A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a girl for six months, but much of that time have secretly pined for another a girl, a shared friend. A month ago this friend told me she had feelings for me, and it was obvious to her I did as well. Shortly afterwards I broke up with my girlfriend, feeling it was unfair to her, and also becuase I hoped to get together with the friend. Over the next month, however, the the friend could not make her mind up whether she wanted to be with me, and while we spent much time pleasantly together, I felt her feelings were not completely for me. I issued her an ultimatum- either we're together, properly, or not. Last week she said she didn't want to be. Now I have spent much pleasant time with my ex-girlfriend, who still very much wants to be with me. I want to be with her too, but nearly so much as I want be with my friend. I am tempted to get back together with my ex, but worry that in a months time my friend will change her mind, and I, still desperate for her, will break my girlfriend's heart again. But I do think me and my girlfriend can be very happy together. What should I do?
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 May 2007):
 That friend disrespected you already. My guess is that part of why you want her is the thought you cannot have her. If she changes her mind (and if you get back with the ex, oh she will change her mind) it is becuase SHE will play the game of wanting what she can not have. If she gets you back, she will flake on you again.
You did your ex a disservice, and if you do get back with her, be serious about it, or leave her be free.
-FBK
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 If you love your ex, then go with her. Only be with someone when you're ready to devote yourself to them, and no other. If a girl says she doesn't want to be with you, she doesn't want to be with you. Right in front of you, you have a girl who fully admits to loving you, and is willing to give you a steady relationship. Your friend seems to fear commitment, and I can promise you that you wil get your heart broken.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (24 May 2007):
 I think you have to be sure in yourself who you have true feelings for before you bound straight into the next part of your life.
The girl who has changed her mind is not too sure where she wants to be and even tho your feelings for her remain true i think SHE needs to 100% on her feelings for you. At the moment that does not seem to be the case, which leaves any future relationship in doubt.
You seem to be having a mixture of emotions for both these people and i would stop and really sort these feelings out before you approach either of these two girls so you know who you really wnat to be committed to.
I dont think you can worry about what your friend decides to do in the coming days/week/months, you have to make the right choice based on your own feelings. If the ex is the right one and you pass her by becuase of the friend who cant make up her mind, where will that leave you feeling?
R
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A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (24 May 2007):
 Good grief, what a saga! You my dear, need to figure out which woman you truly want to be with and stick with her. If your "friend" told you she doesn't really want to be with you, even though you had fun with her and you apparently fell in love with her, it's time to move on. Don't let her play games with your heart, back and forth, one week she wants you, the next she can't decide. That show immaturity on her part and will continue to mess with your head. You could go back to your ex-girlfriend, but make sure it's what you really want. Another option is to be with no one for awhile -- neither one of them -- because for one thing, you need to get the "friend" out of your system and forget about her and two, you won't be able to devote yourself to your "ex" or any other woman until you've got a clear head and know what you want and who you want to be with. Good luck.
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