about getting her to see what a mistake she has made as we were good together and i so much want to be with her,pls help i need as much advice from male and females Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jtaunton5410  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Ok let me ask you this. When she said "I want to break up with you", did you put up a fight or did you just let her leave? I got into an argument with my boyfriend one time and I said that I didnt want to be with him anymore. God knows I didnt mean it though. As soon as that happend he said "ok fine but remember you are the one that broke up with me" It killed me because he just let it happen and he didnt try to talk me out of it. We were broken up for like a day and I told him that I didnt mean it.we talked things over and 7 months later we are still together. If you did just say ok then maybe she thinks she doesnt mean anything to you. and you need to try and prove that to her. If you did try to fight for your relationship then perhaps she is into someone else and was just looking for an argument to get out of the realtionship. I know this is a hard time for you but think of the times when you two were so happy and then think of the times when you were not happy. Which outweighs the other? If she does really love you then she will come back. Give her another chance and dont let her play with your heart. Tell her that when you find someone you love you cant let them go. Every one argues. There is no reason for a breakup to be involved. Sit down and talk about what you two want from eachother and what you want to do for the other one to make them happy and vise versa. I wish you the best of luck.
A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (10 May 2007):
Rules to live by when in a trouble spot with someone you love:1) Do NOT call them all the time.2) Do NOT bombard their email address.3) Do NOT show up at their work place demanding attention.4) Do NOT show up at their home and get them in trouble with either their parents or their landlord.5) Do NOT text message them constantly.6) Do NOT stalk their online social profiles like MySpace and Bebo.7) Do NOT accuse them of anything you have no proof of, and if you have proof, then you should probably just break up with them instead of trying to make them feel guilty.Above all, don't burn any bridges just out of petty spite. If you're that type of personality, you should probably consider yourself unworthy of a relationship until you get that fixed.Now, onto the real advice.Dude, you can't possibly love her enough to make her stay with you. If that were enough, most of us here on this site would probably still be with our first loves. Your options are very limited at this point. You may send her flowers and a card indicating that you still love her, and that you think the world of her, and that when she's ready to really talk to you, that she knows how to reach you. Be prepared to never get that call or email. You're going to be in a heck of a lot of pain. I know how it feels. Trust me. It hurts like a MF. But the pain subsides after a while, and the lesson you learn will help you grow into a better adult... Assuming you learn the right lessons. You cannot control the person you love. You cannot make them stay with you. You cannot choose for them. One of the great things about love is that it isn't selfish. And then there's the other side of love, the blindness and the willingness of someone to burn themselves up to try and satisfy someone who doesn't love them. Beware the temptation to become a martyr for love Look out for when you're in love with the idea of being in love, and when you've fixated on a person as being the object of your love. Martyrdom is as selfish an act as one can perform. It is for the glorification and gratification of your ego.Live your life. Try and be the kind of person a good woman can love. Honest, loving, caring, and gentle. Learn to listen. Learn to hope. Learn to love yourself. When that happens, you'll discover how fulfilling love can be when "shared" with someone who truly loves you back.
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A
female
reader, Enzian  +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Hi thereI'm really very sorry for you, she left you! It makes it especially hard because you don't know why! That it not fair of her! Some women tend to break contact and don't want do talk about anything when they are hurt very much. So it could be - I don't know if it is like that - it could be that for her there was more than one thing which was not good. So she feels hurt. And maybe when you had this arguments, she told you, or she may told you also in quiet times, things she would like to change, but you didn't hear... So now she may wait till you realise what was wrong and she maybe would like to hear an apology.You write that things were great especially in the bedroom, but don't write much about other things... So you know how to make a girl happy and satisfied in the bedroom - but do you also know how to make a girl happy and satisfied outside the bedroom? So what I would suggest you is: make some time for you, sit down or go for a walk and try to think about everything she told you (especially in this arguments) and try to figure out, what could have been wrong. Try to see what YOU did wrong, not what she did, because you can not change her, but you can change yourselfe and apologise for what you did. Then try to get in contact with her. But don't go about getting her to see what a mistake she has made, but go and say sorry for everything you did wrong. That may would help much better.But I may be wrong. There could also be other reasons, which i don't know. And then I wouldn't know what to tell you. So I really hope for you, things will get alright again or even better! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Oh gosh, what a hard time for you and I am sorry, dear...really I am. You are wondering, confused and tearing yourself up over this. Dear, the only logical explanation I can give you..is something happened in her life that made the love for you...wane considerably.. Nobody and I mean, nobody, leaves a relationship for no reason. She likely just doesn't want to tell you the real reasons. You may never know why she did this. Her behaviors are not that of a woman in love. You surely understand that, don't you? It sounds like some of the following may have happened and you need to choose which one it is:
1) someone else has indeed, has caught her attentions.
2) she left you, for some reason that you didn't clue into. Some people do harbor hard feelings towards others for silly, little little things that you may have had no idea about.
One thing is for sure, you can't do anything about a breakup...it is a definite action. It's somewhat pointless to wait around looking for a glimmer of hope, dear..that perhaps she may have some 2nd thoughts and come back. Cutting off contact will allow her to miss you, if she's meant to come back to you. I do feel strongly that he less contact you have with her, the less information you hear and know about her, the faster you'll get over this. Right now-this minute...focus on yourself. You need to heal, recover and move on with your life...today. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, Lil Dee x +, writes (10 May 2007):
hiya x
from what you have told me, i cannot see why she has left. some woman just cope that way when arguements occur and occur repeatidly. if everything was good at home then she may have been having problems else where. ask her out straight, why has she left? and tell her you would like a straight answer. dont get angry if she doesnt reply. just let it go, and stay away for a while. then after a while, ring her up and ask her if she would like to meet you for a drink. see how things go on the night (if she goes) and then just drop the question (why did you leave?) in conversation. again, what ever her answer, stay calm and dont get angry x
hope i have helped a little x
Lil Dee x
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (10 May 2007):
 What reasons did she give you? Surely not just coz you argued a little?
Maybe give her the time to think. How long has it been?
She may need the space right now and even tho you want nothing more to rush to her and speak to her it is probably the wrong move to make.
I think closure is important in break-ups, I am realsing how much now myself. Are her reasons for leaving validated? If you were in her position would you of done the same?
If there is no closure for you and it all seems a bit out of the blue or out of character, maybe give her a bit of space and use that time to think about what has just happened, before you bowl in there with your emotions running high.
Be patient, but make sure you get closure if you think there are unanswered questions. Unfortuanlty some people dont understand this, and there is a possibilty you will never know why she done what she done, so be prepared for that.
Chin up mate, you never know she may come back...?
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